Adulting with Harlan L. Landes and Miranda Marquit

Earlier this year, Adulting.tv LIVE! presented live sessions on Blab. Stay tuned for future live events, and share your questions about or suggestions for our next discussions!

Adulting.tv LIVE! welcomes special guest Zina Kumok, contributor to Adulting and founder of Debt Free After Three. Zina and Miranda discuss what it’s like to be an entrepreneur and freelancer with their own businesses..

Is the solopreneur lifestyle right for you?

Watch the video above, or listen to just the audio by using the player below.

Are you looking for the real secret to success? You might be surprised to find that it’s not intelligence or talent that matters most.

We hear a lot about “overnight successes.” Sometimes it seems as though someone explodes on the scene practically overnight. You might think that the secret to success involves being suddenly discovered, or that it’s the product of a short period of work. While being suddenly discovered can help, and there are definitely those who experience their 15 minutes of fame, it’s far more likely that an “overnight success” worked for years before being discovered.

It seems easy when we see these success stories, but most of us have to work hard to experience those sorts of results. Grit is an indispensable part of success. Rather than worrying overly much about being discovered, or whether you have the right amount of intelligence or talent, consider whether you have the persistence to keep on. Grit is the best determinant of long-term success.

Concepts

* How realistic is overnight success?

* What makes an overnight success so compelling?

* Why do we gravitate toward those who have Cinderella stories?

* A definition of grit.

* Why you need to look for a way to add grit to your combination of intelligence and talent.

* Do you need to be flexible?

* Tips for learning to be flexible as part of your efforts.

* How survivorship bias can create unreasonable expectations in your efforts to become more successful.

* A realistic look at success.

* Different definitions of success, and how to decide what success means to you.

* Tips for developing grit and using it to increase your chances of success over time.

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Resources

Importance of adaptability

Competitive advantage of adaptability

Why persistence matters

Overnight success stories

Have you been bullied at work?

You might be surprised to learn that almost everyone has experienced bullying in the workplace. Bullies aren’t always overt in their efforts. Some just sabotage efforts, while others are more interested in browbeating or threats. Only a very few people actually experience physical assault in the workplace. Most bullying at work is more subtle.

You don’t have to be bullied at work, though. It’s possible for you to stand up against a culture that allows bullying and become an advocate for yourself. Once you understand yourself and your abilities, and learn to respect yourself, you can help create a culture of wider respect in your workplace.

Here’s how you can learn to be an advocate for yourself and for others.

Concepts

* A look at a culture of bullying, and how it comes to pass.

* Different ways you might be bullied at work, and how bullying manifests itself in a workplace environment.

* Realities of workplace bullying.

* How to understand your own best qualities, and how to leverage them to reduce how you are bullied at work.

* Tips for dealing with a bully at work.

* How to work toward changing the culture at your company so that others don’t have to be subject to bullying as well.

* What to do when your supervisor is the bully.

* When it’s time consider leaving your job if the situation is too toxic.

* Tips for talking to HR.

* Ideas for creating a workplace policy related to bullying.

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Resources

How workplace bullying looks

How not to be bullied

How to be your own advocate

Workplace advocacy

Looking for meaning in life? You might be surprised at how much you can get out of community service. Many of us like to feel as though we are doing something meaningful. You might not be able to find that kind of fulfillment in your career right now, but you might be able to get involved in your community to find something that helps you feel like you are doing good.

It’s easy to get self-absorbed in our own lives and problems, but often this causes issues in the long run. Instead, if you look beyond yourself for a cause you believe in, and service you can do, you might be surprised at how much better your life suddenly becomes.

Before you lose track of what life is about, consider what you might be able to do to make life better for those around you. A little community service might be just what you need to kickstart your passion for life.

Concepts

* Can volunteering be good for your physical and mental health?

* Do you really need to do something big and change the world?

* Ways you can start small to make changes in your community.

* Advantages of starting small in your community, including seeing the results and being able to make decisions at the local level.

* Tips for finding the right causes to support in your community.

* How to use community service as a way to benefit those around you.

* Do you really need to volunteer time? A look at how money can be one way to support a cause.

* Using your passions to improve your local community and even have an impact on a larger scale.

* Tips for identifying local organizations that might be compatible with your priorities.

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Resources

Health benefits of community service

Having kids can be a rewarding experience. Many of us like the idea of finding the one we love and starting a family. But when is right the time to start a family?

Deciding when to have kids — and how many to have — is one of the most important decisions we make as adults. After all, there is no greater responsibility than raising another human being. However, if you like planning, you might not be sure when to have your first child, or how to proceed.

There are many different ideas about when to start a family. Researchers suggest timing your start based on your age and likely fertility. You might also want to decide whether it makes sense for you to start early, or start late. There are merits to having kids when you’re younger, as well as having them when you’re older. Plus, you don’t want to forget about the importance of financial and emotional preparation ahead of starting a family.

Concepts

* How interested are you in having kids?

* The importance of stability in a child’s life and early development.

* How childcare factors into development.

* A look at trends for those who start a family, including singles and co-parenting without romance.

* Financial considerations associated with having children.

* Tips for raising a family frugally.

* The reality that it’s impossible to be truly ready to have children.

* Are you ready to make changes in your lifestyle when you start a family?

* How to talk to your partner about having children, and deciding when to have kids (and how many to have).

* Deciding whether to start a family while you are young, or whether to wait until you are a little bit older.

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Resources

Co-parenting without romance

When to start a family

Importance of stability for kids

Childcare for kids

Research indicates that you don’t quit your job. You are far more likely to quit your boss.

A great boss can make almost any job, no matter how menial, worth doing. On the flip side, a jerk boss can make what should be an awesome job a dreadful chore. You don’t want to be stuck with a crappy boss. That’s years of your life — and it can even have an impact on your overall health.

Life’s too short to spend one-third (or more!) of it in a toxic environment, catering to the whims of a jerk boss. Plus, with these bosses, there’s a good chance your hard work won’t even be acknowledged. It’s all guts and no glory in these situations.

Part of being a good leader is learning how to create a work environment that brings out the best in employees. If you have a jerk boss that doesn’t seem to get it, you need to start weighing your options, whether it’s learning how to handle your boss (try treating him/her like a toddler), or walking out.

If you can’t just pick up and leave, you can make your workplace more bearable. In the meantime, there’s nothing wrong with preparing yourself for a new job — with a better boss.

Concepts

* What are some of the signs you’re dealing with a jerk boss?

* Red flags that indicate you might not see the results you want.

* Reasons that your work is about more than just money.

* Tips for handling a jerk boss, including how to manage other bullies.

* Considerations for quitting your job.

* Strategies for advancing in your career, despite your jerk boss.

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Resources

How bosses drive employees away

People leave managers, not jobs

Money isn’t always the best motivator

Types of bad bosses

How to treat a bad boss

According to research, fear messages can go a long way toward helping us change our habits — at least in the short term. Basically, it’s possible for you to be scared into living a healthier life.

With the right messages and knowledge of the consequences, there is a good chance that you can trade in your unhealthy habits for healthier behaviors that can result in increased longevity. Improving your nutrition and boosting your exercise can be two great ways to help your health. However, you also don’t want to forget about the importance of relaxation and proper sleep.

No one likes to think about dying, but the fact of the matter is that there is a lot that can drag you down. If you don’t take care of yourself now, you could die before you are ready. Even if you do live for a long time, what kind of quality of life will you have? Taking care of your body today is essential if you want to improve your chances of a comfortable and healthy life later.

Concepts

* Could nutrition be more important than exercise when it comes to better health outcomes?

* What are the worst foods to put in your body?

* Tips for eating healthier foods and making healthier meals.

* Ideas for making sure you have enough physical activity.

* Benefits to physical activity, including mental and emotional benefits as well as physical benefits.

* Reasons that good sleep is so important to your health.

* Tips for getting a good night’s sleep.

* The importance of relaxation in your routine.

* How to make time for relaxation so you can improve your creativity and reduce your stress levels.

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Resources

How fear can prompt healthier behaviors

Eating less helps more than exercise

Why sleep is so important

See what your “real” age is

Someone with a graduate degree is more likely to have higher lifetime earnings than someone with a bachelor’s degree. The difference is even bigger when compared to someone who hasn’t been to college or who hasn’t graduated from high school. Even though grad school can be expensive, it might still be worth.

On the other hand, just because grad school is supposed to lead to a higher-paying career doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for you. Grad school can be expensive, and it’s not always necessary. General trends may not apply to your specific situation. You don’t need to follow a path just because someone else marks it out, and you can’t assume that grad school will automatically result in more money.

Before you decide to go to grad school, carefully consider your situation. You need to do the research and carefully consider the options before you determine what makes the most sense for you and your situation.

Concepts

* What are some of the reasons that grad school is considered a natural progression?

* Understanding the factors that make a grad degree “worth it.”

* Reasons to go to grad school, and reasons to avoid it.

* What role does the prestige of the school play in determining whether or not grad school is worth it?

* Consider the cost of grad school, and your return on investment.

* Ways that grad school can impact your life, from family and relationships to your time availability.

* How to determine whether or not you are ready to tackle grad school.

* Tips for be realistic as you explore the idea of grad school.

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Resources

Georgetown study on college

Graduate degree salaries

Law school ROI

Rape culture and consent are squarely in the spotlight right now, with recent scandals involving the Brock Turner sentencing and how Brigham Young University and other schools handle sexual assault cases.

It seems like consent would be pretty cut and dry, but in our culture it’s anything but that for some reason. What counts as consent is wrapped up in environment, how you grew up, and expectations. But is that really good enough? Are we as a society content to watch rapists receive six-month sentences? Are we okay with dissecting everything about women to determine whether or not they “deserve” what happens to them? We need to move from the idea of consent as “didn’t say no” to the idea of affirmative consent, which is a definite “yes” from someone who is in control and capable of making the decision.

This is a heavy episode dealing with something that we all need to grapple with as adults. The right time to have sex is something we all wonder about, but we can pinpoint the wrong time as when someone hasn’t given affirmative consent.

Concepts

* Why is consent such a difficult concept in our culture?

* What is consent? What is affirmative consent?

* Reasons that consent can be difficult to understand.

* What are some of the barriers to consent?

* The importance of respecting other human beings.

* The idea that it doesn’t matter what someone else is doing (what someone is wearing, drinking, etc.). It’s sexual assault unless you receive affirmative consent.

* How women’s sexual repression might contribute to rape culture and issues revolving around consent.

* The importance of understanding how you feel about sex so you can make more informed choices and respect others’ choices.

Video Clips

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Resources

BYU sexual assault reporting

Outrage over Brock Turner

Statement from Brock Turner victim

Cultural suppression of female sexuality

Men and women brain structures

Do you feel like a fraud? Is it sometimes hard for you to internalize your accomplishments? There’s a name for that feeling. It’s called Impostor Syndrome.

There are times that we all feel inadequate. However, you might be taking a step farther, and feeling like “they” are eventually going to “figure you out.” Perhaps you feel like, despite your accomplishments, you’re still faking everyone out. This feeling might be holding you back in life and in your career.

Today we look at some of the characteristics that might make you prone to Impostor Syndrome, as well as consider some ways that you can move beyond it.

Concepts

* What is Impostor Syndrome, and who is likely to have it?

* Ways Impostor Syndrome can affect your ability to succeed.

* Does struggling with something make you an impostor?

* Strategies for getting around Impostor Syndrome.

* Problems with fluffy motivation techniques and many self-help products.

* How to begin owning your inner awesome.

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Resources

Personality traits associated with Impostor Syndrome

Problems with self-help books

An interesting look at the darker side of Impostor Syndrome