Audio Tidbits

Samuel Johnson told us that the chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken; and John Dryden added that ill habits gather by unseen degrees — As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.

The truth of it is that Arnold Bennett got it right when he said that habits are the very dickens to change. Abigail Van Buren was also on point when she added that a bad habit never disappears miraculously. It's an undo-it-yourself project. Of course Mark Twain was also there, egar to join in, "Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."

Naturally, St. Augustine had a wise caution for us, "Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.;" and as we would expect, Mark Twain inserted his take here on putting too much stock in saints and wisdom, "To have nothing the matter with you and no habits is pretty tame, pretty colorless. It is just the way a saint feels, I reckon; it is at least the way he looks. I never could stand a saint."

"Habit is a man's sole comfort. We dislike doing without even unpleasant things to which we have become accustomed," according to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. We already knew that habbits are sticky and not easily abandoned so aren't surprised that Georg Christoph Lichtenberg added that habit might be described as a kind of moral friction — as something not allowing easy passage to the mind, but rather so binding it to things that to work loose from them is difficult. A Spanish Proverb puts it like this, "Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables;" and Horace Mann like this, "Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it."

As much as there is to say on the side of giving up our bad habbits, Eng's Principle advises that "The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change;" and bad habbits are definitly hard to change. At least mine are and I suspect yours are too, so we don't want to stop short, without reminding ourselves that habbits are not without virtue. Frank Crane said that habits are safer than rules; you don't have to watch them. And you don't have to keep them, either. They keep you. Well that may not be quite the virtue we had in mind so let's leave it with this from William James, "Habit is thus the enormous flywheel of society, its most precious conservative agent. It alone is what keeps us all within the bounds of ordinance, and saves the children of fortune from the envious uprisings of the poor."

Now you know so there you go.

Listen to this little tune for two minutes and forty-nine seconds and don't keep running the chorus past your mind once you have finished listening. I couldn't do it and bet you can't either.

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." -- Edward Everett Hale

A similar sentiment was expressed by William Penn "I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." Your best strategy over the long-haul is to understand where people want to go and help them get there. You do this by talking with them about what aid and support they need from you and being sure they get it. It may seem more expedient to charge full-speed-ahead and others be damned; but being too self-serving ends up, in the long run, serving no one. Your success is best served by helping others succeed.

The glitch is that, no matter how well-intentioned, your offer to help is usually turned down or the response is, "I will let you know." If you sincerely want to help, do not ask what you can do to help or wait to be asked. Think about what the person's problem is or what they want to accomplish and then do something helpful. Proactively helping is most always much more helpful than help that is merely offered though it does take a little more time, a little more thought, and a little more effort. "Did that help?" is often the best question you can ask. As Sunshine Magazine pointed out, "He who gives when he is asked has waited too long."

The famous Anon. had a particularly pithy way of emphasizing the importance of being proactive with others, "Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful." Albert Schweitzer and William James respectively joined the help when you can, wherever you can chorus. "Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him;" and "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." Perhaps the last word on it should go to George Bernard Shaw who said, "This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

Now you know so there you go.

"It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident." -- P.J. O'Rourke

The idea seems to be that good manners can and often do cover up the proverbial multitude of sins. As Arthur Schopenhauer put it, "Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax." It may quickly distort or otherwise transform reality. What seems sincere may merely be the latest example of Abel Stevens' observation, "Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts." The point is that in an effort to "be nice," candor can easily take a backseat to what Emily Post described as "a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." The desire not to upset or offend takes priority over the responsibility to be honest and straightforward.

Of course, W. Somerset Maugham did say, "I don't think you want too much sincerity in society. It would be like an iron girder in a house of cards." And Lord Halifax said, "A man that should call everything by its right name would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a common enemy." The conclusion follows that there is an appropriate, middle ground between total honesty and bad manners. One should find that balance between excessive rudeness and being unnecessarily impolite on the one hand and knavery or excessive dishonesty on the other.

Are you tempted to agree with this argument? If so, you are probably aligning with the polite majority of people who behave as if the choice is between candor and insensitive rudeness. When it comes time to choose, they generally lean toward avoiding being seen as rude or as having bad manners. The result is that they are often dishonest, at least somewhat. Personal integrity is partially sacrificed to the god of good manners. When you are thus tempted, Cesare Pavese's observation is worth considering, "Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference."

Perhaps the real issue isn't your honesty, your integrity, or your manners. Rather, it is your discomfort with how you fear others will react to you if you actually say what you think, accurately express your feelings, and practice the candor you profess to value so highly. Often the issue is dealing with the bad manners of other people. As Gabirol put it, "The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones." the famous Anon. expressed the idea this way, "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are;" and F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "It's not a slam at you when people are rude - it's a slam at the people they've met before." The best conclusion is that there is never a good excuse for bad manners and that "situational integrity" isn't integrity at all. Calmly and respectfully stand up, speak up, shut up, and sit down and then politely listen, making it immediately evident that you indeed are nice.

Now you know so there you go.

Here's how to play the Match Game. Hold the match, ready to strike. Whether you burn that bridge is now in your control.

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -- Jonathan Kozol

In the realm of life's little lessons, this seems axiomatic. The problem is that many of the battles that are big enough to matter aren't small enough to win; and those that are small enough to win tend not to matter. The challenge is in knowing when to fight and when to walk away. Kozol's advice is to fight if the outcome matters and you can win, otherwise walk away. Although this is certainly a practical approach to self-preservation, it's also a clear cop out. There are battles that matter way too much to avoid, even though winning is far from certain.

The more important lesson may be in David Russell's observation, "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." Life is full of conflicts and tensions, battles large and small, bridges to cross and bridges to burn. Life is a journey; and usually, when it isn't working out, you can change direction, back up and start again, and generally change your plans. Now and then, though, the bridge has burned and there is no turning back, nothing to do but live with the choices you have made.

No, there isn't an easy way to know when to cross that bridge and when to let it burn, when to be decisive and when to equivocate, when to hold back and when to make an irreversible choice. However, there are questions that you can ask and answer before choosing.

1. "Am I burning any bridges by making this choice?"

2. "Are the bridges being burned ones over which I may want to cross again?"

3. "If I cannot cross a bridge again, what will I do instead, if the time comes when doing something else is necessary?"

4. "If I cross this bridge, how will I handle it, if things don't work out as I hope they will?"

5. "How will I be worse off if I neither cross the bridge ahead of me nor burn the one behind me, including the lost opportunity cost?"

So, you have asked the questions. You have answered the questions. What next? Stand up straight, take a deep breath, and deal with that bridge. Cross it; burn it; take a different road; but whatever you choose, don't forget the old Chinese proverb, "Talk doesn't cook rice."

Now you know so there you go.

"When your intelligence don't tell you something ain't right, your conscience gives you a tap on the shoulder and says ‘Hold on.' If it don't, you're a snake." As one might expect, Carl Jung expressed Presley's folk wisdom in somewhat more formal language; but the idea is the same, "Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, 'Something is out of tune.'" Christopher Reeve also heard that inner voice, "I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do."

The recurring belief is that the voice of conscience is ever-present and far less fallible than the voice of reason. For example, Josh Billings asserted, "Reason often makes mistakes but conscience never does." Jean-Jacques Rousseau made the same point this way, "Reason deceives us often; conscience never." Although stated less dogmatically, Joseph Cook agreed with Billings and Rousseau, "Conscience is our magnetic compass; reason our chart."

Unfortunately, that little voice may not be quite the totally reliable key to recognizing the good and right some say it is. Samuel Butler pointed out, "Conscience is thoroughly well-bred and soon leaves off talking to those who do not wish to hear it." As it turns out, conscience has an attitude. If you don't pay attention to it, it may just stop paying attention to you. Were that not problem enough, what conscience is saying isn't always clear. You can listen and still struggle to understand. As William Dean Howells pointed out, "The difficulty is to know conscience from self-interest."

Conscience and reason are having a fight. They go back and forth all through the night. It's a right to the nose and a left to the chin. When morning comes, they start over again.

Reason says that it makes perfect sense. It's trying to nudge you off of the fence. The tug of conscience is hard to abide. It's pulling you hard to the other side.

You sway back and forth, first left and then right. Do you do what makes sense or do what seems right? Conscience gives you a pull, then reason a push. If this isn't resolved, you'll be dumped on your tush.

Does reason prevail or does the little voice win? Do you take one on the nose or one on the chin? Either way you go, it doesn't feel good. Do you do what makes sense or do what you should?

Calm yourself and try to unwind. Take a deep breath and make up your mind. Do you go with what you think or with that little voice? It's up to you; and you live with your choice.

Now you know so there you go.

"When your intelligence don't tell you something ain't right, your conscience gives you a tap on the shoulder and says ‘Hold on.' If it don't, you're a snake." As one might expect, Carl Jung expressed Presley's folk wisdom in somewhat more formal language; but the idea is the same, "Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, 'Something is out of tune.'" Christopher Reeve also heard that inner voice, "I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do."

The recurring belief is that the voice of conscience is ever-present and far less fallible than the voice of reason. For example, Josh Billings asserted, "Reason often makes mistakes but conscience never does." Jean-Jacques Rousseau made the same point this way, "Reason deceives us often; conscience never." Although stated less dogmatically, Joseph Cook agreed with Billings and Rousseau, "Conscience is our magnetic compass; reason our chart."

Unfortunately, that little voice may not be quite the totally reliable key to recognizing the good and right some say it is. Samuel Butler pointed out, "Conscience is thoroughly well-bred and soon leaves off talking to those who do not wish to hear it." As it turns out, conscience has an attitude. If you don't pay attention to it, it may just stop paying attention to you. Were that not problem enough, what conscience is saying isn't always clear. You can listen and still struggle to understand. As William Dean Howells pointed out, "The difficulty is to know conscience from self-interest."

Conscience and reason are having a fight. They go back and forth all through the night. It's a right to the nose and a left to the chin. When morning comes, they start over again.

Reason says that it makes perfect sense. It's trying to nudge you off of the fence. The tug of conscience is hard to abide. It's pulling you hard to the other side.

You sway back and forth, first left and then right. Do you do what makes sense or do what seems right? Conscience gives you a pull, then reason a push. If this isn't resolved, you'll be dumped on your tush.

Does reason prevail or does the little voice win? Do you take one on the nose or one on the chin? Either way you go, it doesn't feel good. Do you do what makes sense or do what you should?

Calm yourself and try to unwind. Take a deep breath and make up your mind. Do you go with what you think or with that little voice? It's up to you; and you live with your choice.

Now you know so there you go.

"A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional, and are the portals of discovery." -- James Joyce

This certainly puts a different twist on the concept. The only requirement is that one is "A man of genius." If so, you don't make mistakes, you merely commit errors, on purpose. Try that one the next time you screw up, "It's no big deal. I just decided to make this mistake in order to open the portal for discovery." You can also note that on your resume where you explain why you left your last job.

Niels Bohr said, "An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field." Of course, Bohr does qualify as a man of genius; but to assume that he too is suggesting that those mistakes are the portals for discovery is likely not correct. A little folk wisdom may be more to the point. "Why are things always in the last place you look?" "It's because, once you find it, you quit looking."

Confucius has a better perspective, "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake." George Washington also joins in on the same side of the matter, "To err is nature, to rectify error is glory." As you hustle to rectify those errors, it will help to allay your anxiety if you remember Robert Henry's advice, "Don't ever be afraid to admit you were wrong. It's like saying you're wiser today than you were yesterday." While you're at it, though, don't overlook Frank Lloyd Wright's insight, "A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines." Since you are the architect of your success, you would do well to minimize the number and size of the vines required to cover up your mistakes.

Now you know so there you go.

"Since changes are going on anyway, the great thing is to learn enough about them so that we will be able to lay hold of them and turn them in the direction of our desires. Conditions and events are neither to be fled from nor passively acquiesced in; they are to be utilized and directed." It's not surprising that Dewey bases his approach to change management on active learning. Since change is a fact of life, you might as well make the best of it. Learn as much as you can about the changes in your life and then use them, as much as possible, to your advantage. William O. Douglas suggested that success in using change in your best interest depends, in large measure, on adjusting your thinking to conform to today's reality. "Security can only be achieved through constant change, through discarding old ideas that have outlived their usefulness and adapting others to current facts." Francis Bacon also agreed that you need to take charge of change and mold it to your purposes. "Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly."

However, there are cautionary voices as you slide into the driver's seat of your life. For example, Ellen Glasgow said, "All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." Distinguishing good change from the not so good is an important aspect of the learning Dewey recommended. Arnold Bennett also raised the voice of caution, "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." Nonetheless, G. C. Lichtenberg submitted what is likely the take home point here, "I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better."

The substance of your life is in continuous change. The elements form and then rearrange. Some of those elements you can move and shift. Change can be slow or unusually swift.

It's an ongoing saga through each twist and turn. You refuse to change. It's not your concern. W. Edwards Deming discovered the conclusion to the story. "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."

Now you know so there you go.

aeda, John with Becky Bermot. Redesigning Leadership. Cambridge: The MIT Press, 2011.

...courage is a noble form of stupidity that aids getting impossible things done.

Being prepared isn't a matter of how much you practice. It's about knowing that even if you fail, you won't give up.

Doing right matters more than being right.

The primary challenge for a leader who is a natural doer is to discover the balance between the two; otherwise the specter of micromanagement can easily make a guest appearance.

Competency results in success results in complacency results in failure results in learning how to be competent again.

I'd rather be green and growing instead of ripe, ready to rot.

A leader's job is to get people on board with his vision--and he'll try whatever tools are at his disposal to do it.

...the one thing I've learned it's most important to convey is respect--it's the prerequisite for any other kind of communication.

...I still find an online poll to be tempting, but I know that it doesn't really do the community justice as a means to be heard. Votes are blind, scalable, and measurable, but they are also unfortunately simplistic in their ability to capture the complexity of opinion beyond a raised or lowered hand.

...managers in the hierarchy serve specific roles in communicating with the campus and I now believe that the president really has no business responding on their behalf.

Until you can serve pizza or drinks over the Web, a social media portal to foster true collaboration will be so-so.

I've learned that the first step in forming any team is to resolve the most basic challenge: getting folks to take the big step away from just being themselves and joining something larger .

When the right people are all in the right room with the right timing they can make the right decision ... right now.

because he thought so differently, his point of view helped me avoid making errors in how I framed a problem. When he did not understand something, it became an opportunity to sort through our differences and construct a common frame built out of the misunderstanding. Learning is said to be most potent when "cognitive dissonance" occurs.

Nobody signs on to be the weakest link in a chain; I've learned in building my own team that it's the ultimate responsibility of the leader to ensure that his team consists of the right members for the job at hand.

On one hand, the experience of leading is rewarding because you are in a position to positively enable others. On the other hand, leading often hurts, because the decisions you make can negatively affect a lot more people than just yourself.

Ideas lead to a result; ideals result in a leader.

Having ideals is having a compass that always points to your heart instead of your brain, and fulfillment isn't something you just imagine in your head but have to feel in your soul.

Trouble is, what makes good leadership is a moving target.

It's often hard to get a read on how well you might be doing because the negative voices too often drown out the positive.

If people are lucky, they will have at least a few good bosses to guide their own behavior as they progress in life.

So always ask yourself, "What are the principles?" Say them to those who haven't yet heard them clearly, and start from there.

I've observed firsthand how change and uncertainty create an informal stream of information--rumors--that quickly fills the unfilled vacuum of official information. Fueled by anonymous voices and emotional information that's extra-tasty , these informal information structures situate themselves as the alternative locus of "the truth." In other words, rumors effectively transfer the power of spreading information away from the official structures--which tend to be slower, more methodical, and more measured--and toward informal structures that deliver "news" without any need to wait.

I realize now that rumors are a by-product of not only not knowing t...