Airport Minute Podcast

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel with the new name of the hotel written on a bedsheet and draped over the sign with the old name of the hotel, thank Peter. He’s a long-time veteran of the hospitality resort industry, and makes sure your hotel experience is something to rave about on TripAdvisor. When he’s not complaining about the size of the bath towels, he’s expounding on what’s wrong with movies. Mark and Jim have known Peter since high school, and he’s always been like this. Except for the bath towels part. That’s new.

Vern heads back to the cockpit after talking to Gwen.

Meanwhile, Gwen is in the Tourist section. She stops at Row 23, and confronts Ada.

“Excuse me, Madam,” says Gwen. “May I see your ticket?”

Ada looks up from her knitting. “My ticket?” she asks. “Oh, that nice young man at the gate took it.”

“No, he wouldn’t do that,” says Gwen. “If it was a round-trip ticket, you’d still have the return flight coupon. And if it was a one-way, you’d still have the ticket stub and boarding folder.” Guerrero glances around, and then averts his eyes from the discussion.

Ada attempts to change the subject with a smile. “You’re English, aren’t you?” she asks. “I knew it the moment you started to talk. You make our language sound so delightful! My late husband used to say-”

“Never mind what he said, what about your ticket?” says Gwen, sternly.

“Well, I’ll certainly look, my dear,” says Ada, “but I’m sure -”

“Why don’t you stop wasting my time, Mrs. Quonsett?” says Gwen. “You are Mrs. Ada Quonsett, aren’t you?” Passengers in adjoining seats begin to look concerned. Mr. Davidson, seated in 23-C, is very uncomfortable at this turn of the conversation.

“Well, since you’re aware of who I am,” says Ada, “there’s no use denying it, is there?”

“Is there some misunderstanding?” asks Mr. Davidson. “Perhaps I can help.”

“There’s no misunderstanding,” replies Gwen, curtly. “Are you traveling with this lady?”

Davidson pauses for a moment, then quietly says, “No.”

Gwen glares at Davidson. “Then it’s none of your business, sir. This woman is a stowaway!”

Ada looks at Gwen. “Are we going to turn back?” she asks Gwen. Guerrero steals a glance at Ada, then looks at Gwen.

“You’re not that important,” says Gwen. “When we land in Rome – -”

Jacqueline Bisset as Gwen

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel with the new name of the hotel written on a bedsheet and draped over the sign with the old name of the hotel, thank Peter. He’s a long-time veteran of the hospitality resort industry, and makes sure your hotel experience is something to rave about on TripAdvisor. When he’s not complaining about the size of the bath towels, he’s expounding on what’s wrong with movies. Mark and Jim have known Peter since high school, and he’s always been like this. Except for the bath towels part. That’s new.

Mr. Schultz doesn’t understand Captain Demerest’s double-talk, so he asks his son, Schuyler. Schuyler doesn’t have a clue, either, but won’t admit it.

“What did he mean by that, Son?” asks Mr. Schultz.

“Never mind, Father,” replies Schuyler. “I’ll tell you later.”

Vern walks through the Tourist section, nodding and smiling at the passengers.

“Enjoying your trip?” he asks a random passenger, while glancing over at Guerrero in 23-A.

“Very much,” replies the passenger.”I was just telling my wife how smooth it is.”

Vern notices Mr. Davidson is fully reclined, listening to his headphones. Ada is calmly knitting, and Guerrero is clutching his briefcase. Guerrero glances at his map that’s laying atop the briefcase.

“A little while ago,” continues the passenger, “I put my drink on top of the armrest, and there wasn’t even a ripple. Didn’t lose a drop.” Guerrero unfolds the map.

Vern walks to the Tourist galley, where he’s greeted by Stewardesses Joan and Ruth.

“Hi, girls,” says Vern.

“Slumming, Captain?” asks Ruth, smiling at him.

“No,” says Vern, “we’ve got some bumpy weather ahead, so, uh, don’t serve dinner for a while, hmm? Keep everything in the drawers.”

“Okay,” says Ruth, turning back to the galley.

Meanwhile, in Mel’s office back at Lincoln, Mel is talking to the Tower Chief, Doug, on the radio. With Mel are Tanya, Bert, and Harry.

“Doug,” says Mel, “are you getting plane-to-ground direct?”

“Affirmative,” says Doug. “They’ve turned around and started their slow descent.”

“What’s the frequency?” asks Mel.

“Ah, one three two point zero,” replies Doug. Mel hangs up his microphone, and adjusts the dial to pick up Trans Global Two.

Back onboard Flight Two, Vern is once again in the First Class galley with Gwen.

“I’m sorry to have to put this on you,” says Vern, “but if I go back there a

Sherwood Harrington is head of the Astronomy Department at De Anza College in Cupertino, California. In his spare time, he enjoys playing with the equipment in the College’s Fujitsu Planetarium and taking snapshots of his

Visit the De Anza Planetarium!

As the stars sweep to the right in the cockpit windows, Flight Two begins its slow turn back to Lincoln International.

Vern is talking to Gwen in the First Class galley.

“So, delay serving dinner,” says Vern. “Put every cup, bottle, glass, and everything else away and lock it up.” Vern gestures with a locking pantomime.

“Right,” says Gwen. “Be careful, Vern.”

“I’ll tell the girls in Tourist,” replies Vern. He heads aft, through the First Class compartment. Gwen begins to stack the trays back in the galley cupboard.

As Vern makes his way through the tourist section, Mrs. Schultz grabs the Captain’s sleeve.

“Oh – oh, Captain,” says Mrs. Schultz, “Our son has a question to ask you.” Vern pauses and looks at young Schuyler, sitting in the window seat. “Schuyler,” says Mrs. Schultz, “here’s our Captain.”

“Before,” begins Schuyler, “Virgo and Leo were right there, sir.” Schuyler points out the window. “Now I’m beginning to see Ursa Minor and Cassiopeia. We must be turning around!”

Vern looks at Mrs Schultz. “Why,” says Vern, “You have a young navigator here!” Mrs. Schultz laughs. Vern looks back at Schuyler.

“Well, I’ll tell you, son,” says Vern. “Now, due to a Cetcil wind, Dystor’s vectored us into a 360-tarson of slower traffic. Now we’ll maintain this Borden hold until we get the Forta Magnus clearance from Melnics.”

Schuyler is flummoxed, but acts as though he knows what Vern’s nonsense means. “Oh yes,” says Schuyler, “of course!” Vern nods and continues down the aisle.

“What did he mean by that?” asks Mr. Schultz.

Jacqueline Bisset as Gwen Meighan

Alex Robinson is the co-host of the STAR WARS MINUTE podcast. In his spare time he enjoys watching TV, quietly staring off into space and being an award-winning cartoonist.

www.ComicBookAlex.com

Pete the Retailer is the co-host of the STAR WARS MINUTE podcast. In his spare time he enjoys watching TV, quietly staring off into space and being an award-winning retailer.

www.PeteTheRetailer.com

Gwen and Vern are talking about the man in 23A, D.O. Guerrero.

“Ruth told me that when she was serving the snacks, he wouldn’t use the pull-down table,” says Gwen. “He insisted on putting his tray on top of his case.”

“Sounds as if that’s where he’s got it,” says Captain Harris.

“Then he must have some kind of trigger on the outside of the case,” says Vern. “Is there anyone sitting on the other side of the old lady?”

“A man,” says Gwen.

“Then I’ll have to lean over two people,” says Vern. “I couldn’t surprise him like that.” Vern looks at Harris. “Okay if I go back and take a look?”

“Yeah,” replies Harris. “Not too close a look. He might suspect something.”

Vern unbuckles his seat belt. “I’ll do one of those smiling, Good Evening walk-thrus, and if anybody catches the fact we’re turning around, I’ll give them some double talk.”

As Vern exits the cockpit, Harris picks up the microphone. “Toronto Center, starting to turn. Would like to make it wide and gradual.”

“Global Two, wide turn approved,” says Toronto Center, as the air traffic controller watches his screen. “We’ll alert other sectors to your problem.” In the cockpit, Harris once again dons his oxygen mask, as he’s the only pilot in the cockpit.

Out the cockpit windows, the stars begin to slide to the right as the 707

Alex Robinson is the co-host of the STAR WARS MINUTE podcast. In his spare time he enjoys watching TV, quietly staring off into space and being an award-winning cartoonist.

www.ComicBookAlex.com

Pete the Retailer is the co-host of the STAR WARS MINUTE podcast. In his spare time he enjoys watching TV, quietly staring off into space and being an award-winning retailer.

www.PeteTheRetailer.com

Joe Patroni  is in Mel’s office, explaining the dangers of high-altitude explosive decompression. If the passengers don’t get on oxygen in forty-five seconds, “It’s goodbye,” according to Joe.

Back on board Flight Two at the same location Joe Patroni was talking about with the model. Guerrero maintains a tight grip on his briefcase. Ada Quonsett is knitting.  Mr. Davidson has his eyes closed, listening to the 707’s in-flight music system.

Meanwhile, Gwen is in the cockpit, reading the brief about Guerrero that was relayed from New York.

“We’ll turn back,” says Anson. “but I’m gonna make a wide, slow turn. That way, the passengers might not notice.” Harris picks up his microphone.

“Toronto Center, this is Global Two,” says Harris. “Seem to have a problem here. Request clearance back to Lincoln at lower altitude.”

“Roger, Global Two,” replies Toronto Center. “Turn left, heading Two Seven Zero. Descend and maintain flight level two eight zero.  Are you declaring an emergency?”

“Possible emergency,” says Harris. “Might have a disturbed passenger.”

“There’s no mistake,” says Gwen. “He’s in Twenty-Three A. Fits the description perfectly.”

“When did you see him?” asks Vern.

“When I was spotting Mrs. Quonsett,” replies Gwen. “He’s sitting right next to her.”

“Did you notice the attaché case?&#

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Joe Patroni continues to explain the potential damage to the 707 if Guerrero sets off his bomb in 23-A, and how it’s fortunate there’s nothing critical in the skin of the ship. He points at the cross-section model in Mel’s office.

“All the control cables run along here,” says Joe, running his hand along the underside of the ship. “So, if it’s not too big a hole, she might still fly.”

“But,” continues Joe, “the sudden decompression at thirty thousand feet is something you’ve got to see to believe.”

“He’ll get sucked out,” says Tanya. “Won’t he?”

“And so will anybody sitting next to him. Until that pressure equalizes, everything within twenty feet of him that’s not nailed down or strapped in is gonna get sucked right out that hole.”

“Is it that powerful?” asks Bert Weatherby. “Are you sure?” Patroni snorts.

“Yeah, I’m sure, ” says Joe. “When I was a mechanic in the Air Force, I was being transferred on a MATS plane. At twenty thousand feet, one of the windows shattered.  The guy sitting next to me was about one hundred and seventy pounds. He went through that little space like a hunk of hamburger going down a Dispose-All.  Right after him, coats, pillows, blankets, cups, saucers — yeah, I’m sure.”

“Takes about three seconds,” says Mel. “Doesn’t it?”

“Three, four, five – – it depends on the size of the hole. Everything fogs up just like that, “says Patroni, snapping his fingers. “And then: watch out! At that altitude, you can’t breathe, so unless they get on oxygen in forty five seconds, it’s good-”

In this minute

George Kennedy as Joe Patroni

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel with the new name of the hotel written on a bedsheet and draped over the sign with the old name of the hotel, thank Peter. He’s a long-time veteran of the hospitality resort industry, and makes sure your hotel experience is something to rave about on TripAdvisor. When he’s not complaining about the size of the bath towels, he’s expounding on what’s wrong with movies. Mark and Jim have known Peter since high school, and he’s always been like this. Except for the bath towels part. That’s new.

Vern gets ready to copy down the New York TGA dispatcher’s message. “Okay, New York,” says Vern, “go ahead.”

“Strong probability, repeat: strong probability,” says the New York dispatcher, “exists that passenger D.O. Guerrero, seat assignment twenty-three A, may have an explosive device in his attaché-type briefcase.”

The cockpit crew glances at each other.

“Passenger purchased excessive insurance,” continues the dispatcher, “mentally disturbed, and desperate. Approach with extreme caution.”

Meanwhile, Joe Patroni is directing the Flight 45 removal at Runway Two-Niner from the radio on Mel’s office wall.

“Yeah, that’s right,” says Joe. “Tell them another section of three by twelves laid crosswise.”

“Will do,” replies Danny. Joe hangs up the microphone.

“They need you?” asks Mel.

“No, not yet,” replies Joe. “It won’t be ready to drive out for a half-hour. Ingram knows what to do in the meantime.” Joe sits down next to a model of a 707. “Okay, so we know the kook is sitting in twenty-three A. That’s here.” Joe points at the plane model.

“That’s right,” says Mel. “Now, what’s your opinion?”

“My opinion is they should get the hell back here as fast as they can,” says Joe.

“Well, if he should let it go,” says Mel, “is there any chance that the plane could stand the explosion?”

“Well, we’ve got one break: he’s not sitting in an aisle seat,” replies Joe, “so, first, it’ll blow out a hunk of the fuselage, right here.” Joe waves his hand outward from the middle of the plane model.

“And what kind of structural damage would that cause?” asks Mel.

“Luckily,” says Joe,” there’s nothing but skin on the –”

In this minute

Gary Collins as Cy Jordan

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel with the new name of the hotel written on a bedsheet and draped over the sign with the old name of the hotel, thank Peter. He’s a long-time veteran of the hospitality resort industry, and makes sure your hotel experience is something to rave about on TripAdvisor. When he’s not complaining about the size of the bath towels, he’s expounding on what’s wrong with movies. Mark and Jim have known Peter since high school, and he’s always been like this. Except for the bath towels part. That’s new.

Summary

Mel is interviewing Inez Guerrero about her husband in his office. Tanya sits next to Inez.

“I mean,” says Mel, “what was he in the hospital for?”

“He, um, was sick,” says Inez. She looks away from Mel.

Mel looks at her. “A mental patient?” She nods.

“Mrs Guerrero,” says Mel, “what did your husband do in the Army?”

“He was a demolition expert,” says Inez.

“And I suppose,” says Mel, “in his excavation work, he used explosives?”

“He, um…” begins Inez, then holds her hand up to her face.

“You were about to say something?” asks Mel.

“His last job,” says Inez, “they fired him — something was missing. Some dynamite.”

Smash cut to the blinking SELCAL light on Trans Global Flight Two.

“What we need’s an unlisted number,” says Jordan.

Vern picks up the microphone. “This is Global Two.”

“Global Two, New York” says the New York dispatcher, “We have an important message for you. Advise when ready to copy.”

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Daughter of Jim, climber of rocks, lover of whiskey and scotch. By day, a product manager at a technology firm, by night, a swing dancing, two stepping, theater loving music junkie. Whatever restaurant you’re thinking of in Austin, she probably knows a better one and where to park for free. In spite of Jim’s child rearing techniques via weekly viewings of Airport, she has frequent flier accounts on Delta, American, and Frontier Airlines.

Inez is explaining to Tanya about the letter from the travel agency she received just that night. “I only saw it after he left,” says Inez.

Mel leans forward. “Does your husband have business in Italy?” he asks Inez. Inez shakes her head. Mel stands up and walks toward where Inez is seated. “What is your husband’s business?” he asks.

“Oh, he’s uh, ” stammers Inez, “He was — he did — excavation, for buildings.”

“You said ‘was’ — he’s not in that business any more?” asks Mel.

Inez shakes her head. “Things — went wrong,” she explains.

“Financial trouble?” asks Mel.

“Yes,” says Inez.

“Bad trouble?” asks Mel. Inez quietly nods. “Broke, in debt?” asks Mel. Inez continues to nod. “Then how did he get the money for his ticket?” asks Mel.

“I think, uh,” begins Inez, “he pawned my mother’s wedding ring. When I looked tonight, the case – – it was empty. He — he — he can’t seem to hold a job lately.”

“Why not?” asks Mel.

“He gets in arguments,” says Inez. “They fire him. It’s his temper. He’s been like that — ever since he got out of the hospital.”

Mel stares at her intently. “What sort of hospital?” asks Mel.

Inez pauses, looks at him and says “Army hospital.”

“Yes,” says Mel.

In this minute

Maureen Stapleton as Inez Guerrero

Daughter of Jim, climber of rocks, lover of whiskey and scotch. By day, a product manager at a technology firm, by night, a swing dancing, two stepping, theater loving music junkie. Whatever restaurant you’re thinking of in Austin, she probably knows a better one and where to park for free. In spite of Jim’s child rearing techniques via weekly viewings of Airport, she has frequent flier accounts on Delta, American, and Frontier Airlines.

Vern and Gwen are talking in the First Class galley.

“How do you feel?” asks Vern.

“I feel great, Vern!” replies Gwen, “No fainting spells, no craving for pickles, no morning sickness… It’s funny — I didn’t think you were the kind of a guy who would worry about a thing like this.”

“Neither did I,” says Vern. “You know, before — you said you thought I loved you ‘just a little’ — You’re wrong. I – I love you a lot more than just a little.” Vern pauses, then leans in and gives Gwen a quick kiss. He leaves the galley and returns to the cockpit. Gwen smiles as she watches him leave.

Meanwhile, back in seat 23A, D.O. Guerrero nervously glances out the window. With a shaky hand, he moves his suit jacket sleeve back to check his watch, while pondering the calculations on the travel map that’s seated atop the briefcase on his lap.

Back in Mel’s office, Inez is being questioned by Tanya.

“I didn’t know he was going to Rome!” says Inez. “He said he was going to Milwaukee.”

“Here, Inez,” says Tanya, “Take another sip of this.” Tanya hands Inez something to drink. Inez downs the entire glass.

Tanya looks at the travel agency letter. “But this was in your purse! You must have known…”

Inez interrupts her. “It just came tonight,” says Inez. “Special.”

In this minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest