Honk if you don’t exist! In this week’s remix, the hags wade into the world of bodyworkers, energy healers, reiki masters and blocked chakras. Jacqueline experiences KY Jelly hands, while Kate writhes dramatically in the backroom. The high cost of a flea market psychic and looking for god in all the wrong places. Learning the shamanic techniques. Can I enter your energy field? Cutting the chord, slime, and putting water on the plate. No tool is inherently good or bad — but Zoom healing is the highest form. 

A misread covid test, a night of wild dancing and a trip to the foot doctor. In this week’s remix, the hags are waiting, writhing and ready to see the doctor. The endless pursuit of appointments and referrals, the power of self-diagnosis and medical anxiety. Kate’s nine months of pain and six months to live. See, it hurts! Jacqueline’s theory about injuring the body to heal it. A mother with neck tension, a mental metaphor of the body and a house you can’t see. The relief of snipping the muscle string — it better be deep tissue. A sucker for a certificate on the wall and a fear of recovery. Do you know what the appendix is?

Do you believe in jinx? Anger on the walk, a toilet in the shot, and the insanity of The Birthday. Jacqueline is constantly outrunning the future, while Kate is put at ease by planning it. Witnessing the spider make a big catch — did you know they can leave the web? Screaming at the man in the Zoom background and screaming the c-word out of the cab. Jacqueline wants to try living on New York time in LA, while Kate locates a believable impression of the Birthday girl. The supremacy of secondary media and why horror matters. Three days back on the stimulant: boxing and aerial silks are on the table. Unpacking the era of the post-facelift personal essay and reading a prayer aloud. Neighborhood eccentrics and social media recovery. Dinner tonight.

In this week’s remix, the hags are bitching about sleep. Jacqueline’s up at 6am and Kate is sleeping through Morning Poog. Napping and pushing up against the wall. The storied sleep attacks of the ad agency era and the dream of a specialist telling you you’re special. Salma Hayek and the ‘wrong side’ of the bed. The time Jacqueline sleep talked at Kate. Going lucid and the dream of astral projection.

Emails were drafted, calls were made, and a law office was opened. This week the hags bring you their second installment of grievances, injustices and scams: A woman’s right to steal at Sephora, paranoia when Mark from Bank of America calls, and a stolen uber at LAX will not go unpunished. There’s soot everywhere, and Kate is feeling furious, wronged and abused. Welcome back to the Law Offices of Berlant and Novak.  

Emails were drafted, calls were made, and a law office was opened. This week the hags bring you a remix chock full of some of their favourite moments featuring grievances, injustices and scams. You pay for the lock… a nut should never have entered the home… I’ll see you in court. Welcome to the Law Offices of Berlant and Novak.  

This week the hags are away and bringing you a favorite from the Poog archive: A Zero Involved.

A masseuse in Kate’s home reminds her of the necessity of addressing the angels and eating pears. New blocks are located, while Jacqueline scrambles pancakes. What else does one put in a dishwasher? Phone call avoidance and the myths of protein. The hours you’re asleep still count, but where does it start? A math lesson leaves Kate feeling seen.

Poog is at the doctor’s office this week, as Kate visualizes her partner and mother for safety during a neck angio CT scan. Jacqueline is at the hotel she never has to check out of — her parents’ house. The idea of a single tit when the robe opens. Is the valet not fundamentally validated? The stench of B vitamins, the presence of a mini fridge, and a drink likely pulled from a barrel. Kate tries an old lip stain while her daughters sleep over at Sephora. Stand up to blend in. Jacqueline evokes the alienated figure with thoughts of working out at her mom and dad’s gym. A mosquito bite makes summer official and there will be no caffeine past noon. Poor girl.

Are you aware that your site is down? Jacqueline calls in from her Toronto tour stop and the meds are running out, while Kate is podcasting from the neighborhood fishbowl. Eating in front of the TV, coffee tables and cold cream. The hags map out a year in Spain... but has it been Canada the whole time? Always a buyer, never a seller. Jacqueline explains how to wash underwear in a Nespresso machine. The saga of gel manicures and Storage Wars. Kate decants for a dirty day and takes a long walk to a little weed shop. Planetary talk and stage sweat. Jacqueline reacts to an update on Jerry Maguire. You can’t put a price on peace of mind. 

The nectarines were not ripe, nor were the figs sweet. Recent weeks have seen the hags confronted with uncharmable doctors and unruly hecklers. Jacqueline recounts stories from her day job at the FBI and Kate’s full-body scan results are in. Illness, the corner restaurant and a double date to The Odyssey. Sometimes the doctor agrees with your diagnosis.