AuDHD IRL

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of...

• Trauma and systemic oppression
• Racism, colonisation, and minority stress
• Misdiagnosis (including BPD) and mental health stigma
• Brief mention of self-concept distress

Please take care while listening and pause if needed.

Summary: In this deeply thoughtful and expansive conversation, Bri sits down with Mish - a non-binary, neurodivergent, South Indian mental health social worker - to explore what it really means to live as an AuDHD person at the intersection of culture, identity, and systems.

Together, they unpack the concept of flash forwards - a lesser-discussed but powerful experience of anticipatory dread - and how AuDHDers may vividly “pre-live” the future in ways that feel intensely real.

Mish shares their lived experience of being misdiagnosed with BPD, the impact of stigma, and the relief and rage that can come with finding more accurate, affirming frameworks.

The conversation expands into how neurodivergence is always filtered through culture, and how people of the global majority experience compounding layers of minority stress, masking, and misinterpretation.

They explore:

• Why safety is not universal, but can be “safe enough”
• How identity shapes both trauma and healing
• The role of flash forwards in burnout, anxiety, and survival
• And what it means to move toward your “favourite self”, rather than your “best” or “most productive” self

This episode is an invitation to stay curious, to listen deeply, and to rethink what we’ve been taught about both neurodivergence and healing.

Takeaways:

• Flash forwards are real and valid. Not just “overthinking”. They can feel like vividly living a feared future, with full-body responses.
• Your brain is trying to protect you. Flash forwards are often your system attempting to anticipate and prevent harm.
• The “where self” matters. Reorienting to where you are (not just what you feel) can help anchor you in the present.
• Neurodivergence is shaped by culture. It is never experienced in isolation. Race, gender, queerness, and systems all shape how it shows up and how it’s perceived.
• Minority stress compounds everything. Being neurodivergent and part of marginalised communities amplifies burnout, masking, and anticipatory anxiety.
• Same traits, different judgments. Behaviour seen as “leadership” in some may be labelled “too much” or “intimidating” in others.
• Masking is not the enemy. It can be a survival tool. The goal isn’t always to unmask, but to have choice.
• “Safe enough” is the goal. Healing doesn’t require perfect safety, just moments where your system can soften.
• Find your “favourite self”. Not your most productive, healed, or optimised self, just the version of you that feels most like you.
• The greatest privilege is not having to know. And the invitation is to choose curiosity anyway.

Mish can be found via email at [email protected] and on Insta at @neuroqueer.emdrtherapist.

Content Warning - This episode includes discussion of:

• Experiences of being misunderstood, shamed, or corrected for communication differences
• Neurodivergent masking and social challenges
• Workplace and school-based communication difficulties

Please take care while listening and pause if needed.

Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with AuDHD speech pathologist Cammy to explore the nuanced, often overlooked world of communication preferences in AuDHDers. Together, they unpack how communication is far more than just “talking and understanding”, it includes how we tell stories, ask for help, process language, use tone, and navigate relationships.

Cammy shares insights from both her lived experience and clinical work, highlighting how many AuDHDers have been misunderstood or even shamed for the way they communicate. The conversation dives into directness, sensitivity, scripting, and the push-pull of AuDHD traits, while emphasising that communication is dynamic, relational, and deeply personal.

They also explore the importance of self-awareness, collaboration, and accommodations, from communication profiles to visual supports, and how both neurodivergent people and their environments share responsibility in creating understanding.

Ultimately, this episode is an invitation to move away from “fixing” communication, and toward honouring, understanding, and supporting it.

Key Takeaways:

• Communication is more than speech. It includes storytelling style, tone, pacing, literal vs non-literal language, help-seeking, and more.
• There is no “right” way to communicate. Differences are neutral. What matters is understanding and supporting them, not correcting them.
• Directness and sensitivity can co-exist. Many AuDHD people are both direct and deeply sensitive, which can create relational tension that needs open conversation.
• Relationships are the foundation. Communication works best when there is reciprocity, repair, and ongoing dialogue about what works for each person.
• Scripting is a valid and helpful tool. It can act as a starting point - “copy, paste, then personalise” - rather than something rigid or inauthentic.
• Self-awareness comes first. Clinicians (and everyone!) need to understand their own communication preferences before supporting others.
• Accommodations support authentic communication. Tools like communication profiles, visual supports, and environmental adjustments help people communicate the way they want to.
• AuDHDers shouldn’t carry all the load. Communication is a shared responsibility. Environments, clinicians, teachers, and peers all play a role.
• If in doubt… ask. The most powerful (and often underused) tool: ask the person about their communication preferences.

You can get in touch with Cammy via email at [email protected] and over Instagram at @lets.talkneurodiversity.

Content Warning:

This episode discusses chronic illness, medical gaslighting, healthcare discrimination, trauma within healthcare systems, and brief references to medical neglect and historical misogyny in medicine. Listener discretion is advised.

Summary:

In this episode of AuDHD IRL, Bri sits down with provisional psychologist Nina Buchborn, who shares her lived experience of AuDHD alongside chronic, invisible illnesses. Nina’s thesis explored medical gaslighting in the healthcare experiences of neurodivergent women with chronic pain, and this conversation dives into the deeply personal and systemic issues behind that research.

Together, Bri and Nina unpack the complex intersection between autism, ADHD, connective tissue disorders, dysautonomia, MCAS, chronic pain, fatigue, and more, and why so many people who are autistic and/or ADHD experience multiple health conditions at once. They discuss how these conditions are frequently misunderstood or dismissed in healthcare settings, particularly for women and gender-diverse people.

Nina shares stories from her own life and research participants about the impact of medical gaslighting, the emotional toll of being repeatedly dismissed by doctors, and the hidden reality of living with invisible illness. The conversation also explores the concept of masking on steroids, where Autistic people and ADHDers' masking overlaps with the pressure to appear well despite chronic illness.

Alongside the challenges, this episode also offers practical insights into self-advocacy in healthcare, navigating complex medical systems, and learning to trust your own body and experiences.

Takeaways:

1. Autism/ADHD and chronic illness often overlap.Emerging research suggests a strong connection between autism/ADHD and conditions such as connective tissue disorders, dysautonomia (including POTS), MCAS, and chronic pain. These links are increasingly recognised but still poorly understood in mainstream medicine.

2. Medical gaslighting is a systemic issue.Many people, particularly women and autistic/ADHD individuals, report their symptoms being dismissed as anxiety, stress, or exaggeration. This can delay diagnosis for years or decades.

3. Invisible illness creates layers of masking.People with chronic conditions often feel pressure to appear “well” in social and medical settings. For autistic/ADHD individuals, this can mean masking both their neurodivergence and their physical illness at the same time.

4. Chronic illness often involves grief.Losing access to activities, work, social life, and identity can bring significant grief. Validating this emotional experience is an important part of both psychological care and personal healing.

5. Self-advocacy in healthcare matters.Navigating the healthcare system can be exhausting, but asking questions, seeking second opinions, bringing support people to appointments, and requesting documentation can help patients advocate for themselves.

6. Trust your body.If something feels wrong, it deserves attention. Nina encourages listeners to trust their own bodily experiences and keep searching for answers and support.

7. Kindness toward yourself is essential.Living with chronic illness means adjusting expectations and recognising limits. Self-compassion is a crucial part of navigating health challenges.

Summary:

Dive into a lively conversation about how AuDHD, identity, and self-expression intertwine through hair, fashion, and everyday choices. Charlotte (a hairdresser) and Bri explore how embracing our differences can foster confidence, control, and community. They discuss how being proud of our differences and showing it on the outside can signal safety to others. They also discuss parenting AuDHDers who want to experiment with their looks, how experimenting with looks can be regulating, and how being in control of something like your hairstyle can help with transitions and change. Charlotte also shares what it's like to give someone their first ever haircut, and gives advice to those who are nervous to get a cut.

Takeaways:

• AuDHD and Self-Expression: Embracing your AuDHD identity can significantly influence personal style and self-image, allowing individuals to express their identity authentically.
• Dopamine Dressing: This concept highlights the joy and confidence that come from wearing clothes that stimulate positive emotions.
• Creating Safe Spaces: It's crucial to provide environments where AuDHD individuals, especially children and teens, can express themselves freely and feel understood.
• Practical Accommodations: Offering tailored experiences, such as sensory-friendly haircuts, can make a significant difference for autistic or ADHD clients.
• Autonomy and Identity: Encouraging autonomy in style choices helps reinforce a sense of control and self-acceptance, fostering a positive self-image.

You can find Charlotte on Instagram at @charlotte_thehairstylist, or through @brushnbroom.

Content Warning:

This episode discusses topics related to being AuDHD, late diagnosis, and societal stigma. There is mention of suicidality and trauma, which may be sensitive for some listeners. Go gently.

Summary:

In this episode, we explore the transformative power of understanding our neurotype, and cultivating genuine belonging, both personally and socially. Sarah Eagle, a passionate advocate and late-diagnosed AuDHDer herself, shares her journey, mental models, and practical steps towards building inclusive communities where all brains can thrive. She is fabulous, and you will love her!

Takeaways:

• The transformative power of late diagnosis: understanding oneself and fostering self-compassion
• Moving beyond deficit models to a belonging-focused framework based on relationships
• The importance of rupture and repair skills in society for authentic connection
• How societal beliefs from moral failing to justice and belonging models impact stigma
• Practical strategies for individual regulation and sensory lifestyle medicine to prevent burnout
• The role of gentle advocacy: creating demand for inclusive environments without burnout
• The significance of neurokin communities in cultivating a sense of belonging
• Steps for systems change: policies, community awareness, and relational skills
• Embracing the grief and anger as natural parts of the diagnosis journey
• Utilising mental health models that prioritise enrichment, community, and self-literacy

You can find Sarah on Instagram at @neurodivergent_joydiving_sarah.

Content warning: mention of suicidality, parental burnout, trauma and stress. Listen with care.

Summary: In this heartfelt episode, Hollie-Ann shares her experience as an AuDHD mother navigating diagnosis, parenting, advocacy, and self-care with host Bri Thomas. Hollie-Ann's story highlights the importance of community, self-awareness, and embracing strengths on the parenting journey. She is honest about the tough stuff, and encouraging exactly where it's needed. This episode addresses societal taboos, intersectionality, parenting strategies, and community building within neurodivergent and queer spaces. It offers actionable insights for parents, caregivers, and advocates aiming to foster understanding and self-compassion.

Takeaways:

• The impact of being AuDHD on identity and parenthood
• Building community and advocating for neurodivergent families
• The challenges of parenting with additional support needs and navigating systems
• Strategies for self-care, energy management, and co-regulation
• Addressing societal taboos: ableism, loneliness, and mental health in parenting
• The importance of parenting to strengths and modelling regulation
• Recognising and honouring fluctuating capacities and micro-moments of self-care

You can find Hollie-Ann on Instagram at @neuroinclusiveeducation.

Content warning: Don't listen to this one with the kids in the back seat... and discern whether it's going to be safe for your nervous system to hear Lil and Bri talk about relationships, sex, intimacy and pleasure at this time.

Keywords: ADHD, autism, AuDHD, relationships, intimacy, neurodivergent, sex education, communication, sensory experiences, self-acceptance

Summary: In this engaging conversation, Bri Thomas and Lil explore the themes of authenticity, neurodivergence, and intimacy. Lil shares their personal journey with ADHD and autism, discussing how these experiences shape their understanding of relationships and sexual intimacy. The discussion delves into the importance of communication, the impact of sensory experiences, and the need to challenge societal norms surrounding sex. Lil emphasizes the significance of self-discovery and pleasure, advocating for a more open dialogue about sexuality to reduce shame and foster connection.

Takeaways:

• AuDHDers often have unique experiences in intimacy.
• Communication is essential for understanding needs in relationships.
• Sensory experiences can greatly impact sexual intimacy.
• Breaking societal taboos around sex is necessary.
• Self-discovery is crucial for understanding personal pleasure.
• Shame around sexuality can hinder personal growth and connection.
• Creating supportive systems in relationships can alleviate stress.
• Pleasure is a birthright!

You can find Lil on Instagram at @neurokinnection.

Overview: In this engaging conversation, Jess, a registered psychologist, shares her journey of discovering her autism and ADHD. She discusses her early career experiences, the importance of lived experience in psychology, and the challenges of masking in social situations. Jess emphasises the push-pull dynamic between autism and ADHD, exploring how it affects her daily life and interactions. The conversation highlights the significance of self-advocacy, understanding one's own needs, and the importance of going with the tussle in your own brain.

Takeaways:

• Understanding one's neurodivergent identity can lead to greater self-acceptance.
• Masking is a common coping mechanism for AuDHDers.
• The push-pull dynamic between autism and ADHD can be exhausting.
• Self-advocacy is crucial in navigating social situations.
• Community support enhances well-being for neurodivergent individuals.
• Recognising bodily cues can help manage overwhelm.
• It's important to lean into one's thoughts and feelings.
• Working with the tug of war rather than fighting it leads to better outcomes.

You can find Jess on instagram at @pinkzebra.psychology

Keywords (Please consider this when listening to this podcast; make sure you're in an okay place to hear these topics): Food, AuDHD, eating disorders, ARFID, OCD, trauma, safety, nutrition, sensory processing, mental health.

Overview: In this conversation, Margo White and Bri Thomas explore the intricate relationship between food, AuDHD, and safety. Margo shares her personal journey with eating disorders and how her experiences shape her professional practice as a nutritionist. They discuss the complexities of ARFID, the impact of trauma on eating, and the intersection of OCD and food. The importance of predictability and self-compassion in navigating these challenges is emphasised, along with the need for support and accommodations to foster happier relationships with food.

Takeaways:

• Food is a significant part of our lives and eating is deeply sensory.
• ARFID presents differently in each individual, and there is no "one look".
• Safety and predictability are crucial for AuDHD individuals.
• Trauma can significantly impact one's relationship with food, and is remembered in the body.
• Self-compassion is essential in navigating food challenges.
• Understanding the intersection of OCD and ARFID is important.
• Support and accommodations can help improve eating experiences.

Margo can be found on Instagram at @margo_wholebodynutrition.

In this conversation, Bri and Rosie (from Uniquely Wired) explore the themes of perfectionism and rejection sensitivity, particularly in the context of being AuDHD. Rosie shares her personal experiences as an autistic ADHDer and how these influence her life and work. They discuss the pressures of perfectionism, the emotional costs associated with it, and practical strategies for managing these experiences. The conversation emphasises the importance of self-compassion, understanding one's inner child, and the value of community support in navigating these challenges.

You can find Rosie on instagram at @rosie.uniquelywired.

Takeaways:

• Perfectionism can lead to self-inflicted pressure and disappointment.
• Rejection sensitivity often accompanies perfectionism, creating a cycle of anxiety.
• It's important to recognise and validate one's feelings about grades and achievements.
• Self-compassion is crucial in managing perfectionism and RSD.
• Creating a rubric that includes personal values can help alleviate pressure.
• Celebrating small wins and progress is essential for mental well-being.
• Having supportive people around can help identify perfectionistic tendencies.
• Exploring the origins of perfectionism can provide insight and healing.
• It's okay to feel disappointed about unmet expectations; those feelings are valid.
• Being gentle with oneself is a necessary part of the journey.