AuDHD IRL

Bri sits down with Sandhya Menon, AuDHD developmental psychologist, author of The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain, and My Body's Power Pack, and one of Australia's most trusted voices in neurodivergent affirming practice. Together, they explore a topic that doesn't get nearly enough airtime: what it actually means to be AuDHD and an immigrant, and why the dominant narrative in neurodivergent spaces still has a long way to go.

Sandhya shares her own story of moving from Singapore to Melbourne in 2007, arriving in winter without a coat, navigating racism, Australian slang, and a culture where "how you going?" felt like a rude question. She speaks candidly about what it took to settle her nervous system, how cultural context gets lost in clinical translation, and why her own ADHD diagnosis took three years because her presentation was misread as trauma.

This conversation is warm, honest, and genuinely challenging in the best way.

Key Takeaways

• Cultural lens matters in assessment. Existing diagnostic frameworks carry assumptions that aren't universally applicable: that people are naturally help-seeking, that English fluency equals English thinking, that emotional expression looks the same across cultures. It often doesn't.
• Compensation isn't masking. For many people from collectivist cultures, what looks like masking is actually deeply ingrained cultural expectation around family roles, hierarchy, and "saving face." These are not the same thing, and conflating them causes diagnostic blind spots.
• Language doesn't just translate. Sandhya shares the example of garang, a word that captures fierceness rooted in love and discipline, something "anger" simply can't hold. When we lose the untranslatable, we lose context that matters clinically.
• Notice before you fix. When discomfort arises, the instinct is to move to action. Sandhya invites us to pause, sit with it, and ask what the discomfort is trying to teach us before reaching for a solution or a statement.
• Do the work. The resources already exist. Scroll back through the archives. Borrow diverse books from the library. Use the tools you already have. Asking marginalised people to educate you is labour. Doing the work first is respect.
• Sharing power is a practice. Whether that's stepping aside from a speaking opportunity, buying extra conference tickets for people who can't afford it, or asking whose voice is actually needed in the room, equity is built in the everyday decisions.

Find Sandhya: @onwardsandupwardspsych on InstagramBooks: The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain, My Body's Power Pack can be found at her website, www.onwardsandupwardspsychology.com.au.

Summary: Bri sits down with Dr Jacinta Thomson, clinical psychologist, AuDHDer, and director of Time to Untangle Clinical Psychology Services, for one of those conversations where you spend half the time laughing in recognition and the other half going "wait, that's been happening to me this whole time?"

The topic is internalised ableism, which sounds like a very serious academic concept and is also the reason you spent twenty minutes yesterday beating yourself up for not being able to do a phone call. Jacinta breaks it down with the kind of clarity and warmth that only comes from someone who is both deeply trained in this space AND regularly hides inside her own dress at professional networking events. She's one of us.

Together, Bri and Jacinta explore where internalised ableism actually comes from (spoiler: the world, not you), why it's so easy to compare your worst self to your best self and declare yourself a disaster, and what it looks like to function brilliantly in one context while completely falling apart in another. Jacinta shares some wonderfully honest personal examples, including what it's like to run a successful psychology practice while being completely unable to call the mechanic.

There's also a genuinely useful thread about how to catch yourself in a "should" spiral, question where that rule came from, and figure out whether you've just been carrying it around like a bag of bricks that belongs to someone else. The takeaway is not "everything is fine." It's more like: you're not failing at life. You might just be a person with a nervous system, doing a remarkable job of making it work anyway.

Key Takeaways

1. Internalised ableism is absorbed, not invented. Societal messages about "normal" functioning get turned inward and eventually feel less like someone else's rule and more like a fact about who you are.
2. Functioning is contextual, not global. Doing well in one setting doesn't mean you should do well everywhere. Context, structure, predictability and sensory environment all shape capacity enormously.
3. We compare ourselves to ourselves, and that's its own trap. The gap between your "performing well" self and your "struggling" self isn't a character flaw. It reflects how different your capacity can be depending on what accommodations are in place.
4. "What's wrong with me?" is the wrong question. When we can't meet an expectation, we tend to question ourselves rather than question the expectation. Asking "where did this rule even come from?" opens the door to a lot more self-compassion.
5. Hidden disability means invisible cost. High-masking AuDHDers may look like they're coping, but there's often significant cost happening behind the scenes that others don't see and systems don't account for.
6. Capacity changes over time and circumstance. Comparing your current functioning to a past version of yourself with fewer demands is neither fair nor useful. Capacity fluctuates, and that's not a failure.
7. The tyranny of the shoulds is real. Those "I should just be able to..." thoughts are worth catching. Pressure is often a signal that someone else's should has landed on you as if it were yours.
8. Ask "but why?" like a persistent five-year-old. Questioning the origin of a rule can reveal how arbitrary many norms actually are and make space for approaches that genuinely work for your brain.
9. Diagnosis doesn't erase support needs. Being a psychologist or running a business does not mean you're not AuDHD. Functioning well in some areas can mask significant support needs in others.
10. You're not lazy, flaky, or not trying hard enough. You might just be operating at capacity in a particular context. Curiosity and compassion, for yourself and for others, is where the real work begins.

You can find Jacinta at her website: www.timetotheuntangle.com.au.

Content warning: This episode contains discussion of postpartum depression and anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and a brief reference to maternal mortality statistics. Please take care of yourself while listening.

Summary:

Bri sits down with Claire Britton, occupational therapist, university lecturer, founding director of Neuroinclusion, mum of two (nearly three) and proudly AuDHD, for a conversation that genuinely hasn't been had enough. Claire shares how she didn't receive her diagnosis until she was 28, and how it was the stillness of newborn life during COVID lockdown that finally made everything click. From there, the conversation opens up into the under-researched world of neurodivergence and the perinatal experience: why so many AuDHDers get diagnosed for the first time around pregnancy or postpartum, what sensory and executive functioning changes actually look like across trimesters, and why Claire (a self-described catastrophiser) genuinely loves giving birth. This one's warm, funny, practical and genuinely eye-opening.

Takeaways:

• Big life transitions (pregnancy, postpartum, puberty, perimenopause) are often when neurodivergence becomes impossible to ignore - not because something has gone wrong, but because the scaffolding that masked it has shifted.
• Sensory sensitivity in pregnancy is one of the few times society validates and honours sensory differences without question. Claire uses this as a powerful entry point when educating parents about their children's sensory processing.
• Many AuDHDers actually cope well with labour because it's predictable, time-limited and has a known outcome - it's the uncontrollable unknowns (like finding a car park) that are harder on the nervous system.
• The relationship with your care provider matters more than the model of care. Safety, consistency and feeling genuinely understood are more therapeutic than any specific clinical approach.
• Knowing your needs before you're in crisis (ideally written down) gives your support network something to actually work with. "I need to survive" is not a helpful answer in the moment, but you can get there ahead of time.
• The stigma that neurodivergent people aren't equipped to be parents does real harm. For many, having children provides structure, purpose and motivation that genuinely improves their functioning.

Find Claire on Instagram at @neuroinclusion.au, or search Neuroinclusion on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of chronic pain, injury, disordered health behaviours and addiction, as well as references to neurodivergent experiences including RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), sensory sensitivities, and the process of autism diagnosis. There is also a brief mention of nocebo effects and catastrophising language in healthcare settings.

Summary: Bri sits down with Jordana Martin, founder of Feel Better Pilates in Canberra (where Bri enjoys Pilates classes), for a wide-ranging and genuinely joyful conversation about movement, neurodivergence, and what it looks like to build a space that actually works for brains like ours.

Jordana shares her own ND story - identified as ADHD since childhood in a family full of ND folk, an autism diagnosis she suspects, and how she went from not seeing herself as a sporty person at all to becoming a powerlifter and Pilates teacher. She talks candidly about how movement became her version of meditation and regulation, and why that matters so much for neurodivergent people who live a lot of life up in their heads.

The conversation takes some brilliant side quests into pain science (including the nocebo effect and why the words a care provider uses can genuinely shape a patient's recovery), the biopsychosocial model of health, hypermobility in the ND community, the boom-and-bust movement patterns many of us fall into, and why "correct form" is largely a myth.

Jordana also unpacks the deliberate choices she made in designing Feel Better Pilates, from dim lighting and low-smell environments to rethinking hands-on touch in classes, and why she built it the way she did.

Key Takeaways

• Movement is regulation. Repetitive, rhythmic movement is inherently soothing for neurodivergent nervous systems, and getting into the body can offer relief from the mental churn that many of us live in.
• Words matter in healthcare. The nocebo effect is real! A care provider's catastrophising language can worsen outcomes. Jordana's own experience with a physio who told her she'd never lift weights again (she now powerlifts) is a powerful reminder to seek out providers who use empowering, evidence-based language.
• "Correct form" is mostly a myth. Human bodies are robust and designed for varied movement. The goal is progressive strength and feeling good, not aesthetic perfection.
• Sensory environment matters. A movement space that works for ND people considers lighting, sound, smell, touch consent, and the language used by instructors. If a studio's website makes you uncomfortable, trust that signal.
• Find the lowest barrier to entry. Go with a friend, book online (eww to no phone calls!), ask for a private intro session if that helps - just remove as many friction points as possible and give yourself one concrete deadline to show up once.
• The social biopsy is real. Both Bri and Jordana reflect on the experience of enjoying social situations in the moment but paying for it in the 48 hours after - a very common experience for those socialised as girls with ND profiles.

You can find Jordana on Instagram at @feelbetterpilates or through her website www.feelbetterpilates.com.au.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of relationship trauma, emotional distress following breakups and rejection, a period of depression and questioning one's sense of purpose, and calling off a wedding. There is also mention of over-the-counter sleep medication. Please take care if any of these topics are sensitive for you.

Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist Phoebe Rogers — author of When Will It Happen For Me? — for a warm, funny and deeply honest conversation about AuDHD, relationships, dating, and the long road to self-acceptance.

Phoebe shares her own late diagnosis journey: first identified with ADHD around a year before the recording, and autism shortly after reading Is This Autism? — both discoveries that reframed decades of personal and relationship experiences. She reflects on how she'd always "vibed" with neurodivergent clients and colleagues without realising she was one of them, and how her own painful relationship history — including calling off a wedding at 36 — ultimately drove her to study couples therapy and develop frameworks to help others.

Together, Bri and Phoebe explore how AuDHD shapes the way we date, attach, communicate, and connect — including the intensity of crushes and hyperfocus on a person, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), anxious attachment patterns, and the particular challenges of two neurodivergent people communicating with each other. They also celebrate the beautiful sides: deep loyalty, emotional expressiveness, playfulness, and the capacity to love fiercely.

The conversation moves into friendship too — how "little worlds" work for neurodivergent people, why the neurotypical expectation of large social circles rarely fits, and how self-acceptance opens the door to accepting others as they are. The episode closes with Phoebe's core message: be yourself, and you will find your people.

Takeaways:

1. Late diagnosis can reframe everything — especially relationships.

2. Anxious attachment and RSD are common in AuDHD — and they're workable.

3. "If they cared, they would" is a myth that needs retiring.

4. Love is not supposed to be easy — but it shouldn't require you to hide yourself.

5. Neurodivergent couples often need a "translator."

6. "Little worlds" are valid — and worth protecting.

7. Be yourself — that's the whole dating tip.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of emotional distress and dysregulation
• Experiences of feeling unsafe (including in school and home environments)
• Masking, people-pleasing, and chronic invalidation
• Inner child work (including references to early childhood experiences)
• Trauma (including developmental / “little t” trauma)
• Systemic barriers impacting neurodivergent people

Summary:

In this episode, Bri is joined by Christina Schmidt to explore what it truly means to cultivate a felt sense of safety as an AuDHD person, both internally and within the environments we move through.

Together, they unpack how safety is not just a cognitive concept, but a deeply embodied, nervous system experience, one that is shaped over time through our relationships, environments, and the ways our needs are responded to (or dismissed).

Christina shares powerful reflections from her clinical work, particularly in school settings, highlighting how seemingly small changes, like a new teacher, classroom, or unmet sensory need, can significantly disrupt a child’s sense of safety and capacity to engage.

The conversation explores how many AuDHDers grow up experiencing chronic invalidation, being told to “push through,” ignore discomfort, or prioritise others’ needs, and how this can lead to disconnection from self, high masking, and difficulty accessing safety in adulthood.

Bri and Christina also introduce pathways back toward safety, including co-regulation, meeting sensory needs, reconnecting with the inner child, and gently shifting attention back toward self.

At its core, this episode is a compassionate invitation to move away from self-blame and toward understanding:that safety is not something we “should just have,” but something that is built, supported, and deeply relational.

Takeaways:

• Safety is a felt, embodied experience, not just a thought. It lives in the nervous system, not just the mind.
• Chronic invalidation disrupts safety. Being told to ignore sensory, emotional, or relational needs teaches AuDHDers that their experience doesn’t matter.
• Masking often develops to maintain external safety. Many people learn to prioritise others’ comfort over their own, even at a significant internal cost.
• Environmental changes can deeply impact regulation. Things like new teachers, different tones of voice, lighting, seating, or social dynamics can significantly affect felt safety.
• You are not “overreacting”; your nervous system is responding. Sensory and emotional sensitivity play a key role in how safety is experienced.
• Co-regulation is powerful. Safe people can help us access regulation when we can’t do it alone.
• You don’t have to do it all yourself. Reaching safety can involve others, environments, and supports, not just internal effort.
• Your needs deserve to come first, too. Shifting away from constant people-pleasing is part of building safety.
• Inner child work can support healing. Many experiences of unsafety are rooted in early life, and can be gently met with compassion and validation now.
• Safety is shaped by systems, not just individuals. Social structures, expectations, and environments can either support or block access to safety.
• There is no one way to feel safe. For some, it might feel like warmth, stillness, softness, or “amber light”, for others, something entirely different.
• Safety can start small. Meeting sensory needs, softening expectations, or connecting with one safe person can be a starting point.

You can find Christina on Instagram at @freetobeme.speech.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of burnout and overwhelm
• Experiences of feeling misunderstood or “not fitting”
• Academic and school-related stress
• Perfectionism and pressure around potential
• Mental health challenges (including anxiety and low self-worth)

If these are prickly for you today, go have a cuppa instead!

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Caitlin to explore multi-exceptionality — the experience of being both gifted and multiply disabled (aka AuDHD).

Together, they unpack the complexity of having strengths and challenges that can mask each other. High intelligence, strong verbal skills, or creativity can often hide support needs, while struggles with executive functioning, emotional regulation, or sensory experiences can be misunderstood as a lack of effort or inconsistency.

The conversation explores how many twice-exceptional individuals grow up feeling “out of sync” — excelling in some areas while quietly struggling in others — and how this can impact identity, self-worth, and access to support.

Bri and Caitlin also challenge the idea that capability equals coping, highlighting the invisible effort it can take to keep up, mask difficulties, and meet expectations.

At its core, this episode is about recognising and validating the full picture — and creating space for both strengths and support needs to exist at the same time.

Takeaways:

• You can be gifted and still need support. Strengths don’t cancel out challenges — both can exist at the same time.
• Capability ≠ coping. Just because someone is achieving or performing well doesn’t mean it feels easy or sustainable.
• Twice exceptionality can be invisible. Strengths can mask difficulties, and difficulties can mask strengths — leading to missed or delayed understanding.
• “Inconsistency” often has an explanation. Fluctuating performance is not a character flaw — it reflects underlying differences in processing, energy, and support needs.
• The pressure of “potential” can be heavy. Being seen as capable or “bright” can create unrealistic expectations and internalised pressure.
• Many multi-exceptional individuals feel out of sync. Being ahead in some areas and behind in others can lead to confusion, frustration, and disconnection from peers.
• Masking can come at a cost. Trying to maintain a capable or “put together” image can contribute to burnout and identity confusion.
• Support should be based on need, not visibility. You don’t have to struggle more obviously to deserve help.
• Understanding changes everything. Having language for your experience can shift self-blame into self-compassion.
• You are allowed to be both. Both capable and struggling. Both strong and needing support.

You can find Caitlin on Instagram at @cathartic.collaborations, at her website www.catharticcollaborations.com.au, and listen to her podcast Divergent Dialogues.

Content Warning:

• Burnout and chronic exhaustion
• Workplace stress and misalignment
• People-pleasing and self-sacrifice
• Parenting stress (including early childhood challenges)
• Internal pressure, overwhelm, and productivity struggles

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Adina to explore what it really looks like to build a life and business that actually fits an AuDHD brain, not one shaped by neurotypical expectations.

Adina shares her journey from speech pathology private practice owner to burnout, and the pivotal moment where everything “collided”, forcing her to completely rethink how she worked, led, and lived.

Through that process, she began deeply examining her needs, energy, and capacity, realising that the “expected” path (growing a team, scaling a business, pushing through) wasn’t sustainable for her neurotype. Instead, she rebuilt a business model centred around autonomy, flexibility, and alignment.

The conversation explores the tension between internal drives (like urgency, hyperfocus, and overwork) and the need for rest, boundaries, and self-compassion. It also highlights how tools like AI can act as accessible supports for decision-making, boundary-setting, and reducing cognitive load.

At its core, this episode is about letting go of “shoulds” and moving toward small, intentional steps that honour your actual brain and capacity.

Takeaways:

• You don’t have to follow the “expected” path. The traditional progression (grow, scale, lead a team) isn’t right for everyone, especially for many neurodivergent brains.
• Burnout can be a turning point, not just a breaking point. Moments where everything “collides” can create space to rebuild something more aligned.
• Self-examination is the foundation of an aligned life. Regularly asking “what actually works for me?” is what allows meaningful change — not guessing or copying others.
• Autonomy isn’t a luxury, it’s often a need. Many AuDHDers thrive when they can control environment, schedule, communication, and workflow.
• Internal demands can be louder than external ones. ADHD urgency + autistic deep focus can create intense internal pressure, even without external deadlines.
• You don’t need to do everything at once. Small, iterative changes are often safer and more sustainable than “all or nothing” leaps.
• AI can be an accessibility tool — not a replacement for thinking. It can help with decision-making, scripting boundaries, and reducing overwhelm, while you stay in control.
• People-pleasing and self-advocacy can coexist. You can care about others and still set boundaries that honour your needs.
• Time-for-money work can be limiting (and exhausting). Diversifying income (even slightly) can create more flexibility, capacity, and sustainability.
• Creativity and joy matter, even without productivity. Doing things just because they feel good (not because they’re useful or profitable) is regulating and necessary.
• The goal isn’t perfection, it’s alignment. You don’t need a perfect system, just one that fits you better over time.
• “Little steps toward something that fits you better” is the work. Sustainable change happens through small, ongoing adjustments, not overnight transformation.

Adina can be found on Instagram at @differently.aligned (Business Coaching) and @play.learn.chat (Therapy focus).

Content Warning:

• Burnout and shutdown
• Masking and identity confusion
• People-pleasing and self-sacrifice
• Discussion of childhood experiences and labels
• Social pressure, fitting in, and internalised expectations

Go gently if these topics are dysregulating for you.

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Laetitia Andrac to explore AuDHD through the lens of parts, identity, and the roles we develop to survive and succeed.

Laetitia shares her journey from high-achieving strategy consultant to burnout, and how discovering her daughter’s neurodivergence led to her own late diagnosis. Together, they unpack how growing up without the “right” label often leads to collecting harmful ones instead: shaping identity through external expectations rather than self-understanding.

The conversation dives deeply into parts work, from Internal Family Systems to psychodrama, exploring how certain parts (like the “get shit done” achiever or the selfless leader) are highly rewarded, while others (like the need for silence, rest, or deep interests) are pushed to the back of the bus.

Laetitia introduces a powerful analogy:👉 AuDHD as your operating system, and your parts as apps.

The episode ultimately invites listeners to move away from “fixing” themselves and toward building relationships with all parts, even (and especially) the ones that have been hidden, dismissed, or shamed.

Takeaways:

• If you don’t get the right label, you collect the wrong ones. Growing up without understanding your neurotype can lead to harmful identity narratives and reduced self-worth.
• Some parts are rewarded, others are rejected. Productivity, selflessness, and high achievement are often praised, while rest, quiet, and deep internal worlds are dismissed.
• The “get shit done” part can come at a cost. Capable parts often dominate until burnout forces other needs to the surface.
• People-pleasing is often relational intelligence, not a flaw. Being attuned to others can be valued socially, but can lead to self-abandonment when it becomes the dominant role.
• Masking can disconnect you from who you are. Many AuDHDers develop a strong “masking part” that performs externally while internal distress goes unseen.
• Burnout can reconnect you with lost parts. Experiences like shutdown or burnout can bring forward parts that were previously ignored, like the need for stillness, silence, or non-productivity.
• Special interests are often dismissed, but deeply protective. They bring joy, meaning, and regulation, yet are frequently minimised because they don’t align with social norms.
• AuDHD is the operating system, and parts are the apps. Your neurotype is your wiring, but your parts (roles, adaptations, identities) are layered on top and can be understood and reshaped.
• You don’t need to delete parts; you need relationships with them. Trying to “get rid of” parts doesn’t create change; it creates disconnection. Healing comes from understanding their role and intention.
• Befriending your parts is an act of rebellion. In a world that prioritises performance and conformity, choosing authenticity and internal connection is powerful and countercultural.

You can find Laetitia on Instagram at @understanding.zoe and on the web at www.understandingzoe.com.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of trauma (including “little t” developmental trauma)
• People-pleasing, masking, and burnout
• Emotional overwhelm and RSD
• Gender expectations and systemic pressures
• Brief mention of distressing childhood experiences

Summary:

In this deeply validating and expansive conversation, Bri sits down with Em from NeuroWild (an autistic ADHD speech pathologist, illustrator, and advocate) to explore what it really means to grow up, parent, and exist in a neuronormative world.

Together, they unpack the hidden costs of being the “easy,” “good,” or “pleasing" child, and how patterns like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and masking follow many AuDHDers into adulthood.

Em shares the realities behind NeuroWild, from creative bursts and burnout cycles, to raising neurodivergent kids in a way that centres safety, autonomy, and connection over compliance.

The episode challenges common therapeutic ideas (like “big vs small problems”), questions the push for independence, and reframes emotional intensity as something meaningful, not something to suppress.

At its core, this is a conversation about unlearning: unlearning “shoulds,” unlearning sameness, and learning to build lives, and families, grounded in safety, authenticity, and the long game.

Takeaways:

• You’re not “too much”, your environment might be too mismatched. Emotional intensity isn’t a flaw. It’s information.
• “Big reactions” aren’t the problem. Trying to suppress them for convenience often causes more harm than good.
• People-pleasing is learned, not inherent. Many AuDHDers were rewarded for being “easy,” and are now unlearning it.
• We need to stop teaching compliance and start teaching safety. Kids (and adults) thrive when they feel safe, not when they’re forced to perform.
• Independence isn’t the ultimate goal, connection is. Interdependence is human. Needing support is not failure.
• We’re playing the long game. The goal isn’t a “well-behaved child”, it’s a safe, self-aware adult.
• Not everything deserves a “yes”. It’s okay to leave, cancel, or opt out, even if you’ve paid, planned, or committed.
• Start asking: “whose expectation is that?”. A lot of what we chase isn’t ours, it’s inherited from systems that don’t fit us.

You can find Em on instagram at @neurowild_, on facebook as NeuroWild, and online at www.neurowild.com.au.