Trump’s heartfelt birthday letter to Epstein reads like illustrated pedo poetry, Alex betting on Trump making it to 2027, it turns out that the Unibomber appointed the Fed Chairman…or something, Musk’s MechaHitler approved for use for all government departments, anti-woke American is soon to be Cargo 200, and will JD Vance seize the chance to play Brutus?

California could be the site for the next Boston Massacre, Trump admin unsuccessfully trying to tell MAGA there’s no client list, even after Bondi said it was on her desk, Pentagon plans and executes intentionally intimidating show of force in LA park, Palantir founder can’t answer whether humanity should continue to exist, and Grok renames itself “MechaHitler” while targeting Jews.

We are boycotting Israel - mainly because Florida made it illegal, Trump announce plans for Slavery 2.0 and deporting native-born US Citizens, ICE becomes 9th largest military force on Earth - with more money than the entire US Marine Corps, Bondi says the FBI has 10,000 Epstien videos but we’ll never know what’s in them, there’s more cases of AI psychosis, and we no longer have the ability to track hurricanes at night.

Alex tries unsuccessfully to pick up gay guys, Adrian just wants to cook in peace, Peter Thiel wants to talk about Armageddon, DeSantis & The Geo Group banking on concentration camps, “ChatGPT Psychosis” is now an actual medical diagnosis, SCROTUS effectively ends birthright citizenship for all Americans, and sleep well knowing a 22-year-old former grocery store clerk is protecting us from terrorism.

Trump has to decide whether to obey Israel, Russia or his own ego, US Army commissions Palantir, Meta, and Open AI executives as Lt. Colonels and tasks them with building Skynet, the White House HR chief is a spy and no one seems to care, Dodgers defeat ICE at home, Russian asset Tucker Carlson takes on Israeli asset Sen. Ted Cruz, and we’re hoping the aliens under Antarctica thaw in time to save us.

We wonder what the outcome of the King vs. No Kings battle will be today, a (possibly fake) cop executes Minnesota legislators, Israel hits Iran and then is indignant when they hit back, Congress finally gets upset when one of their own gets manhandled by the feds, US Army Chief says we have soldiers on the moon, OpenAI founder Altman says AI may already be out of human control, and do we really want Ozempic schlongs?

Tampa cop harrasses Alex so he takes out his anger on an innocent handicapped man, the ugly Musk/Trump breakup is actually just the first salvo of the Techbro coup, and the next round is going to be even more interesting, Ukraine gives us a glimpse of the future of war as they take out a third of Russia bombers with covert AI drones, US votes for genocide, and nuclear war is still looking like our best option.

FBI says they have video “proving” Epstein killed himself five years after saying the cameras were broken, Google Veo 3 masters flawless AI video generation which is totally not related to the FBI thing, Trump sets bribe amount for pardons at $1 million, Palantir seizes more control from government, and we’re all going to die but at least we won’t have jobs when we do, and as Tupac said, “Real eyes realize real lies.”

In a departure from our usual comedic banter, Adrian monopolizes the entire show to explain recent milestones toward Artificial General and Super Intelligence (AGI / ASI), lay out a roadmap for how it will develop over the next 18 months to 10 years, and game plan the likelihood that it will lead to the extinction or nullification of all mankind, meanwhile incredulous Alex gives a ride to a drunk guy in a ghillie suit.

Israel unveils final solution, India and Pakistan relieved someone finally separated them, “If we’re going to have killer robots, I’d rather they be American killer robots,” Palantir taking over more government functions, Trump doesn’t know if he’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, and the entire AI agenda is laid out in the second hour.