AuDHD IRL

CONTENT NOTE: This episode talks about trauma, sexual violence (including statistics), consent, dissociation, grief and death, bullying, and family and domestic violence. Please check in with yourself before and while you listen, and pause whenever you need to. This is general information, not therapy.

Season 2 is here! And what better way to kick it off than going all in, AuDHD style, with the wonderful Jemma Mathers.

Jemma is an AuDHD, twice exceptional, queer accredited mental health social worker and EMDR consultant, and a proud mum of two oodles (semi-retired therapy dogs). She owns Bloom Wellbeing, a neuroaffirming trauma therapy practice, plus Wilde Consulting and the brand new Bloom & Co Virtual Assistance. She also has a deep love of wedge-tailedeagles, which I fully support.

We talk about what actually counts as trauma, why “big T” and “little T” are really about what society thinks we’re allowed to grieve, and how a change of office pen can genuinely tip a neurodivergent nervous system over the edge. Jemma gives one of the clearest explanations of dissociation and plural systems I’ve ever heard, and the difference between dissociation and neurodivergent shutdown.

Then we go to the big stuff: sexual violence, delayed processing, losing our words when we’re overwhelmed, and why so many autistic women carry shame that was never theirs to carry.

In this episode:

• Why trauma is as diverse as the humans whoexperience it
• The problem with “match your reaction to thesize of the problem”
• Dissociation as a clever, adaptive survivalstrategy
• PTSD vs complex PTSD, and the role ofattachment wounds
• The core beliefs we soak in from a world notbuilt for us, and whether they still help us now
• Adapting trauma therapy (including EMDR andparts work) for AuDHD folk
• Consent, delayed processing and loss of verbalcommunication
• A “Jemma special”: could our hyperconnectedbrains explain why dissociation is so common for us?
• If trauma therapy hasn’t worked for youbefore, please hear this: maybe it wasn’t the right therapist at the right time. Try again.

Stick around for our first-ever “this or that” rapid round. Polyvagal theory or Polly Pocket theory? You’ll have to listen.

Find Jemma

Professionals: ⁠@wilde.consulting⁠or ⁠www.wildeconsulting.com.au⁠

Everyone else: ⁠@bloom.well.being⁠

Support: 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14

Connect with Bri

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AuDHD IRL

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Workbooks & Resources

⁠⁠Recovering Good Girls Workbook⁠⁠

⁠⁠Play Their Way Workbook⁠

Go gently, friends. Long shower optional but encouraged.

CONTENT NOTE: This episode covers workplace discrimination, burnout, chronic illness, eating disorders, weight stigma and a brief mention of past trauma. There’s also some swearing. Look after yourself while you listen. This is general information, not legal or psychological advice.

We started this one with a dance party, and honestly that set the tone.

Annie Crowe is Autistic and ADHD and was diagnosed at 28, after a decade in corporate law and the public service. She founded Eating Disorders Neurodiversity Australia (EDNA), hosted her own podcast, and now works with organisations that are ready to go deeper than “intro to neurodiversity.” Most importantly, she’s the human to Moose, a standard poodle who made a guest appearance.

We get into the invisible expectations that make workplaces so hard for us, like Friday drinks where skipping makes you “not a team player.” Annie talks about return-to-work processes meant to protect people that end up doing harm, and about her own experience of one that went badly. She also explains why she believes almost none of these barriers are our fault, even though so many of us blame ourselves.

Then we tackle the big question: to disclose or not to disclose?

In this episode:

• Neuronormativity and the unwritten rules of work
• Why reasonable adjustments and return to work plans so often go wrong
• Annie’s number one tip: document everything (spoken like a true lawyer)
• Testing the waters by sharing your preferences before you disclose
• The “vulnerability tax” of disclosing at work
• Why it’s okay to leave a job when you can’t keep fighting it
• “Default to yes”: what good leadership looks like
• Neuroneutrality, and why “superpower” and “I’m so sorry” can both miss the mark
• Self-employment is a privilege, and why workplace reform matters

Stay to the end for Annie’s takeaway. It’s the one I wish every neurodivergent worker could hear.

Plus our “this or that” round, where Annie’s PDA flatly refuses to choose. Millions of tabs or one at a time? You already know.

Find Annie

Instagram: @_anniecrowe (where she’s most herself, plus Moose)

LinkedIn (the corporate side).

Connect with Bri

Website

Instagram

Facebook

LinkedIn

AuDHD IRL

Podcast

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Contact me

Workbooks & Resources

Recovering Good Girls Workbook

Play Their Way Workbook

Remember - It’s not you. You’re not alone.

Content warning: Casual swearing throughout, and a very enthusiastic dog.

Summary: Season 1 has officially wrapped, and for the finale I handed the mic over to the person who knows me best: my wife, Beth. We recorded this one from our actual living room (dog included), and she grilled me on everything from my podcasting process to what it's really like living with someone whose interests take up "square footage" in every room of the house.

We cover:

• How I actually pick my guests (hint: you have to be AuDHD and genuinely obsessed with something)
• The gear, the chaos, and why "episode one" is actually a five-minute trailer
• A lightning round of season highlights, including my favourite line from the whole season (thank you, Morgz: "Grandma does not matter more than people")
• What I'd do differently next time, including building an AuDHD advisory group for feedback
• A sneak peek at Season 2
• Beth's honest take on living with a monotropic brain and a hyperfocus project that ate six months of our living room

This one's less interview, more the two of us being honest about what this season has actually been like. If you've made it through all 29 episodes plus the trailer, thank you. Tell me your favourite episode, your favourite moment, or what you want from Season 2. I read every single message.

Takeaways:

• Season 1 wrapped: 30 episodes (29 + trailer + bonus), 27 guests
• Guest criteria: AuDHD + genuinely passionate about a topic
• Season 2 is coming, with some new voices in the mix
• Feedback keeps this show going, so reach out

Content warning:

Burnout, chronic health struggles, mental illness, brief references to domestic violence and the strain of single parenting.

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Dr Hayley D Quinn — mindset and wellbeing coach, speaker, author, former clinical psychologist, host of the Welcome to Self Unmasked podcast, and past president of Compassionate Mind Australia — to talk about burnout prevention and the power of a compassionate relationship with yourself. Hayley shares her late AuDHD diagnosis, her own significant burnout in 2016, and how discovering Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) changed the way she relates to herself. Together, Bri and Hayley unpack the early warning signs of burnout, why neurotypical recovery advice ("just get out more") can push neurodivergent people further into burnout, and what real burnout prevention looks like: knowing yourself, building in breaks, and treating yourself the way you'd treat a small child you love. They dig into the three flows of compassion (giving, receiving, and self-compassion), why receiving is often the hardest one, and practical ways to start — hand-on-heart check-ins, compassionate letter writing, and asking yourself one simple question.

Takeaways:

• Burnout doesn't always look like collapse. It can look like "everything's fine at work" but nothing left for anyone once you're home, social withdrawal, or things that used to feel easy suddenly feeling hard.
• Neurotypical burnout advice (get out more, push through, stay busy) can push neurodivergent people deeper into burnout — recovery has to be tailored to your neurotype.
• There are three flows of compassion: giving it out, receiving it from others, and offering it to yourself. Most of us are strong on the first and shakiest on the other two.
• A compassionate relationship with yourself isn't about letting yourself off the hook. It takes courage, wisdom, and strength.
• Tone matters as much as words — "you're doing your best" lands completely differently depending on the warmth behind it.
• If a coping strategy doesn't work, that's not failure. It's just data.
• Try it: ask yourself "what's one small thing I could change, that I likely can change, to make my life more enjoyable?"

Follow Hayley:

• Dr Hayley D Quinn is at www.drhayleydquinn.com, on Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn.
• Hayley's podcast: Welcome to Self Unmasked
• Hayley's book: From Self Neglect to Self Compassion (includes 8 guided compassion meditations via QR code)

Content warning: brief mentions of trauma, PTSD, dissociative identity disorder, chronic illness and healthcare self-advocacy, and online hatred directed at trans people. Nothing graphic. Look after yourself!

Summary:This one's a bit different. Bri grabbed Emily and Jade, her Psych Hive co-directors and real-life mates, for two quick check-ins recorded live from NATCA (the Neurodivergence Affirming Therapists Conference Australia) in Melbourne. Part one is end of day one, part two is the exhausted-but-glowing wrap after day two, where Jade and Bri also gave their own talk on self-care.

Along the way: spirit animal introductions (Jade's a lemur, Emily's a cheetah, Bri's a labrador who eats shoes, don't ask), a mid-conference "missing person" scare, and a genuinely lovely rundown of what stuck with them from two days of neuroaffirming research and practice.

Takeaways:

Day one, the panel on neurodivergence and medical co-occurrences hit hard: capacity is finite, and the people with the most medical complexity carry the heaviest self-advocacy load. Systems like NDIS and Medicare help some, but the burden of proving your needs still falls on the most disabled.

A talk on trans marginalisation and online hatred, and one on intergenerational trauma from undiagnosed neurodivergence, both circled the same idea: othering breaks connection, and disconnection is where distress grows.

Research on masking and mental health found the harm isn't masking itself, it's what masking does to your sense of self: feeling "less than" and losing a clear identity. The quote that stuck: "I am wrong."

Day two opened with Nick Walker's keynote touched on human flourishing and a genuinely useful reframe: instead of pathology paradigm versus neurodiversity paradigm, think pathology paradigm versus neuronormative paradigm. Some forms of neurodivergence (like PTSD) can genuinely benefit from treatment when the person wants that. Others (like autism) are actively harmed by attempts to cure them. ADHD medication got reframed as an accommodation rather than a cure, since the traits come straight back off it.

A talk on echolalia reframed it as authentic communication rather than "just stimming", it can carry a feeling, a need, a want, or be a bid for connection. There's even a version where people echo movements or emotions, not just words.

The through-line for both of them: connection, not categorisation, is what actually helps people flourish.

They close with a quick word on Psych Hive resources (the OCD guide, the PDA parent guide, the AuDHD books for adults and for parents, free webinars and downloads) and two prize draws running through the AuDHD IRL and Psych Hive email lists. Jade and Emily will be back to talk about building a neuroaffirming practice and being allies.

You can find Jade and Emily on instagram at @thepsychhive and their resources through the website www.thepsychhive.com.

Content warning:

This episode touches on sexual assault, postpartum rage, and suicide statistics (in the context of perimenopause research). Please look after yourself. If this isn't what you have capacity for today, keep scrolling.

Show notes:

This one is a hormone deep dive and it's some knowledge I wish someone had handed me years ago. I sat down (in person, so much fun) with Samantha Johnson, AuDHD lived experience educator and the brains behind Sam Attempts Motherhood, to talk about the wild ride of AuDHD plus hormones plus motherhood.

Sam takes us right through the cycle: what oestrogen and progesterone are actually doing to your dopamine and your sensory system, why the days before your period can flatten you, and why "just take birth control" is doctors' favourite non-answer. We get into cyclic medication dosing (yes, your meds can need adjusting through the month), how postpartum rage and perimenopause snuck up on Sam at the same time, and why AuDHD folks might just be noticing these shifts earlier rather than experiencing them earlier. We also unpack the WHI scare that set women's hormone health back decades, vaginal estrogen for UTIs, and why self identification is valid, full stop.

It's dense, it's validating, and it will make you want to go start tracking your cycle immediately.

Takeaways:

• Oestrogen and progesterone aren't just "period hormones." Oestrogen affects dopamine, progesterone affects sensory processing, mood, gut motility and histamine clearance. Every cell in your body has oestrogen receptors.
• The days before ovulation and the days before your period are when a lot of AuDHD folks notice their meds feel "off." That's real, and cyclic dosing is backed by research, even if most doctors haven't caught up.
• Self identification counts. If you've done the deep dives and ticked the boxes, you don't need three hours with a psych to validate a lifetime of lived experience.
• Postpartum rage and early perimenopause can hit at the same time and get mistaken for each other, or dismissed entirely.
• AuDHD people may not start perimenopause earlier, but we might just be more sensitive to noticing the shift before our neurotypical peers do.
• The 2002 Women's Health Initiative scare tanked HRT uptake and we're still feeling the fallout, even though the original findings were misreported.
• Vaginal oestrogen can be a genuine fix for recurrent UTIs in older women, instead of endless rounds of antibiotics.

Find Sam at @samattemptsmotherhood or www.attemptingmotherhood.com for her free resources, and check out Dr Lotta Borg Skoglund and Dr Kelly Casperson for more on this stuff.

Content warning

This episode includes discussion of transphobia, misgendering and microaggressions, and a brief mention of non-consensual medical procedures performed on intersex infants. Please look after yourself while you listen.

Summary

This week I sat down with Morgs, and was such a joy. We actually met years ago working retail together (selling very overpriced cups and plates), and I have loved watching everything they have gone on to do since.

Morgs is a queer, trans, neurodivergent social worker. They were the 2023 AASW Social Work Student of the Year for a policy proposal to include gender affirming surgeries in the Medicare Benefits Scheme. They finished their master's in 2024, and they now work in child protection. They are also AuDHD, and their current special interest is dahlias (we got delightfully sidetracked).

Our topic was AuDHD and gender diversity, and Morgs brought so much warmth and wisdom to it. We talked about why autistic people are far more likely to be gender diverse, and Morgs had a beautiful way of putting it. If you already feel like you do not fit the rules in a hundred other ways, questioning the rules around gender feels like much less of a leap.

Morgs also shared something cool... When they started transitioning, a whole lot of autistic traits became more obvious, because they were unmasking femininity and unmasking autism at the same time. Finding out who they were in terms of gender helped them find out who they were as a neurodivergent person. Cool, right??

Then we got into language, which we both love. We unpacked AFAB and AMAB, why those terms get overused, and why saying what you mean is so much kinder and clearer than lumping people into boxes. We finished on microaggressions, over-apologising, and the very simple, very powerful question: what are your pronouns?

This one will make you think, and it might just help you do a little bit better.

Takeaways

• There are as many experiences of gender and autism as there are gender diverse and autistic people. You cannot assume.
• Transitioning and unmasking can happen together. Exploring your gender can unlock a deeper understanding of your neurotype.
• Say what you mean. If you mean people who have periods, say that. AFAB and AMAB are not a stand-in for someone's whole body, history or identity.
• If you get someone's pronouns wrong, apologise once, correct yourself, and move on. Do not make the other person comfort you.
• Just ask: what are your pronouns? Fewer words, less assuming, easy to practice.
• We all have room to do a little bit better. Trans and gender diverse people need cis people to meet them halfway.

Summary

This week I'm joined by Steph Robertson, a neurodivergent occupational therapist, speaker and advocate whose work centres trauma-responsive, neurodiversity-affirming care. Steph is autistic, ADHD, complex PTSD and a plural system, and brings their professional, research and lived experience to everything they do.

We dig into the overlap between joy and monotropism: why a monotropic flow state and autistic joy can be such a beautiful recipe together, and how the people around us so often interrupt that flow without meaning to. Steph shares the refrain that came to her while building a presentation on this topic ("not all meaningful occupations are joyful, but all joyful occupations are meaningful"), unpacks the tendril theory in a powerful way, and offers genuinely useful ways to work with a monotropic brain instead of against it, from getting through the hard self-care tasks to giving yourself proper transition time. This one really did light us both up.

Takeaways

• Joy is foundational, not a bonus. It's not a reward at the end of a session or an added extra, it's an evidence-based way of supporting wellbeing and the actual therapeutic work.
• A monotropic flow state doesn't have to feel joyful to be valuable. It can be deeply satisfying and grounding even when it isn't "fun."
• Joy and monotropism can amplify each other. If we're not interrupting someone's flow, we increase the likelihood of joy, and both joy and flow boost learning capacity.
• We so often interrupt joy without realising. Polytropic environments like schools and busy workplaces ask monotropic minds to task-switch fast, which can "rip the tendrils out" and cause real distress.
• Work with monotropism, not against it. Often it's less about facilitating flow and more about not getting in the way, plus giving gentle time to transition.
• Couple hard tasks with something joyful. Steph starts a podcast before she's even out of bed so she can "auto-drive" through the morning routine.
• Transition time isn't wasted time. Monotropism and transitions are deeply linked, and giving yourself space between tasks may protect you from burnout down the line.
• Stop policing how joy looks. Stimming, routines, rituals and "childlike" joy at any age all count. Challenging neuronormativity means letting joy be whatever it needs to be for the individual.

Resources mentioned

• Tendril theory credited to Erin Human. Read more here.

You can find Steph on Instagram at @sgroccupationaltherapy.

Content warning:

If you don't like swearing, scroll on by

Summary:

This week I'm joined by Joanne Hatchard: award-winning neurodivergent therapist, social worker, parent and founder of Better Being Me (and host of the wonderful Talking Twaddle). I'll be honest, when Joanne first pitched this topic I said "heck yes" and then immediately thought "wait, I have no idea what that means." So this episode is me asking a lot of genuine questions while Joanne generously info-dumps a framework that turns out to be one of the most useful reframes I've come across in ages.

Here's the big idea. When you go fishing you can't see the fish, because they're underwater. But you can see the birds circling overhead, and the birds tell you where the fish are. Our internal cues (the "fish") are notoriously unreliable when we're AuDHD, especially when we're stressed, and our interoception has quietly left the building. But the external cues (the "birds") are right there for us, and for the people around us, to spot.

We get into the seven areas Joanne watches: decision-making and the dreaded dithering, outsourcing your choices to other people's opinions, executive functioning weaknesses like a working memory that ghosts you mid-sentence, stress behaviours mapped through the OCEAN traits, attachment that shifts depending on whether it's your mum or your mates at the door, masking as a safety tool rather than a knee-jerk, and connection through the lens of polyvagal safety. There's also a penguin that made Joanne cry, which turns out to be a perfectly valid bird.

The thread tying it together is language. This stuff doesn't work alone in your own head. It works when you and a trusted person build a shared vocabulary for what your stress looks like from the outside, so someone can gently flag it before the meltdown that supposedly "came out of nowhere."

Takeaways

• Your internal radar is the least reliable thing to lean on when you're stressed, because stress is exactly when it stops working. The external cues are easier to catch, and other people often see them first.

• A "bird" is anything observable that flags your capacity is dropping: dithering over a simple decision, losing your words, crying at a penguin, suddenly hearing the electrical hum, chewing your cheek, looping on the same sentence. Once you can name them, you can act on them.

• Naming the birds out loud changes everything. It moves you from "life is happening to me" to "I'm stressed and I can do something about that," and it gives the people who love you a kind way to flag it instead of slowly drifting away confused.

• You don't have one attachment style, you have a different one for nearly every relationship. Mum at the door versus friends at the door can produce two completely different versions of you.

• Masking isn't the enemy. Used intentionally, when you've got the reserves for it, it's a powerful tool. The problem is when it's a default instead of a choice, and you've got nothing left by the time you get home.

• The trusted person matters more than the perfect system. It can be a friend, a partner, or a professional you pay to be honest with you. What you need is someone willing to tell you the truth.

• And the gentlest one to finish on: it doesn't need to be fucking hard. The supports that actually stick are usually the simplest ones, and you're allowed to cherry-pick the bits that work for you and leave the rest.

You can find Joanne on Instagram at @betterbeingme_bbme.

This episode is for my fellow PDAers (and the people who love us and are quietly very confused by us). Sharmayne and I had never met before we hit record, which felt weirdly perfect for an episode about nervous systems that do their own thing in real time. What followed was the info dump I have been waiting for.

Sharmayne Bennett is a non-binary, neuroqueer, 2E, AuDHD PDA-er and psychologist, founder of Wonderfully Wired Psychology and co-creator of ND AffirmEd. Her glimmers include squirrels, Lego and Shrek, which honestly tells you everything you need to know about why this chat was so good. Her puppy also made a cameo and then point-blank refused to be perceived, which is the most PDA thing I have ever witnessed on camera.

We get into what PDA actually is, beyond the tired "rejects every demand" myth, and why the P in pathological has a lot to answer for. Sharmayne walks us through a morning in a PDA brain, where opening your eyes is a demand, moving the bedsheet is a demand, and brushing your teeth is roughly nine demands in a trench coat. We talk about why behaviour is communication but never the whole story, why regulating is itself a demand (rude), and why meltdowns are not the enemy. Picture a shaken Coke bottle: you let the lid off, or it goes flat and fizzes inside anyway.

Then we go where it really lands. The 2E perfectionism that makes asking for help feel like failure. The myth that independence is the goal. Self-compassion for a capacity that changes daily, because disability is dynamic, not something you nailed yesterday so must nail today. And co-regulation as adults, including the gift and the weight of being someone's safe person.

I could have kept going for three more hours. PDA 2.0 is officially on the cards.

Takeaways

• PDA is a spectrum, not a switch. Some days the demand is doable, some days it absolutely is not, and both are valid.
• Every step is a demand. A meltdown is never about that one moment, it is the hours of demands stacked underneath it.
• "Take it off your plate, or is that worse?" Sometimes removing a task helps. Sometimes it just hands you the demand of remembering it later.
• You cannot manipulate a PDAer. That nervous system clocks everything, so collaboration beats clever tricks every single time.
• Regulated does not mean calm. You can feel big feelings and still be grounded.
• If someone says they are PDA, believe them. No research card, no "but maybe you are just demand avoidant." Believe them.

Find Sharmayne on Insta at @wonderfullywiredpsychology and through @nd_affirmed.