Airport Minute Podcast

Since seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gerry Porter has been inspired to search the globe for rare antiquities. Actually drums. He’s known Indiana Jones Minute’s Tom Taylor since birth, and Pete Mummert since their days at Marshall College, and believes that in a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, we all win (until we all lose). When Gerry’s not shooting craps with the “bad egg” Hovitos, he’s installing Xboxes in every hut and slipping “Fortified Sunny D Jungle Punch with Pampas Berries” into every thatched lunch box. Here’s a joke he just made up: Why did the teacher make Gerry rewrite his number line? Bad Eights.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Joe Patroni is supervising the other ground crew, hammering lumber under the wheels of the stuck 707 on Runway Two Niner.

“Get it as close under the wheel as possible,” says Joe. “Then, give it a whack on the other side!”

Patroni hears the sound of trucks, and turns around. The plows of the Conga Line brake to a stop directly behind the 707. Joe spots the MelMobile, pulling up in front of the 707. He heads toward the station wagon.

Mel steps out of the

A split screen: Vern on the left, the Chicago ATC in the middle, and Mel, sitting in the MelMobile at right.

Vern is loudly complaining to the Chicago ATC that if Trans Global Flight Two is brought in for a landing on Runway Two Two, then there’ll be a broken airplane and “a lot of dead people.”

“So you call Lincoln, Mister,” says Vern, “and turn the screws. Tell that Lincoln manager to get off his penguin butt and clear that runway!” Vern puts down the microphone.

The split screen disappears, and Mel and Tanya are still seated in the MelMobile. Mel picks up the microphone.

“Snow desk,” says Mel. “Mobile One.”

Danny, at the Snow Desk, answers the radio. “This is Snow Desk,” says Danny. “Go ahead, Mel.”

“Danny, listen carefully,” says Mel. “Break the Conga Line. Send the heavy plows across to Runway Two Niner. They’re to head for stuck airplane and await instructions.”

“Roger,” says Danny. He presses a button on his radio. “Conga Leader, Snow Desk…”

The Conga Line, a staggered wave of about a dozen plow trucks, moves into frame from the distance. A road grader enters the picture from the right of the screen, also moving snow. The front two trucks raise their plows and turn right.

Back at the MelMobile, Mel and Tanya are fishtailing their way back to Flight 45, still stuck in the snowbank.

Joe Patroni is supervising the ground crew as they hammer lumber under the stuck 707’s wheels.

“Yeah, that’s it,” says Joe, “and on this side -”

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Meghan Gleason is the daughter of Guest Co-Host Nancy O’Kane and the stepdaughter of co-host Jim O’Kane. She’s currently the office assistant at the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art (MassMoCA) in North Adams, Massachusetts. Previously, Meghan worked at Dunkin Donuts, and knows all about how to deal with people who haven’t had their morning coffee yet.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Vern stares off in the distance, considering Gwen’s medical condition.

Flight Two continues its descent to six thousand feet over Cleveland.

Meanwhile, Doug in the Lincoln tower calls Mel on the radio. “Mobile One, Ground Control,” says Doug.

“Yes, Doug, this is Mel,” replies Bakersfeld.

“Cleveland just handed off Flight Two to Chicago Center,” says Doug. “The transmissions from the aircraft aren’t exactly regulation, but the captain’s blowing a fuse.”

“I’d like to monitor,” says Mel. “What’s the frequency?”</

Podcasting almost live from a pizza place in a shopping mall in charming Las Vegas, we’re here to oversee the Consumer Electronic Show of 2017. Since yesterday, Matthew has watched the first 10 minutes of the movie “Airport.”

Dr. Compagno is briefing Vern and Anson about Gwen’s eye condition. It’s too early to draw conclusions, “but ophthalmic surgery can do extraordinary things.” Campagno says he’d better get back to see her.

“Doctor,” interrupts Vern, “Gwen — Miss Meighan — she’s… she’s — she’s pregnant.” Harris looks on. “Does that make a difference?” asks Vern.

“I have no way of knowing,” says Compagno, “The pregnancy can’t be very far advanced.”

“No,” replies Vern. “It isn’t.”

“Well,” says Compagno, “the mother wasn’t deprived of oxygen long enough to do harm to the child. No one was. If there are no abdominal injuries, and she survives, chances are fair to good that the baby should be born normally.” Compagno gets up and leaves.

Harris picks up the microphone. “Global Two, leaving eight thousand. Advise Lincoln doctor to have ophthalmic surgeon available.” He puts down the microphone.

“Roger, Global Two — will notify,” says Cleveland ATC.

Harris looks at Vern. “I’ll take over now,” says Harris. After adjusting the trim controls, he turns to Vern.

“Vern,” says Harris, “I guess you know how badly I feel about Gwen. What’s between you two — that’s none of my business. But if there’s anything I can do, as a friend, –”

“You already have,” replies Vern.

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Podcasting almost live from the 24th floor of the Palazzo Hotel in charming Las Vegas, we’re here to oversee the Consumer Electronic Show of 2017. Sandra, Karen, and Matthew have so far never seen the movie “Airport.”

Mel is talking to Lincoln Tower manager Doug on the radio, about the airport fire chief.

“Tell the chief to take a position between Runway Two Niner and Two Two,” says Mel, “so that they can move either way. Will notify which runway later.”

“Roger,” says Doug. The fire truck passes in front of the MelMobile.

Meanwhile, in Flight Two’s cockpit, Vern and Anson are receiving instructions from Cleveland Center.

“Turn left, heading two zero five,” says the Cleveland Center ATC operator. “At pilot’s discretion, descend and maintain six thousand. Report leaving one zero thousand.”

Anson replies, “Global Two, turning left, heading two zero five. Leaving one zero thousand now.” He puts the microphone down.

Doctor Compagno enters the cockpit. He turns to Anson. “Mister Jordan said you wanted to see me again, Captain,” says Compagno.

“Ah, we – we radioed ahead and they’ll have all the equipment that you’ve asked for,” replies Anson.

“Oh, good,” says Compagno. “You’d better call again. See if the airport doctor can have an ophthalmic surgeon standing by.”

“For Miss Meighan?” asks Vern.

“Yes,” says Compagno, “Besides the other injuries I mentioned, I’m afraid her right eye has splinters. Whether they’re wood or metal, I have no way of knowing. Her left eye, as far as I can tell, is unharmed. Of course, it’s too early to draw conclusions –”

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

George Hendricks hails from all over, and is a certified malcontent/ne’er-do-well. He can often be found cracking wise, taking no guff, and drinking some cold ones down by The Stick. He’s currently working on two different minute by minute podcasts because he thinks sleep and free time make you weak. Hunt him up on Twitter @g_fourth, @waitaduneminute, or @themogwaiminute and try and get him to make stupid puns. He will not disappoint.

Dr. Compagno tells Gwen he’s giving her something for the pain, but not to move her head.

Vern, on the intercom, is explaining their plan. “Later on,” he says, “Second Officer will give you instructions on landing procedures. Please do exactly as he says and — I promise you we’ll all get together through this, safely. Thank you.” Vern puts down the intercom phone.

Back in tourist class, Ada is seated next to Sister Felice. Ada takes a pull of brandy from a little bottle. She hands the bottle to Sister Felice, who eagerly downs every last drop from the bottle. Ada watches, surprised.

Back in the cockpit, Vern and Anson are in contact with ATC.

“Global Two, Cleveland Center,” says the ATC operator in an oval insert. “Lincoln advises Runway Two Niner still closed. They are attempting to clear, but failing that, plan landing on Two Two.”

Vern picks up the microphone. “Roger,” he says, angrily. Anson glances at him.

“Want me to take over for a while?” asks Vern.

“Yeah, thanks,” replies Harris.

Back at Lincoln, Mel and Tanya in the MelMobile race out to the stuck 707 on Runway Two Niner. Two ambulances and a fire truck cut in front of the station wagon.

Mel picks up his car microphone. “Ground,” says Mel. “Mobile One.”

Doug, in the tower, answers the radio. He’s seated next to the digital clock that says “1:03”.

“Uh, yes Mel?” responds Doug.

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Cy is talking to Father Lonigan. He tells the priest he’s putting him “in charge of praying.”

Fr. Lonigan replies, “If that’s an order, you’re about thirty minutes too late, son.”

In the cockpit, Vern makes an announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he says, “this is Captain Demerest. I want to thank you for moving forward in such an orderly manner.”

In one of the forward seats, Ada Quonsett shares a fur coat with Sister Felice.

“I think it’ll be a little warmer for you this way,” continues Vern, “and also it’ll help us in controlling the plane during landing.”

In the aft entryway, Dr. Compagno listens to Gwen’s heartbeat with a stethoscope while Sister Katherine G

George Hendricks hails from all over, and is a certified malcontent/ne’er-do-well. He can often be found cracking wise, taking no guff, and drinking some cold ones down by The Stick. He’s currently working on two different minute by minute podcasts because he thinks sleep and free time make you weak. Hunt him up on Twitter @g_fourth, @waitaduneminute, or @themogwaiminute and try and get him to make stupid puns. He will not disappoint.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Mel gets ready to head out to the field while Harry and Bert listen to the aircraft radio.

“Global Two,” responds the Cleveland ATC operator,”will relay your condition and request.” Mel grabs his gloves and heads out of his office.

“Keep monitoring, Bert,” says Mel. “I’ll be in Mobile One. If any change, call me.”

“Global Two, this is Cleveland Center,” says the ATC operator on the radio as Mel leaves.

Meanwhile, on Flight Two, Stewardess Maria is telling everyone to remove their eyeglasses.

“Take off your eyeglasses and return your seats to their upright positions,” says Cy, in the Tourist s

When Sean German isn’t saving the human race one line of code at a time, he’s on tour with Spinal Tap Minute with co-host Heidi Bennett. He is also the voice behind the Five Minutes of Mime podcast which will debut (or has debuted depending on your point of view) in early 2017. Sean has never been to Lincoln International Airport but hears it’s nice this time of year.

Vern is discussing landing options with the Toronto Center ATC operator.

“Everything east of Lincoln on your course is closed due to weather or field conditions,” says the Toronto operator. “However, if you are declaring an emergency, Detroit possible. They report five inches of snow over ice, but they will try to clear.”

Harris shakes his head.

“Request Detroit stand by in case of any change in conditions,” replies Vern. “We’ll try for Lincoln.”

“Roger, Global Two,” says the Toronto operator. “You are leaving my area. Contact Cleveland Center, one one seven point five. Good luck.”

“Roger, Toronto,” replies Vern. Vern turns a knob on the radio. “Cleveland Center?”

The scene switches to the busy Cleveland Center, where more than thirty ATC operators are hovering over their scopes.

“Global Two, on your frequency,” says Vern over the radio. A man appears in an oval on the center of the screen.

“Global Two, this is Cleveland Center,” says the operator. “Radar contact. Turn right, heading two eight zero. Maintain one zero thousand. Lincoln weather: sky obscured, visibility one mile in blowing snow. Runway Two Niner, still closed.”

“But we have control damage that makes landing on two-niner imperative. Repeat: imperative!”

The scene switches to Mel’s office. Mel is donning his winter coat. Harry and Bert continue to listen to the aircraft radio.

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Chris Henry has been a lifelong aviation enthusiast. Since the time he started volunteering at the local air museum at the age of 12 airplanes have been part of his life. He went to college for air traffic and worked for US Airways in Pittsburgh before working as a medical helicopter dispatcher. Then went on to become an air traffic controller before going to work in his current role as the Museum Program Rep for the EAA Aviation Museum.

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.

Cy is updating Vern on the damage to the ship. Vern’s asked if Cy can see damage to the aircraft’s control surfaces.

“Possible damage to rudder power,” says Cy. “and it looks like we have stabilizer problems. Most of the blast, thank God, went sideways.”

“Can we stay in the air an hour?” asks Vern.

“Hard to tell,” replies Cy. “There’s a tear in the ceiling from the top of the hole, all the way over to the port side.”

“Think there’s a rupture in the outer skin?” asks Vern.

“I don’t know,” says Cy. “Could be.”

“What about the passengers?R