A Sassy Little Podcast with Sandra Ann Miller a.k.a. The Happyist

Super Lawyer Sandy Roxas is back to talk about divorce and her advice on getting out quickly (or quick-er) so you can get on with moving forward. Preplanning is key. Think about all the issues that need to be addressed. The spouse who makes more likely pays more (support). A lazy spouse. What the courts will consider. Minimizing consequences. Dealing with a litigious attorney. (Sandy Pro-Tip: If the fees are running up, terminate the attorneys and try mediation.) Making sure you have an attorney with your best interest at heart. Attorney fees as sanctions. Spending more money to ask for more money. Custody games. The effect on the kids. Manipulations. Document everything (record audio/video--but disclose it per the law, keep texts, emails, put verbal agreements in writing). Needing evidence. False allegations. It's all about credibility in family court. Emotions and fueling fire. Aiming for amicable. Focusing on the finish line. Getting therapy to get you through it. The expense of divorce and the options if you can't afford it. Court self-help and workshops. Rules of separation. Date of separation matters. Keeping things separate. Lawyer-up early. Sandy's work in the AAPI community to Stop Asian Hate and pro bono work for hate crime victims. Final Tip: Have our cell phone at the ready to record (let them know you're recording per the law) and back away.

You can find Sandy on her website https://roxaslaw.com on Instagram @roxaslaw and Facebook @Roxas-Law

Episode recorded on 09/18/21

Episode released on 11/10/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Meghan Breen, LCSW, talks with us about the courage and character it takes to admit when you're wrong, the core belief that being wrong is the most human thing we can experience, normalize owning it, the value on being right, shame, competition/winning, room for redemption, the human experience of fucking up, gratitude for growing up before the internet, practicing repair, dialectics, discernment, being right and wrong at the same time, agreeing to disagree, not being neutral, making space and letting it go, forgiving what feels unforgivable, not demonizing, finding common ground, validate what's valid, wanting to understand, starting over, emotional Olympics, only being able to move through it if both sides are willing, not making it about winning/losing or right/wrong, no scores are being kept, meeting vulnerability with grace, reinforcing people doing the right thing, acknowledgement doesn't automatically make it better, character building, cultivating resilience, admission over apology, deserving a second chance, giving people an opportunity to F up, no one is perfect, we are not always our best selves, personal assessment, the difference between shame and guilt, reaching out to people when they need it, the strength it takes to hold the olive branch, owning your wrongness, smugness, hurt, emotional intelligence, the machine behind wrongness, being in a vulnerable time.

You can find Dr. Breen on her website meghanbreen.com and Instagram @meghanbreentherapy

Episode recorded on 09/06/21

Episode released on 11/03/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

What is microdosing and why do people do it? Studies have shown that shrooms (psilocybin), MDMA and ketamine help relieve or treat depression and PTSD, quieting the mind or reframing traumatic events. Noel Teubner has gone on her own microdosing journey and helps others on their path. The co-host of The Bliss Project podcast talks with us about how microdosing delivers a "mini" effect, it's not a "one and done" process, integration, Human Design, shared trauma and the tsunami of grief from the pandemic, respecting the plant, doing the work, creating new habits and patterns, being honest, being responsible, treating yourself well with food, movements and thoughts, being kind to and accepting of ourselves, The Bliss Project podcast.

You can find Noel on Instagram @noelteubner and her podcast website at theblissproject777.com

Episode recorded on 09/16/21

Episode released on 10/27/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

We all can find ourselves in a dead-end relationship. An unhappy coupling. One-way friendships. A thankless job or jerk of a boss. It's said that people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty, keeping us stuck. While there is no crystal ball as to how things will work out, Dr. Cynthia Pizzulli has over 30 years' experience and she can tell you that, if you leave a dead-end relationship, you'll be glad you did. We talk about relationships being a two-way street, blame, being brave, repeat and repair, awareness to break the cycle, inconvenient feelings, relationships are no 50-50, dealbreakers, people change and that changes the relationship, resentment and unrealistic expectations, avoidance and denial, sharing values, connection, being ripe for the picking, job loyalty that is not reciprocated by the employer, being held hostage in a negative situation, self-efficacy, being indecisive, no one wants to be the bad guy, the pain of being stuck, judgment, being in a job or relationship that seems "good enough" is never tolerable, communicating expectations, how staying in a dead-end relationship affects your mental health, not always getting support if people have a stake in your relationship, getting unbiased advice, the effect of staying for the kids, what we are teaching our children, expressing appreciation, more communicating.

You can find Dr. Pizzulli on her website https://cynthiapizzulli.com

Episode recorded on 09/03/21

Episode released on 10/20/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Dr. Janja Lalich (NXIVM documentaries, "Heaven's Gate: The Cult of Cults" on HBOMax, and author of TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE) joins us to talk about coercion and how it's a type of social control. Manipulation and gaslighting are a part of it as is "Us vs. Them" thinking that's happening politically, the effect of the pandemic and spending too much time on the internet, rabbit holes and algorithms, not wanting to admit that you were duped, cognitive dissonance, the concept of charisma, an imbalance of power, high-arousal technique, being able to communicate, having critical compassion, breaking through the barrier, a nation divided, being the adults in the room, keeping the door open, remembering that people are human and make mistakes (even you, even big ones), idealism, having doubts, being a safe haven, planting seeds, seeing the flags, love bombing, re-socialization, social influences, critical thinking, knowing how to fact check, being a good consumer, being able to disagree and dissent, the path out, educating ourselves about trauma and narcissism, new resourced needed, complex PTSD and specialized therapy.

You can find Dr. Lalich at https://janjalalich.com, and on Twitter and Instagram @Janja_Lalich.

Her book TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships can be found here.

Episode recorded on 09/10/21

Episode released on 10/13/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Norman Korpi is someone you just want to hug. He's smart and genuine, generous and open. We get to talk about: what a small world it was in the 90s, finding RuPaul, making $100 per ep, being gay on TV during the AIDS crisis, being a connector, "public" television, seeing the change, using fame and recognition positively, opening doors and putting up walls, equating being on TV with being rich and privileged, creating work for yourself, going to Hollywood, losing work because of being gay, Rush Limbaugh, not looking defeated, waiting on Arnold, the wound of the AIDS crisis, extending olive branches, Rachel Campos, a learning experience, not turning your back, putting in the emotional labor, filters, false perception of who people on TV really are, Puck, missed opportunity, going over the waterfall together, snap judgments, how we need each other, going back, George Floyd, COVID, sharing more of your story, out-thinking production, learning from going back, Becky, the miracle of editing, learning from each other, reality tropes, go change the world, sharing hardship, making art, the A-Stand, The Wedding Video, a key to your own cage, being gay meant an R-rating, EXCLUSIVE TO PATREON: The story behind the reunion photo, doing a challenge, evolving and creating, getting it together.

You can find Norman, more info about The Wedding Video, the A-Stand and his art at https://www.normankorpi.com/
and on Twitter @NormanKorpi, Instagram @normankorpi and Facebook @MTVNormanKorpi

Episode recorded on 09/21/21

Episode released on 10/06/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

This ep marks the end of the first year of A Sassy Little Podcast for Getting Over It. Thanks so much for being a part of it! Much gratitude to all of the wonderful, smart, generous, kind and insightful guests we've had. This week, it's a solo ep with Sandra, talking about going it alone. That means more than walking away from a relationship, blazing your own trail or even standing up for yourself. It's about being comfortable in your own skin and being connected to the core of who you are. That requires giving yourself time alone. Is that something you do? How do you respond when you see someone dining alone? Would you/do you go out on your own? Creative/sensitive people likely need more time alone to recharge. The joy of being alone in public. The fear of being alone. Craving connection. Long distance relationships. The difference between being lonely and alone. Being in the moment. Being comfortable with who you are. Tending your garden. Self-love and self-care. Creating time for yourself. Making yourself a priority. Let yourself have what you desire and deserve. Standing up for yourself and what you believe in. Keep apathy and inaction at bay. How going it alone actually leads to connection. 

You can find me on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and more about my writing at https://SandraAnnMiller.com

Episode recorded on 08/27/21

Episode released on 09/29/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

We are swimming in a swamp of mis- and disinformation. Dr. Caroline Orr Bueno (one of my favorite people on Smart Twitter) breaks it down for us. Misinformation vs. disinformation, coordinated efforts and bots, inauthentic activity, information disorder, holding social media companies responsible, Twitter's misinformation button, global reach of disinformation through the internet, social media companies lack of willingness to share data with researchers/lack of transparency, the need to study the extent of the problem, Facebook revoking access to researchers at NYU who were studying ads, Facebook's built-in/automated tools creating groups of extremist propaganda, Facebook's business model is to promote inflammatory information and keep people engaged, this leads to violence, the anti-vaccine industry makes social media companies over $1billion per year, Fox News and culture wars, what is profitable, erasing history/facts from websites when it no longer suits your agenda (45 and Afghanistan), politicizing vaccines, triaging at hospitals, the people being deceived and the people deceiving them, information as a weapon, using information to identify who is in your group and who's an outsider, corrections and fact-checks don't fix disinformation because people aren't necessarily looking for correct information but what conforms to a certain narrative, how do we reach those people, the demand side of of mis/disinformation, QAnon, infanticide, rabbit holes and algorithms, failed Q predictions, the insidious nature of conspiracy theories, regressive logic, violence and aggression, being fed by the algorithm, difficulty in predicting behavior, asking what is the purpose of this propaganda (who is behind it, where are they from), social media companies could immediately provide more access to researchers and support research to identify activity that may be a warning sign for violence (but they aren't), provide support and intervention by changing the algorithm or giving a "time-out" if too much is being viewed, users need to demand that social media companies participate in this research and prevention efforts, regulation of content and the danger of that, regulating the algorithm as an alternative, the problem with profits, think before you share (don't give disinformation a bigger voice/platform), sharing feeds the algorithm, check the source, the algorithm can't tell why you are sharing (that you like it or hate it) it only knows you are sharing it, train the algorithm for what you want to see.

You can find Dr. Caroline Orr Bueno on Twitter, Instagram and Medium @RVAwonk

Episode recorded on 08/20/21

Episode released on 09/22/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

People are angry these days. And, with everything going on in the world, it's not a wonder folks are losing it. We talk with Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite about how we can feed anger, making that emotion more accessible, recognizing your anger and the anger of others, removing our rose-colored glasses, the definition of anger, anger is an energy but it's also exhausting, rampant injustices, anger as a proactive mechanism, creating a safe space around you and in you, not going to toxic positivity to avoid anger, looking at the function of anger, early life experiences sets the foundation for how you deal with emotions like anger, being selective with social media, having a variety of ways to collect information, we are wired to deal with threat for a particular amount of time and then have a period of recovery after the threat passes (and we have not had that for some time), needing to find that recovery, finding things that bring you joy, Ted Lasso, find your gems, the impact of our collective experiences, BOOK REC: Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley PhD, having a "bottom up" strategy to regulate emotions in stressful times, giving yourself a mental vacation, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith's TedX on the 7 types of stress (link below), finding your types of rest and giving yourself a daily practice of it, making time for yourself, going to anger and bypassing other emotions (there's usually another emotion under the anger), anger as information to what you are feeling on a deeper level, vulnerability, 2 Americas, moving from intellectual awareness to emotional awareness, BOOK REC: Milagros Phillips' books (link below), BOOK REC: Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson, understanding our history and culture, having an understanding that we are all human and compassion for your fellow man, being exhausted by the BS, wanting to feel in control, having understanding and compassion that people have different experiences in the world, yoga community and QAnon, the desire and need for affiliation, speaking up, coping skills and strategies, perspective and compassion, ask what's really going on, connecting, having hotline number on hand for yourself and others, Dr. Horsham Brathwaite's book BETTER DAILY SELF-CARE: Simple Changes with Lifelong Impact, tending to your soul.

You can find Dr. Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite on her website https://www.cicelybrathwaite.com/ and Instagram @drcicelybrathwaite

Episode recorded on 08/13/21

Episode released on 09/15/21

Widen the Window https://bookshop.org/books/widen-the-window-training-your-brain-and-body-to-thrive-during-stress-and-recover-from-trauma/9780735216594?aid=11990&listref=a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith's TedX:
https://www.ted.com/talks/saundra_dalton_smith_the_real_reason_why_we_are_tired_and_what_to_do_about_it

Milagros Phillips' books: https://www.milagrosphillips.com/books (also on our Bookshop.org TBR list)

Caste: The Origins of our Discontents https://bookshop.org/books/caste-oprah-s-book-club-the-origins-of-our-discontents-9780593230251/9780593230251?aid=11990&listref=a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

Dr. Brathwaite's book: https://bookshop.org/books/better-daily-self-care-habits-simple-changes-with-lifelong-impact/9781648769795?aid=11990&listref=a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

Find all recommended books here: https://bookshop.org/lists/a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Pelvic floor therapy isn't something we discuss. Maybe because many don't know it's an option for pelvic pain, incontinence, sexual dysfunction and other "down there" matters. Dr. Justine Roper, a pelvic floor physical therapist, joins us to talk about why more providers don't share this therapy with patience (hint: many don't know about it), going to an expert (not just your GP), shared decision-making, how we assume that peeing while laughing/coughing/sneezing is "normal" for women, Kegels aren't the answer for everything (and could be adding to your issues), the mistake of listening to unqualified people (i.e. "influencers"), yoni eggs and kung fu vaginas, worrying about what our vaginas feel and look like, porn culture's influence, Netflix documentary THE SOCIAL DILEMMA, outside influences, the Kardashians, having our own power over our own lives, Louis Vuitton, preventative care for pelvic floor health, what a pelvic floor assessment is like, reasons to seek pelvic floor physical therapy, doctors don't know everything (and we shouldn't expect them to), be proactive, go to reputable sources, be wise, Dr. Justine's book, WHEN COMFORT CAN'T KEEP YOU, [BOOK REC: THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.], exercise/movement regimen, movement is vitality, freedom to leave the care of a provider you are not comfortable with, don't be put off by pelvic floor physical therapy just because it's an unknown, do your research and find a provider who can help you.

You can find Dr. Jus on her website http://www.inherphysique.com/ and on Instagram @doctorjus

Book Rec: https://bookshop.org/books/the-body-keeps-the-score-brain-mind-and-body-in-the-healing-of-trauma/9780143127741?aid=11990&listref=a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

Episode recorded on 08/12/21

Episode released on 09/08/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs