People talk about motivation so much it’s annoying. Coaches and speakers talk about it all. the. time. You don’t need another source do you? But here’s a different take…

1. The actual hype that gives you energy. This is stuff like music that makes you excited to do the task.
2. The thing you are motivated to go towards. The carrot, the pat on the back, the imagined feelings, all that stuff.

We only do things for two reasons: seek pleasure or avoid pain. That’s it. Every decision. Every single one. Feel free to challenge that.

This podcast is about being motivated by wanting to move away from something in some way. That’s very powerful. Think about that. Sometimes it’s obvious, but sometimes it’s not.

Have you heard this phrase? You typically hear this about a large project or something that is apparently time consuming.

But that’s misleading.

Life is made of three things™ – Time, Energy and Resources. The big secret is that mostly it’s not just about time, but about energy. We find time and time again (no pun intended) that we can mark off the time to do something, but if that’s all that’s needed then why hasn’t all that stuff happened? Why don’t you go to the gym five nights a week, why isn’t your novel done? Why haven’t you obtained your masters or PhD?

• I can’t concentrate.
• I didn’t feel like it.
• I was too exhausted.
• It’s not going to work out.

Energy, energy, energy, energy. Do you see that now? Do you need more help seeing that?

The reason that Alchemy for Life™ coaching works is because it recognizes that the energy element is just as important as the time element.

Listen to the short podcast—you may just get something done that you’ve never been able to…

To have a holistic approach is to consider all aspects of the whole. There’s nothing ooga booga or froo froo about that, and if you know me and this podcast you know we don’t talk about things that aren’t tangible. Being holistic is tangible. It just means that if there is a problem or an issue, you look at everything—like a doctor that doesn’t just prescribe meds but instead looks at your diet, your activity and your environment. Seems obvious right? If someone has a breathing issue and you don’t ask about their job in which they are around noxious smoke all day you’re doing it wrong…

It occurs to me that creatives are naturally holistic about their creativity—or at least I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you write successfully you probably figured out the ideal environment, mood, software, lighting, even beverage. If you paint or sculpt then you are not doing it in a dusty environment. Moisture and lighting are tantamount.

You know I’m really not a fan of that term, and you know how I feel about labels. But if you don’t consider yourself a creative, then the holistic approach may not be something foremost on your mind. My doctor example is not off; there are many that look at issues with tunnel-vision and you don’t realise this until you find one that considers the whole.

So what about you? Do you incorporate this into what you do for a living? If you are not, imagine how this affects your approach to sales, management, production, shipping, teamwork, data, web development, customer satisfaction or even the appearance of your building.

Again to be clear, do not mistake holistic for homeopathy. They sound the same in a way. I’m just talking about considering all the variables in something.

Join me on the podcast to explore this. Just ten minutes or so.

Listen until the end if you want to laugh at my mistake.

Fate and Destiny mostly mean the same, don’t they? They’re sort of interchangeable—except for one thing: one makes you feel bad and the other makes you feel good.

It’ an age-old discussion, this talk of whether we have free will or not. What do you believe? Do you believe your actions today can change tomorrow, or is tomorrow going to happen regardless, because you were destined/fated to do what you do today?

If there is no free will you can either say this is your fate, or this is your destiny.

Fate is like being on a slanted roof and you keep falling and slipping and you feel helpless.

Destiny is like being on a trail leading to something and the things along the way all have to do with where you’re going…

In my humble opinion, of course.

You’re listening to The Mark Bradford: Alchemy for Life podcast.

Is it fate, or is it destiny?

Well hey there, welcome back. Quick update for you: according to Listen Notes, which is an RSS aggregator—which means in simple terms it draws from a number of sources—Alchemy for Life podcast is in the top 5% globally among 2 million or so podcasts. So that was fun to learn, so thank you for that. That’s because of you.

So here’s a nice, light topic: let’s talk a little bit about Free Will. It’s an age-old debate whether we have free will or not, right? You’ve heard this before many times. Are you choosing what you do because you’re choosing what you do? Or are you choosing what you do because that’s the way it all plays out, and you have no control over that?

So for today’s podcast, I want to presuppose that you don’t have free will, or at least in a larger sense, right? And I want to break that down into two possibilities for you. If you don’t have free will, if what’s going to happen is going to happen because that’s just the way things are… you know, a lot of people would say, “Well, then I just give up.” But you don’t. I mean, you move through life; life flows through you and you flow through life, which is a whole another philosophical discussion.

But let me narrow this down. If what’s going to happen is going to happen, it really is one of two things, isn’t it? You could say, “Oh well, that’s my fate,” or you could say, “That’s my destiny.”

Those are two words that mostly mean the same thing, but they also mean the opposite thing. Because if I say it’s your fate, it kind of gives you that feeling like you’re on a slanted roof, and you’re falling off of it. You keep falling and you keep falling, and you keep sliding and sliding until you reach the edge, and then you fall off, right? There’s nothing you can do about it. But if it’s your destiny, you almost feel like you’re on a trail. You’re on a road leading to something, and the things along the way all have to do with where you’re going.

In a nutshell, it’s basically a negative spin or a positive spin, right? So which is it for you?

You can reject everything I’m saying and say, “Well, I have free will. I have the ability to make a difference in my life. If I do something today, tomorrow is going to be different. If I do something else, tomorrow’s going to be different.” It’s not like no matter what I do today, tomorrow is going to be the same, right? I mean, you could say, “Well, look, I’m going to take some sort of bizarre, sporadic action.” The problem is, we don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow until it happens. So we don’t know if that was going to happen anyway.

You can say, “Mark, you can get into this whole battle of Free Will versus non-free will, predestination, and so forth,” because we don’t own a time machine. We can’t do one thing, wait for tomorrow, go back in time, do another thing, and wait for tomorrow, right? No, we can’t. We don’t have a time machine, as much as I’ve talked about time machines and going back in time and sending yourself messages and so forth in previous episodes—and check them out, check out “Notes from the Future” and so forth, interesting episodes.

But what I want you to consider today, in this 10 minutes, is if things in your life are set on a path, is it fate or is it destiny?

If you’re a creative, heavily into a certain thing, and you create this thing, is it your fate to create this certain thing, or is it your destiny? And most people would say destiny, right? Because they consider creative stuff to be positive. I think people only label things “fate” if they’re having a hard time or they’re experiencing failure in some way.

If you are having difficulty in dating—and most people are when it comes to the modern world of dating apps and current culture and all that stuff—you would say, “Well, it’s my fate to be single,” right? Not “my destiny to be single.” Oh boy, right? Or if you’re someone who struggles with your wealth, you would say, “Well, I guess it’s my fate to really not make a lot of money. I guess I should focus on other things and family and what’s important and blah blah blah,” right?

So I think our brain essentially takes the spin based on whether something is negative or positive. So you may be using both of these terms. You may say, “Look, it’s just my destiny to be a good mom, and that’s what I do. It’s my fate to never really make a lot of money because I focus on being a good mom.” “It’s my destiny to be with this woman that I love more than anything in the world, and it’s my fate to… oh, I don’t know, I don’t care. I lost interest in the negative parts because I’m so happy about the other thing.” That could be you too.

We talked about labels a few episodes ago and just how much power that has, right? In fact, we talked about how much power it has; it has so much power that we don’t want to hand that power over to another person when it comes to us. No one should be labeling us; we should be labeling us if we want to, right? Well then, based on that, you could do the same thing with fate or destiny, can’t you?

You can take something in your life that you consider to be your fate and perhaps re-label it as your destiny. You can say, “Well, wait, how do I take being poor and turn that into my destiny?” Well, because you look at the bigger picture. And maybe the reason that you don’t have the wealth you want is because you focus on things that either currently don’t really generate money, or they just aren’t cut out to generate money. And that’s what you focus on, but that’s where your joy is, right? You know, think of the starving artist and the painters and the overnight successes that took 12 years, right? Because that’s what happens.

If you focus on the thing you don’t have and call it your fate, then you’re not focusing on the thing you do have, and you do like, and you are good at, and you do find joy with, and you’re not calling that your destiny. So if you like to sculpt, why not say it’s your destiny to sculpt and just forget about the whole, “It’s my fate to be poor because I like sculpting and I’m never going to make any money at it.”

Speaking of Free Will, is tomorrow any different? Yes, it is. In one way, you’re a lot happier tomorrow. You look back on this stuff and you don’t regret it. You don’t regret the fact that you focused on the thing that brought you all the joy and didn’t focus on the thing that potentially would bring you all the money. Because if you believe in free will, then you believe that you have the free will to focus on the happiness. If you don’t believe in free will, then you know that tomorrow is going to come anyway, and the same thing’s going to happen. So why not change your attitude and your label, since you’re stuck on the roof? And if you do believe in free will, then why not walk along this path with your head held high, making those happy changes?

I’m sure while I’m talking about this, you can think of at least one small thing in your life that may be a fate or a destiny. Or maybe you’re thinking right now about huge decisions you’ve made. Maybe you’re thinking about, you know, what your chosen field is, what it is that you do. Or maybe you’re thinking of your creative endeavor, because you know that’s my focus a lot here—are people who sometimes don’t realize they’re creatives. Because, you know, that’s again, back to labels. It’s a magic label that only applied to some, but I think there’s an awful lot more creative people out there than they think they are. And I think some of them are listening right now.

You may be one of those and say, “Well no, I just do accounting, I do this and this and this,” but you have the creativity. You are a dual-brained individual, as I say. You’re someone who likes logic, but you’re someone who also has a creative flare. And just because your creativity comes in the form of the way that you pack the lunches for your kids, or the insanely complicated desserts that you just make and everyone thinks you bought them, or the way you label your Christmas presents—it doesn’t matter. There’s creativity there.

So again, a little homework at the end. Why don’t you think a bit about, first of all, whether you think you have a fate or destiny? And then if you feel a bit of pushback from yourself and say, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t like this fate/destiny thing,” good. Then tell me, or tell yourself, what it is you’re doing to actively make a difference to change things. Are you grabbing the steering wheel or not? And if you have something in your life that you feel like you’re attached to permanently, then consider whether that’s your fate or your destiny. Because in the end, it’s very empowering to feel that something is your destiny versus your fate.

So thank you so much. I love hearing back from you, and uh, take care.

Hey there, thanks for listening. You know I always enjoy your feedback. The prequel to The Sword and the Sunflower duet, called Upside Down, is now available. The Sword and the Sunflower is available as Kindle, paperback, and audiobook, with the other two, Amira and Upside Down, being available as Kindle and paperback. Well actually, all three books are now available in hardcover.

Hakan Berg is known as The King of Birds. He was a finalist on Britain’s Got Talent, and fooled half of Penn and Teller on Fool us. Hakan and I had a surprisingly philosophical discussion about laughter, trust, vulnerability, magic and being in the present. We made a discovery together about an element that seems to be missing from all self care and self love lists, but is probably most needed when times are challenging for you.

One would think this would be a light-hearted discussion about performing, Britain’s Got Talent, competing in front of the two most well known magicians, and levity. It was, but that was just a small portion. The behind-the-scenes thought processes will speak volumes, and is something that anyone who creates for a living or even just for fun will need to hear.

Hakan and an associate are doing a performance and collecting clothing, supplies, etc. for Ukraine.

Youtube Channel

Instagram

Hakan has agreed to come back and answer questions, so do listen to this episode and do ask a question if you like. Questions will be curated and presented on his next appearance.

Questions can be posed anywhere this podcast is posted, or via the contact info.

We all know what a mantra is—it’s that thing you repeat over and over again; it’s that guiding principle you have; it is those words you live by. Well I have one of those too. For me it’s “Seek First to Understand” and I don’t know if i live by those words or they just happen to describe how my brain operates.

If you are like me, then you may also be living by these words. You may be the kind of person that just wants to figure something out—no frustration, no emotion, no resentment. You just want to fix it, or help someone, or make something better first. Then you can do some further assessment. After all, for some people this is their entire job—helping, or fixing.

Something I encounter time and again is that no matter how pure, unemotional and helpful I am in a situation, I still run into some people that are just expecting me to be adversarial. They are expecting the joke at their expense, or the resentment, the reprimand from authority, etc. And they are not going to get that from me. But they still react as if they have.

Let’s talk about what causes this, what to do if you also do this to the helpers in your life, and what to do if you are the helper.

PS –

• Do you have a mantra? If so does it serve you?
• Have you ever had someone have a conversation with you but instead they were talking to a voice in their head?
• How often does emotion become part of any given discussion? Who introduces this emotion—you or them?

Assume: To suppose without information.

Is this what you’re doing? is this what you have done every time you suppose without information? Or is this one of those words of power that we take for granted (no pun intended there).

The word assume can be applied as a label to behavior. What makes it potentially dangerous and powerful is when it is applied to your behavior from an external source. Think about that.

Let’s talk about what assumptions really are, why they are a part of everyday life, just how emotional humans are, and what you can do about it,

You’re listening to the Mark Bradford Alchemy for Life podcast.
If you assume… well, hey there, welcome back!
I hope you enjoyed the fora into a single word last episode, because we’re going to do it again. At least, I assume we are.

It’s about the word assume — one of those innocuous yet powerful words. It describes behavior and also defines it.

Most people know the phrase: If you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.
I want to tell you a joke about that at the end of the podcast that works every time.

The definition of assume is “to suppose without any proof.”
Funny, because no one really uses the word suppose anymore.
Webster’s Dictionary kind of replaces assume with suppose.

But is that really what assume means?
Are the times you assumed in life truly without proof?

Maybe in some cases, sure. But as we’ve discussed before, we only live in the very second right now.
We don’t know what will happen 30 minutes from now.
We can’t fully count on things, like the sun coming up or people behaving a certain way.

We mostly assume human behavior, not physics or chemistry.
Human behavior is soft science, unpredictable and emotional.

You can assume your friend will be happy to talk at 9 a.m., but maybe they’re having a bad day.
You assume loved ones will handle a topic properly, but it might blow up because of nurture, nature, experiences, or their own assumptions.

Assuming is a tool of sanity—we have to do it.

If you work at a busy factory, you might assume the boss will be stressed during the busiest weeks, but you still ask because you want to be sure.

People use assume differently to serve their emotional outcomes.

It’s a label, often with negative connotations, used to manipulate or criticize.

If you ask for a cup of coffee, the size depends on the place—someone else defines the word cup.
Same with assume: others define it and can label your behavior unfairly.

There’s not much we can do except recognize assume is a label imposed by others.

We must use logic and avoid falling into traps like:
“I won’t tell this person because they might assume something.”

Be aware of pitfalls—not just on your part but how others weaponize the word.

This podcast is unusual but important because assume carries so much power.

Not when you use it logically, e.g., “I assume this is going to happen, so I plan accordingly.”
But when someone says, “Why did you assume that?” suddenly you’re being labeled.

The old phrase:
If you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.

Try this: say to someone, “If you assume, you make an ass out of you,” pointing at them, then pause.
Their lizard brain will complete the phrase out loud: “and me.”
Congrats—you just called them an ass.

Thanks for listening.
I always enjoy your feedback.

The prequel to The Sword and the Sunflower duet, called Upside Down, is now available.
The Sword and the Sunflower is available as Kindle, paperback, and audiobook, with Amira and Upside Down available as Kindle and paperback.
Actually, all three books are now available in hardcover.

It’s such an innocuous word, isn’t it? Potential. It doesn’t sound like much when I say it by itself like that. But it’s the doorway to good and bad; to epic success or catastrophic failure.

Let’s talk about what it means, what it does, and how it gives us a clue as to which successes—and failures—we may have chosen.

If you hire a coach, have a review or consider accomplishing a new goal invariably the comfort zone is going to come up. And the first thing that will be discussed is you leaving the comfort zone. It will be discussed as if it is a bad thing, even though it’s where you live. Leave it!

What they don’t even consider is the size of your comfort zone. What if it is massive? Kind of hard to leave something that you keep expanding like a person possessed. If your CZ (that’s short for Comfort Zone for us hip and trendy people) is super tiny then yes, it would probably benefit you to become a bit more comfortable with some basic stuff in life. But what if you’ve been there, done that? What if a lot of—if not most—things in life are pretty much within those bounds? Thern why should you feel badly, and why should you leave it?

What sense does it make to leave your comfort zone just for the sake of leaving it? I submit to you it does not. However, it makes sense to do so if there is a potential gain. There’s a difference between shoving yourself into the unknown for no reason to taking the plunge on something because you are curious, have always wanted to do it, or think it would benefit you.

So, what if you could expand your space without leaving it…? Listen to the podcast to find out more.

The solution to all of your problems, past, present and future is to simply be Your Best Self. There. Done. There’s no podcast. It’s that easy.

Oh, you’re still here? What’s that in your hands there… a chair? Put that down.

Ok, no pressure here, but what do you need to do to be the best version of you?

You have to know what the best version of you is!

How do you figure that out then?!

AHA…

Listen further if you actually want valuable info.

And put that chair down!