AFIA Podcast

Lately when I am even around my backyard I am afraid that a White man with a gun might just show up and make things complicated for me. This is a thought that I deal with more often since the untimely killing of Ahmed Aubrey while he was on a Sunday afternoon jog in a White dominated neighborhood of Brunswick in Georgia.

I live in a White dominated neighborhood and it’s hard for me to feel safe. I am not sure how it is for other Black fathers, especially those who love running like Ahmed Aubrey. 

I am struggling with how to train my kids to love during a time like this when hate is prevalent and racism is so potent. I hope that all African fathers and everyone who listens to the African Father In America podcast can act in ways that show your commitment to changing this world for the better. It takes the whole village. 

I am pursuing many different things. I came from the ghetto where the circumstances forced me to do many things at the same time. I played soccer, I was a boxer, I distributed milk and bread, I sold second hand clothes, and even now in Seattle I am able to do a lot more because of the foundation that growing up in the Ghetto in Kenya gave me. 

I am a full time working father living in Seattle and what I learned from my upbringing in Manyatta slum helps me instill a lot into my three little kids. 

The future involves educating your kids about your passion. If you are doing a job you are not passionate about then it will be hard to genuinely share with your kids what it is like to do work that you love.

I was raised in the church. My mother and father were deeply involved in the church. There were a lot of preachers who spent many days at our house. There were other church leaders who also frequented our house. Every Sunday we were among the first to arrive at church and clean up before the whole congregation arrived. 

When you listen to this episode you will learn why most African fathers are not openly emotional or spiritual and what we can do to be more spiritually stable. There is always something to learn from preachers. They are dedicated to preaching and are masters of their craft. As long as we can pay attention to the content of the word they are sharing and not the character of the preacher then we can learn something from them that could be good for our own spiritual and emotional health.

On Wednesday I like to get an excerpt from my journal and expand on it as an episode of the African Father in America podcast. My hope is to encourage more African fathers to journal daily when possible. Sometime the act of preserving our stories, experiences, and history is as simple as writing down one paragraph or one sentence or one word that summarizes how you are doing or feeling at a given time. This process is also healing for me. 

On today’s episode instead of sharing an actual excerpt from my diary I have shared with you a draft talk that I wrote for TEDxSeattle. 

When you listen to this episode you will learn why I am frustrated by TED Talk in general and what I am doing about it.

How Africa Fathers are and how we can be better to help secure Africa’s future post-coronavirus. Why am I saying this? I am saying this because there is a myth and a perception that black fathers are always absent. 

In the first episode of the African Father in America podcast I discussed my relationship with my father. If you have not listened to it you should do it to help you understand the depth of this episode.

When I record on Tuesdays I focus on how African fathers are and how we can do better, especially post-coronavirus. When you listen to this episode you will learn how to demystify the myth that black fathers are always absent.

When I compare the days that I work out and the days that I don’t workout I find that on the days that I workout I do a better job managing my emotions and I do well in most of the things that I have decided to accomplish. 

Growing up in Manyatta slum in Kisumu, Kenya, it was mandatory to be physically fit. In this episode I describe how violent it was in Manyatta and how being physically fit helped me escape situations that were extremely dangerous. 

In this episode I also share with you a physical exercise routine that I have developed over the last few years, especially as a working father of three little girls without time to go out to the gym. This routine includes running for nine miles weekly!

I was born and raised in Kisumu, Kenya in Manyatta slum opposite Magadi Primary School. I was raised in a large polygamist family and in 1997 my mother started an orphanage home, which greatly impacted who I am today.

In episode 7 of the African Father in America I share with you some of the significant events in my life during the time I was growing up in Manyatta and other parts of Africa, what I have accomplished through my work with One Vibe Africa, and some of the things I hope to accomplish going forward and into the future.

My hope is that when you listen to this episode you will learn how to tell your own story. When I record on Mondays I reflect on where I came from, where am I, and where am I going. I encourage you to also do the same weekly. I think it’s a good habit to intentionally and constantly remind yourself where you came from, where you are, and where you are going.

While researching on topics and structure for the African Father in America podcast I turned on an instagram conversation to give myself a break. The conversation was between Oluwatosin Ajibade, better known by his stage name Mr Eazi, who is a Nigerian singer, songwriter, and entrepreneur. He is the pioneer of Banku music, a fusion sound he describes as a mixture of Ghanaian highlife and Nigerian chord progressions and patterns. 

The other person in the Instagram live conversation was Nana Konamah who is a yogi and a plant-based vegan promoting authentic living by mirroring her lifestyle in the hope that it inspires women all over the world to do the same.

What I learned from the conversation was that: Success changes and as long as you continue working on your craft, or business, you will eventually find your tribe that will get it and help you grow into the success that you have dreamed of. I also learned that you need more than talent to walk in the room and take advantage of opportunities. The last amazing thing I learned was that you need to be present. It was amazing to hear Mr.Eazi share the story of how he always dreamed of performing at Coachella Music Festival. He never knew it would happen, but when it happened he never took the time to soak it all in and enjoy it. I left the conversation when he advised that we should be in the moment and not think too much about the future, especially if we go by what COVID-19 is teaching us about how precious life is.

Why fathers should put themselves first. 

In this episode I explore why fathers should put themselves first, especially because I have not done a good job taking care of myself and as I start doing that I also want to encourage other fathers to do the same.

The idea of putting yourself first could include behaving the way flight attendants typically advise us that incase of an emergency during a flight and the need to use the oxygen masks arise, we should wear the mask first before wearing it for others including our children if we are traveling with them.

This means that you need to stop in the middle of anything that you are doing and check on yourself as a father. When you do this never feel bad about it. It’s okay to take good care of yourself.

Grudges keep us captive.

In this episode I explore how grudges keep us captive and how you can find a balance by identifying positive things around you.

Grudges keep us captive with ourselves, our spouses, children, siblings, colleagues, and many other people and things in our lives. I have a hard time getting over things and sometimes even little things linger on my mind for days, months, and years.  

One of the ways I have managed to find a balance is by looking around me at any given time and finding something positive that I can use to allow myself to let go of a grudge. When you listen to this episode you will learn more and I also want you to let me know how you manage yourself around grudges. Email me directly through [email protected]