*This conversation contains content that may not be suitable for young children.  Join me as I interview Amber, a survivor of domestic abuse, who shares some of her experiences with the physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse she endured in her marriage, and the knowledge and understanding she has gained through the process. Her story offers an important perspective, whether you're in an abusive relationship yourself, or love someone who is in one, or just want to gain some more understanding around how and why people stay or go back to these types of relationships.  Amber offers ideas and tips on how to help someone in an abusive relationship, and shares some important insights on forgiveness--what it is and what it is not. 

Amber references a list of things that forgiveness is not. It is included below, and is from a talk called "Be 100 Percent Responsible" by Lynn G. Robbins. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins/be-100-percent-responsible/  

Part of understanding forgiveness is to understand what it is not:  

Forgiving her abusive husband does not excuse or condone his cruelty. 

Forgiving does not mean forgetting his brutality; you cannot unremember or erase a memory that is so traumatic. 

Forgiving does not mean that justice is being denied, because mercy cannot rob justice. 

Forgiving does not erase the injury he has caused, but it can begin to heal the wounds and ease the pain. 

Forgiving does not mean trusting him again and giving him yet another chance to abuse her and the children. While to forgive is a commandment, trust has to be earned and evidenced by good behavior over time, which he clearly has not demonstrated. 

Forgiving does not mean forgiveness of his sins. Only the Lord can do that, based upon sincere repentance.