This episode of Addicted to Recovery features Harry, who shares his personal journey through addiction, recovery, and fatherhood. He reflects on growing up in West London, navigating family challenges, and being diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. Despite a childhood filled with love, the absence of a consistent male role model and exposure to a tough “lad culture” shaped his identity and influenced early drinking and drug use. Football became both an outlet and an entry point into environments where alcohol and substances were normalised.

As Harry entered adulthood, his substance use escalated from social drinking to daily reliance on alcohol and cocaine. He describes maintaining work and responsibilities for a time, but eventually falling into patterns of secrecy, financial strain, paranoia, and emotional instability. The pressure of moving house, building a family, and trying to live up to expectations intensified his addiction. Even becoming a father — which he hoped would change everything — wasn’t enough to stop the cycle, and feelings of guilt and shame continued to grow.

The turning point came when Harry reached a severe mental health crisis, feeling overwhelmed and suicidal. He recalls moments of deep despair, including walking alone in a forest and later confronting himself in a mirror, which sparked a powerful realisation that he needed help. This moment led him to attend recovery meetings, where he began the process of rebuilding his life. Through recovery, he learned that sobriety wasn’t just about quitting substances, but about changing his mindset, letting go of ego, and learning healthier ways to connect with others.

Since getting clean, Harry explains how his priorities have shifted towards reliability, honesty, and family life. He talks about becoming a more present partner and father, embracing emotional openness, and redefining what masculinity means to him. Motivated by his own growth, he started a men’s mental-health group called “The Man Cave,” offering a supportive space where men can talk openly about struggles such as anxiety, relationships, work pressures, and identity — not just addiction.

Overall, the episode highlights themes of vulnerability, accountability, and transformation. Harry’s story emphasises that recovery is an ongoing journey of personal change, where learning to drop the mask and ask for help becomes the foundation for a more authentic and meaningful life.

In this episode, Christopher White and Max Thomas speak directly to the newcomer — the person who’s struggling, confused, overwhelmed, or quietly asking for help. Drawing from their own lived experience, they break down what addiction actually feels like, why extreme emotions are common in early recovery, and why no feeling — good or bad — lasts forever.

The conversation moves through mental health, physical wellbeing, gratitude, forgiveness, and the power of human connection. Chris and Max also talk openly about meetings, sponsorship, and 12-step recovery, explaining why simply walking through the door can be one of the bravest decisions a person ever makes.

This episode isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about hope, honesty, and reminding anyone listening that you don’t have to be clean, confident, or certain — you just have to show up.

If you’re new to recovery, thinking about getting help, or supporting someone who is, this episode is for you.

In this episode of Addicted to Recovery, the hosts sit down with Mike, a Patreon supporter and recovering addict, for a raw and deeply personal conversation about addiction, identity, mental health, and what it really means to rebuild a life from the ground up. Mike shares how, despite growing up in a loving and financially stable home, he struggled internally from a young age with bullying, low self-worth, and a constant feeling of not fitting in. As an adult, he was diagnosed with autism, which helped him understand years of masking, people-pleasing, and difficulty regulating emotions — all of which fed into his addiction. Mike I got clean on the screen

Mike’s substance use began socially with alcohol and escalated when cocaine entered the picture during nights out and London work culture. What started as confidence and connection gradually became compulsion, secrecy, and isolation. He describes the shift from “fun” to needing drugs just to feel normal, using alone, lying about money, and living a double life that eventually led to the breakdown of his marriage. At his lowest point, overwhelmed by shame and consequences, Mike believed suicide was his only way out — a crisis that ultimately forced him to admit the truth and ask for help. Mike I got clean on the screen

He entered recovery during COVID through Zoom meetings, throwing himself into the program with willingness, service, and connection. But his journey wasn’t linear. Mike speaks openly about multiple relapses, including one he hid for two years while continuing to claim clean time. The emotional weight of that dishonesty led to anger, relationship damage, and mental instability. When the truth finally came out, he reset his clean date and describes the relief of honesty as a turning point in his recovery. Mike I got clean on the screen

The episode also explores Mike’s mental health struggles. After a suicide attempt involving medication, he was hospitalized and later diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) alongside autism. With treatment, medication, and a deeper understanding of his emotional patterns, he now recognizes how mental health and addiction intertwine — and how recovery requires addressing both. Mike I got clean on the screen

Now one year into an honest stretch of recovery, Mike explains what’s different this time: in-person meetings, active step work, full transparency with his sponsor, a small but strong support network, and a willingness to prioritize healing over relationships and comfort. He talks about finding joy in ordinary life — home, routine, connection, and helping newcomers — rather than chaos and nightlife. Recovery, for him, feels like being “born again,” not in a religious sense, but as a complete reset and chance to live with integrity instead of performance. Mike I got clean on the screen

This episode is a powerful reminder that addiction is about far more than substances. It’s about identity, shame, mental health, and the courage to tell the truth. Mike’s story shows that relapse doesn’t have to be the end — but secrets will keep people stuck. With honesty, community, and willingness, change is possible.

In this powerful episode, Chris and Max sit down with their friend Dean, who shares an unfiltered look at addiction, recovery, and the emotional struggles that don’t magically disappear with sobriety. Nearly nine years clean, Dean explains how his addiction didn’t vanish — it shifted. His intense dedication to the gym and his physique became a new outlet, a kind of “armor,” masking deep self-hatred, body image issues, and a lifelong discomfort in his own skin. Despite looking disciplined and put-together on the outside, he reveals he has never truly liked himself and still feels lost internally.

Dean traces these feelings back to childhood, describing a loving but emotionally limited upbringing where he constantly sought validation, especially from his father. That need to be liked and approved of carried into adulthood and fed into his cocaine use, which he says calmed his mind, made him feel normal, and gave him a sense of belonging. What started as social use turned into a 20-year addiction marked by functioning on the outside while feeling powerless within. A defining trauma came when Dean found his father after he died by suicide at a job they were working on together — an event that still haunts him and intensified his using, alongside deep guilt about not being present for his family during that time.

After losing his business, stability, and sense of self, Dean reached breaking point and was taken to his first meeting through an intervention. Though frightened and disconnected at first, he has remained clean ever since, something he is proud of. But he’s clear that recovery hasn’t been a fairytale: he still battles self-obsession, emotional overwhelm, relationship pain, and the lasting impact his addiction had on his children, especially his eldest son who once saw him as a hero. He admits he’s less connected to meetings and fellowship than he once was and feels the difference, warning others not to follow his example of only “dipping a toe in.” The episode is a raw reminder that being clean and being emotionally well aren’t the same — and that honesty, connection, and helping others remain vital parts of the ongoing work of recovery.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas are joined by their close friend Nick, who shares his raw, unfiltered journey through addiction, mental health struggles, and recovery.

Nick opens up about living with relentless anxiety, low self-worth, and an overwhelming internal dialogue that shaped his life from childhood. Despite appearing confident on the outside, he describes years of people-pleasing, overthinking, and emotional exhaustion that ultimately fuelled his substance use. What began with alcohol as a way to “feel normal” gradually escalated into a destructive cycle involving drugs, work obsession, and deteriorating mental health.

The conversation traces Nick’s life from a chaotic childhood and early escape into the high-pressure world of professional kitchens, through the culture of long hours, perfectionism, and substance use that often accompanies the hospitality industry. Although outwardly successful, Nick explains how his addiction and untreated mental health issues led to breakdowns, damaged relationships, and profound shame.

A major turning point comes when Nick speaks candidly about being sectioned, diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and finally confronting the reality that substances were never the solution—but a way of coping with pain he didn’t yet understand. With honesty and humility, he reflects on the impact his illness had on his family, particularly his ex-wife and children, and the process of taking responsibility without drowning in self-blame.

The episode also explores themes of recovery, accountability, compassion, and growth. Nick shares how finding recovery later in life helped him gain clarity, self-awareness, and a sense of peace he never thought possible. Through humour, vulnerability, and shared understanding, the hosts and Nick highlight an essential truth: recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about learning to live, feel, and show up honestly.

This episode is a moving reminder that behind addiction is often unaddressed pain, and that healing is possible at any stage of life.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most confronting questions in recovery: “Am I an addict?” Drawing from personal experience, lived recovery, and official fellowship literature, they walk listeners through the Am I an Addict? questionnaire—a tool designed to help individuals reflect honestly on their relationship with drugs, alcohol, and behaviour.

Rather than focusing solely on substances, the episode highlights addiction as a disease of thinking, feeling, and living, showing how it affects every area of life: relationships, finances, mental health, self-worth, and identity. Christopher and Max openly compare their very different patterns of use—daily use versus binge use—to demonstrate that how often or how much someone uses is far less important than the loss of control and the consequences.

Throughout the episode, they share raw stories of secrecy, shame, manipulation, broken trust, physical and emotional exhaustion, and the relentless mental obsession that fuels addiction. They also challenge common misconceptions, such as “I wasn’t that bad” or “I can handle it on my own,” and explain the crucial difference between having a drug problem and being an addict.

Importantly, the episode isn’t about labelling or diagnosing—it’s about self-honesty. The hosts stress that no one else can decide if you’re an addict; only you can. If the questions provoke discomfort, emotion, or recognition, that reaction itself may be meaningful.

The episode closes with a message of hope: recovery is possible, help is available, and life on the other side of addiction is calmer, freer, and more authentic. Whether you’re questioning your own use, worried about someone you love, or already on a recovery journey, Am I an Addict? offers insight, compassion, and a powerful starting point for change.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most challenging and universal themes in recovery: self-obsession.

Using real-life examples from their own relationships, parenting, road rage, social anxiety, and everyday interactions, Chris and Max unpack how self-obsession quietly drives emotional pain, conflict, and addictive thinking. The conversation is grounded in recovery literature, particularly the concept of The Triangle of Self Obsession—made up of resentment (the past), anger (the present), and fear (the future).

The episode highlights how addiction can arrest emotional growth, leaving many addicts stuck in a childlike state where validation, control, and external approval are desperately sought. Chris reads and reflects on recovery literature that explains how most people naturally mature out of this phase, while addicts often medicate discomfort instead—delaying emotional maturity and reinforcing self-centered thinking.

Throughout the episode, the hosts show how self-obsession plays out subtly: overthinking text messages, craving approval from strangers, feeling under-appreciated, reacting defensively, or assuming everything is a personal attack. They also emphasize that this isn’t about shame—but awareness, responsibility, and action.

Importantly, the episode offers hope and practical solutions. Chris and Max discuss how recovery tools—such as inventory, making amends, reaching out, acceptance, love, faith, and service to others—allow them to step out of the triangle. They stress that progress doesn’t mean perfection, but rather increasing the space between emotional blow-ups and responding more like an adult than a child.

The central message is clear and uncompromising: to break free from addiction and emotional suffering, we must break the triangle of self-obsession. We must grow up—or the disease will eventually destroy us.

A raw, relatable, and compassionate episode that reminds listeners they are not alone—and that there is a solution.

In this honest, reflective episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas sit down for an unfiltered conversation with no guest, using the space to openly process the emotional impact of the Christmas period in recovery.

The episode explores how breaking routine over the holidays can deeply affect addicts in recovery, triggering emotional sensitivity, irritability, overthinking, and a return to old thought patterns such as blame, control, people-pleasing, and self-criticism. Both hosts discuss struggles with family dynamics, overstimulation, and the pressure of multiple personalities coming together during Christmas.

They reflect on the importance of structure, routine, and daily recovery practices, highlighting how even a few days disconnected from meetings, sponsors, or recovery messages can leave them feeling unsettled. Themes of self-awareness versus self-obsession run throughout, as the hosts acknowledge that awareness can be both a gift and a curse.

Food, body image, and control around diet and exercise are discussed candidly, with both men recognising long-standing struggles with obsession, self-worth, and aligning physical health with mental and spiritual wellbeing. The conversation also touches on injury, fear of failure, and the addictive mindset looking for excuses to step away from discipline.

The episode moves into reflections on gratitude, connection, and service, contrasting their family-filled Christmas experiences with those who face loneliness or homelessness during the holidays. They acknowledge the vital role of fellowship, outreach events, and simple acts of connection—such as phone calls, messages, or small moments of kindness—in sustaining recovery.

Spirituality features strongly, with discussions around church, prayer, meditation, Step 11, and the need to “fill the spiritual tank,” especially when life becomes busy or emotionally charged. Both hosts identify judgmental thinking as a warning sign that their recovery needs attention.

Looking ahead to 2026, Chris and Max talk openly about growth areas: improving balance, deepening spiritual practice, embracing change in work and routine, seeking counselling, meditation, and continuing to give back through sponsorship and the podcast.

The episode closes with powerful moments of gratitude, remembrance, and emotional reflection, reinforcing a central message: recovery is a daily practice, connection is essential, and growth comes from getting out of self and staying spiritually grounded.

Episode 100 of Addicted to Recovery is a big one. Christopher White and Max Thomas mark the milestone by sitting down with comedian and podcaster Dapper Laughs for a raw, honest, and at times emotional conversation about addiction, recovery, and what it really takes to turn your life around. Episode 100 - Dapper Laughs

Dapper Laughs opens up about his early relationship with drink and drugs, growing up around chaos, violence, and addiction, and using humour as a way to cope and fit in. What started as partying and bravado slowly turned into heavy cocaine use, emotional comedowns, and living life in extremes — highs followed by some very dark lows.

He talks openly about being cancelled at the height of his career, losing work, public backlash, and how the death of his dad pushed him even further into addiction. Things reached a breaking point when he found himself suicidal and alone, leading to a late-night call to the Samaritans that would become a huge turning point in his life.

The episode digs into how addiction doesn’t always look the same for everyone — from binge users to daily users — and how mixing drink and drugs can seriously mess with your head. There’s also a big focus on men’s mental health, loneliness, and why so many men struggle to speak up before things spiral.

Recovery hasn’t been perfect or straightforward. Dapper Laughs talks honestly about detox, early sobriety driven by ego, struggling with meetings, and how easy it is to neglect recovery when life gets busy with work, kids, and success. He also shares why he set up the Facebook group Men and Their Emotions, giving lads a safe place to talk openly and support each other.

Christopher and Max bring their own lived experience into the conversation, reinforcing powerful recovery truths: connection matters, ego can hold you back, and if you don’t put recovery first, you risk losing everything else anyway.

This episode is real, relatable, and full of hope — a reminder that no matter how messy things get, change is possible and you don’t have to do it on your own.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas sit down with their friend Matt to explore his journey through addiction, loss, and recovery.

Matt shares how his struggles began long before substances entered the picture. Growing up feeling unseen, failing the 11+ exam, craving his father’s approval, and later feeling physically and emotionally “behind” his peers all contributed to a deep sense of inadequacy. Football became his first escape, followed by cannabis in his early teens, which quickly developed into a daily habit that numbed his thoughts and emotions.

As Matt moved into adulthood, his substance use escalated. Alcohol, cocaine, and cannabis became daily necessities rather than choices. What began as social use turned into years of chaotic, exhausting routines—using before work, drinking to cope, lying to loved ones, and living with constant shame and fear. Despite holding down a job in the building trade and appearing “functional,” Matt describes an inner life marked by isolation, dishonesty, and despair.

Attempts to control or moderate his use only deepened the pain. After meeting a partner who challenged him to confront his addiction, Matt managed long periods of abstinence without support—white-knuckling sobriety while remaining mentally obsessed with alcohol. This period culminated in profound emotional turmoil, made even more devastating by the suicide of his brother.

A turning point came when Matt was introduced to recovery literature and, soon after, attended his first NA meeting. For the first time, he saw himself clearly as an addict and recognised that “treats” and moderation were simply relapses in disguise. Although early recovery was uncomfortable and fear-filled, Matt stayed, listened, and slowly followed suggestions—getting a sponsor, working the steps, and learning how to be honest.

Now approaching three years clean, Matt reflects on the freedom he’s found through recovery: emotional peace, genuine friendships, integrity, and the ability to live life without constant self-medication. He speaks openly about the life-changing impact of Step Four, the importance of honesty, and how recovery has transformed not just his substance use, but his relationships and sense of self.

This episode is a raw, relatable reminder that recovery is possible—even after decades of addiction—and that real change often happens slowly, subtly, and through connection with others who understand.