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Tembi Locke is a TV producer, actor, New York Times bestselling author and screenwriter. In addition to her excellent accomplishments, she is also a life-long friend with whom I have spent hours too long to measure in conversation with her. She has written a memoir titled From Scratch. The book recounts the painful death of her husband and how she and her daughter literally had to rebuild a life without him From Scratch. The story has captured the heart of the world and is now a top-rated Netflix Limited Series that she produced and wrote with her sister Attica Locke. Her account of love, tragedy and return in many ways reflects what Tembi learned at the knees of her ancestors in East Texas, and the struggles of her parents in the Civil Rights Movement in Houston, TX – you always find a way to get to where you are going. No matter what. There would be no From Scratch without that determination that has colored the landscape of her life from the very beginning. 

Our conversation is expansive and the lessons she brings to us are right for this time. We talk about the importance of sisterhood, the crowning joys of long and authentic friendships, and the importance of taking first steps into the unknown. But my biggest takeaway from our time together this week? As Tembi says herself, “There is a value at the personal level in naming what you do. It’s essential for us as artists. Naming it. Then [you’re] owning that space. I’m owning that part of me. I’m not doing that for the front-facing world, I’m doing that for Tembi. I’m doing that for me.”

Her words capture one of the guiding pillars of this podcast and what I would like to convey this month and all months through this platform. We own our lives. We own our narratives. We have a direct say in what our world will be.

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In my conversation with Claudia Zelevansky, she asks unsettling questions – What happens when you get the thing you want and it still doesn’t make you happy? Does art and the theater, the very things that she has spent the majority of her life creating and thinking about, really matter? How do you handle the shame of when your dreams, the things you believed in you don’t believe in anymore? I’ve known Claudia for over 20 years and she has always been brave enough to face the tough questions. And she  does so again here.

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In her very thoughtful way, Claudia speaks a powerful truth about living today. We are at a time in human history when we must question the very relevance of long-standing conventions, beliefs and norms. And if we find them lacking, we must be brave enough to change them. As she keenly states, we have to put the context first and not the result.

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Talking with Hugh Huffaker reminded me of what life looks like when a person can embrace the notion of being open and not feel bound by an idea of who they are supposed to be. Life becomes rich and expansive. Hugh is a modern-day renaissance man. Defying labels and categories, he is at the same time a jazz guitarist, thrice a business owner and serial entrepreneur, and of course a CPA. Underpinning his openness to life, is his ability not to allow failure – or rather the fear of failure – to guide his choices. As he so aptly describes, if you fail, you just get up again. A simple statement that is so hard to execute when the real demands of life are knocking at the door. 

Make no mistake about it, Hugh is a highly successful businessman. He is also a person who has built his success on the principle of test it and see. He hasn’t only asked the question what do you want to be when you grow up, he has asked, what happens when you say yes and keep an open heart?

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As a mother, wife, educator, artist and executive coach, Jane pulls from all facets of her life and experience to remind us that it is up to us to clarify our stories and that indeed we get to write our own narratives. She encourages us to get rid of faulty notions of success and failure and replace them with those things that satisfy and fulfill us on a spiritual and emotional level. Only then can we embrace the complexity of all of life. Only then can we release victimhood and stand in true authenticity.

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Do you remember back in the day when you took pictures, you would have to take the film to the drugstore and wait an eternity for the pictures to be developed? There was no quick snap, throw on a filter and post on Instagram situation. Days later the pictures would finally show up in a little paper envelope. At the very bottom of the envelope would be the negatives from the film that were like little, tiny, faded images of the pictures themselves. Memories of the memories. 

When I talk to Toby Poser, I feel like I am holding the negatives in my hands of our more than 30 years of friendship. She was a huge part of my world during my twenties in New York. And throughout the ups and downs of living we have managed to keep a friendship that has matured over time. In our conversation, you will get a glimpse of what makes her such a special human being. She is a contemplative and thoughtful person who can disarm you with her effervescent laughter. And as seriously as she takes her work as an actress, what keeps her persisting in this very challenging industry of show business is that it is fun. And it is a gift. And it is a way to marry her passion of creativity with the passion of growing and learning with her family. 

Toby moves through her life with subtle grace and strength. When the television and film industries wanted to disregard her because she didn’t meet an arbitrary physical standard, she found her voice as a director, producer and writer and formed a production company with her husband and two daughters to create films that all four of them could act in, and wholly produce. Saying “yes” isn’t always about changing directions. Oftentimes it can be about reinforcing the dream that is already present and active in your soul and creating the conditions for that dream to prosper and grow even deeper roots within you.

In my conversation with Toby Poser - actress, producer, writer, director -  the themes of family, the importance of finding your own creative voice and celebrating all of the things that unite us as human beings shine through. She reminds us of the importance of storytelling, not just for entertainment, but for survival. And she extols the virtues of having fun in your life and your work. She leaves us with this simple yet meaningful prayer or challenge –  she says to us “You can find creativity in everything” even in the rising and setting of the sun. What beautiful gifts Toby gives us.

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The statistics show that the majority of our fellow Americans took stock of their lives during the fevered days of the pandemic. As it turned out we were using the time of lockdown to reevaluate what mattered to us. How could we not? Almost every system we relied upon prior to March 2020 was rendered moot against a virus we could not see. So as the world reopened, it may have looked like we were getting back to normal, but the interiors of our hearts and souls that remain invisible to the naked eye, had shifted. 

As businesses began the labor-intensive task of reopening, the expected flood of people returning to work did not materialize. Entry level jobs sat empty; executives switched companies. As federal and state financial support ceased, the number of people leaving the labor market defied the oddsmakers and increased. Why?

Seth Mattison’s work unravels this complex question. It seems that most of the workforce isn’t motivated by generating a robust GOP or driving shareholder dividends (if ever they were). It seems that old definitions of success that valued how quickly one climbed the corporate ladder to a position requiring 60-hour work weeks, rang hollow. Seth will tell you that once people saw what life looked like on the other side of demanding deadlines the dye was cast. Board meetings were replaced with family meals or quiet walks along the beach. Value propositions weren’t measured in the size of a paycheck or corner office with a window, but in listening to and following our internal compasses about what felt right for our lives. 

The former view of one person one job has now been replaced by one person working several jobs. People dabble in bitcoin and drive for Uber. Maybe people are finally starting that flower shop they always dreamed about or are finally completing that degree they never finished. Heart matters now matter.

As companies struggle at this inflection point, Seth reminds us that now is the time to build the lives we want to have. Go shape your future.

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Keiko Anderson is one of the smartest, most successful people I know. She is a trained social worker and a respected attorney. She runs her own thriving family law practice, and you can also find her in the pulpit at her church some weekends leading a women’s conference. But the role she is most proud of is that of wife and mother. She freely states that the nurturing of relationships that she learned within her family taught her to relate, to empathize and to show compassion. Those aforementioned three skills form the foundation of her successful work life and her abiding faith. 

In a time when so many people are focused on “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” (an excellent Broadway musical by Weinstock, Gilbert, Burrows and Loesser), and companies invest millions of dollars annually in consultants and executive coaching to address a workforce that faces rising disengagement and discontent, Keiko lays out a clear roadmap for people who are looking for a lasting and genuinely successful life and career. 

1. “I don’t accept your ‘no’ for me. I accept your ‘no’ for you, but I don’t accept it for me.”
2. “I am not going to agree with your limitations on what I can do.”
3. “We all want to have a voice and be heard.”
4. “The magic element of success is being yourself.”
5. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” She quotes from the Gospel of Matthew

Her five-step recipe is that simple and complicated, because as she reminds us, we are often operating from our brokenness and our fear of stepping out on faith into the dreams of the unknown. And sometimes, when a valuable gift is handed to you, have good sense enough to humbly receive it.

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Skyler Maxey-Wert unlocks what greatness looks like through the lens of his life as a dancer at the SemperOper Ballet in Dresden, Germany. His recipe is quite concise: 

1. Developing strong technique and technical acumen ingrained in your body through years of training.
2. Understanding the specific vocabulary of dance.
3. Sticking it out even when you doubt yourself or face the ridicule of other people.
4. Having a strong network of support – no one who is successful does it alone. 

And then, he says something extraordinary. Inspired dancing, expressive dancing is more than a well-arched foot or the line of a person’s body. For Skyler, dance is the physical manifestation or representation of something that is happening on the inside. It is taking the vocabulary of dance and then doing something with it, because in the “doing something with it” is where the artistry lives. It is dedicating yourself to authenticity, because in dance you can’t fake it if you want to create something great. 

So why such intense focus on greatness? As Skyler succinctly states, “When you’re a professional, no one wants to see a very good student. They want to see someone who can make something out of their technique… You have to breathe into being an artist.”

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Bloody Mary is a childhood game we’ve all played on sleepovers. A brave soul goes into a darkened bathroom and says the Tudor Queen’s name three times and she is supposed to appear in the mirror. The sightings of Mary are legendary. She comes complete with broken medicine cabinet mirrors and wide eyed, terrified junior high school kids shaking with fear as they wait for the apparition to appear. It’s funny how we can all rush to call on a ghost to appear in a mirror, but what about when you stand in front of a mirror and try to find something nice to say about yourself. Let’s test it now. Go stand in front of your mirror and say three times, “I deserve to have the best in life.” Say, “I am acceptable.” Say, “Who I am is great!” How did you do?

Adrienne Carter is a NAACP Image Award winning writer, producer and show runner. She  shares with us her road to the statement of “Who I am is Great,” in our frank and forthright discussion. She lays it out clearly. We can either stay miserable, suffering and mad, or we can become like Diana Ross and be a black woman living life on her own terms. We can lament the lack of range of opportunities and representation in the media’s images of black women, or we can find our own creative voices and write and produce the stories we want to see. We can script our lives in ink, or we can choose to write life with a pencil so we can erase and start again as often as we need to.

She leaves us with two important questions and one admonishment on the road to being able to call out and proudly own our greatness. Do you want to be fine, or do you want to be excellent? What happens when you have no one to blame? And finally, be careful how you talk to yourself; your words are power.

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