DeHuff Gets Humiliated at Home
DeHuff’s 12-year-old son officially asserted dominance in a wrestling match, winning with a devastating elbow straight to the junk. DeHuff’s pride may never recover.

Justice for Jack Bauer
Kiefer Sutherland was arrested after an Uber driver allegedly refused to let him out of the car, leading to a threat. DeHuff explains why he 100% believes Kiefer—because if Jack Bauer tells you to unlock the door, you unlock the door… or America suffers the consequences.

Monkey Business in St. Louis
Authorities in St. Louis, Missouri are searching for an unknown number of loose vervet monkeys roaming the north side of the city. Aussie DeHuff offers expert advice to residents, which mostly involves not making eye contact, securing snacks, and accepting that the monkeys now own that part of town.

Alright, Alright, Alright… That’ll Be Trademarked
Matthew McConaughey has trademarked “Alright, alright, alright,” along with images of himself, in an effort to combat A.I. DeHuff respects the move, noting that no robot should be allowed to out-vibe a human being that hard.

Astronauts Come Home Early (DeHuff Knows Why)
Four astronauts safely returned to Earth a month earlier than planned due to a medical issue aboard the ISS. Southerner DeHuff assumes he knows the real reason—and it probably involves bad food, worse smells, and someone saying, “Y’all, I ain’t dealin’ with this.”

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