Bachelor Massacre

Welcome to Bachelor Massacre! This episode originally appeared as bonus content on the J Waves podcast Lurk Mode.

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UGGGGGH making a podcast is exhausting, y'all. Me and MandySays watch The Bachelor on Tuesday night, then do the podcast, and then I get up at the crack and edit 4 eva while simultaneously trying to buy stocks and make smoothies and clean my sneakers and all the other shit I do in the morning. I know a lot of you podcasters are doing your mixes "quick and dirty" but I JUST CAN'T BECAUSE I AM A PROFESSIONAL so I hope you appreciate all the exxxtra effort I put in that nobody notices.

It's Week 4 and I think we all knew that the support these ladies seemed to be giving each other was due to expire like so much raw chicken in the sun. The arrival of five, count em, FIVE new women sparks a great divide as gang warfare starts to pop off and a new faction called The OGs emerges. Victoria is seen buying two used Glocks from a producer that probably have multiple bodies on them while Anna slowly files her teeth on the ground giving herself a mouthful of shivs. Katie once again lifts her vibrator from it's carrying case and gets ready to trudge into battle. Matt, somewhat perturbed by these new developments, continues to hide behind a veil of turtlenecks and soft jackets.

The good news (for me) is that we have some new $pon$ors supporting us. Be sure to check them out and enter the code: LURKMODE69 for special offers. They each sent over some new ads that we will be debuting on this episode.

- Face Salve
- The Kirk Mayonnaise Family of Products
- Toddford's Biscuits & Oats

I hope to have a new interview for y'all soon. Please live, laugh, love, subscribe, and review!

Music in this episode:

"Blow The Whistle" - Too $hort

Welcome to Bachelor Massacre! This episode originally appeared as bonus content on the J Waves podcast Lurk Mode.

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I hope Bachelor contestant Sarah Trott has been staying hydrated because the amount of tears she shed this weak was torrential. Yet even as I write this I am finding out that she had been hanging with G-Eazy before going on the show, so no wonder she was depressed. Wack rappers will do a number on your nervous system. You can't even be in the same room with them, they will suck the life out of you. But damn I'm stoked that I was not the only one who thought that she was giving off serious Annie Murphy vibes! And surprise surprise, she has a podcast.

This time around Sarah is our new villain but that doesn't mean that Queen Victoria isn't going to get her screen time. Though it just occurred to me that the other women are probably scared of Victoria because she talked MAD SHIT last week and no one had the will to tell her to properly fuck off but as soon as lil timid Sarah starts tripping some of these girls acted like a head was about to roll. Thank goodness we have Katie, a dildo-swingin angel-on-earth, to put things in perspective.

Join J Waves and MandySays as they talk about tears, tingles, and turtlenecks.

Music in this episode:

"I Need Love" - LL Cool J
"Da' Dip" - Freak Nasty

Welcome to Bachelor Massacre! This episode originally appeared as bonus content on the J Waves podcast Lurk Mode.

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So this week on The (Quarantined) Bachelor there aren't a lot surprises as far as format but questions are indeed raised, mainly WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH VICTORIA? Is she a producer plant? We don't really debate the plant concept though we do make it clear that something smells fishy like the time I left a doggy bag of leftover salmon and lentils in the back of my car and for a week I thought it was just old Slim Jim™ wrappers. (I used to work at a hick bar and they were the best snacks available.)

We also spend a LOT of time gushing about what a super nice guy Matt James seems like, though I do feel I am starting to glimpse some lil playa playa vibes from him. He does this thing where he smiles his goofy smile and kinda cracks a joke and you can tell it's a move he has done many times before.

This time around we give out some more (probably offensive) awards, and we stick to our guns about who our favorites are.

I confess that neither MandySays nor msyelf have done a lot of outside research (too scared of seeing spoilers) so all our opinions are based entirely on watching the show and no deep dives. And if you haven't already .... FFS ... like, review, rate, follow, share, all that shit! Please and thank you.

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Theme Song by Cheers For Fears (Boy In Sleep and Kent Hernandez) 

Welcome to Bachelor Massacre! This episode originally appeared as bonus content on the J Waves podcast Lurk Mode.

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As they say in the clock industry, timing is everything. So we are going to wait one more day to post our official first episode because (insert air horns) it's officially BACHELOR SEASON and boy do we got a hot one. Oh, what, you didn't know I was a part of Bachelor Nation? You think just because I'm a hard ass rapper I don't fux with a lil reality TV? GTFOH!

One of the best parts of watching The Bach is reading the recaps after (shout out Betches for the dopest posts) so on a whim I decided that I had to do one too and since the premiere ep of Season 25 just dropped, I figured I needed to get it in while it was still f-r-e-s-h.

I recruited my viewing partner MandySays to do it with me and if you like how it's going down let us know so we keep up with it. Please note, this is "all spoilers/no background" so if you ain't seen it, like, you will be lost af but maybe you will enjoy it anyway. It's less of a recap and more of a teardown but that's most recaps anyway 😬

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Theme Song by Cheers For Fears (Boy In Sleep and Kent Hernandez)