Always Mending

Healing from my own codependent mindset after my marriage helped me see and point out how Navy Guy was the same. His “avoidance” was partially a people pleasing that seemed to come from a lifetime of being what everyone else expected of him. He struggled to know his own mind about things and was consistently agreeable to the point I regularly questioned him about it. Was he really on the same page or was he just reflexively telling me he was in order to prevent conflict? He would pause and say he didn’t really know and he’d have to think more on that.

When I talk about relationships being a mirror, this is one way that works. We show each other aspects of ourselves that need healing. Without these connections, it would be difficult to know when whether we’re truly codependent or interdependent.

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

Three years ago I was just starting date again after two years of therapy and recovering from abuse. I was terrified, but excited too. I had deconstructed my faith, unpacked everything that made me accept abuse, and built a strong foundation within my heart. I had no idea what was to come, but I knew I could handle it.

I never imagined falling in love. I intended for it to be a fling, just something to get me “back in the saddle” as they say. I expected someone who would be good enough. I didn’t expect someone who would make me a better person.

I didn’t expect to fall in love with myself too.

If you like nursery rhymes, I wrote a book. I describe it as nursery rhymes for grown ups who still hope for love. 📕 lovemakeslifelisten.com

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If you’re on TikTok, a couple of men have answered him.

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This week TikTok blew up when a DoorDash driver posted video of a customer asleep on his couch, naked from the waist to his ankles. A violation of company policy, DoorDash deactivated her as a driver.

As I sought answers I found only rumor and speculation, much of it split in her favor and in his defense. It’s what anyone would do in that position.

What I can know is this. She recorded and posted a video without consent. And then when called on it and the video removed for nudity violations, she claimed it was a “sexual assault” and screamed repeatedly in a subsequent video, “I’M THE VICTIM!! I’M THE VICTIM, REMEMBER?!”

Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t, but the only evidence that exists proves her to be the one who violated someone sexually.

The original video is gone, but what I saw reposted by others showed a man asleep, well within the walls of his home and away from the front door. He wasn’t visible from the sidewalk. In fact even on the porch she had to stand off to the side of the door to get the angle she got. And what disturbs me most is that she zoomed in, like she wanted a better shot of the man.

In the same video in which she screams in defense, she specifically mentions losing money from the creator fund as a reason she’s upset the video was taken down.

As I have sought information myself I was called “pick me” and ridiculed as if I was defending a predatory man. But this isn’t about men. It’s not about gender. I’ve said that for years. Although I do focus on women because I am one, my primary concern is consent. Recording someone without their consent and posting it online, particularly if they’re nude, is violating no matter what gender you are.

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Freedom is love and love is free 

i’m used to posting videos pretty regularly, but I also don’t want to inundate your inbox with emails, so I’ve been withholding some of the videos from your email. If you’d like me to notify you with every video, please give me that feedback. Otherwise, use the app or go out to the website to see more videos.

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It was about 8 months after my ex moved out I experienced a spontaneous orgasm while I was working. There was zero stimuli, just out of nowhere my body was healing and finding itself again.

A year and a half later I met someone who made me feel safe and adored, and I was able to feel pleasure again. I wasn’t able to orgasm, but only because there wasn’t enough time. It ended before we were able to explore other things. 😉

Take your time. There’s plenty.

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Maybe you’re not asexual, or gay. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe all of your symptoms are a side effect of abuse.

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

Men ask frequently, some variation of, “Well, what am I supposed to do?” So I show them. This is what I would do, as a person who is not coercive and wants a healthy relationship.

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