A Sassy Little Podcast with Sandra Ann Miller a.k.a. The Happyist

We recorded this episode shortly after Simone Biles took herself out of Olympic competition and, boy, the reaction she got from some people who were likely far from perfect. But we see her as perfect in what she does, and we project our hopes onto people like her, as if it's their responsibility to deliver for us. We need to shoot down the idea of "perfect" and the idea that you need to be perfect in order to be successful, or even happy. Dr. Menije Boduryan-Turner talks about the pressure of always performing and never taking a break or pause, [BOOK REC: Carol Dweck MINDSET: The New Psychology of Success], believing talent is a gift or innate rather than the reality of hard work, learning from Simone and having the courage to say "I need a break", Dr. Paul Hewitt and Dr. Giorgio Tasca's study, self-oriented perfectionism vs. other-oriented perfectionism, parent can be other-oriented and put pressure on their kids, Britney Spears, not dealing with our own imperfections, having compassion for yourself and knowing you can't be your best all the time, Dr. Menije's journey with perfectionism, accepting that your best might not be good enough, your best may not result in success and that's okay, having expectations of how things "should" be, meeting the moment where it's at, hoarding as a side-effect of perfectionism, procrastination as a side-effect of perfectionism, mental health issues associated with perfectionism, perfectionism is not a compliment, control freaks as perfectionists, being able to pivot, the Kardashians and body image, Demi Moore, embracing imperfection, the effortless lie, not being able to enjoy things while focusing on perfection, living in the past or future but not the present moment, anxiety and fear being decision makers, getting out of perfectionism starting with self-love, getting over fear of not being enough, setting boundaries, being in the moment, living intentionally, not shutting down compliments, toxic vulnerability, failing despite our best efforts, believing that people want to be around you for you.

You can find Dr. Menije at https://www.perfectionismuniversity.com/ on Twitter @DrBoduryan and Instagram @dr.menije

Book Rec: https://bookshop.org/books/mindset-the-new-psychology-of-success/9780345472328?aid=11990&listref=a-sassy-little-podcast-tbr

Episode recorded on 08/02/21

Episode released on 09/01/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

The term 'codependency' was born out of AA about friends and family who could hurt someone's recovery by "over-helping". Dr. Menije Boduryan-Turner talks with us about how codependence is found both in- and outside abuse, how the roles of family members in addiction play a part in codependency, how it comes out of all forms of abuse, we can find ourselves overly investing in a relationship (that's codependence), how once you are exposed to abuse you are wired differently, codependency doesn't exist in healthy relationships, being able to let go of codependence with compassion (thank you for trying to keep me safe), learning codependence from childhood as a survival mechanism, recognizing subtle abuses (anger, manipulation), a relationship is a relationship and if both/all parties aren't working on it, it won't get better, BOOK REC: FAIR PLAY: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky, inconsistent contributions, sibling dynamics/birth order, feeling responsible, setting boundaries, divorcing family, stigma/judgment/shame, choosing your health and happiness, living an authentic life, making decisions for yourself, BOOK REC: TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing  by Bronnie Ware, not living your life based on what other people think/want/believe, using social media intentionally, society shame, not knowing when to walk away, toxic optimism, not wanting to fail, grieving the loss of the wish/vision, the failing of the dream, understanding you didn't deserve the abuse, have compassion for yourself, what does an apology change and why wait for one before going forward, self-validate, perfectionism and codependency, pressure of caring for someone in addiction, no one gets healthy in codependency, enabling, the person who is codependent is getting sicker too, the urgency trap, being addicted to being needed, relationship addiction, low self-esteem, how many group chats are you in, codependence as a form of control, Intervention, the dynamic and the damage, culture and religion's roles, difficulty walking away, short-term pain for long-term gain,  leaky buckets, can't pour from an empty cup, connecting with others who understand your journey, figure out what works for you, have conversations to set boundaries, being your healthiest self, feel and own your feelings, redefining relationship dynamics, setting limits with love, CODA or Al-Anon meetings for support if therapy isn't available/affordable, BOOK REC: CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melody Beattie, BOOK REC: FINDING BALANCE: 12 Priorities for Interdependence and Joyful Living by Terry Kellogg, it's not selfish to want to be healthy or put yourself first, medicine doesn't always taste good, aversion to discomfort, going to the gym and feeling sore...with mental health, we don't look for that soreness, breaking to breakthrough, don't worry about not being able to handle it (you'll have/find support), you are capable of courageous things, being resilient.

Episode recorded on 07/23/21

Episode released on 08/25/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Naty Rico is a disability advocate and educator, and the coordinator of the Disability Cultural Center at the University of Arizona. She talks with us about what ableism is beyond the dictionary definition and how able-bodied people might not be aware of how they are complicit with it, how it's a system of oppression favoring able-bodied/-minded people, the definitions of ableism by Talila TL Lewis and Dustin P. Gibson, being interconnected with other forms of oppression, how removing labels can lead to discrimination/oppression, those with disability are not aiming to be normal, overcoming barriers simply to exist, the learning process, taking the burden off of those with disabilities, the medical model of disability is that a person with a disability is tragic/wrong and needs to be fixed, the social model of disability and how society was not built for those with disability, and people are more disabled by society than by their own impairment, day-to-day life excludes the disabled, seeing disability as just another way of being, the expense and marriage inequality of being disabled, capitalism, insurance coverage (or lack thereof), eugenics, being a culture that takes care of each other, no one is immune to disability, colonialism, cultural and community care, being an individualistic society, protecting our democracy, interpersonal ableism, lack of exposure to people with disabilities, Sound of Metal, Crip Camp, educating ourselves about what we don't understand, having more disabled represented in media, disability as taboo, "feeling sorry" for the disabled, assuming disabled people are in pain, unsolicited advice, misconceptions, religion's role and the moral model of disability (as God's punishment), schools separating disabled children from able-bodied classmates, feeling like an exhibit, stop being "inspired" by disability, being objectified, serving as a lesson/example, low expectations, feel anger instead of pity (about how the disabled are treated), being excluded by society, able-bodied people taking advantage of disabled rights, becoming more aware and wanting more education to stop ableism.

You can find Naty at https://drc.arizona.edu/cultural-center and on LinkedIn @disabold

Episode recorded on 07/16/21

Episode released on 08/18/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Amy Irvine (ep 006 Financial Fears) returns to the pod to talk about how we can avoid some of our financial foolishness by understanding how much our emotions are linked to our finances (whether we have it or not), realizing in the past year how we can scale back if we really need to (hello, lockdown), the psychology around wealth (having fun with it/spending 'til it's gone or hoarding it/worried it will all be lost), the urge to splurge after a period of lack, how diets and budgets are similar (and we don't enjoy being on them), the latte factor, how our upbringing plays into how we feel about money, credit cards in college, that 70% of people who win the lottery end up worse off financially, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: survival, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualization and how those all play into how we deal with money, being generous in a wise way when you come into money, how finance is a taught skill and we should be embarrassed to ask for guidance and learn about it, understanding options, rich people's toilet paper, avoiding information, facing the dragon (reading the statements), avoiding the "head in the sand" approach to money, even financial planners have financial planners, rationalizing choices rather than making logical decisions, having a financial planner or accountability buddy to help make better financial decisions, having all the channels, finding the fun in saving money/budgeting/cutting back/increasing your credit score, not using a debit card, credit card points, how credit card usage impacts/improves your credit score, importance of paying credit cards each pay period, diversity of debt, celebrating being debt-free, creating a statement of financial purpose (why do I work?), raising parents, deciding to stay home/be a caregiver or earn/stay in the workforce during your high-earning years, employment gaps and earning less, disability insurance, snowball or avalanche methods of paying off debt, motivation, student loans, teaching children about money, making a plan, feeling that you've let people down, the courage to look at where you're at, take responsibility for it and move forward, what brings you joy, the cost of convenience, making thrifty cool again, finding discounts, and packing your own lunch.

You can find Amy at https://rootedpg.com on Instagram @rootedpg and Twitter @RootedPlanning

Episode recorded on 07/09/21

Episode released on 09/11/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Starting first as an online bookstore throwing great online events in September 2020, and opened their doors to a brick-and-mortar store in the Chicago's historic Fine Arts Building on May 15th of this year,  still doing great online events. Mixing a love of literature and music, Kristin Enola Gilbert and Javier Ramirez followed their hearts and passion to open something truly special store. We talk about the obstacles they faced, including learning tech, Bookshop.org, blood, sweat, tears and cocktails, hosting virtual events during lockdown as an online store, moving to the store ahead of schedule, naysayers on the name, asking for help, hours of paperwork, jumping through arbitrary hoops, running a store while doing other jobs/teaching, loving the Instagrammable space, importance of shopping local and independent, shopping off of Amazon, authors need to link to indie stores and not Amazon, coping skills, give and take, supporting others in your industry, there's enough room for everybody, sharing ideas, broadening the sense of community, diving into your dream, learn as much as you can, do your research, you can't do it all by yourself, and you shouldn't!

How to Support Local Bookstores (buy e- and audiobooks online): https://diversebooks.org/how-to-support-independent-bookstores-right-now/

You can find Kristin and Javier at https://www.exileinbookville.com/ on Twitter @BookvillExiles, Instagram @exileinbookville and Facebook @exileinbookville

Episode recorded on 07/09/21

Episode released on 08/04/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Getting a trophy for everything is a nice gesture, but there's actual value in losing. Yes, really! And if you think you're always going to get an accolade for everything, you are going to be faced with a world of disappointment. Lisa Stephen, PhD, talks with us about developing coping skills, how failing is a part of the process of success, it's essential and there's no potential for growth without it, learning to be self-gratified, an intrinsic level of motivation, growth mindset, having fun (and if you aren't having fun, why are you doing it?), the pressure put on kids, the freedom to be ourselves, allowing space for reflection, quitting, losing is honest, being more politically aware because of losing, the opportunity for redemption, being dumped, moving on, the hard work of getting unstuck, taking a moment, pity parties, learning lessons, taking nothing personally, projecting our competitive nature onto others, Lewis Hamilton, being mini-experts, putting pressure on ourselves, sports fans, little league parents, seeing the team over the individual, community, cut-throat culture, cheating, stealing, being stubborn, looking at the bigger picture, being in connection, collaboration, parking, instinct of competition, taking a step back, we can't all be Michael Jordan, winning at all costs, being a good sport win or lose, remember that you are playing (a game or sport), competing with yourself, growth goals, Peloton, the Hurrah Pass, being honest with yourself, understanding the grand scheme of things, getting out of a funk, learning to let go, everything is temporary, choosing what to think about, reacting from previous experience, picking the scab, choosing your glasses, ruminating, learning to be resilient, happiness, enjoying the process, another door will open, it's emotions that make things complex.

You can find Lisa at https://ignitepeakperformance.com/ on Twitter and Instagram @Ignite_Coach and Facebook @ignitepeakperformance

Episode recorded on 06/25/21

Episode released on 07/28/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

We more or less met our most authentic selves during lockdown, when we couldn't see our hairdresser without risk. Once the world opened up, did you run back to coloring your hair, or did you decide to let your gray stay? We talk with Anne Kreamer who wrote the book on going gray (aptly titled GOING GRAY: HOW TO EMBRACE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF WITH GRACE AND STYLE), who talks about her experience and the research that went into her book as well as facing our mortality during the pandemic, the problem of too much choice, how less is liberating, living like you're on vacation, decluttering our lives, the beginning is the hardest part, letting go of "letting yourself go", going from 0 to 60 (or 0 to Sex and the City), retaining the grace and essential values we learned during lockdown, area-based style,  iconic women interviewed in the book (Nora Ephron, Emmy Lou Harris, Frances McDormand, Ann Richards), new going-gray icon Claire Saffitz, self-acceptance as a trait to foster, community and Zoom, hair color isn't healthy for us or the environment, clinging to youth, who's having more fun, BOOK REC: Betty Friedan's THE FOUNTAIN OF AGE, those who accept their biological age live longer, headhunters, Depends, external pressures, camouflage, staying competitive in the job market, trade-offs, getting time and money back, empowerment, Oscars, Georgia O'Keefe, who are your role models and why, hair as a provocative thing, identity, chemo, Springsteen, it's not all or nothing, presenting our best selves, being supportive of each other, realizing color isn't age-fooling people, getting time and money back, doing the math.

You can find Anne Kreamer at https://www.annekreamer.com/ and on Twitter and Instagram @AnneKreamer

Book Rec: https://bookshop.org/a/11990/9780743299879

Episode recorded on 06/27/21

Episode released on 07/21/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Jackie Jones is a comedian, motivational thinker, roller-skater and hugger. JJ talks about the importance of being able to self-soothe, being OK with awkward silences, and acknowledging them. We also talk about reading in public; pumping yourself up; learning what works for you; shrinking the spectrum; Jedi mind-tricks, asserting (smiley) dominance; look to where your discomfort comes from; how anyone can learn to do anything; don't compare and despair; being yourself; bombing as a comedian; connecting with your audience/people; when the spotlight is on you, you're the host; you're in charge (in a good way); our subconscious; A Glitch in the Matrix; working on yourself; learning the rules so you can either break or follow them; "Hacks"; eye-rolling; Jackie's YouTube channel; having an attention span; internal dialogue; being in the same boat; choosing unhappiness over uncertainty; "Hoarders"; being unwilling to change; working with a professional; we are the ripple effect; the Ah-ha! moment.

You can find Jackie on Instagram @thatjackiejones and on YouTube https://www.YouTube.com/ThatJackieJones

Episode recorded on 06/18/21

Episode released on 07/14/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Interior designer, Anna Lobell, gives her insight on how to embrace your personal style by creating a space for yourself and an environment that will support and uplift you. The importance of knowing yourself and the courage to express yourself. Avoiding trends (like an all white room with a single cactus). The importance of being comfortable and happy in your space. Understanding compromise and purpose, and letting the space speak to you to tell you what it needs. Not designing for 5-10 years down the road (you and your taste will likely change); design for right now. BS overthinking. Design should be about what makes you happy—do it for you, not for anyone else (or collecting "likes"). The adage "How you do one thing is how you do everything" is pretty true. Declutter, clean or paint if you need a change but are on a budget. As within, so without—if you don't have time to see to your space, you don't have time to see to your inner-space. Spiritual housecleaning is a thing (and it's ancient). Add in things/colors that you love, even if it starts with a pillow. Acceptance of who you are and what you love. Enjoy your home. Allow what's functional. Create a supportive environment. Don't be paralyzed by indecision. Give yourself permission to love what you love. Ask yourself questions: what's your favorite color/texture/scent/flavor. Develop somatic intelligence. Expose yourself to the arts. BOOK REC: THE ART OF LOOKING by Lance Esplund. Allow yourself to really take things in. ApartmentTherapy.com to see examples of a range of styles. Look at other people's styles/design to see what turns you on. Trial and error. Energy flows where attention goes. Go for it and be honest with yourself. Don't be afraid to make yourself happy. Don't let others block your happiness. Famous last words: ...and then I'll be happy.

You can find Anna at https://annalobell.com or on Instagram @theannalog

Book Rec: https://bookshop.org/a/11990/9780465094660

Episode recorded on 06/15/21

Episode released on 07/07/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers!

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs

Writer Locke Hughes talks about her struggle with being on time, her experience with Diana DeLonzor's book, NEVER BE LATE AGAIN: 7 CURES FOR THE PUNCTUALLY CHALLENGED, the irony of being able to be on time for things you are excited about, being late so you don't "waste time" if you're early, the anxiety of waiting, giving up magical thinking and giving yourself more time, confronting the late people in your life, getting enough rest, her book MELATONIN: The Natural Supplement for Better Sleep, and the importance of setting your alarm on Sunday mornings.

Episode recorded on 06/11/21

Episode released on 06/30/21

For more information on the podcast or its host, please visit sassylittlepodcast.com. There, you will find links to social media and an opportunity to become a member of the podcast community. We are on Twitter and Instagram @SassyLittlePod and Facebook @SassyLittlePodcast.

Thanks for listening! If you like this sassy little podcast, please subscribe to it, rate it and review it, and tell your friends about it. For early access, ad-free episode and exclusive content, become a patron on Patreon. Cheers! 

The podcast is written, produced and edited by Sandra Ann Miller. Join the conversation at thehappyist.substack.com

Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs