Middle of the week is the perfect way to segway into middle aged (well, maybe a bit older, the way things are sagging on Angi you'd think she's like 110.) This morning, we explored aging up by breaking out the good old Sarah McLachlan to backdrop Angi's newest feud. That's right, it's Angi vs. the USPS but not for reasons you would assume (and by that I mean it's more delusional than you could probably imagine.) Her ire was spawned from a (incorrect) belief that her mail people are trolling her because after checking the mail for the first time in 5 days, 13 of the 17 pieces of mail were from AARP. On the cover of this month's issue (I'm assuming they come monthly, old people like Angi die pretty fast so they need to pump those things out in short order,) was Kevin Costner (who was probably complaining how he lost his house financing a garbage project.) While crying that she didn't want to learn about how to fight "sitting disease," she then turned her ire from the post office to imaginary people who signed her old ass up for it. Of course, in a rare moment of lucidity in her early onset brain, it dawned on her that she may have actually signed up for it because of discounts. Though she hooted and hollered how she didn't want AARP and wasn't ready for it (see: she is,) she then found an article about puzzles and ways to help sugar cravings. Of course, we were back in the red once she stumbled upon the lightest mobility scooter (for those of you wondering, yes she was thumbing through the magazine on air, hence these weird jumping points.) Marris added that perhaps we should look into a mobility scooter because the last time she got on something with wheels, she almost fell into the Chicago River. We moved on then to an article on Marilu Henner and Jewel, who has great cans according to Angi. As Marris tried to explain to her that some of this stuff could be helpful, Angi turned more pages and yelled about tightrope artists and mariachi bands (I don't know if that was in the magazine or if she was having a senior moment.) After then going on about how she doesn't want to read articles from AARP (while reading articles from AARP,) she returned once again to blaming the postal workers for this nonsense. Marris, again attempting to be the world's best orderly when it comes to dealing with early onset patients, said she does have her supper at 4 or 5 P.M. because she's usually in bed by like 7. Somehow, this led us back to sitting disease (I know all of this reads like a jumbled mess but this is how it was on air so don't yell at me!) and how it diminishes brain function (like we have more room for that with her.) Then we were back to Kevin Costner again before settling on Angi probably needing a life alert bracelet and The Clapper as she tends to fall a lot since she's older than the first submarine (1620.)