What role does love have to play in transforming men and masculinities? Why is it that so many men and boys struggle to give and receive love, yet feel great hunger for it? How should we understand the complex relationship between masculinity, love, and violence – why do men enact violence towards the people we claim to love? Why do dominant notions of masculinity often conflict with love and vulnerability? We discuss these issues with Kopano Ratele, Professor of Psychology at the University of Stellenbosch in South Africa, drawing on his recent book ‘Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and Masculinity’, published in 2022 by Wits University Press. Kopano puts forward honest personal reflections about his own experiences with love as a partner, father, psychologist and researcher in the field of men and masculinities.

The second part of the episode explores Kopano’s vital work on critical and cultural African psychology, and the need to apply a decolonial lens to men and masculinities work. Decolonisation involves not only the process of undoing colonial rule, but also deeper shifts away from Western systems and structures of knowledge and power – including in our own psyches. Applying this approach to gender relations, Kopano highlights how a vibrant, Global South range of scholarship on men and masculinities now exists, which asks questions of dominant Western-centric frameworks. For example, he draws attention to the complex position of men of colour in Africa, who may simultaneously have some degree of male privilege, whilst also having been marginalised by colonisation. Our discussion concludes with his thoughts on the ‘softer’ masculinity displayed by South African President, Cyril Ramaphosa, and what impact his condemnation of violence against women and related policy initiatives are having on the very high levels of violence in the country. 

Kopano has published an extensive body of work focusing on the core themes of this episode. Alongside authoring multiple books, chapters, and journal articles, he has served as a member of the Ministerial Committee on Transformation in South African Universities, convener of the National Research Foundation’s Specialist Committee for Psychology Rating Panel, president of the Psychological Society of South Africa, and chairperson of Sonke Gender Justice.

Episode timeline

• Intro
• Why Kopano is interested in questions of love (02:30-04:39)
• Why so many men struggle to give and receive love (04:39-08:54)
• The relationship between (an absence of) love and men’s violence (08:54-13:37)
• Kopano’s own personal struggles with love (13:37-17:42)
• Opening oneself up to vulnerability (17:42-20:27)
• Helping men to embrace a loving masculinity (20:27-26:03)
• How Kopano became involved in profeminism (26:03-31:42)
• Break
• Why men and masculinity studies needs to be decolonised (31:53-41:56)
• The complexities of masculinity, race and power in Africa (41:56-48:17)
• Cyril Ramaphosa’s Oval Office exchange with Donald Trump (48:17-49:59)
• Ramaphosa’s vocal condemnation of violence against women (49:59-54:06)
• Pushing for deeper social change in South Africa post-Apartheid (54:06-56:01)
• Conclusion (56:32-01:04:45)

Music, 'Now is time', courtesy of Chaps' Choir and Dom Stichbury.