Adoptees Crossing Lines

Navigating Holidays as an Adoptee: Exploring Complex Emotions & Self Care

Episode Summary: 

For adoptees, holidays mean performance. Acting like you care, acting like you’re happy, acting like you’re grateful. And if you don’t perform, then you live in guilt. It’s ironic, because adoption itself is an act. Join us as we explore this and discuss what holidays are like for us adoptees. 

In this episode, we cover:

(00:38) Father’s day for adoptees 

(08:01) Mother’s day for adoptees

(11:15) Creating your own holiday traditions 

(13:46) Thanksgiving and christmas for adoptees 

(16:38) Always in debt

(18:29) “Performing” Christmas 

(20:14) Ruining the vibe 

(21:00) Not invited

(24:46) Doing your own thing

(25:39) Birthdays for adoptees

(29:47) The most f*cked up holiday OR Gotcha Day 

(33:37) Advice to adoptive families about holidays OR Question for adoptive families OR What every adoptive family must answer

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected] 

Challenging Adoption Norms and Embracing Queer Parenting: A Conversation with Yomi

Episode Summary:

Selling children is human trafficking, so why isn’t adoption considered human trafficking? It’s state-sanctioned trafficking with a paper trail. Ayomide Bee shares her adoption story as a queer transracial adoptee. Their take is not only that gay couples shouldn’t adopt - but that adoption should be abolished. Listen to her origin story & views. “Just because it's legal doesn't mean that it's not trafficking. Slavery was legal. The residential homes were legal. Legality doesn't mean a goddamn thing.” - Ayomide Bee

In this episode, we cover:

(00:31) Story of Ayomide Bee

(02:32) Always being the topic of conversation OR Knowing yourself by how people talk about you OR Our story = other people’s stories of us?

(04:23) Coming out of the fog OR Finding wonky stuff in the adoption paperwork 

(05:22) Being forced into adoption 

(08:07) Decision to go no contact

(12:13) How she wants her adoptive parents to take accountability

(14:15) Should gay couples adopt? 

(19:58) Is adoption human trafficking? 

(25:24) Adoption alternatives 

(28:48) Relationship w/bio grandma (who suggested adoption) OR Anger toward grandma 

(37:19) What does abolishing adoption look like?

(40:30) Connecting with Ayomide

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Connect With Ayomide: 

• Instagram 
• Substack 

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected]

Activism & Origin Story: Erica Babino

Episode Summary:

What’s it like to be an activist for adoptees? What’s the story of someone who is an adoptees activist? How would you feel if you discovered that your bio mom lives on your street, after you’ve been searching for her for 25 years? This week, we speak to Erica Babino a Black same race adoptee who is a former American Adoption Congress Board Member. We discuss if it’s possible to ever separate your identity from being adopted, adoption myths, and how to normalize anti-adoption.  

In this episode, we cover:

(00:31) An adoptees’ rights activist, Erica Babino

(01:08) Her origin story OR 25 years of searching 

(04:04) Do you ever stop feeling adopted?

(06:36) The moment she met her bio mom OR First bio meeting = no tears, no hugs?

(09:32) Do good adoption families also cause trauma? 

(13:12) Most important thing adoptive parents must do 

(14:43) Experience as an American Adoption Congress board member

(19:01) Right to a birth certificate 

(21:18) How to be an adoptee activist

(24:10) Going through reunion OR Can’t prepare for reunion 

(26:30) Best advice for birth families 

Resources:

• Adoptees United 
• American Adoption Congress 

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected] 

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Dr. Noelle's Origin Story: A Journey of Adoption, Identity, and Reunion

Episode Summary: 

Two white people raised me, a Black child. I’m Dr. Noelle and this is the secret filled story of my adoption.

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) Cosplaying as adoptees?

(01:35) The stories I was told

(05:30) My abusive adoptive mother 

(06:15) Taking a DNA test to find my family

(09:42) They didn’t know I existed 

(15:39) Whole for the first time in my life

(17:03) My bio mom’s origin story 

(21:35) Uncomfortable being mothered

(26:43) What would’ve been…

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Navigating Adoption and Rediscovering Family: Lia's Journey

Episode Summary:

I’m Lia and this is my adoptee origin story from foster care to reuniting with my siblings. 

In this episode, we cover:

(01:02) What I was told about my bio parents

(02:18) What actually happened 

(04:59) My adoptive parents 

(05:34) My birth father’s side of the story

(06:36) My access to adoption information

(10:04) Accessing my biological family name

(12:33) Meeting my siblings 

(19:49) Aspirations for biological relationships

(21:47) What I tell people about my background

(25:21) What’s medical foster care?

(26:35) Death of my foster mom (Ms. Loretta) & my bio mom

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected] 

Exploring the Impact of Adoption on Mental Health: Insights from Adoptees

Content Warning: Suicide, Suicidal ideation, Involuntary hospitalization

Episode Summary: 

Adoptees are 4x more likely to attempt suicide, in this episode we unpack why that is. Being an adoptee is a lifelong sentence, we have to cosplay as someone else’s child, we belong almost nowhere - and on top of all that, we invest emotional labor educating therapists about our mental health. Throughout the episode, we answer questions you’ve asked us on Twitter about adoptee mental health. 

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) Content Warning

(00:47) Should the state fund adoptee therapy?

(02:21) Cosplaying as someone else’s child

(07:40) Why adoptees struggle with mental health

(11:31) Why holidays suck for us

(13:23) Does sharing our experiences help? 

(19:26) The anger inside of us

(24:07) Finding an adoptee-competent therapist OR Finding a therapist that understands adoption OR Finding a therapist you don’t have to teach

(29:10) What works (other than therapy)? 

(32:57) Societal gaslighting against adoptees

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resources: 

Adoptee Therapists Directory

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected] 

Navigating Parenthood as Adoptees: Insights from Dr. Noelle and Tosha

Episode Summary:

What’s it like when you’re adopted and then become a parent? We discuss the unexpected joys and reliefs of parenting, the mistakes we were almost programmed to make, how parenting can heal us, how to tell your children you’re adopted, and being careful about not placing a burden on our children that they aren’t equipped to carry. PS: If it isn’t clear yet, we would never put our children up for adoption. 

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) How being an adoptee affects the way you parent OR Adoptee parenting patterns

(05:46) Being a helicopter mom

(07:16) “No way I was putting my child up for adoption”

(08:47) Late discovery adoptees 

(11:29) Telling your kids you’re adopted 

(16:34) Are adoptees better parents?

(20:51) Disadvantages of being an adopted parent OR Biggest regret as an adopted parent

(25:57) Parenting and healing 

(31:15) Greatest joy of parenting 

(33:55) Advice for adoptive parents

(35:31) Legacy

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Work With Me:

Email [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele (Editor)

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected]

Identity & Adoption

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we dive into the complex topic of identity and how it intersects with adoption. We discuss how adoption severs connections to identity, the disconnection adoptees feel, the complications of biological family searches, and the struggle to reconcile our identities with the information we discover.

This episode covers:

(00:49) How adoptees define identity and the struggle of reclaiming it
(02:17) The impact of finding out you were adopted on identity and self-esteem
(05:37) The feeling of disconnection and not having a clear sense of identity
(09:50) Reunion journeys, DNA testing, and the search for answers
(18:51) How others label adoptees and the difficulty of being fluid in identity
(24:36) The power dynamics in identity decisions and how society shapes them
(32:12) The harmful impact of altered birth certificates and erasure of identity

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resources:

Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:

Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].

Exploring Blackness and Adoption: Navigating Identity and Challenges

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we discuss the unique and often challenging experience of being a Black adoptee. We explore the intersection of Blackness and adoption, the harmful impact of transracial adoption, how the adoption industry profits from Black children, and the ways in which Black adoptees navigate identity, culture, and trauma.

This episode covers:

(00:29) Introduction to Blackness and Adoption
(03:50) The cost difference between Black and white children in the adoption industry
(07:41) The transactional nature of adoption and dehumanization of Black children
(12:41) The intentional erasure of Black identity in transracial adoptions
(15:02) Experiences of internalized racism and coming into Black identity
(20:20) How adoption perpetuates slavery-like dynamics and ownership of children
(25:01) Reclaiming Blackness and identity as a Black adoptee

Call To Action:

Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:

• Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
• Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
• BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
• TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
• Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack

Resources:

Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.

Work With Me:

Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.

Editing by Samuel Oyedele:

Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].