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Adoptee Origin Story: Dr. Noelle

Two white people raised me, an African American child. I’m Dr. Noelle and this is the secret-filled story of my adoption after being an orphan in Texas.

What we discussed 

(00:00) Cosplaying as adoptees?

(01:35) The stories I was told

(05:30) My abusive adoptive mother 

(06:15) Taking a DNA test to find my family

(09:42) They didn’t know I existed 

(15:39) Whole for the first time in my life

(17:03) My bio mom’s origin story 

(21:35) Uncomfortable being mothered

(26:43) What would’ve been…

Links

Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Credits

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected] 

Send us a text

Navigating Adoption and Rediscovering Family: Lia's Journey

I’m Lia and this is my adoptee origin story from foster care to reuniting with my siblings. 

What I shared

(01:02) What I was told about my bio parents

(02:18) What actually happened 

(04:59) My adoptive parents 

(05:34) My birth father’s side of the story

(06:36) My access to adoption information

(10:04) Accessing my biological family name

(12:33) Meeting my siblings 

(19:49) Aspirations for biological relationships

(21:47) What I tell people about my background

(25:21) What’s medical foster care?

(26:35) Death of my foster mom (Ms. Loretta) & my bio mom

Links

Lia’s LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/liaepps 

Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Credits

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected] 

Send us a text

Exploring the Impact of Adoption on Mental Health: Insights from Adoptees

Why adoptees are more likely to attempt suicide  

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Suicidal ideation, Involuntary hospitalization

Adoptees are 4x more likely to commit suicide, in this episode we unpack why that is. Being an adoptee is a lifelong sentence, we have to cosplay as someone else’s child, we belong almost nowhere - and on top of all that, we invest emotional labor educating therapists about our mental health. 

Throughout the episode, we answer questions you’ve asked us on Twitter about adoptee mental health. 

 “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” - James Baldwin

What we discussed 

(00:00) Content Warning

(00:47) Should the state fund adoptee therapy?

(02:21) Cosplaying as someone else’s child

(07:40) Why adoptees struggle with mental health

(11:31) Why holidays suck for us

(13:23) Does sharing our experiences help? 

(19:26) The anger inside of us

(24:07) Finding an adoptee-competent therapist OR Finding a therapist that understands adoption OR Finding a therapist you don’t have to teach

(29:10) What works (other than therapy)? 

(32:57) Societal gaslighting against adoptees

Links

Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Learn more about Lia

Adoptee Therapists: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/ 

Credits

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected] 

Send us a text

Adoptees as parents

Parenting as an adoptee 

What’s it like when you’re adopted and then become a parent? We discuss the unexpected joys and reliefs of parenting, the mistakes we were almost programmed to make, how parenting can heal us, how to tell your children you’re adopted, and being careful about not placing a burden on our children that they aren’t equipped to carry. 

PS: If it isn’t clear yet, we would never put our children up for adoption. 

What we discussed 

(00:00) How being an adoptee affects the way you parent OR Adoptee parenting patterns

(05:46) Being a helicopter mom

(07:16) “No way I was putting my child up for adoption”

(08:47) Late discovery adoptees 

(11:29) Telling your kids you’re adopted 

(16:34) Are adoptees better parents?

(20:51) Disadvantages of being an adopted parent OR Biggest regret as an adopted parent

(25:57) Parenting and healing 

(31:15) Greatest joy of parenting 

(33:55) Advice for adoptive parents

(35:31) Legacy 

Links

Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Learn more about Lia

Credits

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected] 

Identity & Adoption

Episode Description:
In this episode, we dive into the complex topic of identity and how it intersects with adoption. We discuss how adoption severs connections to identity, the disconnection adoptees feel, the complications of biological family searches, and the struggle to reconcile our identities with the information we discover.

This episode covers:
(00:49) How adoptees define identity and the struggle of reclaiming it
(02:17) The impact of finding out you were adopted on identity and self-esteem
(05:37) The feeling of disconnection and not having a clear sense of identity
(09:50) Reunion journeys, DNA testing, and the search for answers
(18:51) How others label adoptees and the difficulty of being fluid in identity
(24:36) The power dynamics in identity decisions and how society shapes them
(32:12) The harmful impact of altered birth certificates and erasure of identity

Call To Action:
Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Blackness & Adoption

Episode Description:
In this episode, we discuss the unique and often challenging experience of being a Black adoptee. We explore the intersection of Blackness and adoption, the harmful impact of transracial adoption, how the adoption industry profits from Black children, and the ways in which Black adoptees navigate identity, culture, and trauma.

This episode covers:
(00:29) Introduction to Blackness and Adoption
(03:50) The cost difference between Black and white children in the adoption industry
(07:41) The transactional nature of adoption and dehumanization of Black children
(12:41) The intentional erasure of Black identity in transracial adoptions
(15:02) Experiences of internalized racism and coming into Black identity
(20:20) How adoption perpetuates slavery-like dynamics and ownership of children
(25:01) Reclaiming Blackness and identity as a Black adoptee

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Send us a text

An open letter to the people who bought me

Yesterday I decided to text my adoptive parents that they failed me as parents, it was the first time I ever confronted them. I talk about how they responded in this episode and open up about being sexually assaulted as a child…then gaslighted. This was never my burden to carry, but they always blamed me. They used religion as a guise to avoid responsibility. Instead of risking the possibility of ruining their image, they chose to definitely ruin my life. 

This episode is an open letter to my adoptive parents, the people who bought me. 

“Shame dies when we tell our story”

What we discussed 

(00:00) What happened yesterday OR What I texted my adoptive parents OR Telling my adoptive parents they failed me

(01:52) No one believed I was sexually assaulted OR Being sexually assaulted was MY fault???! 

(06:45) They were EDUCATORS 

(08:06) Should child protective services be abolished? OR Abolishing child protective services? OR Why I’m an abolitionist 

(09:42) Olivia Atkocaitis’ story 

(11:02) How the police failed me before I was born OR The police system is not broken. 

(14:22) My parents were cowards OR I’m relieved he died 

(17:38) Standing up to my parents for the first time 

(20:15) How they responded

(25:36) Why I sent the text

(28:39) Own your story 

Links

Olivia Atkocaitis’ Story on NBC 

Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Learn more about Lia

Credits

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected] 

Navigating Relationships as an Adoptee

Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha explore the complexities of navigating relationships as adoptees. From dating to friendships and family dynamics, they discuss how adoption trauma, abandonment issues, and people-pleasing tendencies impact their ability to connect with others. The conversation delves into why adoptees may struggle to feel secure in relationships and why educating partners and friends is so important. They also provide advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.

In this episode, we cover:

(01:03) Sharing adoption status with partners and how it affects relationships.
(03:25) Lia discusses the difficulty of explaining estranged family relationships.
(04:05) Noelle reflects on fear of abandonment and its impact on introducing partners to family.
(06:26) The burden of educating partners and the need for them to educate themselves.
(07:51) Noelle’s positive experience of having a partner who actively learns about adoption.
(09:16) The struggle of being a people pleaser due to adoption trauma.
(12:22) Lia’s struggle to believe people truly care about her and feeling disposable.
(14:17) Noelle’s difficulty with bonding and having few deep relationships.
(15:45) The pressure to constantly put others first and ignore one's own needs.
(18:08) Noelle struggles to assert herself and avoid making others uncomfortable.
(19:05) Lia’s experience with friends not understanding how deeply adoption affects her.
(21:02) Lia’s attempt to address trauma with her adoptive parents and how it went poorly.
(22:55) The challenge of confronting adoptive parents about trauma and lack of accountability.
(24:51) The most challenging aspects of navigating relationships as an adoptee.
(28:08) Advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.

Call To Action:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Saviorism, Narcissism, and the Adoption Industry

Episode Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha discuss adoption as it relates to saviorism and narcissism, particularly in the context of adoptive parents. They explore how saviorism centers the adoptive parents while disregarding the child's needs and how adoption as an industry upholds harmful power dynamics. This conversation highlights the common thread of narcissism found in many adoptive parents' experiences and questions the standards of evaluating prospective adoptive parents. Additionally, they discuss how family separation is upheld as a means to create a 'better life' for children, rather than providing resources to preserve families.

In this episode, we cover:
(00:33) Defining Saviorism and Its Connection to Adoption.
(03:11) The Profitable Nature of the Adoption Industry.
(04:10) Adoption Framed as a “Good Home” vs. “Bad Home.”
(05:06) Transracial Adoption and the White Savior Complex.
(06:05) The Harmful Narratives of 'Saving' Black Children.
(07:02) The Biases in Adoption Systems Against Black & Brown Families.
(09:00) The Role of Narcissism in Adoption.
(11:52) Emotional Burden on Adoptees and the Need for Support.
(13:38) Infertility and Narcissistic Patterns in Adoption.
(14:37) The Carceral Nature of the Child Welfare System.
(17:26) The Manipulation of 'Selflessness' in Adoption Narratives.
(20:05) Understanding Adoption Trauma.

Call To Action:
Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Why We’re Not Grateful

Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha dive into the complicated and often misunderstood topic of gratitude within the adoption experience. They discuss why the expectation of gratefulness placed upon adoptees is harmful and how it serves to silence their pain and experiences. The conversation explores the disconnect between the adoption community and the adoptee community, the harsh realities adoptees face, and why they refuse to conform to the narrative of being “grateful” for family separation.

In this episode, we cover:

• (01:06) The difference between the adoption community and the adoptee community.
• (04:26) Questioning the expectation of gratitude for being separated from family.
• (07:22) Challenging the societal narrative of adoptees needing to be grateful.
• (09:16) Leah’s powerful reflection on surviving abuse within her adoptive family.
• (10:42) The failure of social workers and the child welfare system to truly protect children.
• (14:30) The lifelong sentence of being an adoptee and its impact on identity.
• (15:00) The carceral nature of the child welfare system and how it fails families.
• (17:24) The dismissal of birthright and the hurtful expectation of adoptees to be grateful.
• (18:46) The inconsistency of adoption practices within families.
• (19:41) The absence of emotional support and how it impacts adoptee experiences.
• (27:49) Tasha’s observation on the narcissism and unpreparedness of adoptive parents.

Call To Action:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].