Anorexia recovery – Michelle Sparkes

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

When we are locked in the self hatred of the eating disorder ‘cage’ we need to experience ourselves as seen, known, understood, worthwhile, valuable, loved. Even when and especially in the midst of our most acute struggles. For me the heart of the Christmas message is about this. The sound quality of this audio is poor and I apologise for that but I believe someone out there needs to hear this message of hope today. Big hugs to you. 

Communicating vulnerable thoughts, feelings, wants and needs can be particularly difficult when we are struggling with disordered eating. In this episode, Michelle explores how the deeper emotional experience underlying eating-disorder behaviours can make communication difficult and offers practical guidance for approaching challenging conversations with greater awareness, responsibility, respect and goodwill.

Beginning with the proverb “He who seeks good finds goodwill,” Michelle considers how we can seek to understand rather than blame, identify what is happening inside us, communicate using I-language, listen carefully, check that we have understood correctly, and work together towards a constructive way forward. She also considers the importance of relational safety and knowing when we may need to guard our heart.

There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free…

“Value is your birthright, your body is your home, and in a world of uncertainty you can experience a security deep within that will set you free from the dis-ease at the heart of disordered eating.”  Michelle Sparkes

If you struggle with disordered eating, self and body concerns 3 key things you will need to recover a life worth living are compassion, curiosity and support. Listen here for more…

Dear Carer you are a lifeline to the one you love. I know it can be tremendously challenging to watch someone you love restricting, starving, bingeing, purging or punishing their body. You KNOW these behaviours do not produce health, well-being or happiness. How can you assist your loved one move away from damaging behaviours and towards healing and recovery? Here are 3 key thoughts to help keep the ‘lifeline’ of communication open between you and your older teen.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or discouraged by an eating disorder ‘label’ or diagnosis this podcast will help you see that you are not alone, unusual or beyond help…and if you need more encouragement or ‘hard evidence’ get hold of my free ebook and begin your journey to freedom.

When pain comes our way it is natural to protect against it. And a very understandable way to protect against pain directed at the self or experienced within the self, is to try and control it. Food/body/weight control in this respect make ‘sense’ because it gives us a tangible way to make ourselves feel more acceptable, competent and in control. Initially it seems to work and we may receive a lot of positive reinforcement from family, friends and the culture at large (for being ‘successful’, exercising more ‘discipline,’ making ‘healthier’ food choices etcetera), BUT if we continue to rely on this strategy to deal with the ongoing challenges and stressors of life, our ‘solution’ can quickly spiral out of control and create the problem of disordered eating or an eating disorder. Miche’s Model illustrates this process. To view the model &/or to read more about it check out Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery.

Freedom from disordered eating comes as we cease food restrictions and nurture body and soul.

The first step on our road to freedom requires that we SEE that our current disordered eating behaviours, although originally well-intentioned, will never take us where we want to go. They will never bring us the inner peace, self acceptance and security we crave.

Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery (ebook) exists to illuminate this truth because it empowers us to make new choices in the days ahead; to let go of outmoded, unhelpful behaviours and attitudes towards food, body and self, and to find new ways to manage the ongoing challenges and stressors of life.

You can’t get free from a cage you can’t see.

Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery (ebook) is available from Amazon for FREE for a limited time. 

What happens when the drive for health becomes unhealthy? asks Jenny Brockie, host of SBS Insight, as she explores our nations “health obsession” with a roomful of people and three 20+ year olds struggling to recover from disordered eating and eating disorders. As I watched the show I found myself reflecting on the power of the fathers hug to bring soothing and rest to a heart of anxiety.

When a heart is anxious and troubled, what helps settle that is to be held, to be hugged by someone who loves us, who cares for us, whose heart and intention is good towards us. This settles our anxious heart. It helps us to rest and be at peace and from this base (of peace), to make decisions and choices that lead to better outcomes, healthier responses rather than fearful reactions….and more disordered eating.

What drives the movement from health to unhealth? Fear. Fear that rides on the coattails of lies believed. You’re not good enough.

So you… try harder, do better, be thinner, be healthier, exercise more (self and body) control.

And you chase your tail down the slippery slope of disordered eating into a full-blown eating disorder because the anxiety and need to exercise control does not abate, it increases. This is the nature of eating disorders.

To feel driven, compelled, pushed. To lose the freedom to CHOOSE.

To become isolated, withdrawn, dis-connected.

Oh but the healing power in the fathers embrace.

To be seen, known, loved, valued.

Irrespective of our struggles. Perfection not expected.

Strong arms and a warm heart that embrace and impart a sense of shelter from the storm, safety, security, protection, support.

Not your experience? I understand.

Our experience shapes but does not define us. Your true worth and value stand regardless of your experience (like a $100 bill that’s been trampled and spat on but is still worth $100). And there is One who sees and knows and loves you. Does not expect perfection. Knows it’s impossible. Understands your anxious heart. Longs to embrace you. Face to face. Eye to eye. To find yourself known, loved, safe, secure (though the mountains fall and the earth may change), even then.

Such comfort, such peace to impart to a troubled heart.

I have found such peace in the Father’s hug.