Why do we love? And how much does our culture shape the way we do so?

In this episode, Ilari talks with Helen Fisher about the powers that drive and shape our romantic relationships. Ilari and Professor Fisher discuss:

• Is romantic love a modern invention?
• Is monogamy a social invention? 
• Do men care more about sex? Do women care more about romance?
• Why agriculture, especially with the plough, caused havoc in romantic relationships.
• Why divorces might be on the decline.
• A science-based guide for maintaining romantic relations (based on couples who are still in love after 25 years)
• Why (certain) antidepressants can kill the sex drive and blunt romantic love (to read more, see the end of the notes)
• How common is polygamy or polyandry? Where in the world do we find most "free love"?
• Why did homosexuality evolve?

Names mentioned

• Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt (as recounted by Alison Gopnik in her The Gardener and the Carpenter)
• Bill Jankowiak
• Robert Sternberg (see episode 7)
• Anderson Thompson
• Bertrand Russell 

Technical terms and ethnic groups mentioned

• Ventral tegmental area VTA
• Hypothalamus
• Dopamine, testosterone, oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonine
• Monogamy (serial or lifelong; social or biological)
• Polygamy (several wives) and polyandry (several husbands) 
• Tlingit (the polyandrous Inuit society with wealthy women)
• Oneida community (in New York State)

Dig Deeper

Antidepressants: To read more about the possible effects of SSRIs on sex drive and romantic love, see ⁠⁠Tocco and Brumbaugh (2019)⁠⁠. Remember that this is for information only, and is not health advice. Always discuss with your doctor before making decisions about your medication.

Polyamory: In the episode, Professor Fisher suggests that many Amazonian tribes have informal polyandry, i.e. women have many partners, albeit only one formal husband. However, there are non-academic sources suggesting that formalised polyandry is common in the Zo’é community in Amazon. For some of these photos of Zo’é and other Amazonian tribes, many of whom exhibit remarkably liberal attitudes to sex, see the recent Amazonia exhibition in the London Science Museum.