What happens when someone says, “Can you just move that box?” and your brain immediately produces 17 follow-up questions?

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I’m joined by ICF-certified coach and neurodiversity specialist speaker Nicci Lou for a wide-ranging conversation about neurodivergent communication, processing, masking and sensory overwhelm.

We explore why asking lots of questions isn't necessarily being “combative” or difficult, and why two people can approach exactly the same task in completely different ways.

We also talk about the double empathy problem and why communication shouldn't be something neurodivergent people are expected to “fix” on their own. Communication is a two-way street, and meeting each other in the middle can make a huge difference.

We get into:

🧠 Top-down and bottom-up processing

🔄 Why neurodivergent people can struggle with open loops

💬 Why asking questions isn't necessarily being difficult or combative

🤝 The double empathy problem

🎭 What masking does to our communication and sense of self

🧱 Nicci's brilliant Lego analogy for understanding masking and unmasking

👂 Sensory processing and why someone can look like they're coping while feeling completely overwhelmed

💗 Empathy, alexithymia and the myth that autistic people lack empathy

🙋‍♀️ Consent-based communication and what it can look like in everyday life

💼 Creating workplaces that work for different brains without putting individual employees under a spotlight

🌱 Why accommodations that help neurodivergent people can often make workplaces better for everyone

One of my favourite themes from our conversation is the idea that we shouldn't have to do all the adapting.

Instead of asking, “How do we get Josephine to disclose that she's autistic?”, Nicci suggests asking, “How can I make this workplace work for everybody?”

And if you've ever been told you're “too much”, “intense”, “difficult” or “asking too many questions”, there are some particularly reassuring moments in this conversation.

Because sometimes you're not being difficult.

Your brain is simply doing something different.

Nicci and I also talk about the upcoming AUDHD Intensive, an online event taking place on 29–30 September, featuring more than 19 experts with AuDHD lived experience, covering topics including hormones, parenting, work, communication and unmasking. Find out more here:

http://bemorezebra.me/

About Nicci

Nicci Lou is a Neurodiversity Specialist Speaker and ICF Certified Coach helping masked and neurodivergent people lose the exhaustion and pain and step into their own lives with power.

Find Nicci here:

https://amplifytothrive.com/

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I’m chatting with Kaye Heyes, a coach, hypnotherapist, supervisor and focusing practitioner who supports highly sensitive, autistic and ADHD people to stop relying on willpower and start discovering their Waypower.

We talk about what happens when you spend years overriding your body, pushing through exhaustion and trying to make yourself function according to rules that simply don't work for your neurodivergent brain.

Kaye explains the difference between willpower, which can leave us depleted and stuck in a cycle of “I should…” and “I need to…”, and Waypower, which is about finding your own route, trusting yourself and learning to listen to what your body is telling you.

We also dive into focusing, a practice that helps you tune into your body's felt sense and notice what is happening beneath the surface. Kaye shares how learning to listen to her body has changed how she lives, works, coaches and relates to other people.

And then we get into one of my favourite parts of the conversation: time.

Kaye introduces the different ways the ancient Greeks thought about time, including Chronos, chronological clock-and-calendar time, and Kairos, the sense of the right or opportune moment.

We explore what this might mean for ADHDers who are often labelled as procrastinators when they may actually be waiting for the moment when something feels possible.

Kaye Heyes is a WayPower Guide, enabling highly sensitive and neurodivergent solopreneurs to step out of willpower and into their WayPower, increasing their self-trust and body-wise intuition.

Kaye is a specialist AuDHD coach, hypnosis and Focusing practitioner, Master NLP practitioner, and coaching supervisor, who specialises in helping creatives, coaches and solo business owners redesign their relationship with time, success and their inbox.

Connect with Kay:

https://kayeheyes.com/

What does real inclusion actually look like?

In this episode, I'm joined by lawyer, ADHD coach and leadership consultant Amanda Millar. We explore why inclusion is about far more than policies, why curiosity might be the most underrated leadership skill, and how workplaces can better support neurodivergent people without making assumptions.

Amanda also shares her experience as the first openly LGBTQ+ President of the Law Society of Scotland, why visibility matters, and why "bringing your whole self to work" isn't always as simple as it sounds.

Whether you're a leader, HR professional, neurodivergent employee or simply someone who wants workplaces to be kinder and more effective, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom.

Amanda Millar is a lawyer, leader and founder of Buchanan Millar. A former President of the Law Society of Scotland and the first openly LGBTQ+ person to hold the role, she has spent much of her career helping individuals and organisations navigate change, complexity and difficult conversations.

Alongside her work with leadership teams and professional services firms, Amanda has a longstanding interest in mental wellbeing, inclusion and what helps people perform at their best.

She is known for bringing honesty, humour and practical insight to conversations about leadership, pressure and the challenge of getting out of our own way.

Contact Amanda here:

www.buchananmillar.co.uk

Amanda Millar | LinkedIn

If you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who cares about creating workplaces where people can genuinely thrive.

Because inclusion isn't just good for neurodivergent people.

It's good for everyone.

Find out more about Suzi Payton AuDHD speaker - comedian - coach & author at:

www.suzipayton.com

For years, Laura believed the story she'd been told, that she was lazy, disorganised and simply needed to try harder.

After being labelled "gifted" at school, everything changed when life demanded organisation, planning and consistency.

University became overwhelming, burnout became a pattern, and the shame of feeling "not good enough" followed her into adulthood. In this honest conversation, Laura shares how an ADHD diagnosis helped her understand herself, why she hid her diagnosis at work for years, and how starting her own bookkeeping business finally allowed her to work with her brain instead of constantly fighting against it.

We also explore why so many neurodivergent people struggle with money, admin and perfectionism, and why compassionate support can make all the difference.

Whether you're running a business, thinking about becoming self-employed or simply trying to navigate ADHD with a little more kindness towards yourself, this episode is packed with practical wisdom and encouragement.

In this episode, we discuss:Laura's journey to an ADHD diagnosis after years of burnout. Being labelled "gifted" as a child, and why that became difficult later in life.

The hidden shame many ADHD adults carry. Why Laura kept her ADHD diagnosis secret at work.

The fear of asking employers for support. Leaving employment to create a business that works with her brain. Why bookkeeping can feel overwhelming for neurodivergent business owners. How perfectionism and shame keep us stuck. Learning to quieten your inner critic. Building self-trust through small, imperfect actions. Creating routines that prevent burnout. Why flexibility is often more productive than forcing yourself through exhaustion.

Practical ADHD-friendly strategies for getting started when motivation feels impossible.

Key Takeaways ✨ You aren't lazy, you may simply have been trying to work in ways that weren't designed for your brain.✨ Perfectionism often grows from years of shame, not high standards. ✨ Self-employment doesn't solve everything but it can create space to work in ways that honour your energy.✨Small actions build momentum. Momentum builds confidence. ✨ Compassion will take you further than criticism ever will. 

Laura Paine is the owner of Blooming Bookkeeping, offering bookkeeping services to sole traders and small businesses in Brighton and across the UK.She's an ADHDer and a recovering perfectionist who especially loves working with fellow neurodivergent entrepreneurs to help them feel calm, capable and in control of their finances.Her mission is to be the friendly, numbers-obsessed best friend you've always wanted for your business! Laura is AAT qualified and licensed by the AAT to provide bookkeeping services. 

Contact her at: https://bloomingbookkeeping.online/https://www.instagram.com/laura_bookkeeps/https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094612911942

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD (YouTube and Podcast), I share my journey as an autistic individual with ADHD, Tourette's, and OCD. I discuss the importance of a strengths-based approach to neurodivergence, emphasising how focusing on strengths can help manage challenges. I reflect on my childhood experiences, the impact of my inner critic, and the significance of self-acceptance. I also highlight the need for understanding and supporting neurodivergent individuals, particularly in educational settings, and conclude with insights from my upcoming book: Lost and Now Found: A guide to understanding and accepting yourself for late-discovered autistic adults.TakeawaysA strengths-based approach can help neurodivergent individuals thrive.Childhood experiences shape our inner critic and self-perception.Navigating school can be challenging for neurodivergent children.Embracing differences can lead to leadership qualities.Self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth.It's important to express feelings and seek support.Neurodivergent individuals can be leaders of tomorrow.Reframing thoughts can improve self-esteem.Suzi and Kate’s upcoming book offers guidance for late-identified autistic adults.Our book is now available for pre-order here (affiliate link so I will get a small commission if you use it): https://amzn.to/4foy5Fi

In this conversation, I interview Melissa Kelly, an ADHD coach, who shares her journey of being diagnosed with ADHD and autism later in life. We discuss the challenges of neurodivergence, including rejection sensitivity, dysphoria and trauma responses, and emphasise the importance of self-care and energy management. The conversation also explores the debate surrounding the concept of neurodivergent traits as 'superpowers' and provides guidance for those who may be questioning their neurodivergence.Topics discussed:Melissa was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 43.Coaching transformed Melissa's life and inspired her to help others.Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is common among neurodivergent individuals.RSD can lead to overwhelm and burnout.Trauma responses in neurodivergent individuals can be similar to PTSD.Self-care for neurodivergent people is unique and essential.Rest is as productive as work for neurodivergent individuals.The term 'superpower' can minimise the challenges of neurodivergence.Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals is affirming and supportive.Being kind to oneself is crucial in the journey of self-discovery.Connect with Melissa here:https://www.pauseandthriveadhdcoachin...#adhd #autismawareness #neurodivergentvoices #adhdcoach #rejectionsensitivity

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I speak with Joy Schulz, a holistic life coach and spiritual mentor, about her journey of self-discovery as a neurodivergent individual. Joy shares her experiences growing up in a cult, realising her neurodivergence, and how her spiritual awakening has shaped her identity. We discuss the importance of community, the role of human design in understanding oneself, and the tools available for embracing neurodivergence. Joy emphasises the need for representation and the power of choosing one's beliefs in the journey towards self-acceptance and healing.Find out more about Joy here:https://www.radicaljoyfulness.com

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I interview Gemma Hentsch about her experiences as a trans woman navigating the intersections of gender identity, neurodivergence, and the tech industry. We discuss the complexities of gender, the current climate for trans rights, and the importance of support systems. Gemma shares her journey of self-discovery, the challenges faced by the trans community, and the resilience needed to advocate for change. The conversation highlights the need for understanding and acceptance in a world that can often be hostile to those who are different.#Gender #Neurodivergence #TransRights #ADHD #Autism #LGBTQ+Please like and subscribe :)

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I interview Vicki Jones, a mother of twin boys, one of whom is diagnosed ADHD and autistic (PDA). Vicki shares her journey of writing the children's book 'I've Got You', which aims to support children with neurodivergence and their families. The conversation explores the challenges and triumphs of parenting neurodivergent children, the importance of communication and acceptance, and the need for community support for parents. Vicki emphasises the unique strengths of her son and the collaborative process of creating the book, highlighting the message that families can navigate their journeys together.Get your copy of 'I've got you' here:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ive-got-you-...

Meet Ruth Berkoff Rubarb Cough, a talented performer who discovered her neurodivergence by writing a play!
In this interview, Ruth discusses her journey to discovery and her passion for performing her play The Beauty of Being Herd, which is about a woman who goes to live as a sheep.
See link to interview in the comments 
Ruth gives an open an honest account of the struggles to get writing when her inner critic is getting loud as well as tried and tested ways to work with it so that she can do what she loves; writing and performing!
Ruth is a Leeds born and bred performer and writer. She trained in contemporary circus at Circomedia, Bristol, and spent two years with master clown and pedagogue, Philippe Gaulier.
She's acted professionally since 2015 on stage, playing Lady Macbeth, Mrs Cratchitt and many more roles, including the wife of a man with motor-neurone disease in the short film, Grace, in which she was the top finalist in Actress Universe Film Festival 2022.
As an ex-Samaritan, Ruth cares deeply about people feeling understood. As a four time pantomime dame, she cares passionately about people having a BRILLIANT time at the theatre. Her performance has been described by the British Theatre Guide as ‘warm hearted and empathic.’
Ruth began writing in earnest after she had a brain haemorrhage in 2017. When she couldn’t find any stories from other survivors, she wrote her own. Her light-hearted blog, A Small Bleed on the Brain, has been shared by charities like Headway.
She writes so that other people (and herself) don't feel so alone.
The Beauty of Being Herd is her first full show and you can see it at The Brighton Fringe in May on the 2nd, 3rd, 24th and 25th.Get your tickets here:
The Beauty of Being Herd - Brighton Fringe