Airport Minute Podcast

Daughter of Jim, climber of rocks, lover of whiskey and scotch. By day, a product manager at a technology firm, by night, a swing dancing, two stepping, theater loving music junkie. Whatever restaurant you’re thinking of in Austin, she probably knows a better one and where to park for free. In spite of Jim’s child rearing techniques via weekly viewings of Airport, she has frequent flier accounts on Delta, American, and Frontier Airlines.

Ned Ordway’s men found Inez Guerrero. Mel points at Tanya. “Hold that call,” he says, “we may have something to add.”

“I’ll call you right back,” says Tanya, hanging up the phone.

Back in the cockpit of Flight Two, Stewardess Maria is complaining to Flight Engineer Cy Jordan. “Now, they say it’s too cold!”

Meanwhile, Captain Harris dons an oxygen mask. Maria looks at him quizzically, then looks back at Jordan, tugging on his sleeve for an explanation.

“Oh, he has fainting spells,” explains Jordan, deadpanning. “so when he feels one coming on, he takes a whiff of oxygen. Sometimes it helps.” Maria doesn’t understand, and leaves the cockpit with Vern.

As they enter the first class lounge, Vern turns to Maria. “Don’t let him kid you,” says Vern. “It’s an FAA regulation: over 25,000, if one of us leaves the flight deck, the other one must go on oxygen. It’s just a precaution.”

Maria puts her hand to her chest, relieved. “Thanks,” she says. She walks back to the Tourist section.

Vern walks past the First Class galley, where Gwen is preparing coffee. He grabs a paper cup from the dispenser and pours himself a cup of water.

Gwen turns around. “Why didn’t you ring?” she asks. “I could have brought you that.”

“Up there, I’d have to be formal,” replies Vern. “Up there, I couldn’t tell you — how sorry I am.”

In this minute

Gary Collins as Cy Jordan

Michael Hagopian is a graduate of Syracuse University (B.A. Economics) where he met Mark Cerulli and formed a friendship that still lasts today. He obtained his law degree from the University of Bridgeport School of Law (JD). He is licensed to practice law in the State of Rhode Island and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. He is admitted to practice before all State and Federal Courts of the State of Rhode Island and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as well as the United States First Circuit Court of Appeals and the United States Supreme Court. Michael managed and operated a private law office for over 15 years and now is employed as the litigation manager of a multistate regional law firm. Michael resides outside of Providence, Rhode Island with his wife and daughter.

Ada is describing how she and Mr. Davidson thought Guerrero was sure to win “the contest.” Guerrero is puzzled.

“The one that comes the closest to guessing our time of arrival,” says Ada, pulling out a brochure, “wins a sightseeing trip.”

“Oh,” mumbles Guerrero, ” I didn’t kn– I just do this as sort of a — hobby. I like to see if I can — calculate where we are all the time.”

“Now that’s -” begins Ada, but Guerrero interrupts.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” says Guerrero, inclining his seat back, “I think I’ll take a little nap.” He shuts his eyes and feigns sleep. Now, Ada is puzzled. She looks to her right at the sleeping Mr. Davidson.

Back in Mel’s office, Tanya, Bert Weatherby, Harry Standish, and Mel are clustered around Mel’s desk. Tanya is reading the draft message about Guerrero they plan on sending to Flight Two.

“…Approach with extreme caution,” continues Tanya, reading from the paper. “His seat assignment is Twenty-Three A.”

Bert Weatherby nods his head. “Have the dispatcher send it the way he sent the other one, on the company frequency — probably New York. They’re out of the Cleveland area by now.”

Mel, pacing, pauses and turns toward Tanya. “But how do we know the man is not just another ordinary eccentric?” he asks. “Maybe all he’s got in there are some important papers.”

“I don’t think so,” says Harry, shaking his head. “I wish I did — I have a niece aboard that flight.”

Mel looks at Harry, and then turns towards Bert Weatherby. “Alright,” says Mel, “Suppose he has got a bomb. They’ve been up there for over an hour. Why hasn’t he let it go?”

“I don’t know,” replies Bert. “Maybe he’s waiting until they get out over the

Michael Hagopian is a graduate of Syracuse University (B.A. Economics) where he met Mark Cerulli and formed a friendship that still lasts today. He obtained his law degree from the University of Bridgeport School of Law (JD). He is licensed to practice law in the State of Rhode Island and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. He is admitted to practice before all State and Federal Courts of the State of Rhode Island and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as well as the United States First Circuit Court of Appeals and the United States Supreme Court. Michael managed and operated a private law office for over 15 years and now is employed as the litigation manager of a multistate regional law firm. Michael resides outside of Providence, Rhode Island with his wife and daughter.

Tanya and Mel are listening insurance agent Bunny on Mel’s desktop speakerphone.

“He paid me with six one-dollar bills,” says Bunny, “and the rest in changes, mostly in nickels and dimes. It – it seemed to be just about all he had.”

Mel looks at Tanya. “Thanks,” says Mel, and hangs up. He picks up his desk phone and dials a number.

Meanwhile, on Flight Two, the flight attendants are collecting snack trays. As Judy Barton and the little Italian boy walk up the aisle, Mr. Davidson reclines his seat and listens to his stereo headphones. Ada is knitting. She turns to Guerrero.

“You’ve been so busy, we just haven’t had the chance to chat,” says Ada. Guerrero looks at her. “I’m Ada Quonsett,” she says.

“How do you do,” says Guerrero, perfunctorily.

“What’s your name, sir?” asks Ada.

He glances at her. “Guerrero,” says D.O.

“Guerrero,” says Ada, “that’s Spanish, isn’t it?”

D.O. has an uncomfortable pause, but then says, “Yes, but way – back.”

Ada continues to examine his face. “You look more Irish than Spanish,” she says.

Guerrero smiles slightly. “So did my mother,” he responds. Ada continues to knit.

“I’ve been fascinated by that figuring you’ve been doing on the map,” she says. “I said to Mister Davidson I was sure you would win.”

Guerrero looks at her, alarmed. He looks at her, questioningly.

“The contest!” explains Ada.

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Crystal Beth is a NYC based comedian and podcaster and has been watching movies since forever. Not only has she been on Indiana Jones Minute she has had the pleasure of being a guest on Star Wars Minute, Back to the Future Minute, Alien Minute, Wrath of Khan Minute, Indiana Jones Minute, HuffPost, and is a host of the video game podcast Unlimited Lives on Cave Comedy Radio.

Fact: She thinks she is better at watching movies than other people.

Follow her on Twitter @TheCrystalBeth

Mel’s on the phone to Lt. Ned Ordway, the head of the Lincoln Airport Security.

“Remember the woman that you turned over to Mrs. Livingston?” asks Mel. “Well, she’s given us the slip.  She’s probably still in the terminal. You’ve got to find her, Ned.”

“We’ll sure try,” replies Ned. “Will you round up my boys?”

“We’ll announce from here,” says Mel, hanging up the phone. He looks at Tanya. “You do it,” he says. “I’ll call the insurance counter.”

Tanya walks over the the bank of phones on Mel’s office wall and picks up the white courtesy phone. She shakes her head. “What’s the security code?” she asks.

“Lester Mainwaring,” replies Mel. Tanya dials a number.

“Attention, please!” says Tanya, her voice wavering.”Attention, please. Would Mister Lester Mainwaring’s party – – Mister Mainwaring requests that all members of his travel group report immediately to the main terminal entrance — to the main terminal entrance.”

The screen splits into a diamond shape, with each corner of the diamond showing different security officers hearing the coded message. They all head for the main terminal entrance. As the security officer in the center of the screen exits, he reveals Bunny, the travel insurance agent talking to Mel on her phone.

“Yes,” says Bunny, paging through a stack of receipts. “Here it is, Mr. Bakersfeld. D.O. Guerrero. It’s for two hundred twenty five thousand. Yes, I remember him.  Yes, sir, he was a little nervous.”

Tanya and Mel are listening to Mel’s desktop speakerphone. “Well, aside from that,” asks Mel, ” did you notice anything unusual about him?”

“Well,” says Bunny, “just one thing: for someone going to Europe, he didn’t seem to have much money.”

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Crystal Beth is a NYC based comedian and podcaster and has been watching movies since forever. Not only has she been on Indiana Jones Minute she has had the pleasure of being a guest on Star Wars Minute, Back to the Future Minute, Alien Minute, Wrath of Khan Minute, Indiana Jones Minute, HuffPost, and is a host of the video game podcast Unlimited Lives on Cave Comedy Radio.

Fact: She thinks she is better at watching movies than other people.

Follow her on Twitter @TheCrystalBeth

Inez is sitting in Mel’s anteroom, staring at the crumpled $5 bill Ned had given her.

Inside Mel’s office, Tanya is explaining the situation to Mel. “But the downtown terminal told me they remembered a man with an attaché case..” says Tanya. Mel is looking at Inez’s folded-up special delivery letter from the travel agency, and the remittance check.

“They must have checked in ten men with attaché cases,” replies Mel, shaking his head.

“But this one held it under his arm,” says Tanya, motioning with her hands. “And when the agent tried to put a cabin tag on it, he pulled away and insisted on putting it on himself. That’s why they remembered him — and it was Guerrero.” Mel leans forward in his chair and examines the letter again.

“I can’t get anything out of his wife,” says Tanya,”excepts a blank stare. Maybe you can make her talk. Please try – – I have a horrible feeling –”

“Alright,” says Mel. “Bring her in.” Tanya walks toward the door, only to find an empty anteroom outside. “Mrs. Gurrero?” says Tanya. Inez is gone.  Tanya steps out onto the terminal balcony. Hundreds of people are in the terminal, but no sign of Inez. Tanya hurries back to Mel’s office.

“She’s gone!” Tanya says to Mel. Mel picks up a red phone handset hanging on the wall. He calls Lt. Ned Ordway.

At Ordway’s office, Ned is already on the phone. He tells the other people on the line, “Hold it,” and presses an intercom button.

“Yes sir?” asks Ned.

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Royana was born and raised in New York and has been acting professionally since she was 10. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and pets. She is super excited that Jim included her in this podcast!

Royana’s Official Site

Royana’s IMDb Page

Mel and Cindy are still talking about divorce arrangements

“And I promise there won’t be any trouble,” says Cindy. “You may see the girls as often as you wish.”

“Thank you,” says Mel. Cindy heads for the door.

“As a matter of fact, you’ll probably see them more often,” says Cindy, picking her gloves up from the coffee table. “Ex-husbands always seem to make a special effort.”

Mel looks at her, as if to say something, but then his office phone rings. He turns away from Cindy to answer the phone. “Bakersfeld,” he says into the phone. Another phone buzzes. “Hang on a second.” He picks up the other phone. “Ned?” says Mel, “I’ll be right with you.” He puts the phone down and picks the first phone up again, “Okay Hank, go ahead. Well, that’s alright. Put it in Warehouse Twelve.”

Cindy watches Mel, lost in his work. She shakes her head and leaves the office.

Mel continues talking on the phone, not realizing Cindy has left. “Well, get the trucks out of the way – they’re not supposed to be blocking that area! Right.” Mel picks up the other phone. “What’s up, Ned? No, no, no — let the city police get it.”

Cindy walks into Mel’s anteroom, where Tanya and Inez are seated, waiting for Mel. Tanya watches Cindy leave. Tanya turns to Inez and puts her hand on Inez’s arm.

“Now you stay right here,” says Tanya to Inez. “I’ll just be a minute.” Inez nods, and then looks at the floor.

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Royana was born and raised in New York and has been acting professionally since she was 10. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and pets. She is super excited that Jim included her in this podcast!

Royana’s Official Site

Royana’s IMDb Page

Mel and Cindy are still talking about getting a divorce. Mel wants to know if Cindy would reconsider.

“No, it’s too late, Mel,” says Cindy. “But it’s not just the girls I’m thinking of. There’s someone else, Mel, and there has been for quite a while. Someone who makes me feel wanted, occasionally.”

Mel looks at her, shocked.

“You had no idea!” says Cindy, dumbfounded. “Had you? Too busy to even consider the possibility.” There’s a knock at Mel’s office door. Tanya walks in.

“Mel –” begins Tanya, who then notices Cindy and pauses. “Mister Bakersfeld,” says Tanya, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were busy.”

“Cindy, uh,” says Mel, “Mrs. Livingston, Mrs. Bakersfeld.”

“How do you do?” says Cindy.

“How do you do?” says Tanya. She turns to Mel. “I have some information on that man with the attaché case.”

“Well, I’ll — I’ll talk to you about it in a little while,” replies Mel.

“Certainly,” says Tanya. She nods her head, closing the door as she leaves. Mel turns toward Cindy.

“Are you sure?” asks Mel again. “Are you really sure?”

“Yes,” says Cindy, quietly.

“When we tell the children,” says Mel. “We must do it together.”

Cindy smiles. “Of course,” she says.

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Dolores Cerulli is a longtime librarian and mother to Airport Minute co-host Mark Cerulli. A native of Fairhaven, Massachusetts, Dee was educated at Pembroke University and received her Masters degrees at Pratt and Manhattanville as well as a Doctorate in Education at CUNY Brooklyn. She was married to jazz writer and advertising executive Dom Cerulli for 49 years until his passing in 2012. Dee is not shy in sharing her opinions or pointing her famous forefinger when needed! The Airport Minute is her first podcasting adventure.

Mel and Cindy are talking about getting a divorce.

“Do you think that will make them feel more secure?” asks Mel. “A broken home?”

“It’s better to come from a broken home,” says Cindy, “than to live in one.”

“You may be right,” says Mel. “And you may be right about me, too. I suppose I’m like a lot of men: a bigamist, married to both a woman and a job. ”

“And I can’t be Number Two wife any longer,” says Cindy. Mel’s intercom buzzes.

“Yes, Danny?” asks Mel.

“Patroni wants a skip loader,” says Danny.

“Get one from the parking lot,” says Mel. “We’ve got to get that plane out of there. And Danny – keep twenty niner clean so that it’ll be operational.”

Cindy walks behind Mel. “See?” asks Cindy, “That’s what I mean. Those things are more important to you than we are!”

“No, not more important,” says Mel, “but at the moment, more imperative. It just so happens we’re in a hell of a mess.”

Cindy shakes his head. “We certainly are!” says Cindy. She turns away.

“It’s a big step, Cindy,” says Mel. “You’re sure you don’t want to reconsider?”

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Chuck Goldstone is an author, humorist and is assumed to have written THIS BOOK IS NOT A TOY: FRIENDLY ADVICE ON HOW TO AVOID DEATH AND OTHER INCONVENIENCES, which the prestigious St. Martin’s Press claims sold at least a few boxes of books. As a commentator and radio pundit, he was heard nationally on Marketplace for a decade and has appeared regularly as a guest on CBS Radio Boston. His humor-stuffed websites include www.ridiculous2sublime.com and www.terribleadvice.com. In the real world, he has helped organizations from global giants to scraping startups tell their stories more persuasively. He recalls seeing Airport the first time on an airplane. But maybe it was On Golden Pond.
[email protected]

Tanya realizes this Guerrero woman is the wife of the suspicious man on the Flight Two.

Meanwhile, Cindy Bakersfeld is in the middle of yelling at Mel in his office.

“– and we don’t have a home anymore. We have a waiting room!” says Cindy, “a place where I can walk the floor and wonder whether you’re going to leave this damn airport long enough to drop by for a few minutes!”

“Why you have to pick tonight to come out here and fight with me –” begins Mel. “What I -”

“I came here to tell you,” interrupts Cindy, “Roberta left home!”  Cindy walks over to an ashtray on a nearby table and stubs out her cigarette.

“What do you mean, ‘left home?'” asks Mel. “When?”

“I called from the banquet to say goodnight,” says Cindy, “and I spoke to Libby.  Roberta, she said, told her she couldn’t stand our fighting any longer — that she couldn’t stand ‘the atmosphere of hate.’ And that’s a direct quote.”

“Well, where is she?” asks Mel. “Did Libby say?”

“She’s at Sally Bolton’s house,” says Cindy, “and she’s going to spend the night there. I spoke to her.”

Mel shakes his head. “Cindy, we can’t do this to the kids,” says Mel. “We’ve got to call a truce, even if it’s a — a pretense. We’ve got to start being civil to each other.”

“And add hypocrisy to the problem?” asks Cindy. “They’d see through that in a minute – – that’s not the answer.”

“Well, we’ve got to do something,” says Mel.

“You’re right,” says Cindy, &#

Chuck Goldstone is an author, humorist and is assumed to have written THIS BOOK IS NOT A TOY: FRIENDLY ADVICE ON HOW TO AVOID DEATH AND OTHER INCONVENIENCES, which the prestigious St. Martin’s Press claims sold at least a few boxes of books. As a commentator and radio pundit, he was heard nationally on Marketplace for a decade and has appeared regularly as a guest on CBS Radio Boston. His humor-stuffed websites include www.ridiculous2sublime.com and www.terribleadvice.com. In the real world, he has helped organizations from global giants to scraping startups tell their stories more persuasively. He recalls seeing Airport the first time on an airplane. But maybe it was On Golden Pond.
[email protected]

Mel answers the black courtesy phone. The operator says, “Your wife insisted that I page you. She’s waiting for you in your office.”

“Thanks,” says Mel, hanging up the phone. The airport announcer says, “There will be a 45 minute delay of departure for American Airlines Flight 46 to Boston.” Mel leaves the cafeteria with Harry Standish.

The scene shifts to the TGA ticket counter on the main concourse. The airport announcer finishes his previous statement. “- will now depart at 10:35. Delta Airlines Flight 76 for Atlanta, now departing at Gate 12, the Red Concourse.”

Tanya steps out of the ticket booth into the corridor with her list of bus passengers for Flight Two. Police officer Ned, holding Inez by the arm, calls out to Tanya.

“Oh, Mrs. Livingston,” says Ned, “Sorry to bother you but one of my men found this woman wandering aimlessly about the terminal. Seems terribly upset about something.” Inez slumps against a pillar. “That’s all right, ma’am,” says Ned.

Tanya looks at Ned. “She ought to see a doctor,” says Tanya.

“She doesn’t want to,” replies Ned. “I think what’s worrying her most is that she doesn’t have any money to get back to town.”

Tanya shrugs her shoulders. “I’d like to help,” says Tanya, “but this kind of thing is-”

“She let me go through her purse,” says Ned. “I thought maybe I’d found a little addess book or something — call somebody who knew her. But there was nothing in it but this –”  Ned hands Tanya a slip of paper. It’s the letter from the travel agency.

Ned continues, “I thought that since her husband bought a ticket on Global, you mig