We take a break from reality to play our favorite nighttime driving songs, even with our endless cynicism, we’re nonplussed as the left and right keep changing sides, Alex fanboys on MTG, US Ukraine peace plan proves Putin probably possesses two-POTUS pleasure pics, new information has come to light, man, and finally, Epstein, AI, or Aliens:  What’s your favorite Black Swan? Drop us a comment below.

So you’re telling me that Trump, Clinton, and JP Morgan Chase are all going down?  Best day EVER!  But, before you get too excited, here’s an army of killer robots for you.  We learn that experiencing human empathy leads to demon attacks, the government is back in business, and nobody seems happy about it, and please tell us there really is a photo of Donny giving Bubba a Lewinsky.  

Remember credit default swaps?  Well, they’re back and they’re literally overrated again.  A.I. tuuk er juubs, consumer confidence plummets, markets flashing signs of implosion, Trump and SCOTUS say “let them eat cake,” Facebook sold all my personal my data, and all I got was a $4.01 Visa card, and why can’t airports just pay the air traffic controllers?  Oh, that’s right…it’s illegal.

Sleep-deprived Alex tells slightly-high Adrian about the fare that forced him to go to a strip club, we marvel at the metaphor of taking people on journeys down the road and through life, we question the both old gods and the new gods, and wonder if everyone is talking about the same person named Jesus, we contemplate why so many people can’t distinguish different degrees of truth, and we ultimately pontificate on why the hell people just can’t be nice to each other.

Alex exposes Uber ta-tas, MAGA keeps using that word “Christian” but we don’t think it means what they think it means, General cozies up with ChatGPT, media (even Fox News) stands up to Hegseth, Trump trades 747 for US airbase, Marines to shell No-Kings, and young Republicans can’t figure out why people call them the N-word…no, the other N-word, the first one’s OK with them.

We blow off the news and politics in the first hour to talk about gay tippers, submissive radical feminists, incel men-children, and the complicated relationships between them all, Epstein Island was a more popular tourist destination than we thought, Bondi goes full Scarlet O’Hara with a burn book, the Nobel Prize nobody wanted…well, except that one guy, and Israel might actually stop killing kids for a minute.

Trump orders generals to invade US, Hegseth wants less bears and more twunks, we wish the government was as closed as the Epstein files, MAGA is Grindr’s key demographic, Trump says “Don’t fear the raper,” as the nine years of Presidential dimentia continues, feds end discriminatory policing by arresting absolutely everyone, and when the hell did Puerto Rico become part of ‘Mericka?

Either we’re going to war with blue states or aliens, or maybe we’re about to turn on Skynet, AI slop causing psychosis and making truth impossible to find, Kirk Memorial goes WWE Raw, Trump plans to put AI in charge of bioweapons, Kash covers up Homan’s cash bribe, akidominipoon causes Autism, they tore down our favorite DC statue, and Bibi speaks to an empty UN audience.

Alex was late…then early…then says “It’s a black thing,” Russia pokes NATO, but just enough to be a nuisance, while Ukraine keeps grinding Russian meat, from “Charlie who?” to an American Martyr, Trans people become the next brown people, 1,250 people “missing” from Alligator Alcatraz and they didn’t escape, Crazy-Eye Kash try to out Karen Congress, and there’s still hope for the solar flare this year.

Charlie Kirk's assassination is an attack on all of us, but not in the way anyone thinks or even understands. Russia attacks Poland, Israel attacks Qatar, USAF attacks an alien spacecraft, US Navy attacks a Venezuelan drug boat, ICE attacks South Korea, Nepal’s Gen Z attacks their government, and Trump’s cardiovascular system attacks his face.