Here he is! Ring the bells! Sound the trumpets! Brandi's favorite artist is here and it is Bernini. Our beautiful baroque boy is the cream of the crop, queen of rome, and master of marble. And you make think this perfect sculptor never struggled in his whole career well YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Our sweet innocent babe was cheated and besmirched by jealous architects who knew nothing about art! But our precious lad would not be down for long. Join us as we discuss exactly how he catapulted himself right back to the top. 

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She stretches her hand out towards you. Will you shake it?!?! Historical AF Podcast and Art Sistory say "yes!" in this collab from the pre-Civil War stars! And Shake Hands? (1854) is the wonderfully weird painting Kyna and Natalee have brought for us to put to the test today. Join us as we go on a journey with Lilly Martin Spencer, a plethora of sugar art daddies, and some cheeky paintings which men were just too dumb to understand. 

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The Sistine Chapel (1508) is the triumph/torture of world's most famous and crustiest artist. Michelangelo may have never painted before but there was one thing he was definitely a master of; being a lil' bitch. And by lil', I mean absolutely gigantic. Today we tackle this monster and dish all the goss on our final ninja turtle and the lord of the twunks. 

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Raphael! Master of the Renaissance! Painter of Beauty! And a sweet perfect boy who charmed all he met. All except... Michelangelo! Why did the almighty painter of twunks hate our sweet angel baby? And what did Raphael do about it? Come with us on the Dolce Vita as we dish the goss on the only heterosexual ninja turtle and reveal how the sweet can also be a bit spicy... 

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*Attention! This episode has discussions of sexual assault and rape. Skip the below timecodes if needed**

No one paints a head chopping like Artemisia Gentileschi. It's got all you could ever want: blood, horror, drama, and a badass woman empowered by sweet righteous fury. Artemisia is the queen of the Baroque and queen of my heart. Don't take my word for it. Just look at her art. 

18:23 - 27:47 discussion of sexual assault, rape, and torture

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If there was any sculpture that could be called the gayest, it would be this. Donatello's David (1450s) is a bastion of homoerotic glory. From his booty to his tooty, he is the one twink to rule them all. Step aside haters, because this David embodies queer culture in Renaissance Florence and even Michelangelo's legendary twunk is quaking. 

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It's a wild love story filled with passion and hardships in Renaissance Florence! A painter, forced to be a friar, and his beautiful model, forced to be a nun, a romance that can never be but falling in love anyway. JK! Actually it's just one horny dude and a nun he may or may not have kidnapped. Fra Filippo Lippi is the first rascal of the Renaissance and while no Medici could pin him down, he'll always have a place in our hearts.    

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*Attention! This episode has discussions of gore, murder, and violence. Skip the below timecodes if needed**

We are in the CRADLE OF THE RENAISSANCE! Florence town. Firenze is finally here. Brandi's heart explodes. And boy oh boy does she have a story for us. Easter Sunday. The Duomo. And MURDER?!?! Oh baby, stay tuned and find out why you never kill the hot and popular, siding with the pope is dumb, and balls balls balls always wins. 

37:10 - 40:20 discussion of violent stabbing and murder

47:18 - 48:31 discussion of hanging

48:52 - 51:58 - discussion of hanging and post-mortem mutilation

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It's a spectacle. It's a popularity contest. It's a fun fair. It's a nightmare. Welcome to the 58th Venice Biennale! It's the art olympics where countries compete to be most... something. And Danni is here to sift through the garbage for you! And what has she found? Oh! More garbage! (In the form of the Biennale's Gold Lion winner, Jimmie Durham)

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Have you ever seen an artist that is all BALLS and no SH*T? That's Tintoretto, the nastiest boy in the best way. His art is quick, cheap, and bitchy. It's everything you could ever want in an artist. That is unless, you are one of his many rivals! Come with us as we tell the tale of the nastiest boy who ever was and how this little dirt child started at the bottom and now he here. 

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