Grab your shopping cart and load it up with chocolate-flavored potatoes to replenish your snack collection. Then, head to the bakery section to pick up some fresh Nerds Ropes, and get some radioactive crayons from the Back To School section. Save some money and sniff some cardboard instead of buying a pizza, and ask someone else’s Grandma where to find the hard candy aisle. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory and Wyatt Gregory, featuring Beau Willis.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

This episode will make you fall out of your seat. Not because of laughter, just because the springs in your chair are unionizing for better pay. Hide the evidence of smoothie cannibalism before the cops show up to arrest you for selling zebras on the dark web. Grab a mattress and a few friends if you want to join the very exclusive 900 Things I Hate fraternity coming soon, where you’ll get fake parents even better than the ones you had. Our mascot is a sea cucumber. Also, who ordered this burrito?

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Today is the day to finally fill that gaping hole in your life with an old Hereford cow, or maybe 52 of them. Login to baskinrobbins.gov, where you can learn Hibachi table guy knife tricks and hire a psychic to cleanse you of your demonic tan lines. Try your best to survive the Burger King fistfight after your card declines, then across the street, you can order pizza or brownies, but they’re basically interchangeable.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

We’re having a fart-warming party and everyone’s invited! We’re gonna eat 3 loaves of Devil’s Fart bread, see who can swallow the most pills without choking to death, and celebrate Arbor Day. Tell us what your favorite cough syrup flavor is, don’t get offended when we mix the ketchup and ranch, and we will bully you if you don’t bring an inhaler. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory, and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Lubricate your hands and “Phillip” your Hydrogen Peroxide flask in celebration of the death of the Audio Quality Demon. It has been slain, so shake the Unidentified Floating Hands, lower your energy crank to lie there like a dead fish, and accept The Full Lick that is this episode. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory and Wyatt Gregory

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

The Power Haters are here to save you from your hot dog induced 37 minute lifespan degradation and loan you some half chaps. Slide one foot onto a sanding block and the other onto a live castrated cat, shove an entire stalk of celery down your throat during a street performance, take a short car ride to India in a few years, and maybe give your hot History teacher a call. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Strap on a BallBra and an Avatar loincloth, and prepare for the most expensive wallpaper you’ve ever smelled. Enter your pizza-inspired information to access your account, and then equip your BoobVision goggles to shield your eyes from projectile thorns. If unmarried, try not to smile while listening, or else you’re a sinner. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory, and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Dont miss out on this exciting opportunity to try Verizon’s California roll family plan, at just $16 a day with an easy 100,000 step process, and if you are injured for any reason, they’ll cover all of your Tropical Grape-flavored painkiller costs. Celebrate your vibation with this great deal, but the parking lot is only for employees except for one space, so you’ll have to stack your cars on top of each other, or you can simply walk there after getting off the stolen train to Helena. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Prepare to use gunpowder to cauterize your self-inflicted candy wounds, drop kick a demonic doll, and have Goldfish trust issues for the rest of your life. Eat your chunky yogurt very carefully or else a group of flamingos will pop out and murder your family, and learn the truth about Jesus’ powers. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible

Get ready to commit genocide to save your dog’s life, and after running out of people, you’ll resort to hunting zoo animals on your daughter’s 3rd birthday, but not before becoming magnetically deformed after getting the live Kryptonite vaccine. Buy your bologna sandwich a prom dress or else you’ll choke on Fruity Pebble Milk and a gang of ripped nerds will show up, and their leader, Simone Biles will emerge and stab you with a grape-flavored Great sword, but it won’t be obvious, so the coroner will do an emergency autopsy to establish the cause of death. Hosted by Daylen Turk, Shelby Turk, Neva Gregory, and Wyatt Gregory.

Intro/ outro music is 900 Convertible by Duke Hugh, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-Noderivitives Licensing

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Duke_Hugh/Beattape_Summer_2010/duke_hugh_-_beattape_summer_2010_-_05_900_convertible