In this week's episode Zeus sends Hermes to demand that the fair-tressed Calypso release weeping Odysseus (still with us?) after seven years of island imprisonment. No amount of organic oat hair milk can cheer her, the added shine, volume, and bounce notwithstanding. We look at books 5-8, with Odysseus and Nausicaa having a go at jarts, while Demodocus (Homer himself in disguise?) plucks out the hottest hits of the Mycenaean Era. Odysseus weeps (again!) and drops some layered metanarratives, but not before the white goddess offers him a magic, life-saving pair of trousers in the middle of a shipwreck. And stay-tuned for a new, *stellar* sponsor.