Why are we so mean to ourselves?

We spend our entire lives with ourselves, yet somehow we're often the person we criticize, judge, and take care of the least. We expect ourselves to do more, be better, move faster, and somehow never make the wrong choice.

In this week's episode of Always Becoming, I'm thinking about why we're so much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on the people we love, and what it might look like to finally get on our own side.

In this episode, we talk about about:

• Why we often mistake self-criticism for motivation
• The double standard between how we treat ourselves and how we treat the people we love
• The ways we make ourselves earn rest, joy, celebration, and even our own kindness
• Why wanting to grow doesn't have to mean believing you aren't good enough
• Learning to separate making a mistake from believing you are a mistake
• And what it could look like to become someone you can actually count on to be kind to you

Maybe self-love doesn't mean thinking you're amazing all the time. Maybe it just means deciding that, even when you're disappointed in yourself, you're still going to be on your own side.

Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

What if getting things wrong doesn't mean you're failing at life?

In this week's episode of Always Becoming, I'm sharing a random thought I had while taking a multiple choice test that got me thinking about the way we approach life. The more questions there are, the more you can get wrong and still get a really good score. And maybe life works the same way.

In this episode, I'm talking about:

• Why we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the "right" choices
• How taking more risks and trying more things gives us more opportunities to get things right
• Why a few wrong answers don't have to determine the outcome of your life
• How failure, wrong turns, and things not working out can simply be part of the process
• And why maybe we should be less focused on getting a perfect score and more focused on actually taking the test

Maybe a good life isn't about getting every question right. Maybe it's about giving yourself enough chances to get the answers that matter most.

If you've been afraid of making the wrong choice lately, I hope this episode reminds you that one wrong answer doesn't ruin the whole test.

✨Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

Have you ever felt like you were too much? Too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too intense… like maybe life would be easier if you could just make yourself a little smaller?

In this week's "to be honest" episode, I'm sitting down with my friend Hannah to talk about what it looks like to understand yourself, accept yourself, and stop feeling like you need to change who you are to be more comfortable for other people.

If you've ever struggled with feeling different, questioned parts of yourself you couldn't quite understand, or found yourself shrinking who you are to make other people happy… I think you'll really relate to this one!

We talk about:

• Growing up with ADHD and the experience of starting medication
• Fighting the stigma around medication and learning what actually helps you
• Learning to understand your brain instead of judging yourself for it
• What it means to be called "too much" and how that can affect the way you see yourself
• Learning to stop making yourself smaller to make other people more comfortable
• The difference between genuinely growing as a person and shrinking yourself to make other people more comfortable
• Finding people who don't just accept you, but genuinely celebrate you
• And learning that maybe you were never too much, you were just trying to be yourself in spaces that didn't have room for you

This episode is about letting go of the idea that you need to be less of yourself to be loved, accepted, or understood and learning that you were never too much to begin with.

Connect with Hannah! https://secure.helloalma.com/providers/hannah-sikorski/

✨ Let's connect on Instagram: @mikalen.co

When life feels overwhelming, our minds can make everything feel scarier, more permanent, and more complicated than it actually is. So in this episode, I'm sharing 16 little reminders to come back to when you're feeling anxious, stuck, behind, uncertain, or just not quite like yourself.

From remembering that not every thought deserves your belief, to giving yourself permission to rest, take a risk, move your body, and trust that you don't have to know exactly how everything will work out, these are the reminders I find myself coming back to again and again.

You don't have to have everything figured out. You don't have to be productive every day. You don't have to know what's coming next.

Sometimes, you just need to remember that you're going to be okay.

So if life feels a little overwhelming right now, I hope one of these reminders is exactly what you need to hear.

✨Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

Why do we wait until the biggest moments of our lives to celebrate?

A promotion. An engagement. Buying a house. Landing the dream job.

Those milestones absolutely deserve to be celebrated, but what about everything in between?

In this episode, we're talking about why we've become so good at waiting for life to be worth celebrating instead of celebrating the life we're already living. From finally leaving a relationship that wasn't right to making it through a hard season, setting boundaries, or simply taking one more step toward the life you want, maybe there are more reasons to celebrate than we realize.

We get into:

• why we tend to save celebration for the biggest milestones
• how quickly we move the goalposts after reaching a goalcelebrating growth instead of just arrival
• the "ordinary" moments that deserve more recognition
• why acknowledging your wins isn't arrogant
• a simple challenge to help you celebrate your life a little more this week

If you've been waiting for a bigger reason to celebrate, I hope this episode reminds you that maybe the life you're building is already worth celebrating.

✨Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

Some journeys aren't about becoming someone new, they're about finally giving yourself permission to be who you've been all along.

This week we have an exciting To Be Honest epsiode with one of my best friends, Holt! In this conversation, Holt shares what it was like growing up in a tiny North Carolina town where he didn't always feel comfortable being his full, authentic self, how moving away for college began to expand his world, and how finding community in Denver helped him fully embrace who he is today.

We also talk about the role fashion has played in self expression, why no single part of your identity defines you, and how authenticity isn't something you arrive at overnight, it's something you build one small step at a time.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Growing up in a small town and feeling like you had to fit a certain mold
• How college and new experiences can expand your perspective
• Finding community and the power of being understood
• Using fashion as a form of self expression
• Why one part of your identity doesn't define your entire story
• Taking small, courageous steps toward living more authentically

Whether you're navigating your own identity, searching for where you belong, or simply learning to show up more fully as yourself, I hope this conversation reminds you that becoming who you are is always worth it.

✨Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

Have you ever felt like you're dropping the ball no matter how hard you try?

Maybe you've been pouring more energy into work lately, and your friendships have taken a back seat. Or you've been focused on your family, your health, your relationship, or simply getting through a busy season and suddenly you feel guilty for everything you aren't doing.

In this episode, we're talking about the pressure to do it all, why something always has to give, and how I'm learning to let go of the guilt that comes with shifting priorities.

We get into:

• why balance doesn't always mean giving everything equal attention
• the pressure to keep up with every area of life
• learning to see life in seasons instead of falling behind
• why letting something take the back seat doesn't mean it isn't important
• replacing guilt with self-compassion during busy seasons
• giving yourself permission to do your best with the season you're in

If you've been feeling stretched too thin lately, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not failing you might just be expecting yourself to do more than anyone realistically can.

lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it felt impossible?

A relationship. A job. A new chapter. Healing. A dream that felt so far away you couldn't even imagine how it would happen.

And then one day it does.

But almost as quickly as you get the thing you've been hoping for, your attention shifts to the next thing you don't have yet.

In this episode, we're talking about why we do that, why the things we want often feel impossible until suddenly they aren't, and how easy it is to forget the things we once wished for when we're busy chasing what's next.

We get into:

• why we tend to doubt what we can't yet see
• things in my life that once felt impossible but aren't anymore
• the tendency to move the goalposts after reaching a goal
• trusting life's timing when you don't know how things will work out
• finding gratitude for where you are while still hoping for more
• why "I don't know how" doesn't mean "it will never happen"

If you're waiting on something right now and wondering if it's ever going to happen for you, I hope this episode reminds you that not knowing how isn't the same thing as never.

Sometimes life changes faster than we think.

✨Let's connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

I think when I was younger, I assumed that by 28 I'd have a lot more figured out than I actually do.

The truth is, there are still so many things I'm learning, questioning, and working through. And while I used to see that as a sign that I was behind, I'm starting to realize that maybe growth isn't about having all the answers, it's about learning to trust yourself while you're still figuring things out.

In this episode, I'm sharing some of the things I'm still navigating in this season of life, including:

• career, purpose, and the pressure to have a plan
• relationships, dating, and learning to trust the process
• body image, confidence, and self-acceptance
• finding balance between ambition and being present
• letting go of timelines and expectations
• learning to be okay with uncertainty

If you've ever felt like everyone else has it together except you, this episode is a reminder that most of us are figuring it out as we go.

And maybe that's not a problem to solve. Maybe that's just part of life!

✨lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co

In today's episode of To Be Honest, I'm joined by my friend Naya for a conversation about reinventing yourself, trusting your intuition, and having the courage to walk away from anything that no longer aligns. Whether that's a career path, a relationship, or an old version of yourself.

We talk about her journey from studying finance to teaching herself how to code during covid, becoming a software engineer, building an online platform helping women break into tech, and the personal growth that happened alongside all of it.

We talk about:

• Taking unconventional paths and starting over
• Teaching yourself new skills and breaking into tech in 2026
• Why it's not "too late" to pivot careers or start creating content online
• The importance of representation when pursuing a dream
• Building a community and personal brand online
• Imposter syndrome, confidence, and reinventing yourself
• Developing higher standards for yourself in dating
• Not being afraid to leave relationships that aren't fulfilling you
• The difference between something looking good on paper vs actually feeling aligned
• Learning to trust yourself and ask the universe for more
• Outgrowing old versions of yourself and choosing what truly feels right

This is a fun, inspiring, real episode for anyone who feels scared to start over!

Connect with Naya: IG @theblackfemaleengineer

TikTok @theblackfemaleengineer

YouTube The Black Female Engineer

✨Lets connect on instagram: @mikalen.co