Communicating with Confidence

[Video description begins] Course title: Communicating with Confidence. The host is in the host space. [Video description ends]

HOST: Whether you're giving feedback one-on-one, pitching an idea during a team meeting, or speaking in front of a packed auditorium, the impact you have will depend on your confidence in communicating. In this course, you'll learn what makes a great communicator and how to overcome nervousness when speaking in front of others. You'll also learn techniques for being a more effective speaker, from preparing what you'll say to controlling your voice and body language.

Communicating with Confidence

Communicating with confidence is critical to your message being successfully received. Feeling confident in a high stakes situation is not always easy but with effort, confidence can be cultivated and improved.

In this course, you'll learn about being an effective speaker. You'll discover ways to prepare, techniques to avoid being nervous and how to use your voice and body language to communicate with self-confidence.

Communicate Assertively without Being Aggressive

[Topic: Communicate Assertively without Being Aggressive] HOST: We don't always agree, do we? Not at home, not with our friends, not at work. And when we have difficult challenges at work, such as giving tough feedback or managing a conflict, the best way to deal with them is by being assertive. But assertive communication should be a feature of our everyday behavior – don't wait for a crisis to be assertive!

[Sofia and Jason are in a meeting.] JASON: Hey, thanks for trusting me on this one. [Jason smiles.]

SOFIA: You're the right person for it.

JASON: It will be a week before I can get to it.

(DISAPPOINTEDLY) SOFIA: Oh. Really?

(REASSURINGLY) JASON: But if you can wait, I'd be happy to do it.

HOST: Notice how Jason made a "no sandwich." He told Sofia he couldn't do the task until next week, but he "sandwiched" his refusal between positive comments. He was assertive, but not negative. So what does assertive behavior look like? Well like Jason, you need to clearly state what you want or don't want. And ask for what you need in a way that's non-threatening. It can help to pay attention to your body language – focus on what your body is "saying." It can hold clues about your true feelings. If your hands are balled into fists, for example – you may be more upset, angry, or annoyed than you realize! Reacting aggressively – rather than assertively – can give someone permission to retaliate. Which is not good. So stay calm and don't get overly emotional.

You may also want give the situation some thought. Pause before speaking, if you need to be assertive, and consider if there's anything you first need to validate about the other person's situation or intentions. For example, acknowledge that, "Yes, I received your request for a bigger budget" before making the assertive statement, "but it's not possible this quarter." And don't be too apologetic! Being reluctant, contrite, or hesitant undermines assertiveness. Saying "I'm not sure…it's going to be difficult to manage that this quarter" leaves room for uncertainty. To be assertive, just state the facts with sensitivity for the other person's position. And don't apologize or backpedal.

Oh, and no matter how difficult – never blame. Part of being assertive means being accountable. So if there's someone specific whom you need to deal with – don't back down, chicken out, or ignore the issue.

[Sofia, Sulyn, Jack, and Jason are in a meeting.] SOFIA: You guys did a great job on the project.

SULYN: Thanks.

SOFIA: But next time, we're going to need to be faster. [Sofia makes eye contact with Sulyn, Jack, and Jason in turn.] The customer didn't appreciate it being a week late.

JACK: We couldn't ship it as it was, Sofia. [Jack is concerned.]

SOFIA: You're right.

JASON: And it was within budget.

SOFIA: Absolutely. So let's build on that and get even better next time. I know we can do it. [Jason and Sulyn nod approvingly.]

HOST: Suffering in silence or agreeing to go along with ideas you can't stomach is stressful and unproductive. So speak up – assertively, with clarity and sensitivity – but watch your body language for signs of aggression. When done right, assertiveness is in everyone's best interest.

Let's review what you learned in this course. To connect with others so that your communication intention is clear, understand that communication is a two-way street and that you share for responsibility for it; make connections by showing that you’re friendly and approachable; enhance connections by demonstrating interest and curiosity; strengthen rapport by asking relevant questions; and communicate assertively without being aggressive by clearly stating what you want and not getting overly emotional.

Strengthen a Connection by Asking Questions

[Topic: Strengthen a Connection by Asking Questions] HOST: So what's the best way of showing interest in people and building rapport? Of connecting and clarifying? What am I doing right now? That's right – asking questions!

[Sofia, Jack, Sulyn, and Jason are in a meeting.] JACK: How are the sessions going, Sofia?

SOFIA: Great!

SULYN: [Sulyn looks up from her paperwork.] Think the team will go for it?

SOFIA: They'll love it.

JASON: If you wanted to change the whole project, what would you do?

SOFIA: Let me think about that.

JACK: How do you take your coffee?

SOFIA: Triple, tall, half sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato…I think. [Sofia laughs.]

HOST: When people ask questions, usually they just want to know more, or they're looking for clarification on something specific. So think of questions as either connecting questions or clarifying questions. When you're first getting to know someone, you're just looking to connect, right? You want to start up a conversation. Your intent is one of connection.

Asking connecting questions can help you build rapport with anyone, including the people you work with. But connecting with another person rarely happens right away. So you need to pace your questions – start small and broaden them out as you go along. So you'd start by asking an easy question as an "opener" like Jack did with Sofia.

Then acknowledge the reply, maybe by saying "That's interesting." It's also okay to ask another question to seek out additional input if you need to – these are the "tell me more about that" types of questions. But remember – what you ask should be relevant. And remember to clarify. A good way of doing this is paraphrasing some of what you've been told up to that point. You could say, "It sounds like you're confident this will work?" But pause occasionally or wait for an invitation to engage further – you don't want to seem as if you're cross-examining!

And typically, when we're getting to know someone, we don't have a lot of time to talk at length. So you may need to seek permission to follow up. Ask if you can pick up on the conversation again or exchange contact information to talk at a more convenient time. And that's mutually beneficial – you seem interested, and the other person will also feel appreciated. This helps build rapport in any relationship.

[Sulyn and Sofia are in a meeting.] SULYN: So what you're pointing out, Sofia…I'm guessing you don't like the logo?

SOFIA: I don't dislike it…it just could be better.

SULYN: How would you suggest we change it?

SOFIA: I've got a few ideas.

SULYN: Great. I really want to be clear about what needs to be done.

HOST: Clarifying questions are crucial in a business environment, because they reinforce understanding. They're also great for getting to the bottom of wrong assumptions or misunderstandings. So stop worrying about seeming uninformed. Ask questions to get to know everything you need – whether it's connecting with someone or hammering out the details of a business plan.

Enhance a Connection by Showing Interest

[Topic: Enhance a Connection by Showing Interest] HOST: Interesting people. We're drawn to them. They're curious. Outgoing. Passionate. Of course, people are also interesting when they are close to us – our children, say, or our friends. We have a stake in them. Being interested in others is…well…interesting. Spices up our lives. But watch this: when you're interested in others more than yourself, you actually become a better communicator. Being interested in others helps to build a rapport. Immediately.

[Sulyn and Jason are drinking coffee together.] (EXCITEDLY) SULYN: You did what?

JASON: Ran up Mount Washington.

SULYN: Ran.

JASON: Yep. [Jason smiles.]

SULYN: I've heard of driving up. Or hiking, maybe. But how long have we been working together and you never told me?

JASON: You never asked.

HOST: It's a good idea with people you meet – or even people you already know – to show interest in them. Curiosity. Think about it. A lot of business communication happens between people who don't know one another well enough to be interested. So you have to work at it. But is there really any business value in "being interested?" The facts say there is. Showing an interest in others makes you a better communicator. When someone tells you they're a runner, or they like dogs, or who their favorite team is, immediately that gives you a foot in the door – some common ground to build on. But it's up to you to recognize when such an opportunity to connect exists. If you're waiting for a training session to start, or you're both in line at the cafeteria, these are good moments to show an interest and get a little friendly banter going.

That means you have to get curious. Pay attention to what little details someone may reveal to you. So the next time you talk to them – instead of the usual, "How are you?" – maybe you can now ask, "How's the running going?" Your interest will get a conversation going. And you'll seem more sincere and approachable. So it's a win-win! Then once you get talking, demonstrate an interest. Listen patiently, without judgment or trying to second-guess what the other person will say. Just let the conversation unfold naturally, and take your cues from who you're talking to. But be relevant – you don't want to get it wrong and ask about something they have no interest in. And be discreet – you don't want to embarrass your boss by bringing up something personal in the middle of a meeting!

So show an interest in those around you – not only will it make you a better communicator, but it will also make people more interested in you.

Making Connections by Communicating from the Brain

[Topic: Making Connections by Communicating from the Brain] HOST: Here's something we all know: how we act toward others – how approachable, authentic, and interested we are – makes a huge difference when we communicate. We know that, but it can be tough to put it into practice. Like in situations where you're talking to people you've never met before – new clients, say, or industry colleagues.

[Sofia and Jack are in a meeting.] SOFIA: It's about inclusion. It's about approachability.

JACK: All right.

SOFIA: Let's role play. Say we've never met. We're at a…oh, I don't know…a trade show. You're a big presenter and I'm a client. Everyone knows you and I should be trying to impress you.

JACK: Okay. [Jack is listening closely to what Sofia is saying.]

SOFIA: Hi, I'm Sofia.

JACK: Jack Doyle, [Sofia and Jack shake hands.] happy to…

(EXCITEDLY) SOFIA: Check it out…isn't that the keynote guy?

JACK: …meet you. [Jack is confused.]

(OFFHANDEDLY) SOFIA: And you're here because…

JACK: I'm presenting. In the main tent.

SOFIA: Oh…right. [Sofia is unimpressed.] Not good, right?

JACK: Hey. I get it.

HOST: We're social beings, right? We like to get along. To be included. It's actually how are brains are wired. Not to oversimplify, but the human brain is essentially split into two parts – a "new" brain and an "old" brain. The "old" brain is what's left over from before we were as highly evolved as we are now – or as evolved as we think we are. But when someone ignores us, talks over us, appears angry, or shouts at us…you know that knee-jerk response you get that you can't control? That's the "old" brain, or amygdala, being triggered. When it's in charge, we typically don't communicate well. We're disorganized, we're acting on impulse.

Then there's the "newer" part of our brain. This part, technically called the prefrontal cortex, is activated when someone is friendly towards us, when we pick up on positivity, when someone makes us feel liked, or that we can trust them. When this part of the brain is in charge, we want to engage with others, connect, discover. And we're able to do so using what scientists call our "executive" communication skills – organizing our thoughts, waiting our turn to talk, retaining information, and regulating our emotions.

So when we communicate, there's a lot going on behind the scenes. And if you want to be liked, to get along, to make yourself understood, you need to behave in a way that stimulates the "new" brain, not the old. You want to encourage inclusion and be approachable. We all want to be approachable, right? But you can't tap into someone's brain directly, so you need to start off right. Make eye contact, and smile. Then you can show an interest and empathize with the other person. If you do, chances are the other person will appreciate the effort. And they may even subconsciously "mirror" your actions, which helps connection along. Empathy and caring. They go a long way towards helping us feel we belong.

[Back to Sofia and Jack.] (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) SOFIA: Hey, Jack – great presentation.

JACK: Glad you liked it! [Jack is pleased.]

Sharing the Responsibility of Communication

[Topic: Sharing the Responsibility of Communication. Sofia is standing with her hands clasped and is anxious.] JACK: [off screen] Sent you a text, Sofia.

SOFIA: Not sure I understand, Jack.

SULYN: [off screen] I need more time on that report.

SOFIA: Oh. Well, I…I can…

SULYN: [off screen] More time. More time…

JASON: [off screen] We really need to talk about those new hires. I'm so going to need your help.

SOFIA: Sure, Jason, what do you need? [Sofia is flustered.] Jason? Jason?

HOST: Communication in the workplace should be a two-way street. It's give-and-take. If you just take what you need, have your say, with nothing in return, you're not connecting with others at all! There are times, however, when one-way communication is fine – simply answering a question, or confirming facts that are already known – but think hard before shooting off a one-sided e-mail that gives the recipient no chance to engage in a conversation. Or keeping quiet when someone asks for your input. Because where there's zero connection, there's just a gaping hole where mutual understanding could have been. That's a missed opportunity for connection right there.

It's also not just about what you say. What you do has just as much of an impact. We think of communication as two-way, but in many ways it's actually four-way! Intentionally or not, your body language changes what you're saying and how it comes across. And what you're thinking impacts meaning too. Are you looking away when you speak? Do you fidget? Are you typing when you're supposed to be listening? Then there's also what the other person is thinking. And what they're saying.

Interpersonal communication is complicated like that. But with practice, you can get better at using your actions, words, tone, and body language to enhance the way you communicate. Sometimes you have to simply trust your intuition and sense when the timing is right to speak, when it's time for a pause, to absorb what was said, or when you've interrupted someone and need to get the conversation back on track to fix that. So communication is a shared responsibility. Without it, understanding turns into misunderstanding. But it doesn't have to be that way.

So avoid misunderstandings by practicing the art, and science, of communication.

[Sofia and Jason are in a meeting.] JASON: Are we working together on this?

SOFIA: We're working together on this. [Sofia is pleased.]

JASON: Have I told you how great you are?

The Art and Science of Communication

[Course: The Art and Science of Communication] HOST: Communication doesn't always come easy – it's both art and science. In this course, you'll learn how to develop the skills you need to connect with others so your communication intention is clear and understood. You'll also learn about the shared responsibility of communication, how to demonstrate interest when communicating, and how to strengthen a connection by asking questions. And you'll get an introduction to the basic principles of communicating assertively, without being aggressive.

The Art and Science of Communication

There is a science behind communication, including how we react neuro-physiologically to others – through verbal communication such as their words and tone, as well as the non-verbal communication of their actions and body language. There's also an art to communication, allowing your authentic self to shine through and allowing the exchange with another person to unfold naturally.

In this course, you’ll learn about the art and science of communication. You’ll explore techniques for connecting with your audience and building trust with them so that your communication intention is clear and understood. You’ll also learn the basic principles of assertive communication that is positive and not aggressive.