Asshole Animals, with Alice

The term "Bear" can evoke a number of feelings depending on the context. If you're an avid hiker, hearing the word "bear" may induce a sense of sheer terror. When coupled with the word "hug", the term "bear" might be a source of comfort, especially when you need an extra-strong source of affection. If you love burly, hairy men, then "bear" may elicit some arousal, who knows?

In the context of this show, "Bear" should invoke feelings of joy and wonder, as we dive into the behaviour of specifically Brown Bears - the poster child of the Ursidae family and the most adaptable and versatile member of the 8 bear species!

With Alice this week to talk Brown Bears is Bear biologist and host of the smash-hit podcast "Tooth and Claw": Wes Larson, who gives us a rundown of Bear behaviours, tells us 3 simple ways to protect yourself from a Bear attack in the woods, and also explains what a Bear Claw is.

Our Charity of the Week this week is The Grizzly Bear Foundation - who work tirelessly to keep Grizzly Bears in North American forests. Check out their incredible work at: www.grizzlybearfoundation.com

This episode is sponsored by Nature Spy - your go-to centre for wildlife-watching tech! They're offering 10% all trail cameras with a code only found in the episode! Listen in and head on over to www.naturespy.org!

This episode is also sponsored by Blue Panda Clothing - your one-stop shop for sustainable and chic clothing! Check out their GORGEOUS bear-related merchandise at

It's difficult to imagine a more intense rivalry than Humans and Geese. We eat them at Christmas time, they terrorise our picnics. It's a feud as old as time, with countless tears and bloodshed, and yet we are doomed to torture each other as long as we both walk this Earth.

Championing the Goose's side of the war, while still acknowledging the living chaos that our feathered friends rain upon mankind, is Ornithologist, host of the "How Many Geese?" podcast, and first EVER returning guest: Jack Baddams, who exhibits what we like to call "BGE" or Big Goose Energy.

Jack joins Alice this week to discuss why Geese are the antithesis to the British public, the crazy story behind Barnacle Geese, AND why we should all "be more Goose" when we need a dash of brazen confidence.

Our Charity of the Week this week is the WWT - the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust, who are not only protecting the habitat where Geese (and other birds) roam, but have been pivotal in the repopulation of the Hawaiian Goose! Visit one of their sites today and find out why Wetlands are crucial to a healthy planet at: www.wwt.org.uk.

This episode of the show is sponsored by the incredible Nature Spy - the wizards of wildlife-watching tech, who are offering a 10% discount on all trail cameras with a code you can only find in the episode! Find out more about their inspirational organisation and how they're helping conservation projects across the world at www.naturespy.org!

The episode is also sponsored by Effin Birds, who strike that perfect balance of Birds and insults. Preorder their 2025 calendar today and don't miss out on their new comics, which find creative new ways to insult people! Shop for their hilarious mugs, t-shirts and playing cards at www.effinbirds.com!

We all know there are cat people and dog people, it's a fact of life. But just for the sake of this episode, we'll be asking all the cat people out there to take off their cat hats and consider loving instead the humble African Wild Dog. The most cat-like dog species in the world, due to the fact they are obligate carnivores, are revered in Ancient Egypt and have no time for human bullshit.

Talking about our first ever canine species on the show is the mega badass Lindsay Nikole, who tells the audience how Wild Dogs are REALLY perceived in Africa. Join her and Alice to find out more about Wild Dog territory size, how many teeth they have, and about the Sicilian Mafia - obviously...

Our Charity of the Week this week is Painted Dog Conservation - Zimbabwe's answer to the Wild Dog population crisis. Check them out and lend them your support today at: www.painteddog.org.

This podcast episode is also sponsored by the fabulous Blue Panda Clothing - where you ought to be shopping for your summertime clothing! Find their ethical fashion at www.bluepanda.co.uk and feel good about splurging on some wildlife-related garments today!

In case any of you were wondering, this episode brings Alice no joy. To be forced to dunk on your favourite animal of all time for the sake of comedy is a bittersweet and hollow experience. Listen with caution, you may be able to hear Alice's tears of sorrow...amidst the laughter.

Joining Alice to talk about the bird with the highest beauty to crazy ratio is content creator and Toucan dad - Brock Afentul, who has scars both physical and emotional from his time keeping Toucans - which you can learn more about by searching for him at 2can.tv on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube!

If you want to know why Toucans are like cats, what the deal with Froot Loops' "Toucan Sam" is AND develop a new-found love and respect for an animal you'd probably never considered to capture your heart - then tune in!

Our Charity of the Week is the week is the remarkable Toucan Rescue Ranch, a rescue and rehabilitation facility based in Costa Rica. THE organisation dedicated to helping Costa Rica's wildlife recover and get back out into the wild, if you'd like to help them save some incredible species, find them at www.toucanrescueranch.org! (the Toucan Rescue Ranch is close to Alice's heart - so please help them if you can!).

This episode is sponsored by Blue Panda Clothing - the clothing brand that isn't afraid to mix style and sustainability! Shop their incredible designs for an animal loving friend or even yourself at www.bluepanda.co.uk! You won't regret it.

What do you see when you look at a Pigeon? A "dumb bird" wandering aimlessly through life? A feathered rat delving through our garbage? A government surveillance drone hell-bent on documenting your secrets?

Whether you think these things or not, Pigeons are here to stay. And they COULD just be the most stable and reliable presence in your life right now, so why not learn more about them?

Joining Alice this week is the ethereal Kendall Long - guardian of the Pigeons and true nature nerd. Together, Alice and Kendall work hard to change your mind on the humble feral Pigeon, giving an "Asshole Assessment" score that you wouldn't believe! Tune in and keep your minds open about these little urban heroes.

Our Charity of the Week this week is the Mauritian Wildlife Foundation - who are working to repopulate the critically endangered Pink Pigeon! You can find them at www.mauritian-wildlife.org.

This podcast episode is sponsored by the effin' hilarious "Effin Birds" - the merchandise for fowl-mouthed bird lovers everywhere. Have a look at their hysterical mugs, T-shirts and even playing cards at www.effinbirds.com - and grab something that shows the world that you don't give a flock!

The only 3 certainties in life are: Death, Taxes and the human desire to depict our cats in art. We've been reproducing their likenesses in multiple art forms since we domesticated them 10,000 years ago. From pottery, to hieroglyphics, to black and white photos - we are OBSESSED. In fact, does anyone even remember the Internet without cat videos?

As sure as the day is long, humans have forever been fascinated by cats and their behaviour, despite some of that behaviour being nefarious and downright rude in nature. For that reason, the task of explaining why their rascal-y antics captivates us is a mammoth one. Thankfully, Alice has some help, from kitten fosterer and self-proclaimed cat-person: Jenna Fischer.

Join Jenna and Alice this week as they dive into what makes cat jerks but also why we can't get enough of them. Hear stories of Jenna's foster journey, her cat magazine debut, and how she nearly missed the role of a lifetime to care for our feline friends.

Our "Charity of the Week" is the organisation that Jenna volunteers for: the brilliant "Kitten Rescue", based in Los Angeles - who are on a mission to find every abandoned cat a happy and healthy home. Check out their work and help their incredible cause at: www.kittenrescue.org.

Our Sponsors of the show this week are the fabulously eco-friendly Bare Kind and Blue Panda clothing - both are which are saving animals with every garment they sell. For some extra comfy Bamboo socks that will keep your feet warm and your conscious clear, check out: www.barekind.com. For stylish, sensible and chic clothing that gives back to wildlife conservation all around the world, check out Blue Panda at www.bluepanda.co.uk.

It's the year 2123. With ongoing wars, a devastating climate catastrophe, and the inevitable uprising of artificial intelligence, the Human race is fractured. Only the Crows remain...

Why have Crows succeeded where other species have fallen? They've been watching us the whole time...gathering information, scavenging, communicating above our very heads. For years, we ignored them. Shooed them away. Shot and poisoned them. Little did we know that they would have the last laugh, as humanity plunges into despair.

Okay, so we can't see into the future. But this is Science's best guess at what will happen! And explaining why WE should be watching the Crows instead of the other way around is the fabulous Dr Kaeli Swift - an Ethologist specialising in Corvid behaviour. With Kaeli's help in this episode, we find out why Crows are "couple goals" and break down some classic Crow behaviours to explain what the heck is going on when they pull at dogs' tails.

Our Charity of the Week this week is the phenomenal "Alala Project" - protecting Hawaii's only native species of Crow! Find them on Facebook or Instagram under "Alala Project" for more information!

And this podcast is sponsored by the stylishly ethical Blue Panda Clothing - where buying clothes helps to save animals! Check out their incredible winter gear at www.bluepanda.co.uk and help some incredible conservation charities across the world today! <3

How often has a silly Penguin video made your day a little brighter? How often has their silliness, their child-like determination and their adorable little waddles restored your faith that maybe, just maybe, there IS some pure joy left in this world?

You're probably expecting this paragraph to now explain that Penguins are ACTUALLY the Devil and should be cancelled - but that's certainly not true. What they are capable of is knowing your weak spots and exploiting them, as Penguin Keeper and Marine Biologist Kristyn Plancarte will tell you...

It's unfair to liken Penguins to feral brutes. Instead, we should liken them to..."The Penguin", the Batman villain: seemingly innocuous (what's so scary about a guy dressed as the Monopoly man?), but ultimately devious in nature. Tune in to find out why that is, and also to hear how bad Penguin bites can be...

Our charity of the week this week is the spectacular SANCCOB - protecting African Penguins and other wonderful seabirds through rescue, rehabilitation and education! Find them here at www.sanccob.co.za!

Our sponsors of the podcast are Birda - the birdwatching app that EVERYONE is talking about! Begin your birdwatching journey and join others in a fun, likeminded community by downloading the app now! Available on the App store and Google play.

We are also sponsored by the fabulous team at Bare Kind today - the socks that help to save wildlife! Pick up a pair with 10% off for your loved ones this Christmas with a special code you can get from listening to the show! Find their incredible designs and be safe in the knowledge you're shopping sustainably and responsibly by checking out their website: www.barekind.com! Go quickly! Now!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, we're back for another round of "which member of the Dolphin family could absolutely wreck your shit if it wanted?" - and the answer, unsurprisingly, is the Orca.

You may know Killer Whales from "Free Willy", you may know them from "Blackfish", but soon enough you'll know them from your nightmares. Of course we're kidding, but with their level of intelligence and their penchant for wrecking OTHER animals' shit, you'd probably best board up your windows and doors just in case...

Joining Alice this week is famed Zoologist and Wildlife Presenter, Billy Heaney, who attempts to break the world record for most times saying the word "phenomenal" in a podcast. In this episode, Alice and Billy discuss the behaviours of different Orca ecotypes, what's REALLY going on with the Orca sinking boats in Gibraltar, AND the question on everybody's lips: "how heavy is Big Ben?".

Our Charity of the Week this week is the FANTASTIC "Whale and Dolphin Conservation" - the best legal team against the injustices faced by Cetaceans in our seas and beyond. Find them at uk.whales.org.

This episode of the show is also sponsored by Blue Panda clothing - the brand that saves wildlife. Each purchase made donates money to one of several hugely impactful conservation charities across the world. Let's make sustainable fashion sexy, shop them now at: www.bluepanda.co.uk.

The phrase "Circling like a Vulture" doesn't often conjure pleasant imagery. One may circle like a Vulture over an estranged great Aunt's belongings in the months preceding her death. One may circle like a Vulture over a promotion at the Law firm where you've been busting your ass for the last 7 years. "Circling like a Vulture" implies a predatory behaviour, carefully plotting yet somewhat opportunistic. Waiting in the shadows for the right moment...

Well that phrase is dumb, and so are you. They aren't waiting for you to die, idiot, some of them are attracted to the smell of death. Your last waking moments on this planet as you die in the desert will not see you face-to-face with a Vulture, that's for sure.

There's a lot of preconceived notions about Vultures that are just plain wrong: that they're ugly (YOU'RE ugly), that they're omens of death (YOU'RE an omen of death...). But really, these bald-headed wonders are the secret saviors of sanitation, and are remarkably clean birds themselves (for animals that gorge on rotting flesh).

Okay, so they may be a LITTLE jerky towards bird trainers, as this week's guest, Hillary Hankey, will tell you. BUT, they should probably get a pass since they keep deadly diseases away from humans. Vultures - 1, Humanity - 0.

Our Charity of the Week this week is the incredible Vulpro - who are tackling the issues faced by Vultures in southern Africa. If you love a good Vulture, check them out here: www.vulpro.com.