This summer we are looking at some of the most popular Ask the Pastor episodes over the years. This week, Pastor J.D. discusses how to honor a toxic parent.

A glimpse inside this episode:

Honoring your parents is really a means to honoring God.

Lean not on your ability as a parent; lean on God’s grace as the hope for your child.

Want to ask J.D. a question? Head to our Ask The Pastor hub to submit your question!

As always, don’t forget to rate and review this podcast!

Find Pastor J.D. on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

This summer we are looking at some of the most popular Ask the Pastor episodes over the years. To start, Pastor J.D. discusses what’s important to keep in mind when it comes to leaving a church and choosing one.

A glimpse inside this episode:

Consumer culture works for some things. But not for church. Church is a family: The best parts of church come from that; it’s not a show. It is better to be really connected at a mediocre church than partially committed at the best one.

What are mistakes you’ve seen people make as they approach this decision? 

I’m not sure how to give you a “litmus test” for when to stay and when to leave. I have known people who felt called by God to stay in a dying place and believe God for its resurrection and actually saw that happen. I’ve known others who tried that and, because they were not in a place where they could really effect the change they desire, “wasted” some great years in a dying organization. I’ve known others who left a dying church and went on to serve God somewhere else, and were greatly blessed in the process. And I’ve known still others who abandoned ship when they should have stayed.

If you think there’s a possibility of change, I’d say stay and make it happen. When you see that there is not, invest your life elsewhere.

Be committed: There’s a difference in how the chicken and the pig contribute to your eggs and sausage breakfast. The chicken makes a contribution; the pig is committed. Be a pig.

Show Notes:

Matt: J.D., as we’re recording gambling was just legalized in North Carolina this month, like it has been in 37 other states. That has us wondering – is gambling a sin?

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J.D.: Some of our long-time listeners might remember us talking about this 2 years ago, but we thought given its popularity, we’d revisit it. So, look, the reality is that gambling is a HUGE deal right now, especially for young people. If you don’t understand, here are a few numbers:

So is it morally wrong to gamble?

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Matt:  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe @J.D.Greear.

Show Notes:

Matt: J.D., some people feel like, because we have the Holy Spirit inside of us, we should never have some of these big, mental health struggles like depression or anxiety. The question is, can Christians be depressed? Or if someone is depressed, is that an indication that they’re not saved?

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J.D.: Matt, that’s a heavy question. Let me start here: Lamentations 3:1-8, written by the prophet Jeremiah, one of the most well-known prophets in the Bible:

No light. No hope. That’s how Jeremiah felt, and maybe you can relate. The “he” that Jeremiah is talking about is God. Maybe you’ve also felt like God is not listening—or, even more, you wonder, “God, are you behind this terrible circumstance? At the very least, you’re not doing anything to stop it.”

Jeremiah goes on to say, “My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, ‘My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord’ … My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me” (vs. 17–20).

As you read those verses, you may think, “Is this the Bible? Shouldn’t an editor have weeded this out? This is Jeremiah, after all—the prophet of God! Jeremiah, this is not you at your best. Why don’t you take a nap and a shower and take another swing at this tomorrow?”

See, it’s easy to think that what we need is more positive and encouraging psalms like David’s about the Lord being our Shepherd and still waters and cups running over and stuff like that. That’s what the people like. That’s what sells.

One of our Summit church planters tells the story of when he first felt called to ministry, how he resigned from his job in Tennessee and moved his family to North Carolina to attend seminary, only to have everything fall apart. His marriage came within inches of destruction; he went into bankruptcy. Keep in mind, this is one of the smartest people I know, and yet it still got that bad. But the worst part, he said, was holding his newborn son as he died in their arms. He said, “I had no words. All I could ask God during that season was, ‘Why?’ I didn’t want to talk about God or preach the words of God. I only wanted to rage against God. All I’ve done is try to follow him, and this is how he treats me?”

Many believers have gone through dark chapters and thought the same things as Jeremiah, but they’ve suppressed those emotions, telling themselves, “Real Christians don’t ever feel like this.”

Matt, I’d say we agree on people like Jeremiah and Charles Spurgeon being Christians.

So to anyone asking this question, to anyone struggling with depression – and especially the thought that your depression is somehow an indicator that you’re not really saved – can’t you see you are not alone in your thoughts? The greatest Christians in history were not those that God delivered from all pain and misery but those he delivered through their pain and misery. He is ready to walk with you through the darkness and do the same for you.

I also think it’s important to point out that depression operates along a continuum. On one end of the continuum is discouragement, which we all feel from time to time, and on other end is depression.

(Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that what I experience when I’m hungry is the same as what you experience if you’re walking through depression or that it can be fixed as simply. I’m just making the point that there is a lot going on in any emotion, factors both spiritual and physical (and psychological and social!) 

There is a long list of things that can cause depression (i.e., a persistent down mood and/or the inability to enjoy normal pleasures): a significant loss, failure, lack of purpose, unrealistic expectations, temperament, glandular malfunctions, chemical imbalances, certain diseases, response to some medications, change in seasons, fatigue, isolation, sin or idolatry, unbelief, foolishness, legalism… (the list could continue).

To reduce the experience of anxiety or depression down to only one of these factors is simply irresponsible. That’s why, at our church, we not only preach on the spiritual aspects of anxiety and depression, but we also offer ministries that focus more holistically on these struggles. And we encourage people to incorporate medical care into their mental health plan.

We’d be remiss not to offer some resources if you’re struggling:

We’re also going to link in the show notes to a list of resources put together by Brad Hambrick, who’s not only Summit’s Pastor of Counseling but is also a nationally-respected voice on Christian counseling.

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Matt:  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe @J.D.Greear.

Show Notes:

Matt: J.D., is cremation (as opposed to burial in a casket) wrong?

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J.D.: Well, this one’s actually a little more interesting than you might think. If you’ve never thought much about it, you probably (like most people) just think about the fact that when someone dies, they basically have two options—burial in a casket or by cremation, where your ashes are put into an urn. Some people bury those urns, some keep them around…

You might be surprised to learn that some Christians have strong views against cremation. I’ll lay out that view in just a second. But as we have this conversation, I want to make a few things clear up front because I realize many of you have very dear, important people in your lives that you’ve lost that you know have been cremated.

So, if you have loved ones who have passed away and been cremated, you can rest easy and of course we mean no disrespect. But I do want to point out the other side of this conversation.

John Piper is one of the most prominent voices on this. 

Now, while arguing all of this, John Piper also calls for churches and pastors to create a culture where expensive, extravagant funerals (and weddings!) are NOT the norm.

You say, “Ok, well, what he’s talking about is all symbolic and has no impact on where a person’s soul goes after they die.” Of course, like we’ve said, that’s all true. 

Again, as a pastor, I don’t teach one as right and the other as sin… I think we’re dealing with issues of wisdom, and I’d just say that I do think it deserves careful consideration rather than flippantly choosing whatever is cheaper. 

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Matt:  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe @J.D.Greear.

Show Notes:

Matt: Welcome. J.D., here’s a softball… What are your thoughts on the 2024 election? It’s now officially decided through primary votes that we’ll have a re-match of Trump v. Biden in November.

J.D.:

Matt:  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe @J.D.Greear.

Show Notes:

Matt: Welcome. 

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J.D.: So for our listeners that are like, what’s really the question here behind the question? I grew up in the, the purity culture. Josh Harris was, wrote the famous book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the emphasis was on, girl you have to take care of your brother’s headspace. And basically it was almost presented as if the guy can’t help but think of you as nothing but a sex object. And so dress in a way that keeps him from thinking about that all the time. And it’s not that the modesty piece wasn’t important, it just left out what is even a bigger issue—the guy needs to not see women in that category. He needs to see them as fellow human beings made in the image of God. The extreme version of modesty culture was it kind of heaped all kinds of shame and responsibility onto the girls’ side for what really was the guy’s problem. That is unhelpful and untrue. It’s even dangerous as abuse can get blamed on what she was just asking for because of what she was wearing.

There was some correction that took place to that purity culture that so strongly emphasized modesty that I think was a helpful correction. But, you know, as with a lot of things we have to be careful not to throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater when it comes to modesty. And so what I’m talking with my kids, my family, when I’m talking with people in my life about modesty.

Two tension points:

1.) Style’s change from generation to generation. Every generation sees what the next one wears as immodest. What is considered a modest bathing suit today would be considered scandalous 60 or 70 years ago.

2.) The second thing is that modesty is a genuine biblical principle. We are taking into account what other people are thinking about us. And so I tell my kids, there’s two anchor points when it comes to how you dress. First of all, what does your dress say about you? What does what you wear say about you? What does it draw attention to? Does it emphasize and flaunt the sexual parts of you that really ought to be reserved for a marriage partner?

Now again, it’s not your fault if somebody’s looking at you and lusting after you. We’re not saying that, but on the other side of that truth is you can dress in a way that certainly draws attention to that. And if it’s drawing attention to that and emphasizing that, you should ask yourself why you’re doing that. And is that really what God wants you, is that the most important part of you to present to the world?

The second anchor point I always say is what effect does what you wear have on other people? And again, I’ll just say it once more. I’m not saying it’s your fault that if they think of you in those objectifying ways, but we do recognize that how we dress can have an effect on somebody else and it can make them think about certain things. And I do want to make it easy for people. And I think a believer should be thinking about that. How can I make it easier for my brothers and sisters in Christ to not have one more thing that they’re trying to avoid looking at or thinking about because it just makes it too easy for them to get into not a good headspace.

Matt: I’m just kind of curious, because when we talk about modesty, it is typically our women dressing modestly, but it’s interesting. I remember back when I did college ministry, eight or nine years ago, on summer project, we had all these rules about what people were allowed to wear. And I remember somebody in the end of summer feedback form asked something like,”I don’t understand why you have all these rules for what women can wear, but you let this guy wear a tank top up on stage while he’s teaching every week.”

J.D.: Yeah, great twist on the question. You know, the other part of that is when I was in high school, pornography was only ever talked about as a problem for guys. Now we’re very aware that pornography is a temptation and a problem for females too. And I think you can and should acknowledge that. Now you can say generalizations are generally true without realizing that there are a lot of challenges for females just like there are males and God created them as sexual beings too. And there’s nobody for whom visual stimulation is not part of the of the sexual desires. And so I think a guy should ask a question if he’s on stage. Like, what is my dress saying about me? What is it drawing attention to? Am I trying to draw attention to my form or what makes me sexually attractive to females?

Matt:  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe @J.D.Greear.

Show Notes:

Matt: Welcome

J.D., you’ve heard from a member at The Summit Church’s own Chapel Hill Campus who asked you how to share the gospel with a staunch atheist, which we felt like would be a great topic for this week’s episode.

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J.D.: Yeah Matt, I’m sure many of us have been in a situation like this where God lays someone on your heart to share the gospel with, but you know they’re firm in their belief—or unbelief—as an atheist. And it can feel like, “Where do I even begin to share the love of God with them when they don’t believe that any sort of god exists?”

Now, that said… 

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Show Notes:

Matt: J.D., this week we’re pivoting from our series on spiritual disciplines and we’ll be tackling some one-off questions our listeners have been sending us for the next few weeks. One of the topics we’ve had several people ask about is how to process what’s going on in Israel and their conflict with Gaza…

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J.D.: Yeah, Matt, wow. Well, there are a lot of very intense views on this subject. And that makes sense, because it’s a topic that combines worldview with theology—particularly eschatology, or the part of theology that concerns the end times and modern politics.

And we won’t get into a full blown “end times” episode here, but we do need a little help understanding some of the terms that get thrown around. 

Now, as a pastor, I typically don’t wade into the finer points of politics or world events—neither called nor competent—and I’m not going to do that here. What I do is talk about the principles that undergird our approach, and that’s what I want to do here: to talk about is a dangerous narrative that has entered the convo that I think it’s important for Christians to identify and reject, and that is: 

That modern-day Israel has no right to the land they’re currently occupying; Israel is basically an occupying power–like Britain was in India, or even like European colonists were in parts of N America or Australia—and because they are an occupying power, whatever Palestinians do to get them out is ok. This is a decolonization project. The myth is that Palestinians were living happily in the land until GB came in and forced the colonization in 1948. And then some even like to say that the Jews there are white and it’s another example of white colonization of POC. 

Which brings us to today. On Oct 7, without warning, more than 3,000 Hamas militants invaded Israel from Gaza, killing at least 1,139, including 766 civilians, a large portion of which were women and children intentionally targeted—even mutilating infants. They also took a minimum of over 250 more as captives.

Hamas is not a good faith group. It’s an Islamist militant group formed in 1987 whose charter calls for the genocide of Jews and the establishment of sharia law, and a call for unrestrained and unceasing holy war (jihad) to attain that objective,

This is not to say that all of how Israel has responded has been right or just or appropriately proportional. I’m not saying that at all. I’m just rejecting the idea that any and all violence done by Palestinians is justified because it is the freedom battle of the oppressed against an oppressor. And with respect to those who say that the Jewish presence in the land of Palestine is just another example of white colonization, of course some of the Jewish people there have lighter skin as many Jews have intermarried with some Europeans, but many do not. The Jewish people are not an originally or primarily Anglo-European group–they were middle-Eastern, and then scattered because of all kinds of persecution, and now they have a pretty eclectic blind of secondary ethnicities mixed in with their Hebrew ethnicity.

There’s a great article in The Atlantic, written by Simon Montefiore, who writes, “In 2007, Hamas seized power (in Gaza), killing its Fatah rivals in a short civil war. Hamas set up a one-party state that crushes Palestinian opposition within its territory, bans same-sex relationships, represses women, and openly espouses the killing of all Jews.”

Of course, the events of Oct. 7 has led to an ongoing escalation in the Israel-Hamas conflict— and my heart does grieve some of the reports of death being brought upon innocent lives in Gaza as collateral. Particularly innocent people caught up in it–especially heartbreaking pictures of infants and children–and then sometimes infuriating Israeli callousness about that. I have a Muslim friend who says that for the last 4 months he’s seen pictures of children and infants killed in the crossfire, and that almost every Muslim he knows has a first or second-degree connection with a non-combatant who has been killed over there.

But I do believe that even as we grieve those reports, and as we rightly call upon Israel to act justly in their response, the narrative that Palestinians should have free reign to enact as much violence as possible as a means of decolonizing is something we can and should reject. Some of what we’re seeing in even mainstream places—chants of “From the River to the Sea,” which is just a thinly veiled call for the expulsion or genocide of all Jews from the Jordan River to the Mediterannean Sea—is egregious.

To sum this up, I think Christians have a responsibility to pray and advocate for true justice and peace in the Middle East.

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