Our wishes can offer extraordinary insights into ourselves. They are often a reflection of our needs, too. However, fantasizing about fulfilling a wish may sometimes hinder (阻礙) the pursuit of the wish because we would like to think that they are only fantasies. Nonetheless, contrasting positive fantasies with relevant internal obstacles can also motivate people to devise plans to overcome hurdles and pursue their wishes. The tale of every wish, it appears, revolves (圍繞) around the journey of four main protagonists: the dreamer, the dream, the fantasy, and the obstacle. Upon making a wish, people typically follow these self-regulatory cognitive patterns:
1. Spend many pleasant hours in positive fantasies by imagining themselves fulfilling their dreams
2. Brood (擔憂) over all possible obstacles standing between them and their dreams
3. Fantasize about their desired future, then explore the obstacles
4. Explore the obstacles, then fantasize about the desired future
To get us out of our fantasies and give them the energy to pursue our dreams, we need to give them a healthy dose of reality. When a positive fantasy is contrasted with relevant internal obstacles, a connection is established, linking the desired future with the reality, and the reality (obstacle) with appropriate behavior to overcome it. This non-conscious process can help us generate energy by motivating us to devise binding goals, intentions, and appropriate plans to move past hurdles and pursue our wishes. If the expectations of success are high, we commit to the path of attaining our wishes; if they are low, the wishes will be abandoned or postponed. Other than understanding our deepest needs, exploring our wishes can also make us face the inner resistance that’s preventing us from realizing them. Behind the obstacles are often emotions, irrational beliefs, bad habits, or old hang-ups (焦慮) which we have been carrying with us for years. Thus, we need to spend some time in the company of our wishes. We have to give them our full attention and listen to them carefully with an open heart.
Often, people don’t know what they want, or are told what they want. Remember, you are the expert of your life. You have your own needs and desires. Pay attention to your positive fantasies. They are vitally important because they give the action a direction. They represent a desired future, where you want to go and where you want to be. Once you have a wish, explore how you would feel already being there. Pinpoint the best outcome and vividly imagine it by experiencing it in your mind. Only then, you can switch to the obstacle at the surface and go deeper to understand what is behind your obstacle. You might discover that what you think to keep you from fulfilling your wish is not external as you always think, but an internal resistance. It’s very helpful to gain clarity about what it is in yourself that’s truly standing between you and your dreams, because it will help you assess ways to overcome your obstacle. It can also help you recognize that surmounting (可克服的) the obstacle is too costly (昂貴) for now, or even impossible. But if you feel like the obstacle is surmountable, then it’ll give you the drive to pack away the excuses, step out of the fantasy, and go after your dreams.
Many of us spend months or even years yearning for our wishes to come true. But that’s where they stay—only distant hopes and dreams. It doesn’t involve a magic lantern or clicking your heels to make your wishes come true. We need the four steps as follows:
Step 1: Identify Our Wish
Our wishes emerge from our innermost needs. It might be a deep-seated wish that has been lying dormant (休眠) or has been pushed aside in our consciousness. To identify our most heartfelt wish, we try to find a quiet space, close our eyes, and tune inward. Ask ourselves what will make us happy and what will bring us joy? Whether it’s changing careers or building more connected relationships, our wish should be both deeply meaningful and one that we can fulfill.
Step 2: Visualize the Outcome
Visualization is a powerful tool that’s proven to help build confidence and motivation, increasing our ability to make our wish come true. We have to picture ourselves realizing our wish. We use imagery that’s as realistic as possible by having sights, sounds, feelings, and even smells.
Step 3: Uncover the Obstacle
When it comes to manifesting our dreams and making exciting big changes, we tend to throw up obstacles that block the way, whether out of fear or just not believing in ourselves. The key is to uncover the belief, behavior, or emotion that’s holding us back.
Step 4: Make Our Plan
Now, it’s time for action! The key to a successful wish-fulfilling plan is to identify how we will overcome our obstacle head-on (迎頭地). We break our big wish down into smaller goals and add specific action steps for each part of the process. The progress principle lessens the overwhelm of big dreams and projects. To address our obstacle, we come up with an “If I think there’s no time to write, then I’ll remind myself that I can make time for the things that matter most.” We write the statement down, post it on our bathroom mirror, and remind ourselves of it regularly. It will keep us moving when self-doubt and sabotaging (破壞) behaviors want to creep back in. From there, we create specific action steps, such as: “On Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I will write for one hour after work with the goal of writing 1500 words a week.” By using these science-backed strategies, we’ll make our meaningful wish come true—and enjoy a more fulfilling life.
Besides, all we need to fulfill our dreams is also a willingness to help others around us to make their dreams come true. If we become aware of someone’s wish and realize it’s within our power to make it a reality, we just go for it! Making someone else’s wish come true can also change our own life in the process greatly!
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