Reading this journal entry aloud made me very emotional. "It's 4am and I just received a major download from the universe and my higher self while listening to the song Human by Sevdaliza on repeat for an hour. For the past 7 months, I've been experiencing what is known to many spiritual people as the Dark Night of the Soul stage of awakening. However, I don't believe it's the soul that's experiencing this darkness, but the ego. So from this point on, I'll be referring to this stage as the "Dark Night of the Ego." I've already made a couple audios on this topic (you should listen to them if you haven't already.) However, I'm learning more and more about it every day. Somehow, finding more beauty and appreciation for this dark stage each day and with every traumatic event. I've recently listened to some of my spiritual audios that I recorded prior to entering this stage and I see how much I've grown since then. Only now can I recognize that some of those old recordings revealed the beginning of my spiritual ego development. I'd always consider myself an open minded, non judgmental person and I hated people who weren't. However, confronting my shadow self helped me see how stubborn and hypocritical I can be at times. Let me explain… I've been unemployed for almost a year and a half now. Not only that, but I've dropped out of college. So I've been spending 95% of my time alone in nature or the house. I used to get embarrassed by admitting this. I thought I was already falling behind and failing life at the age of 20, but now I look at this experience as a stepping stone to enlightenment. This time in solitude was necessary for my spiritual growth. Like many, this busy world before the covid pandemic kept my mind distracted, but we were all forced to slow down during it. This caused many of my suppressed unpleasant emotions, traumas, and thoughts to resurface. I've been self reflecting a lot which has helped me recognize my unhealed wounds, toxic traits, and blocked chakras. Awareness is the first and one of the most important steps to improvement. However, awareness can also be quite painful. The truth hurts. Many can't handle the truth. I hardly can. "The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off." This quote is very true. During the blissful stage of my awakening, I spent most days meditating in the sun, manifesting, journaling every day, dancing in the moonlight to pagan music on my balcony, I went vegan, studied more astrology and herbal medicine, got more into tarot and crystals. I felt so powerful, motivated, optimistic, and free. I wanted that euphoric state to last but like all things, it came to an end. I started questioning everything, including my own existence. The more I searched for an answer, I only found more questions. Eventually, I did find the answers to some of them and I wasn't too thrilled about it. After learning that everything I've been taught was all a lie, I lost it.Knowing the true agendas behind things cost me my sanity. Better yet.. Becoming sane in an insane world was very overwhelming. Feel free to read the rest of the journal entry on wattpad. It is the 4th chapter of "My Thoughts While Spiritually Awakening" story. My username is ayannabooksaj
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