Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank

I almost forgot about the election that saved comedy. Not the presidential election. No, that doesn't really matter. We're still gonna be at war with 7 countries and watch the rich get richer and the poor get poorer regardless of who won that. I'm talking about the Legion of Skanks election. I decided to run for the president of someone else's podcast.   I'm Ari Shaffir, and I stand for Mayhem.   Every week, I would offer a different sacrifice at the alter of comedy. And in return, the gods of laughs rewarded me with the highest office in the land. During this recap, I didn't even remember some of the best stuff that happened. There was way more about this than I remembered while avoiding sheep poop. I forgot making Derosa wait downstairs in the sweaty basement just to get betrayed like a chump when he came upstairs. I forgot getting the best celebrity endorsements and then getting Big Jay's family and Luis's son to endorse me. Dave Smith's jerk of a daughter refused to betray him. I forgot the lie detector. I forgot hosting the debates and my announcement that I'd be running. I think I even forgot that I wore a different suit all 8 times I came on. If you want to watch the recap of the Skanks election, there's a 2 hour video about it here that I'll link to on the YouTube video of this podcast. I'll put a box link to it at the end of the video.   Thank you to our sponsor: Dan Soder. Because of the generous contributions made by the Soder Superpac, I, Ari Shaffir, was able to win the most important election of our lifetime. The Soder Superpac; sponsoring winners in NY and beating up losers in PA since before Jesus.   Please sign up for my Patreon. I'm about 3 days away from having exclusive Tee shirts and other merch up there that will only be available to patrons and nobody else. That's in addition to bonus solo podcasts, occasional riffs with other comics on the topics the patrons submit, and early releases of podcasts. Patreon.com/AriShaffir.   I'm Ari Shaffir. And I stand, for mayhem.   The Music Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen - No One Tells The President What To Do

In part 4 of My 2020 Year in Review podcast, I talk about returning to New York City. I am standup comedian Ari Shaffir. And I'm only a standup comedian while I'm doing standup comedy. Otherwise, I'm just the internet's greatest yogi. Things in New York were starting to open up again. So I made my return. And what a great decision that was. New York was ALIVE. People were drinking in the streets. All our comedian friends were hanging out. They say crime was up, and if crime includes drug use, then yeah, my crime was WAAAAY up. Molly flowed. Booze flowed. Weed flowed. The cokeheads and the potheads came to terms with each other and met in the middle at the bar. Everybody was happy. And standup was the coolest it's been in decades. Comics were responding to things. Not just doing well written jokes about nothing. Now we had BLM, Covid, the elections, Ellen, and so much more to talk about. It felt important. I loved it! We all gotta figure out a way to hold onto the good parts of this summer when next summer rolls around.   Please subscribe to my Patreon. If you were a member, you could've heard this podcast over a week ago. Plus at patreon.com/arishaffir there's exclusive merch and bonus podcasts for patreon members only.   Thank you to our sponsor, walktails. It's like a capri sun pouch full of booze. Imagine a pouch of margarita to go. Yeah. And they were available at just about every bar in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Walktails. I didn't invent the word, but I love the word. Eventually they made the bars serve food with them so bars would give you chips or a half a bologna sandwich or even a single tortilla. I barfed outside so many times!   The Music   Pinc Louds - Shake It The Pinc Louds are the spirit of creativity in New York. They are a fake band and they are at the forefront of a movement to steal the city back from the rich and make New York cool again. You should see them live. You can listen online until you get that chance, but once you get that chance, take it. Claudi is a busker. And busker's play. And the Pinc Louds play well. And they play loud. And they bring the party. Get a tall boy and come hang. Check the Pinc Louds instagram to see when they're playing next and then get on a bike and make your way over.

Covid changed a lot for a lot of people. Bezos is killing it more than ever. And whoever owns Purell. But for the rest of us things went off the rails. With the March lockdown looming, standup comedian and yoga guru Ari Shaffir decided to take his dog and go live with his parents out in the suburbs.   In part 3 of my 2020 Year in Review podcast, I talk about living with my parents. My NYC apartment didn't seem like the best place to be forced to stay inside all day. So I left the city I love to have a unique and lovely time with my mom and dad. To get to hang out with your mother and father for that amount of time, as an adult, is an experience I'll never get to have again and I'm eternally thankful to that bat dude in China for making it happen.   My dog loved it, too. All she did all day was figure out ways to escape the yard and run into the woods to chase deer. While my friends were busy signing hundred million dollar deals, I was busy nailing mesh fencing to trees. Wouldn't trade places. And I pondered that every afternoon, drinking wine on the deck while watching the sunset with my mom.   Please sign up for my Patreon.com/AriShaffir for bonus content. You coulda heard this episode a week ago if you were on there. Plus exlusive merch offers and patreon-only podcasts.   Thank you to our sponsor, rosay. Rosay. For when you're too old to party but you still want to catch a buzz in the burbs, think rosay. It's the wine you're afraid to admit you love.   And our other sponsor, Outfield Fencing. When you want to keep your dog in the yard until the moment you go inside for 2 freaking minutes to go pee, think outfield fencing. It's strong, totally destructible if your dog chews on it a little bit or a deer runs into it, and easy to run under. Outfield fencing. It's really just for baseball.   The Music Big Freedia - Rona Rona   If you don't know Big Freedia, you're missing out. You can pretty much play any 10 of her songs in a row and you've got an instant dance party. She's the queen of bounce, the diva of dance, the shake it up shaman, and the party princess. Go look her up. Tell her to come on the podcast to talk about the history of New Orleans Bounce.

Troll of the Year. On part 2 of My 2020 Year in Review podcast I talk about how I brought a city to its knees. With a few expertly timed and crafted words I made Los Angeles crumble. It was hilarious. Even the comedy world wasn’t immune from my power. While most standups laughed and were tremendously supportive, a few comedians fell to my power. Some who had previously held that jokes were always just jokes, for the first time in their lives took the side of the censors. They had never been so expertly triggered before and they lost their minds. And we all laughed at them. It was one my greatest trolls, if not my greatest. It made hypocrites out of the mighty and showed the world how much they overvalued the lives of celebrities. Their anger was my applause. Their threats of violence were my standing ovation. I am God.

The Music

Distillers - City of Angels

 

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It's time for my annual Year In Review podcast. This ain't about what happened in the world. This is about what happened in the world of the greatest living athlete, Ari Shaffir. It was a wild one. Full of ups and downs syndromes. 2019 had more twists than a, than a, I don't know. Than a really twisty thing. It was such a long one I decided to cut it up into 7 parts. This is part one, New Orleans, Hawaii, and Preparing For My Next Standup Special." I'll release a new one every day this week, so make sure to subscribe and check back here every day for a new episode.

Thank you to my sponsor, 3Chi.com. Use promo code "Skeptic" at checkout for 5% off your order of Delta 8 and THC products. 

The Music

Ben Folds - 2019

Travelling Wilburies - Tweeter and the Monkey

 

Please subscribe to my Patreon at Patreon.com/AriShaffir for bonus content and just to insure that I never back down.

John Dennehy came over to talk to me about Ecuador. Specifically about the 2005 People's Revolution that toppled their government. John was there for all of it. He even helped set up road blocks during the protests. Really interesting stuff that seems kind of extra relevant this week, huh?

He also told me hella stuff about Ecuador. From the food, to the roads, to the customs, to the crazy obsession with 2 dollar bills. It was a crash course in a country that I desperately needed a crash course on. It's useful and interesting stuff about an amazing paisa. 

John wrote a book that I just finished reading called "Illegal." It's about being deported, about illegally crossing back over that border again and again, about love, about my balls, about standing up for what you believe in, and it's about following your heart. There's a ton of ideology hidden inside the plot that had me thinking about stuff all week after reading what he wrote. 

Pick up "Illegal" by John Dennehy at Good Reads or at Amazon. And if you read it, tell him you read it because of this podcast and he'll tell all his friends at the UN what a powerful interviewer I am. 

 

The Music

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings - This Land Is Your Land

Simon and Garfunkle - The Only Living Boy in New York

Gil Scott Herron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

RoCola Bacalao - Guayaquil City

Outkast - Bombs over Baghdad 

Tim Dillon got together with me to help me understand wealthy people. They're not like you and I. Sometimes I hate them and sometimes I am in awe of them. Tim broke down all the reasons they suck, and also all the reasons the poor aren't much better. Tim Dillon always has great insights into stuff like this. And he's been obsessed with the super wealthy since I've met him.

Joe List joined me for the introduction and outro to speak a little on the same subject and then we took some calls from people who left messages about what it means to be rich or to be poor. 

Joe Rogan loves two things. Fast cars and dank weed. And he's owned plenty of both. Joe and I talked about where his automobile obsession came from, the coolest cars he's ever driven, road handies, and much more. Joe smoked a fat cigar as I was watched with jealous eyes as I was stuck inside what looked like a Chechnyan prison where they had a no-smoking policy. We talked about the old days vs new days of the Store and how cool it is that comedy is dangerous again. Rogan and I were both sitting behind tables the whole time so there's no way to know what our pants situation was for this. You'll learn a ton about cars in this one and it was legit a hella great time laughing and talking to my buddy.

Valpo's finest, Ryan "Dr Dingus" O'neill, joined me for the intro and outro. I amazed Ryan with stories of real-life freak show, Dog Boy. Talked about cars a little with him too, and then we took some callers at the end of the outro to get the best road sex stories among some other fun topics. You will learn absolutely nothing during the intro and outro. It was a legit hella great time laughing and talking to my buddy but for real, your life will be in no way enriched by the intro and outro to this podcast. You might actually become worse as a person for listening to me and O'neill. Again, quite funny. But zero social merit. Thank you to the Stereo App for sponsoring today's podcast. If you were on Stereo, you could've left messages for me and Ryan to comment on while we were recording. Get on there before I record the next one.      The Music

Gary Numan - Cars

Janis Joplin - Mercedez Benz

Heart - Barracuda

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love

Bitchin Camaro - Dead Milkmen

Queen - I’m in Love With My Car

  Patreon: Please help support me by joining my Patreon. You could've watched this one days before anybody else and there's plenty of Patreon exclusive content on there. For $5 a month, it really helps keep me in business. www.patreon.com/arishaffir

Shane Gillis and I love to get drunk and talk trash. Pretty much everything sucks if you look into it. So I came up with some shit to talk shit about and then Shane and I shit on that shit while getting drunk on Karen juice. 

This episode is brought to you by the Stereo App. You could've listened to me recording this live and left me messages if you were on Stereo

Check out Shane's podcast, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

To hear more of our conversation, head over to my patreon, www.patreon.com/arishaffir where we read a great arrest story and had a drunken blast making fun of it.

The Music

Lily Allen - Fuck You

Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You

Chip Taylor - Fuck All The Perfect People

Erasure - I Love To Hate You

Margo Reiss came over and let me ask her all about transsexuality. I mean, super cool about it. Let me just ask anything I didn't understand and she explained what it was like to me. We got into why to chop it off or not, the bar scene, Katelyn Jenner, how hard we like to fuck, some history, and a bunch more. God, I wish you could talk to people in real life this way. We'd be so much better off as a society. 

  Margo's Only Fans: OnlyFans.com/SexyGiantess   Margo's Instagram: @Margo_A_GoGo   Thank you to my sponsor Sheath Underwear   Go to SheathUnderwear.com and use the promo code "Ari" to get 30% off your first order until the end of the year.   For additional content, the hear travel stories from Ari, occasional early access to Skeptic Tank, extra solo podcasts, and more, go to patreon.com/AriShaffir

The Music

The Kinks - Lola

Shania Twain - Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Suzanne Vega - As Girls Go

Lou Reed - Take a Walk On The Wild Side

My Body Was Made - Ezra Furma