Cuffing season's over and everyone's breaking up: Adele and her husband, Michelle and her husband, the two accapella lovers from Pitch Perfect—acca-no! And David Pecker's American Media Inc. is selling the Enquirer—but does it matter? (What matters is the rag's new owner's daughter's bat-mitzvah theme.) Shay Mitchell's tooth fell out because of a bagel sandwich? (Do we really believe this?) Danny Amendola's pissed his ex Olivia Culpo smooched Zedd (yes, Zedd) at Coachella, Ewan McGregor's daughters (and Tyler Blackburn) are bisexual and Patrick Schwarzenegger is bumming me out. Plus, is the Pratt sibling feud merely promo for The Hills reboot? And who is YBN Cordae?

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