Art Sistory

How does one man's art go from petty theater dressings to gracing every teens' phone case and tumblr background? Well, all it takes is talent, sugar daddies, luck, and call from the one and only Sarah Bernhardt. That's the exact cocktail our Czech friend, Alphonse Mucha, cooked up that launched him to stardom! And now every pretty Art Nouveau illustration of a lady with flowing drapery and frilly flowers is his fault. And your new obsession with Sarah Bernhardt is my fault.

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Have you ever seen somebody so hot you think, hey, that can't be real? That's not allowed! That should be impossible! Well, neither had we until we saw THE QUEEN!! The Bust of Nefertiti (1345) is like Angelina Jolie in Maleficent peak hotness but brown. And the real Queen Nefertiti is even better. She changed the canon, changed the religion, and changed THE GAME. Come learn about Nefertiti's legacy, incest?!?, piracy, Hitler, and more in this episode of Art Sistory!

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The Severan Tondo (200) will blow ya goddamn mind. First of all, it features the family of the Roman Emperor, Septimus Severus, a guy who won the throne after the bloody Year of the 5 Emperors. But that's not even the crazy part. His son's face is erased in one of the most widespread and famous cases of Damnatio Memoriae ever found. Annnnd, he's probably definitely most likely Severus Snape's dad.

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On the finale of our Russia extravaganza, Danni takes us to the most famous painting in the Hermitage, Danaë (1636)! Now she looks a little... melted.. now but that doesn't mean she doesn't contain multitudes! And she does! Like underneath that face modeled off of Rembrandt's girlfriend, is the face of his dead wife! Woof! Rembrandt you got some 'splaining to do!

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The Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood is the most rock n' roll church in all of Russia. And it's not just the name, Spilled Blood has the chutzpah to back it up. She's got gingerbread aesthetic, bombs in the ceiling, Potato Jesus, and a curse on the Soviet Union! Hang on tight as Brandi attempts to describe the last 200 years of Russian history in 20 minutes.

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We made it to Europe! And our first stop: Fabergé Eggs. Who made 'em? Who were they for? And why are these dumb little things so expensive?! Danni is here to tell you all about it! And it's much more involved than you might expect. Haven't you heard? There's a rumor in St. Petersburg...

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New Orleans always got music playin', start in the daytime go all through the night. Especially abouts the witching hour when the haunting sound of a funeral hymn comes from the St. Louis Cathedral. And if you went to investigate (and why would you, New Orleans is the most haunted city in the US, ya dummy!!), you just might see the ghost of Pere Dagobert and the echos of a midnight mass he held in secret more than 200 years ago.

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If you've ever been to New Orleans, you may have seen this dog. Just a yellow eyed little so-and-so plastering every hotel, street corner, and restaurant! So why is he so famous? Well, Danni is here to let us know with a story of Cajun werewolves, haunted houses, and Bill Clinton.

Also, this will be the last Lil' Sis on the main channel! We'll be posting all our Lil' Sis episodes on Patreon from now on. Check 'em out! https://www.patreon.com/artsistory

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By this point you must know that Art Sistory loves America, the greatest country in the world. We've got all our pals to thank for that: Tommy J, Benji Frank, Lin Manuel Miranda. But no one can forget the greatest hero of all time, George Washington! Mostly because we built a giant white penis for him in the middle of our capital. But did you know that penis is shrouded in secrets and mystery?! You will!

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This episode is about two things: our beautiful perfect country and bad art! Yes this portrait of Paul Revere (1768) may look just like Jack Black (and it is Jack Black) but that doesn't stop Danni from calling it like it is! Which is an ugly painting. Maybe because it was painted by a good for nothing British loving stink weasel! We'll let you decide. EAGLES!

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