There's never been a better time to invest in worms. Worms are under you right now, working around the clock to make the rotten wet soil nice for daisies. Worms are versatile! They act like novelty Banana Boats for holidaymaking earwigs - AND they make chic scarves for robins in winter. And when the weather warms up? Don't put your worm scarf in the wardrobe! Rip it off, peck it to shreds, and eat a bit of it before getting startled by a cat.

Worms are at the intersection of fungus and tree. Their thought processes are so alien to us that we can only look on in bewilderment when we see a ball of 3,200 pregnant worms rolling down a hill. Take it from me, if a ball of 3,200 pregnant worms stops rolling down a hill, you hear a record scratch, and a worm narrator says "I guess you're wondering how I got into this situation", you POLITELY WALK AWAY.

Please enjoy this very special episode of Regular Features, in which Log and Joe both done features about worms, because nobody else turned up to stop them