#AutisticAF Out Loud

Cold Open

CBT…? Never worked for autistic me.

So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We’re dying from them already.

That's all the words we need.

[Music]

Intro

You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.

Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”

Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.

There’s the whole story.

An experimental multi-part series… around 10 minutes each. Cuz some autistic listeners tell me they like to binge in small bites. Others say they listen in the car… so you can also download the complete series as one file.

Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.

Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.

[Music]

I've been struggling with an article on CBT & Autism for years.

Sigh. Spoons. A lot of reading. A lot of thinking…

To come to my opinion… my thesis…that any therapy based on purely cognitive techniques… even if pros throw on some Behavioral rubber-band-snapping special sauce on the side…?

It’s inherently ableist… attacking the very way our autistic brains are wired. Demanding abilities many neurodivergents just weren’t born with.

Here’s a snapshot. A quick personal story from when autistic-as-fuck me turned for help…

“I’m sorry… What did you just say?”

“I said…” He looked nervous. “I said… I always recommend aversive therapy for my autistic kids. My clients.”

Me. In a dead-cold voice. “Snapping a rubber band.”

“Y-e-s-s.” He seemed torn. Was I gonna get positive reinforcement… Or that weird, hostile, defensiveness professionals get. When you ask questions.

Into that hesitant silence, I say, “Snap it hard. Hard as they can. Against their wrist.”

“Yes. The sting is important.” Now, he’s eager to share. “When they repeat the aversive stimulus, they…”

Again I interrupt with my ashen, Clint-Eastwood voice. “During a meltdown.”

“Well… actually… just before.” He’s beaming, proud. “They learn to snap the band at the earliest hint they’ll lose control. It’s operant conditioning.”

A kid having a meltdown on Aisle 3. Likely overwhelmed by sensory overload.

Let’s just add a little sharp pain… and see what happens…

As if by giving it some science-y name… it’s not self-inflicted torture.

Brief CBT Background

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy emerged in the 60s. A kind of forced marriage. Between Beck’s cognitive therapy… focused on internal thoughts. And Skinner’s behavioral therapy… focused on observable behavior. Both developed studying neurotypical minds.

Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior… change your life. Simple, right?

Unless your brain doesn't work that way…

Sometimes…? Research… Ain’t.

How could COGNITIVE Behavioral Therapy not be inappropriate for autistics?

Research Problem #1. It's based on studying neurotypical populations. But we autistics think differently by definition.

Problem #2? For the foundational studies, CBT researchers used white, university student subjects… for the most part. They're easy and cheap to find. But maybe 3% are autistic? Maybe? ALL with decent IQs and functioning student skills… even the few autistic subjects?

And Problem #3 is a doozy. Many autistics survive by people-pleasing. Kids and grownups. We're likely to mask our true experiences to appear "better"... or please therapists. Plus we may have trouble perceiving and communicating our own experience. Self-reported data might not reflect our reality.,

Then there's one that’s rarely discussed. Problem #4… the "waitlist relief effect." Most neurodivergent folks endure months or years waiting for therapy, suffering intensely. When we finally get accepted into therapy? There's overwhelming relief… elevating our mood and behavior. Which distorts everything a therapist will hear.

We may dial up our masking. Cuz we’re scared shitless we’ll lose this lifeline.

Meanwhile, researchers publish, buff their nails…. and attribute any self-reported improvement as proof their technique works.

The Cognitive Part…? A Stopper.

Substitute "executive functioning" for "cognitive." As in the thing they say is largely missing from my autistic forebrain.

The entire technique? One cognitive process after another.. First you must notice. Then you must reflect.Then decide.Then review.Then judge context.Then review…Finally… Act.

Then regret.

Let that sink in. All of cognitive therapy is about monitoring individual thoughts for "cognitive errors." Then replacing them with correct ones.

Hundreds of decisions, distinctions, social cue processings. Executive functioning. A process that NEVER became automatic for me. As clinician after clinician cheerfully reassured me it would.

Many autistic individuals have memory differences. Working memory differences that make it nearly impossible to hold the kind of information cognitive work requires. Much less manipulate it on the fly…

Now… About Behavior.

Now, the "Behavioral" part of CBT? The Skinnerian special sauce?

Rewards… and punishments… for the action you choose. Hoping you’ll build automatic, correct responses.

Basically rat training. If you shock me enough times. Sure. I won't go through that door. AND I will struggle mightily to only have an internal stroke... rather than an external meltdown.

But the researcher... or teacher... gets to check the box, "Cured." Cuz we're no longer a nuisance to them. And we continue to quietly die. Invisibly. Politely...

Inside.

That kind of aversion... to fear or pain? True for every living thing at an evolutionary level above a paramecium.

Like rats. Or kids. Cuz... FEAR works. PAIN works. Just not the way they think.

These Practical Implementation Failures…

Should sound pretty familiar. To autistic folks. Keenly aware of the nightmare effort Autistic Masking demands around Straight Society.

So, look, we know masking doesn't work. Or fear. Or PAIN. We’re dying from them already.

That's all the words we need.

Add to this our difficulty forming new habits, maintaining routines, and processing cognitive information differently. Under stress… which therapy itself can induce… we often revert to previous behaviors. Any “improvements” from “techniques”? Not bloody likely they’re ingrained as permanent muscle memory.

Requiring frequent refresher sessions to maintain the illusion of change… and progress.

As one commenter wrote: "To me, CBT has always felt inherently surface-level. It's like closing a few tabs on your browser as opposed to doing a factory reset."

Biggest problem of all? Neurodivergent Diversity.

Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic… all different cognitive profiles.

Sure, we're all different from the typical population. But an autistic who also experiences ADHD thinks and acts differently than a dyslexic one. At least to my trained observation. I was a mental health social worker for 10 years…

Despite these complexities… Maybe because it is complex… It seems to me that CBT treats us all as if we're standard-model humans. With a few bugs to fix.

We require GENERATIONAL studies of representative populations to sort this spaghetti pile out. Before we should be recommending these techniques.

On living humans. Adults. And especially kids.

ABA and Its Relatives: An Even Deeper Hole.

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) deserves special mention. It's the behavioral therapy most parents hear about in grammar schools.

What most don't know? ABA shares roots with debunked, torturous gay Conversion Therapy. Outlawed in many states. Both were developed by O. Ivar Lovaas in the 60s.

Both aim to eliminate "undesirable" behaviors. Using “aversive” techniques. From snapping rubber bands in the nice clinics. To cattle prods in the not-so-nice facilities.

Punishing and suppressing behaviors that are natural to our nervous systems. Behaviors that protect us from a society not built for us.

ABA may have volumes of "data." But it’s all shaped by behavior…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Cold Open

You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…

But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."

Intro

You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.

Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”

Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic behavior? We turn the diagnostic telescope around. Let’s focus on the forest of resilience behind every leaf labeled "deficit."

An experimental multi-part series… all around 10 minutes. Because some neurodivergent listeners like to binge in small bites. Or you can download Part 1 and Part 2 at once… for listeners who crave the whole enchilada in one sitting.

Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.

Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.

[Music]

What I tell any therapist… any caregiver… first session:

I have survived physical and sexual abuse from family and schoolmates.Bullying by teachers and fellow students… 2nd grade through high school.Multiple professional crashes… in multiple careers.At least a dozen firings.2 evictions.

1 bankruptcy.Dozens of major household moves.Few friends, and…2 divorces, 3 "living togethers," and a couple of "serious" relationships that, well…, weren't?

Ain't this resilience?

Resilience. Ya know, that cap-and-gown term pros use for getting knocked down seven times. Stubbornly getting up… eight...

I'm still alive. Still creating. Still getting published. Still speaking to thousands of autistics a year.

Never attempted suicide... despite three hospitalizations.

AND I'm still autistic. Cuz there ain't no cure for something that ain't wrong. Unless you base your "medical model" on some statistical "normal"… which is just a made up story. Cuz not one living person is summed up by a Bell curve normal… not even within a standard deviation.

Yes, yes… yes. Some professionals are evolving. Pros who listen more than lecture. But face it. In the grand scheme of things… they’re rare.

Let's get clear right now, right here. It's not being autistic that creates our trauma. It's living autistic in a society that inflicts trauma on us. Refusing to accept, adapt… support… us.

Why do "helping" pros focus on my deficits, my lacks, my pitiful performance of “Activities of Daily Living”…? Like, did I shower today…? No.

Rather than the sheer strength of will I demonstrate every time I take my next breath?Why do they offer to fix me,inform me,guide me, andcharge me for sessions,mentoring,workshops,best-selling books,SYSTEMS they've just invented…based on… at best… incomplete research?

[Music]

You know social media… if you like and share this podcast, a lot more people will check it out. You can do a lot of good with just one click.

You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out.

Turn my every inborn neurodivergent characteristic into a disease. You do have powerful diagnostic tools…

But you're looking through that diagnostic telescope backwards. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest that we know locally as "Survival."

Like my "failure to maintain eye contact.” A “social deficit.” Right... completely missing how that survival skill lets me process your words… without painful sensory overload. My form of my respect… for you.

Go ahead and use professionally, objectively disempowering terms, like "comorbidity"... betraying your bias that my very way of Being is… in your eyes… a disease. And then riff on, elaborate away: "pathological demand avoidance," "obsessive-compulsive disorder," "borderline personality disorder,"And on and on… and on.

Truth? Every diagnosis? Just another survival mechanism. Not symptoms of autism. Responses to how society treats autism.

Behaviors that kept me alive… in your world. While you obsess over what's "wrong" with me…

Or… we could build on my autistic strengths.

Look, none of us have all of these. And superpowers don’t exist. Some have strengths not listed. But if you aren’t looking for them? Likely, you’re mis-treating us.

* Resilience: Just surviving multiple, severe stressors is a biggie. Every autistic adult you meet has adapted to extreme challenges. Most of us… traumatized. Yet we endure. We integrate. We keep going.

* Deep Feeling: Pros call ‘em "mood swings." We call it feeling everything… deeply. Depth that drives our creativity… in science, art, writing, becoming lunatic billionaires… or the cool neighbor next door.. It's not a flaw. It's fuel.

* Survival Skills: My life, my continued existence… is my proof. Just as any autistic adult's life is. We've survived devastating life events. With inner strength and coping strategies.These aren't skills most professionals understand… not even some neurodivergent practitioners. Because these skills are linked to how our individual autistic minds work. Which is… in fact… different. Not just from most humans. From each other, too.

* Creative Persistence: Every autistic person knows this pull. Our passionate focus on our interests. Grabbing us deeper than hunger. We don't just see details… no matter what TV tells you. We work on wide canvases. We create. We build. We solve. That's strength.

* Living with Extremes: My knee surgeon was shocked. "You walked two miles a day on a torn meniscus?" Yes, but… a light touch on my face can trigger panic. That's not contradiction. That's how we survive. We may get sensory warnings earlier than most… Yet we handle what breaks others. Daily.

* Hidden Adaptability: Look at my life changes—jobs, homes, relationships. Society labels us as "rigid." Truth is, we adapt constantly. We got no choice. Yet we persevere. We keep doing. That's not weakness. That's strength.

* Processing Power: We take in everything. Process it deeply. Yet live through emotional and sensory experiences that would derail most people. We keep going. Keep growing. That's not dysfunction. That's determination. Coming directly from… not despite… our neurodivergent cognition.

* Spectrum of Strength: Maybe resilience is a spectrum, too. And some of us autistics crank it up past 11. Not weakness from disability. Strength from difference. Turning autistic stereotypes upside down. Yet again.

[Music]

Just a quickie… this is Part 1 of “Doc? You Got Autism All Wrong?” Why not binge the next part? Or download the long-form version with both parts? Link in transcript.

Challenging Normal-izing Models

My story? Just one among thousands. Millions.

I've worked as a magazine publisher. Functioned as an academic grad student… multiple times. And been homeless… multiple times. I've been privileged to hear many, many similar stories over the decades. At all levels of society, education, age.

These stories all share one truth: Autistic traits are not inherently deficits. They can be hidden sources of strength and resilience. In the right environment. In the right community.

Take one example: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). What pros like to label our natural, neurodivergent response to external demands like deadlines. I meet the diagnostic criteria. Always have. But in my opinion, they bulldoze right over my inborn need for autonomy. Leading too often to trauma. PDA… seems to me… a dehumanizing slur. For the nature I was born with.

Yet many neurodivergents find comfort and support diagnosed as PDA. In the acknowledgment of our differences the diagnosis does offer. I don’t wish to negate their experience. And I’m not arguing neurodivergents do NOT have needs for autonomy. Or that we don't suffer due to these differences. At the hands of Straight Culture.

My point: Sensory and social differences are NOT pathologies.

It's like dogs noticing that cats are more hyper than canines...

So to "help" ‘em, pro dogs decide to forcibly train or torture every cat. To steamroll them into converting to “Dog Normal.”

We are h…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Cold Open [into silence]

Friend, I haven't done this before. Usually I talk autism & neurodiversity with you. But I'm very concerned about events unfolding this weekend...

I've seen these patterns emerge before. In other countries. Authoritarian countries¹.

I have no plan of action to suggest. It's happening too fast for me to process… in my slow, deep AuDHD² way.

All I could think to do… is share my concerns with friends who care.

[Music 8 bars]

Intro

Welcome to Trigger Warnings… a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud podcast.I'm Johnny Profane. Your fiercely divergent guide to what's actually happening in the news.Gimme 10 minutes? I'll give you my neurodivergent world.

Today: Military deployments in two cities, legal challenges mounting, and one burning question: Are we witnessing democratic norms under assault in real time?

For an ever deeper dive, I’ve included footnotes and further reading in the transcript on subStack.

Content Note: civil unrest, military deployment, law enforcement actions, concerns about democratic institutions + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.

Podcast

Friend,

I haven't done this before. Usually I talk autism & neurodiversity with you.

But I'm very concerned about events unfolding this weekend... and a fair number of you have asked for my neurodivergent take on larger national & global issues.

So, after thinking long & hard... about risks.. I still must share.

This weekend, federal agents raided workplaces across Los Angeles County. They arrested 121 people³.

Protests followed. Police responded with tear gas⁴ & rubber bullets against demonstrators⁵.

On Saturday, President Trump deployed 2,000 National Guard⁶ troops to Los Angeles County. On questionable Constitutional grounds⁷. As the Supreme Court recessed.

His administration called the protests an "insurrection⁸." And threatened to deploy Marines⁹.

At the same time, Washington D.C. is filling with military equipment.7 million pounds of hardware¹⁰.28 tanks. 70 tons each¹¹.Rocket launchers.7,000 military personnel¹².

This equipment arrived by train from Texas. It now sits near the National Mall¹³.

Officials say this is for an Army anniversary parade celebrating Trump's birthday¹⁴.

The largest military display in the capital in decades.

These events happen as Trump faces significant legal challenges. Courts have blocked over 180 of his administration's initiatives¹⁵.

Governor Newsom called the Los Angeles deployment "purposefully inflammatory." He said it would "escalate tensions¹⁶."

[Music 8 bars… overlapping 4 second break in speech]

I find the timing troubling.

Military force against protesters in one city. Unprecedented massive military assets staged in the capital. Simultaneous with significant legal pressure & civil unrest.

All within 72-hours.

These are documented facts. They concern me deeply.

I've seen these patterns emerge before. In other countries. Authoritarian countries.

False crises involving vulnerable targets… like migrants… as victims. Used as a fig leaf for declaring martial law¹⁷.

I have no plan of action to suggest. It's happening too fast for me to process… in my slow, deep AuDHD way.

All I could think to do… is share my concerns with friends who care.

Maybe you too?

[Music 8 bars]

Outro

Trigger Warnings is a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud. Reporting on real-world issues, from a neurodivergent perspective.

We often recognize patterns others miss. In times like these, that perspective? Essential.

If this podcast resonates, share it. The more the world hears neurodivergent voices, the greater my hopes for our future.

We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.

Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them.

Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Links in description.

A big shoutout to my wife, Kimmie, for her great song, Freedom Blvd. That link is in the description, too.

[Music]

help.

Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.

7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.

#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Footnotes

Educational Context

¹ Authoritarian countries: Nations where power is concentrated in a single leader or small group, often characterized by limited political freedoms, restricted civil liberties, and the use of military force to control civilian populations.

² AuDHD: A term combining ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and autism, used by people who are both autistic and have ADHD. Many neurodivergent individuals process information more slowly but with greater depth and pattern recognition.

³ 121 people arrested: Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) conducted multiple workplace raids across Los Angeles County on Friday, June 6, 2025. ICE officially reported 44 administrative arrests at three locations during Friday operations, with the total reaching 121 across the broader week-long operation. Sources: Al Jazeera, Los Angeles Times, CBS Los Angeles, Times of India

⁴ Tear gas: Chemical compounds that cause temporary irritation to eyes, nose, mouth and lungs, used by law enforcement for crowd control. Federal agents and LAPD used tear gas, flash-bang grenades, and pepper spray against protesters gathering outside federal buildings where detained individuals were being processed. Sources: Al Jazeera, New York Times, ABC News, NBC Los Angeles

⁵ Rubber bullets and police response: Less-lethal ammunition designed to incapacitate rather than kill, though they can cause serious injuries. Federal law enforcement and LAPD officers in riot gear used rubber bullets, pepper balls, and flash-bang grenades to disperse crowds protesting immigration raids. Sources: ABC News, NBC Los Angeles, Sky News, USA Today

⁶ National Guard: Part-time military forces that normally serve under state governor authority but can be federalized by the president. Trump deployed 2,000 California National Guard troops to Los Angeles without Governor Newsom's request - the first such federalization without governor consent since 1965. Sources: Reuters, New York Times, Washington Post

⁷ Constitutional grounds: Trump invoked Section 12406 of Title 10 U.S. Code, which allows federal deployment when there is "invasion, rebellion, or inability to execute federal law." Legal scholars debate whether immigration protests constitute legitimate grounds for this rare federal override of state authority. Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Steve Vladeck Legal Analysis

⁸ "Insurrection" declaration: The Trump administration characterized Los Angeles protests as an "insurrection" to justify military deployment. White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller used this term, though legal experts question whether immigration protests meet the historical definition of insurrection. Sources: Times of India, Mother Jones

⁹ Marines threat: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth stated that active-duty Marines at Camp Pendleton were "on high alert" and could be deployed "if violence continues." This would represent a significant escalation beyond National Guard deployment to using active military forces against civilians. Sources: Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Reuters

Military Hardware Documentation

¹⁰ 7 million pounds of hardware: The Army's 250th anniversary parade features approximately 7 million pounds of military equipment being transported by train from Fort Cavazos, Texas to the Washington D.C. area for the June 14, 2025 celebration. Sources: CNN, The Hill, The Morning News

¹¹ 28 tanks, 70 tons each: The parade includes 28 M1A1 Abrams tanks, each weighing approximately 70 tons (140,000 pounds). These main battle tanks are equipped with 120mm smoothbore cannons and represent America's primary armored fighting vehicle. Sources: CNN, The Hill, Stars and Stripes, Reuters

¹² 7,000 military personnel: Approximately 6,600-7,000 so…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Cold Open (into silence)

You love Dune? Like me?

Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.

Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.

[Music ]

Intro

You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.

Season 5, Episode 5. Attacks on neurodivergence, facing our fears, finding our strength. Today we're talking threats, resistance, and the power of a hundred million voices. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.

Content Note: political violence, eugenics, genocide, institutionalized discrimination, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.

[Music]

You love Dune? Like me?

Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.

Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.

I must honor my fear.Fear is my guardian. My junkyard dog. My screaming siren.Fear is the warning of annihilation. It must be heeded.I will embrace my fear. Then share its wisdom.I will let it flow through me. Become purpose & strength.And when we have acted? I will remember… its lessons.Where the Beast of Fear once stood, we will now stand.We will abide. Stronger for having feared… then acted… Together.

Trust me. I know a lot about fear. I’m autistic. ADHD, too. In my 70s.

Living in dangerous times in America. And we got a lot more to fear… than fear itself.

[Music]

Hey... you know how this works. If this resonates, now might be a good time to like, share… maybe text a link to a friend. Really helps get the word out.

Trump administration identifies Autism & ADHD as "dire threats to the American people."

Some folks called this headline hyperbole. Click-bait exaggeration. To my face. With hostility. Calling out what they see as “fear-mongering.”

One fellow autist on LinkedIn really tore me a new one along those lines. Tried to anyways. I got a bit strong on her ass… So she blocked me. Exercising her denial.

But this is how it starts.

The White House labeled us a "dire threat." Not as evil actors, but based on our condition… our existence itself. Autism as a "dire threat." Not a difference.

Then throwing out a gratuitous observation... “77% of young adults do not qualify for the military based in larger part on their health scores.” (Full Whitehouse.gov post.)

As if that is how America now measures the value of our lives. As cannon fodder. As if there aren’t now… and haven’t been throughout history… Neurodivergent warriors.

Demonizing all the disabled. All the Different. As if we are the ones destroying America.

I'm struggling. I'm terrified...

Even knowing that cruel terror is their purpose. Didn't help watching Man in the High Castle lately. The scene where ashes are falling because they're cremating the old and defective...

I'm toast.

About 1:43 in the YouTube linked in text.

{video clip in text}

This terror? Not just my personal problem. We neurodivergents ain’t a small marginalized group. The numbers tell a bigger story:

* About 30 million Americans have direct family ties to an autistic person

* Roughly another 30 million have cousins or close relatives who are autistic

* 60 million. That's 1 in 6 Americans with close autistic connections

But we're just getting started. Add in ADHD, even accounting for overlap between conditions, the numbers become staggering:

* 69 million Americans have immediate family members affected

* 75 million have extended family affected

* Nearly 1 in 4 American families impacted

Without considering the millions of families affected by other disabilities.

All these figures are back of the envelope. Conservative estimates from current prevalence rates. No formal research exists yet on these numbers. But the truth is clear…

We're talking 1 in 4 American families?

Let that sink in.

When do we stop seeing these numbers as statistics? And start seeing the faces of neighbors. Your friends. Your loved ones?

When are we ready to stand together?

Even if they don't round us all up right away…

They’re already killing education programs. For Autism, ADHD, intellectual disability, speech, hearing, vision, physical disabilities…

Personally I’m secretly pleased to see torturous ABA-based programs unfunded. Applied Behavioral Analysis forces change on helpless autistic children. Screw that noise.

But caring parents across the nation? They want support for their kids. They’re showing up at Town Halls. Getting loud about these recent cuts. Expressing fear and anger. Hurting kids cuts deep. And wide.

Worse yet? Over 80% of us autistics are unemployed or underemployed. Think about it. That means killing our Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, Food Stamps, Housing, etc.

That’s institutionalized Economic violence. A soft means of killing us off. And Soft Genocide is the deadliest kind. It goes unnoticed. Unmourned.

But, hey, it's not only lost benefits I'm worried about.

Underlying many of Trump's policies?

Turn over a rock on most? You’ll find the sinister grin of “Eugenics” staring up at you. That debunked, unscientific program to improve human “breeding stock.” By terminating the reproduction of “Undesirables.”

By any means necessary. Isolation, deportation, starvation, illness, violence, death. Just like Nazi Germany, against all disabilities. Libertarian Survival of the Fittest. At its finest.

Ayn Rand would be so proud. “Meritocracy” my ass…

Denial begins with dismissal. Violence begins with hate speech.

Notice the subtle, insidious damage done here. Labeling neurodivergence and other differences as "dire threats." That may be the most dangerous aspect of this White House publication.

Like they weaponized Disability, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) through propaganda.

It’s how it starts. The slow slide to genocide. We've seen this before. The marginalization of minorities.

"Do you want a BLIND person at the FAA?“Would you trust a PARALYZED person holding your life in their hands?""Do you see a WOMAN on the front lines… defending you? A transgender?”"How about an IMMIGRANT raping your daughter?”

Mockery becomes hate speech.Becomes mass hatred.Becomes normalized violence.It's right there in the authoritarian… even Fascist… playbook. Now? It’s The American Way.

First, we're other.Then, we're less than human.A burden.A danger.Finally…A targetFor violence.

And hate crimes against Americans with disabilities have risen 29.5% over the last five years. As American political discourse has darkened.

See what I mean?

Can we turn our horror into action?

The very point of these propaganda tactics is terror.

Threatening humans’ income, medical care, housing… lives? That’s terrorism.

How can we possibly fight our fear becoming terror?

This may encourage you. The sheer number of American families. Who are seeing their loved ones threatened.

A 100 million... or more... affected American disabled families? I believe we can raise a decent reaction. If we act together.

I’ve proven over and over again in my life I’m no leader. Executive functioning? Hell, I struggle to find topic sentences. Decisions over local action, political organization, resistance demonstrations? Beyond me.

So I’m not about to create some Neurodivergent Justice League or anything.

But one thing that someone like me can do? That is positive? Put a human face on suffering. Without spinning toxic positivity.

You may disagree. I understand. Nevertheless?

I have value. And this warning has merit. It can gather a crowd. Maybe more capable folks who can run with it.

YET… There are 4 things we can do right now to effect change:

* Share this warning. With friends. With government representatives. Make it visible. Make it heard.

* Join the conversation below in comments. Your story matters. Your voice counts.

* Connect with organizations already fighting this fight. They need our numbers. And maybe most important…

* Create a mutual support network. Might be neighbors who check in with each other. Or more… shared travel, shopping together, mutual defense. A small community of choice.

Fear is not the enemy…

Fear is the Dance of Shiva, baby. When that Hindu god becomes the “Destroyer of Worlds" in t…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Cold Open

I was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.

Intro

You’re listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.

Season 5, Episode 4. Breaking mirrors, dancing at the edge of noise, raising autistic hell. Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... and 3 Rando Manifestos. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.

Content Note: trauma, sexual assault, self-harm, rage, transformative therapy moments + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice… 71.

[Music]

1953.

Manifesto #1

I was Born Autistic. Not to be Fixed…

I'm autistic. Born 1953.

I was not a product of a vaccine.

I was not a product of a disease. Mental or physical.

I was not a mistake. Genetic or epigenetic.

I was not born to be fixed by CBT, pill or chip.

I was not born to be pitied.

I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.

[Music]

The static never stops.

Poem #1

Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise

#AskingAuDHDists…

bear with me a minute.I'm autistic+ADHD.71.

i feel likea brilliant creative soulas if…

trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicatewith the worldthrough an intermittentlyshort-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits…

to just be heard.

do you understand at all what I mean?

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ReallyAuDHD

[Music]

Sometimes? The mask slips…

Poem #2

AFTER THE SECRET

I have strengths.Not one is my superpower.I have challenges.Not one is my kryptonite.

I'm that kid in third gradeDrop

drop

DroppingA mysterious blue crystalInto that test tube—Squealing in delightEvery time it explodes…In purple streams.

I love cosplay.But I don’t have to flyWear a maskOr sport a capeTo be autistic.

Still…

I get to be the heroor bald evil geniusof my own life.

[Music]

Neurodivergent life… twists different.

Manifesto #2

My Autistic Life: Mebbe a Little Zelig. Mebbe a Bit Forest Gump. But All Me.

Sharing our Neurodivergent stories is powerful.

I was born before autism was invented… More or less. 1953.

Been a meditation teacher,cult member,magazine publisher,ad agency owner,non-profit activist,3-time grad student3-time husband,homeless,mental health counselor,substance abuse counselor,cult counselor,homeless,fast-food clerk,Pretend Rock Star,homeless…

I’ve bantered with Bill Gates.Felt stupid in front of Bill Joy.Touched the Maharishi.Stumbled on Keith HaringJumping turnstiles in the subway…

But…

I met anonymous geniusesin cubicles,bull penstrailer parks,on the street…

This is not my idle boast. This is my earnest promise. Ask the neurodivergent in front of you…

Have they got stories to tell you. Genius touches every life. Of every 'type. If you can perceive it.

So.

I have no credentials to offer. At least none that matters to me... anymore.

So I offer my life. My autistic life. Hoping better for our kids.

Because if nothing changes…

Content Note: Discussion of trauma statistics and sexual assault

Over 80% of them will experience trauma in their life. Interpersonal violence, bullying, sensory trauma, emotional abuse, and systemic discrimination. Nearly three times higher than average. And many autistic individuals experience multiple types of trauma concurrently.

Just as I did in the 1950s. Bullying by classmates & teachers. Physical attacks on the playgrounds. Sexual attack in the park. And in the home,

Trauma not from neurodivergence. Trauma from how modern society treats the neurodivergent.

[Music]

That clean, polite, clinical phrase… “trauma?” It has a personal face, a personal moment in every neurodivergent life.

This is mine.

Session #137. When memory breaks.

Poem #3

The Body Abides

"Like I told youNothing really happenedCan't sleep is all…."He repeats his view,

"The body watches.The body ALWAYSFucking watches."

"Yeah, he kissed meFathers do that.Yeah, it was weird but…."He whispers me,

"Your body, your witness.And this witness ALWAYSFucking watches."

Then he leans in…"What if he'd kissedyour sister's lips…?"

"I'd fucking kill him."

That's when…

i see mein his mirror

watching myselfwatch my self

transparently autistic

a son no more,yet the body…abides.

ragedark rageScreaming RAGE

i'd fucking kill himfucking kill himkill himHim.

i rise…soslowly

and fucking smash that mirror

i rock, i sway…i rub one red eye.i stand, I stare…I sigh, I say,

"My body watchesThe body ALWAYSFucking watches…,"

As I close his office door…

I abide.

[Music]

Decades later. Still raising hell.

Manifesto #3

Now… About That Autistic Hell We Was Talking about Raising…

We ask awkward questions. And find new answers.

We see different. Make electrifying connections.

We feel patterns. To larger truths.

We are passionate

We adapt.Survive.Disrupt.Transform…Raising a fat middle fingerTo normal.

Now, that’s the kinda hell… I’m talking about raising.

How’s about neurodivergent you?

One last thing…

be proud.

be proud you're autistic.

be proud you're alive.

despite everything people and nature...life...threw at you...you're still breathing.

you’re still breathing…

no mean feat that. I know firsthand.

be proud.

be damn proud.

#ActuallyAutistic

Outro

In coming weeks, we'll challenge the medical model of autism, examining how neurodivergent individuals can build sustainable, authentic lives - with or without professional intervention.

AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. Know a friend or family member with a sincere interest in neurodiversity? Please consider emailing this episode to them.

We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content. Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Link in description.

Written in rage. Published in hope. December 2024. Greene County, Indiana.

To give a one-time tip to support this work: https://ko-fi.com/autisticaf

To offer ongoing support for my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber…

#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts enjoy a free subscription. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Full podcast with links to available poster artwork: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee

Sensory-Friendly Discussion & Summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio

Transcript:

Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun Pointed at My Head

This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary. Link in description (https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio) Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head THREE Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head Every tick, tick… fucking tick Tolling Fear, Doom… dread Click. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my head TV static… a crazy-making hum Singing Dream, Drempt… dead… Not done. Not done. Not done… undone. 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Bound behind doors, bound in my head Pace, paces, pacing… paced Every BEEP. Of the phone. Stops… my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape TWO Woods Deep woods Deepest woods My ears fly from bird song to bird song. A raptor circles then spirals Crossing lines now dead Wind steals my breath Taking words never said This skin bag of atmosphere Breathes new air When the sun rises First it is cool Then it gets warm The day passes Clouds above my head. Shaped by wind Outside my body The same wind Inside my body The same wind Yet… ONE 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head ZERO

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Hey! I’m Johnny Profane… back after a 6-month bout of the "shys" to launch Season 5 of AutisticAF Out Loud.

Missed you guys…

But I'm here now, at least for the moment... Let's do something great with that moment, shall we?

This seems like the perfect occasion to talk about Time… and how it passes. A crucial topic… whether you’re autistic or ADHD, wonder if you are, have kids or a loved one, work with some, or work to support us…

I want to give you my experience of autistic time. Which is not chained to clocks or calendars. And different enough from what most folks expect… that I’ve struggled for two years… just to use my words.

So I’ve turned to art. Which is both adult and intense at points…

Some of the images are available as posters. And stick around to the end for a special AI-generated treat. Google's NotebookLM creates a lively dialogue between two AI commentators to break down the key ideas… especially for non-autistics. It's like having digital study buddies to help process all this time-bending stuff!

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

III

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click.

Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV static… a crazy-making humSinging Dream, Drempt… dead…Not done. Not done. Not done… undone.

10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

Bound behind doors, bound in my headPace, paces, pacing… pacedEvery BEEP.Of the phone.Stops…my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape

II

Woods

Deep woods

Deepest woods

My ears flyfrom bird songto bird song.

A raptor circles then spiralsCrossing lines now deadWind steals my breathTaking words never said

This skin bag of atmosphereBreathes new air

When the sun risesFirst it is coolThen it gets warmThe day passes

Clouds above my head.Shaped by wind

Outside my bodyThe same wind

Inside my bodyThesamewind

Yet…

I

10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

zero

The Māori must be a wise people. They really get autistic time.

Or at least, Keri Opai did back in 2017. That’s when he coined their new dictionary entry for autism, Takiwātanga, “in his or her own time and space.”

Keri is an author, educator, and social activist. He certainly knew of the Western Medical Model of autism. But… it seems, Keri’s childhood pal, Peter, was autistic. So Keri just could not bring himself to define us as broken.

No medical pathology in Keri’s words. No disabling pity. Rather, respect. Even admiration…

He, and his people, saw what many of us feel. Our deep connection with natural rhythms. Our walk through the world at our own pace. On our own path. Maybe in our own dimensions of time & space.

Takiwātanga. A dictionary definition born out of love. It captures the heart of my autistic life — a different walk through time and space.

Reflecting on Keri's compassionate wisdom… My guess is that the Māoris, at least, are glad we're on the planet. Not because of our needs. Because of our contributions. Rooted in our different perceptions, our outsider experiences.

Let’s dive deeper into Māoris, autism, and our journey through time perception. After this quick word, got bills to pay…

[ad]This podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Which is why we offer all our autistic information for free. To ensure this resource remains available for those who can't afford it, consider choosing a paid subscription at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com. Link in the description.

So, maybe the Māoris offer the understanding we autistics need. But Western science still struggles to catch up. Their “Autistic Spectrum”? A laundry list of supposed problems… like “Time Blindness.” Only a problem from an ableist point of view. In an industrialist society.

Problems that might be strengths in a different time, a different place.

Try as I might, I could never measure my time by checking off boxes under “Goals Met.” Like how many widgets I punch out each hour. Which has nothing to do with my quality of life... which is very much wrapped up in the joy of my process.

Why do I want to make you feel how I experience time as an autistic person? How can we understand each other... care for each other... if we don't explore each other?

Why do I use art? Because research trends and terms change with the times... like all things human made. I could wave my hands and quote “neuroplasticity” & “quantum effects” all day and into the night. But that would negate my words in a few years. When the whole research paradigm changes… yet again.

But raw human experience endures. So… I offer you poetry. So… I offer you images.So… I welcome you into my world.

#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. To leave a one-time tip of any amount, please visit Ko-Fi.

Right up front, every time…

We autistics are not all the same.

Example: Most folks know autistic kids and adults may have sensory differences. What most don’t know? Some of us are not overwhelmed by loud noise, bright lights, big crowds.Some of us are exhilarated… by them.And some… like me… experience a bit of both…

So then, what do we share in common as autists? An UN-common sensitivity and reaction to extreme sensory input. Yet, we respond in individual ways… because we’ve lived different lives.

Keep that in mind as I discuss my personal experiences of time, memory… thought. Both research and personal stories show we autists experience time in ways uncommon for most humans.

But each of us experiences time differently. Even as polar opposites.

In My Autistic Time

Want me for dinner? I may bust a gut to please you. AND yet…

I’ll end up mumbling some variation of “I have no freaking clue how so much time could have passed... um, again.”

But get me focused… particularly on my passions… writing or music?I effortlessly monitor… fractions of a second...To hit precisely…The right hesitation… of that one… musical note.Or the perfect combo… of word choice… and white space…That.Makes…The phrase.

Now, weirdly, any period much longer than a day? All kinda melts together. I can forget to send in a vital Social Security form, thinking, “I just got it yesterday. I still got time…” Weeks later. Months later. Too much later…

Or I might pick up a convo in mid-sentence when I see a friend. From the last time I saw him. Which coulda been two jobs… and a career or so... ago.

Like I have one button on my clock, “NOW.” And for bonus points, its alarm function has no mega-freaking clue… How long it takes to complete any task invented by any human.At any time in history.Or any space we’ve ever occupied.

"Sure, hon, I’ll make dinner tonight! That fake rice-a-roni I make takes 14 minutes to boil. I’ll see ya in about 20.”

One annoyed emoji and an hour later…

🤬

I thumb-type back,

"Oh, my g-d! Never takes this long. Sorry, BRT.”

So, mebbe you think you can help me out with my little schedule problem. Say, give me a time limit? A gentle reminder?

Which makes my brain freeze. Then, my heart follows. Ass remaining firmly implanted in front of some screen or other.

Planning? Keeping commitments? Deadlines? Family life? Education? Jobs? CAREERS…?

How’m I supposed to pull ANY of those off?

Did I mention there were just two things that almost kept me out of kindergarten? Sure, the “Tying Your Shoes” gotcha. But, omfg, learning to read a clock?

Civilized time requires commitment, plans, deadlines, goals, milestones, and you know, actual production…

Let’s say, …

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

An Example of Exclusive Subscriber Content… Raw, Real, Authentic.

I’m letting my one austic voice do all the talking this time. I kinda like that.

AutisticAF Out Loud - One Autistic Voice. Hmm…

Here’s my first thank you.

My first real attempt at being live on camera.

It’s an autistic thing. No mask. No cosplay. I explain after you hit the button….

Anyway, this one’s for you. All the subscribers. You were here before I had the spoons to make it happen.

Now that I’m on the mend, I intend to make the most of subStack for you.

Promise.

-Johnny

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Shattering Neurodivergent Stereotypes: A Raw Dialogue for Tomorrow's Generations

Description: Embark on a transformative journey with Johnny Profane in this compelling episode of AutisticAF Out Loud, titled "Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass…". This conversation goes beyond dismantling societal myths and stereotypes about neurodivergence; it's a call to action for creating a more understanding and inclusive culture for neurodivergent children and future generations.

• Beyond the Success Myth: Delve into the often overlooked struggles against poverty and trauma, as Johnny shares insights from his own life, challenging the glossy narratives that dominate mainstream discussions about neurodivergence.

  
  



• Debunking Harmful Ideologies: This episode takes a critical stance against toxic positivity and the misleading belief that adversity naturally breeds strength, offering a more nuanced view of the neurodivergent experience.

  
  



• The Truth About Disability: Moving past the inspirational narrative, Johnny discusses the real, day-to-day challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals, debunking myths of hidden superpowers in favor of a more grounded understanding.

  
  



• Critiquing Consumer Culture: Explore how consumer culture perpetuates dissatisfaction and alienation, particularly affecting those who feel marginalized, and discuss the importance of fostering a culture that values individuals for who they are, not what they consume.

  
  



• Valuing True Resilience: Celebrate the authentic resilience and strength within the neurodivergent community, recognizing the courage it takes to navigate a world that often seems indifferent or hostile to their needs.

  
  



• Crafting a Future of Inclusion: Highlighting the episode's closing message, Johnny Profane emphasizes the importance of building a supportive, inclusive culture that honors neurodivergent experiences. This isn't just about challenging stereotypes; it's about laying the groundwork for a world where neurodivergent children can grow up feeling valued, understood, and empowered.

  
  



• A Call to Create Change: Engage in this critical dialogue not just as listeners, but as active participants in shaping a more inclusive future. This episode is an invitation to everyone—parents, educators, allies—to join in the effort to ensure that the next generation of neurodivergent individuals inherits a culture that celebrates their unique contributions and supports their growth.

  
  

Key Insights:

• Challenge and redefine the narratives surrounding neurodivergence and disability.


• Understand the damaging impact of societal expectations and toxic positivity on neurodivergent individuals.


• Acknowledge the real challenges and celebrate the genuine strengths within the neurodivergent community.


• Advocate for a shift towards a more inclusive, understanding culture that prepares a better world for neurodivergent children.

Join the Movement:

• Dive deeper into the conversation about creating a supportive environment for neurodivergent individuals.


• Share your insights, experiences, and hopes for the future, contributing to a broader understanding and acceptance.


• Be part of the change that ensures a more inclusive world for neurodivergent children and future generations.

Themes: Breaking Stereotypes, Authentic Experiences, Inclusive Future

Tags: Neurodivergent Realities, Beyond Disability Myths, Toxic Positivity Critique, Future of Neurodiversity, Inclusive Culture Building, Empowering Neurodivergent Voices, Advocacy for Neurodivergent Children, Autism, Autistic, Actually Autistic, Autism Podcast, Autistic Podcast, Neurodivergent Podcast

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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Autistic Authenticity: Navigating Identity and Community

Description: Dive into a candid conversation on AutisticAF Out Loud, where we tackle the often blurred lines between being autistic, belonging to identity groups, and maintaining personal integrity. "Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group" serves as a bold reminder that autism is an inherent part of us, not a badge to be worn or a club to join.

Through this episode, we explore the delicate balance between finding community support and preserving our unique autistic identity. We question the constructs of identity groups, challenge the notion of toxic conformity, and celebrate the unapologetic expression of our autistic selves.

Ideal for anyone touched by autism or intrigued by the diversity of human experience, this episode encourages a dialogue about authenticity, resilience, and the journey towards understanding our true selves within the vast spectrum of neurodiversity.

Embracing Authenticity in Neurodiversity

• Unveiling the True Self Beyond Autism's Labels
  


• A dive into personal identity amidst the complexities of neurodiversity.
  


• The delicate balance between individuality and community expectations.
  


• Sharing a journey of self-awareness, challenging societal norms, and finding joy in authenticity.

Do you see reflections of your own experiences? Join us as we navigate this personal voyage.

Explore the Depths:

• A candid examination of autism as an innate aspect of existence, not a societal group.
  


• The transition from external pressures to genuine self-expression within the autistic spectrum.
  


• Discovering moments of genuine self-recognition and the simple pleasures of living authentically.
  

Intrigued by the intricate details? Engage with us as we unravel these layers.

Participate in the Dialogue:

• Connect with a narrative that questions mainstream perceptions and honors the diversity of neurodiversity.
  


• Contribute your insights and experiences as we delve into the nuances of authentic autistic living.
  


• Foster a conversation that broadens the understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity.
  


• Inspired by our collective journeys? Let your voice join in and enrich the discourse.

Themes: Personal Identity Exploration, Neurodiversity Embrace, Authentic Living

Tags: Autistic Personal Identity, Authentic Neurodiversity Experience, Autism Beyond Labels, Genuine Autistic Expression, Neurodiverse Individuality Insights, Rejecting Conformity in Autism, Celebrating Autistic Authenticity, Embracing Neurodiverse Narratives

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe