Sydney Sweeney shuts down plastic surgery rumors with a lie detector, hackers claim to expose Pornhub viewing habits, and President Trump installs scathing bronze plaques attacking Biden, Obama and Hillary — turning the White House into a permanent monument to his grudges.

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President Trump races through a rambling prime-time address as his approval sinks to thirty-nine percent, unveils a last-minute “Warrior Dividend” with no clear funding, shrugs off war talk, and faces fresh scrutiny after a New York Times investigation reveals his long-denied closeness to Jeffrey Epstein.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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President Trump promises “the best is yet to come” ahead of a prime-time address, even as his chief of staff torches the administration in a stunning Vanity Fair interview and Democrats cringe at Kamala Harris hinting she may run again.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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fter a shocking double murder, President Trump went straight to Truth Social to attack the dead man, diagnosing Rob Reiner with “Trump Derangement Syndrome” instead of offering condolences. Even Trump allies recoiled, calling the post indecent. Then, as if that wasn’t enough for one day, Trump filed a ten billion dollar lawsuit against the BBC over a January sixth documentary that never aired in the U.S., insisting his words that day were “beautiful.” From blaming a murder victim to suing a foreign broadcaster in Florida, Trump once again proved that no story is too tragic or too international to bend back toward himself.
 

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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Vice President JD Vance says President Trump once stopped an “important” Oval Office meeting to announce a more pressing topic — “Shoes” — before telling top officials they had “shitty shoes” and whipping out a shoe catalogue he apparently keeps at the Resolute Desk. Trump then asked for everyone’s sizes, used the moment to make a not-so-subtle anatomy joke about a size-seven colleague, and left Vance joking about his own measurements in front of the Second Lady. The tale echoes Trump’s infamous 2016 “no problem” debate line and adds a new chapter to the Rubio-hand saga — now with the former rival serving as Secretary of State and getting roasted for his footwear. Somewhere, a size-seven lawmaker is begging Santa for a quieter December.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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President Trump lit up Truth Social with a late-night tirade boasting he’s taken more cognitive decline tests than any president ever — “aced” them, too — while blasting reporters as “treasonous” for questioning his health and demanding *The New York Times* shut down. The president challenged AOC to a cognition showdown, forgot details of his own exams, and brushed off a mysterious MRI as questions swirl about his mental fitness. Meanwhile in South Carolina, guards seized a drone carrying steak, crab legs, Old Bay, weed, and cigarettes into a prison — a full surf-and-turf smuggling attempt officials dubbed “Contraband Christmas.” From cognitive tests to crab legs in the sky, America continues to out-Florida itself.


Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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President Trump roared back onto the rally stage in Mount Pocono, torching critics as “stupid people,” bungling Susie Wiles’ name, and reviving chants of “Send her back” while pitching his “no tax on tips” plan. The president blasted Minnesota leaders, mocked immigration from global “hellholes,” and even mixed up the Eagles’ season while trying to win over Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, meteorologists warn a brutal polar vortex “mega-dump” is set to smash the central and eastern U.S. with the coldest temperatures on Earth — from minus-45 wind chills in the Dakotas to frost creeping toward Florida. America’s freezing over… and the political climate isn’t much warmer.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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Patrick Gutfield digs into the National Park Service’s explosive new holiday calendar scrapping MLK Day and Juneteenth — while elevating Donald Trump’s birthday to fee-free status. Add in a $100 “patriotic premium” for foreign visitors and you’ve got bureaucratic chaos with a nationalist twist. Then: Trump “accidentally” tries to rename the Kennedy Center after himself (again), the Institute of Peace gets the full Trump makeover, and a new citizenship bill could accidentally boot Melania and Barron. It’s political whiplash at its finest.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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President Trump is fuming after coverage comparing him to “Sleepy Joe.” Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump nodding off in Cabinet meetings, the mysterious bruises, the angry denials, and the full irony of a president who once branded Biden as tired now drifting off during his own workday. Plus: Trump’s chaotic Kennedy Center takeover, a MAGA-fied Honors gala, and a wild food-fight protest at the Tower of London involving apple crumble and custard. Only in 2025.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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From Washington DC where it’s not only the weather that’s frightful, this is Ballot. Melania’s Christmas décor goes full Tim Burton with mugshot LEGOs, butterfly swarms, and candelabras fit for a haunted mansion. Portland lights “the tree” — carefully avoiding the word Christmas — amid chants, land acknowledgments, and performance-art politics. And in New York, the city’s Christmas tree titans wage a turf war straight out of The Sopranos. Turns out holiday cheer comes with muscle.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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