Anxiety in Me

When the clock hit 0:00 for the first time in 2022, I was very excited. I knew this year is going to be legen - wait for it- dary (I was watching himym at that time so I used this phrase a lot). But this year was the hardest year of my life, and I realized, things don't always go as well as I planned. There were many moments I tried to improve, to be a better person, but you can't just dramatically change in one day, and it made me more and more depressed. I recently realized that progress is not about constantly growing up. In this episode, I talked about progress, the biggest lesson I learned from the hardest year of my life. I hope my 2023 will change me in a good way. 

(Spoiler Alert) August 2020, the beloved actor Chadwick Boseman sadly passed away. I was very curious how they are going handle this movie without Black Panther. In conclusion, I cried a lot, A LOT while watching this movie. I cried like a huge baby. Honestly this was the best two hours experience I had in the theater this year. For some reasons, the absence of T'Challa made me remind more and more about the time he was present on screen. Each actors did phenomenal job to deliver their own griefs. Now I can say this confidently, that even though the people we loved were gone, doesn't mean they are really gone. Rest In Peace, Chadwick. Wakanda Forever. 

Being able to speak another language fluently is so much fun than it sounds. Today, I talked about how I learned and became confident in speaking English. I feel like Japanese people in general are good at writing and listening, but somehow not in speaking. You don't have to buy English textbook or use complicated words to be "good" at English. All it takes are a certain environment and your will to learn it. 

As someone who have an experience living outside of Japan, I can't help but notice that Japanese beauty standard is toxic. The cosmetic industry will always make you feel you aren't good enough. Pictures on social media are pretty much heavily edited these days. I'm not saying we should all stop it, but it just helps growing insecurities inside of teenagers. Today I mentioned few things I realized while  spending my puberty in this country for few years. Remember, everybody is beautiful in their own way, and you don't have to fit in to prove that !

Today, I took a break from discussing my opinions about certain topics. Instead, I decided to focus about my current life. September is my favorite month, because my birthday is on September. I mostly talked about how I spent few days around my birthday this year, and what I want to achieve in next semester since today is also the last day of my summer vacation. Hope you can enjoy listening  to this episode <3 

I had so much fun during summer vacation. But at the same time, I felt like there is this super high standard for "enjoying your life". These days, everything we do or did in our life immediately go to social media like Instagram or TikTok. Why do we always feel like we have to prove that we are having fun, quality time ? Is it impossible to actually enjoy our life without worrying about how good we look in the photo？ Let's find out. 

What is a family? Well, it goes without saying that each of us have a different view of it. As for me, I have experiences of living with both of my parents and raised by a single parent. Also as a bi person, I have no idea how I am going to shape my future family, which makes me worry A LOT. How will I even get pregnant? Will I adopt a baby or hook up with a strange dude? Who will take care of my child? Will I be single? If so, who will do my funerals and visit my grave? Today, I unpacked all those concerns I have about "family", so that I can discuss the shape of family (and possibly about my grave as well.)

As an introvert, I don't have that much friends, but I do have all kinds of friends. Let me tell you, they are all very genius, energetic and fantastic. Their parents must be really proud of them. The thing is, I sometimes feel like shit because comparing to them, I am just a basic average teenager. I don't have this specific plans or goal for my future. I haven't really done any fantastic stuffs to make my parents proud. And that's just my personal issue. They aren't problems, my insecurities are. I honestly don't have a big solution for this (if you do, pls tell me), so I just basically confessed this feeling I've had for so many years. By the way, I love my friends. They are amazing, and I'm lucky to be friends of them. 

I've always wanted to do this 73 questions thing with Vogue so I did, except it's 50 questions and my answers are way too long and complicated than that. I was suppose to discover something new and unique about myself, but ended up realizing how I'm lazy and weak at English vocabulary. Anyway, I am not sure who would like to listen to me just answering 50 questions, but please enjoy.