Airport Minute Podcast

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Frank at the Lincoln Approach radar screen continues to talk down Flight Two.

“Now six miles  from touchdown,” says Frank. “Course and glide path good. Now drifting left – – turn further right, heading three zero five. Slightly high on glide path, adjust your descent.”

The crack in the aft section continues to shudder. Passengers are still moaning and crying. One of the passengers says, “Keep your head down!”

Back in the cockpit. Frank is still giving precision radar stats on the radio.

“Passing five miles from touchdown,” says Frank. “Going through glide path, adjust your descent. Now one hundred feet low, ease your aircraft up.”

Visibility out the cockpit windows is zero.

“Four miles from touchdown,” says Frank. “Turn left, heading three zero one. Returning to glide path. Now on glide path. Check wheels down and locked, cleared to land.”

Vern moves the wheels lever to the down-and-locked position.

Visibility is still zero.

“Three miles from touchdown,” says Frank. “Course good. Slightly low on glide path, ease it up a little. Surface wind gusting to three five knots.”

In this minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Chris Henry has been a lifelong aviation enthusiast. Since the time he started volunteering at the local air museum at the age of 12 airplanes have been part of his life. He went to college for air traffic and worked for US Airways in Pittsburgh before working as a medical helicopter dispatcher. Then went on to become an air traffic controller before going to work in his current role as the Museum Program Rep for the EAA Aviation Museum.

For more information about the Experimental Aircraft Association and their many programs, visit EAA.ORG.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

After being slapped by the priest, Marcus Rathbone has quit complaining.

Frank at the Lincoln Approach radar screen continues to talk down Flight Two.

“Maintain heading two eight five,” says Frank. “Position eight miles from the airport. Final approach turn in one mile. Maintain two thousand feet. You need not acknowledge further transmissions. ”

Engineer Cy Jordan glances at the pilots’ instrument panel.

“Global Two, turn right, heading two niner five,” says Frank. “Approaching glide

James is an industrial design engineer living in Portland, Oregon. He claims to be the son of one of the co-hosts of the show, although Mark has hired an army of attorneys to refute the paternity. James grew up watching Airport almost weekly, and says that the film has shaped his frequent-flying career in seeking out fireplaces in Delta Sky Clubs. There’s apparently one in Memphis, for example.

The MelMobile scoots down Runway Two-Niner, its searchlight scanning for debris.

Mel picks up the microphone. “Runway Two-Niner clear and open,” he tells the Lincoln Tower.

Frank at the Lincoln Approach radar screen calls Flight Two. “Global Two, turn right, heading two eight five. Runway Two Niner is now open.”

“Roger, Lincoln,” says Vern. “You’ve just freed the slaves again. Request PAR approach.”

“Global Two, roger,” says Frank. “This will be a Precision Radar Approach to Runway Two Niner. Stand by. Will pick you up on the other scope. ”

Vern turns to Anson. “How’s it handling?” he asks.

“Ah, real sluggish,” says Anson. There’s a large jolt through the cabin.

In the passenger cabin, Schuyler Schultz shrieks, “What was that?”

Schuyler’s dad replies, “A bump! Now shut up and move over!”

The cabin continues to rock violently. The crack through the aft ceiling  moves again.

“One bounce, we might leave the whole tail behind,” says Anson.

Stewardess Maria tells everyone to keep their heads down. Dr. Compagno and Sister Katherine Grace hold a bandage over the injured Gwen’s eyes as she lays flat on the aft entryway.

Marcus Rathbone, in an aisle seat, sits up and yells, “We’re gonna crash! We’re all gonna be killed! I know we’re all gonna be-” while Fr. Steven Lonigan makes the Sign of the Cross, finishing by slapping Rathbone across the face.

In this minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel with the new name of the hotel written on a bedsheet and draped over the sign with the old name of the hotel, thank Peter. He’s a long-time veteran of the hospitality resort industry, and makes sure your hotel experience is something to rave about on TripAdvisor. When he’s not complaining about the size of the bath towels, he’s expounding on what’s wrong with movies. Mark and Jim have known Peter since high school, and he’s always been like this. Except for the bath towels part. That’s new.

The 707 , at full power, lunges out of the snow drift. Patroni maintains a firm grip on the throttles.

Mel opens the door of the MelMobile, standing up to watch the 707 drive onto Runway Two Niner.  The Conga Line comes to a halt as the 707 rolls down the runway. Patroni steers the 707 to a taxiway and idles the engines.

Rollings smiles. “The instruction book said that was impossible.”

“That’s one nice thing about the 707,” says Patroni, pulling a wet, chewed cigar out of his mouth. “It can do everything but read.” He tosses the cigar over his shoulder.

Meanwhile, Mel fires up the MelMobile, and drives away from the lighting truck.

“Light up Two-Niner,” says Doug, in the Lincoln Tower.  The lights go on.

Mel picks up the microphone. “Obstructing aircraft removed from Runway Two-Niner. I’m inspecting for debris.”

“Roger, standing by,” says Doug.

The MelMobile scoots down Runway Two-Niner, its searchlight scanning for debris.

In this minute

George Kennedy as Joe Patroni

Mel is on the radio, talking to Danny at the Snow Desk.

“Mobile One,” says Mel.

“Go ahead, Mel,” says Danny.

“Start the plows,” says Mel.

“Roger,” replies Danny. Danny throws two switches on his radio. “Conga Leader? Snow Desk. Move!”

The Conga Line begins to head toward the 707.

“Joe, this is Mel,” says Mel. “There’s no more time. Stop all engines and get out. Repeat: stop all engines.”

Patroni ignores the radio and pushes the throttles to Full. The 707 eases forward slightly in the trench.

“Mister Patroni!” says Rollings over the jet noise, “she won’t take much more!”

“Well anyway, she’s gonna get it!” says Patroni. Joe starts varying the throttle speeds left and right. The 707 continues to slowly move forward.

The Conga Line grows closer.

“Joe, the plows are moving! Shut down and hold on!” says Mel. “Joe Patroni, do you read me? Acknowledge!”

Patroni continues to apply power as the 707 slowly moves ahead in the trench.

“Joe! Shut down!” yells Mel.

“Mister Patroni!” says Rollings, “Don’t you hear him? We have to shut down!”

“I can’t hear a thing,” says Joe, “There’s too much noise. Hold on, we’re going for broke!” Patroni pulls the throttles to idle, then pushes them to the firewall.

The 707 , at full power, lunges out of the snow drift.

In this minute

George Kennedy as Joe Patroni

Hal Bryan is senior editor for digital and print content and publications at the Experimental Aircraft Association, hosts of the world’s largest aviation event, in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. He’s co-author of two books, a lifelong pilot and aviation geek, and an obsessive pop culture nerd with a penchant for sci-fi, superheroes, and optimistic retro-futurism. As a pilot, he’s logged time in a wide variety of airplanes, many of them old and weird, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Flight Two is headed back to Lincoln. No one knows if Joe Patroni will get the stuck 707 out in time.

The engines on the stuck 707 are running. The APU truck gets out of the way.  Patroni nudges the throttles forward.

Slowly, the 707 rolls forward on the lumber.

Mel watches intently from the MelMobile.

Joe Patroni adds more throttle. The lumber begins to buckle under the wheels.

Joe rocks the throttles back and forth as more lumber breaks. Patroni brings the engines down to idle.

Mel gets back in the MelMobile and picks up the microphone. “Hold it, Doug,” says Mel. “Don’t commit that flight to Runway Two-Two. There’ll be a change in Two-Niner’s status any moment now.”

Mel turns the knob on his radio. “Snow desk,” says Mel.

In this minute

Barry Nelson as Anson Harris

Meghan Gleason is the daughter of Guest Co-Host Nancy O’Kane and the stepdaughter of co-host Jim O’Kane. She’s currently the office assistant at the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art (MassMoCA) in North Adams, Massachusetts. Previously, Meghan worked at Dunkin Donuts, and knows all about how to deal with people who haven’t had their morning coffee yet.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Joe Patroni and Copilot Rollings are running the engine start checklist on the stuck 707.

“Light on Number Three,” says Rollings.

Mel and Tanya watch intently from the MelMobile. The engines are spinning up.

Meanwhile, Flight Two is heading back to Lincoln International. Vern and Anson are talking to Toronto Center.

“Thirty miles east of the airport,” says Toronto Center. “Contact Lincoln Approach at One One Eight Niner. Good luck.”

“Roger,” says Vern, dialing in Lincoln Approach on the radio. “Lincoln Approach, Global Two.”

“Global Two,

Cary Darling is the Arts Editor and Pop Culture Critic of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Previously, he was the Arts Editor of the Miami Herald, and the Arts Editor/Pop Music Critic of the Orange County Register. You can catch Cary’s critiques of modern pop culture at the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram.

Mel and Tanya are sitting in the MelMobile. Mel is talking to Doug in Lincoln Tower, asking if Doug can put the radio in the stuck 707 on the same frequency so he can listen to Joe’s progress.

“Roger,” says Doug.

“Can I speak directly to Patroni?” asks Mel.

“That’s okay,” says Doug. Doug hangs up the mobile phone, and picks up another phone. “Approach Control,” says Doug, “who’s taking the hand-off?”

“Frank has East Arrivals,” says the Approach Control Manager. He hangs up the phone, and walks over to Frank, who is seated at the radar screen.

“The Center will hand off Global Two in three minutes, ” says the Approach Control Manager. “He’s all yours. Stick with it – – we’ll take everything else off your hands. I’ll give you the runway as soon as we know.”

“Right,” says Frank.  He pulls a Marlboro out of a pack with his mouth.

Back at the stuck 707, the crew is buttoning up the ship. Several men on the ground move the step ladder away from the door while someone closes the hatch.

Rollings, the copilot, takes his seat. “Okay, son,” says Patroni, “Let’s get going.” Joe unwraps a fresh cigar and sticks it into his mouth, unlit.  He adjusts his chair.

Outside, the jet looks ready to go.

Back in the cockpit, Patroni picks up a microphone.

“Ready to start,” says Joe. “Pressurize.”

The ground service worker pressurizes the Number One engine. The blades begin to spin.

In this minute

George Kennedy as Joe Patroni

Steve Lastoe is one of the hosts of The Princess Bride Minute Podcast. His earliest memory of The Princess Bride is watching it on HBO in the late 1980’s. In addition to being a fan of the Morgenstern, he is a huge Star Wars geek. a long time comic book reader, and a big fan of hard sci fi. When not being a dork, Steve resides in Brooklyn with his wife Stacey, and his dog Odie. He works in running and loves the New York Mets.

Vern tells Toronto Center they’re holding steady at six thousand feet and on course two zero five.

“What’s the status on Runway Two Niner?” asks Vern.

“No change,” says Toronto Center. “We’ll keep you advised.”

“Roger” says Vern, glaring as he looks at Anson.

Back on the ground, the MelMobile is parked near the stuck 707.

“Global One,” says Danny, “Snow Desk.”

Mel picks up the microphone. “Go ahead, Danny.”

“The equipment’s in position,” says Danny, “standing by, ready to move.” The Conga Line of four plows and several vehicles behind them sits on the runway.

“Roger,” says Mel. “But be clear about one thing: if the plows go in, I’ll give the order, no one else.”

“Right,” says Danny. “Better you than me. They’ll do a real hatchet job on that plane and then afterwards, the owners will do the same to you.”

“Maybe if the owners were on the plane,” replies Mel, “they might agree with me.”

“Roger,” says Danny. “Standing by.”

“Mobile One, Ground Control,” says Doug. “The Center estimates hand off to Lincoln Approach Control at One-Seven. This gives you eleven minutes to make a decision.”

“I’ll need to be kept informed of exact status of  approaching flight. Can we hold this frequency clear?”

“Affirmative,” says Doug. “We’ve already moved regular traffic to another frequency.”

Mel says, “Can you also put stuck 707 -”

In this minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Since seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gerry Porter has been inspired to search the globe for rare antiquities. Actually drums. He’s known Indiana Jones Minute’s Tom Taylor since birth, and Pete Mummert since their days at Marshall College, and believes that in a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, we all win (until we all lose). When Gerry’s not shooting craps with the “bad egg” Hovitos, he’s installing Xboxes in every hut and slipping “Fortified Sunny D Jungle Punch with Pampas Berries” into every thatched lunch box. Here’s a joke he just made up: Why did the teacher make Gerry rewrite his number line? Bad Eights.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Joe Patroni is bargaining with Mel Bakersfield about the use of the snow plows on the stuck 707.

“Keep those Dinky Toys out of my hair and away from this aircraft for fifteen minutes,” says Joe. “Maybe less — I’ll drive it out!”

“Joe,” says Mel, “Let’s get one thing straight. When the tower tells us we’re running out of time, that’s it. There’ll be no arguments. The plows will move on my order.” Tany