In today’s episode of Ballot, we dive into the surreal: a Mexican Navy training ship slams into the Brooklyn Bridge.Then it's off to the Vatican, where Vice President JD Vance attends the historic inauguration Mass of Pope Leo XIV—the first American pontiff—just four Sundays after Pope Francis called his theology "garbage." Meanwhile, New Jersey is falling apart (literally) with sinkholes, airport staffing chaos, and train strikes. And if that weren’t enough, Bruce Springsteen and Donald Trump are exchanging fire across the Atlantic. From papal politics to infrastructure meltdowns and music legend feuds, this episode has everything but the mizzen mast.

Pope Leo XIV’s call as Supreme Pontiff goes straight to voicemail—because his brother was busy. We break down the viral sibling moment, explore a new AI that guesses your age from a selfie (sorry, Wilford Brimley), and wade into questionable waters as RFK Jr. takes his grandkids for a dip in a bacteria-infested creek. Plus: Steven Seagal's parade cameo in Russia. Yes, really.

From Trump drooling over Qatar’s marble palaces and begging for a new plane, to his latest peace proposal—letting Russia play in the World Cup if they stop the whole “war” thing—it’s been another week of global diplomacy, Trump-style. Meanwhile, we check in on “ChiefsAholic,” the NFL superfan turned bank robber, and head to London, where American candy stores are charging $1,200 for two packs of sweets and hiding behind secret Scooby-Doo panels. No, really. All that plus gold accents in the Oval, jet-size jealousy, and why British police are confiscating bootleg cereal.

Patrick Gutfield dives into the day's wildest family dynamics - from Melania Trump's fourteen-day White House attendance record to the new Pope's Trump-supporting brother who shares memes about tarring and feathering Democrats. Plus, the Army's new fitness test that makes civilians voluntarily torture themselves, and why deadlifting one hundred fifty pounds is basically just picking up your entire closet.
 

Netflix announces their biggest homepage overhaul in 12 years with AI-powered search and TikTok-style features. Disney reveals plans for their tech-forward Abu Dhabi theme park, their first new resort since Shanghai 2016. And the Golden Globes make history by adding podcast categories - could Joe Rogan win the same award as Meryl Streep?

Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump's shocking appointment of Fox News' Judge Jeanine Pirro as interim US Attorney for Washington DC after Ed Martin's nomination flops. Plus: Qatar gifts Trump a $400 million Boeing 747-8 'flying palace' that's totally, definitely not bugged. And Trump kicks off his second term with a business-focused Middle East tour to Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and UAE - skipping traditional allies and Israel. All the political drama with trademark Gutfield snark.

Patrick Gutfield skewers Trump's bizarre plan to reopen Alcatraz prison, his one hundred percent tariff on foreign films that has Whoopi Goldberg fuming, and the twenty-four-year-old girlfriend possibly perhaps maybe conceivably controlling Bill Belichick's business empire.

Patrick Gutfield had to work TWICE today on what supposedly is a national holiday!  Did you hear we have a new Pope and he is Pope Leo XIV from Chicago?  We have the details, or at least some AI generated jokes.

Patrick Gutfield delivers razor-sharp commentary on Trump's Meet the Press confession about the Constitution, his bizarre AI papal image controversy, and why Sopranos star Joe Pantoliano is joining celebrities fleeing to Portugal.

Patrick Gutfield skewers Trump's bizarre crusade against "excessive Barbie ownership" while the former president jokes about becoming the next pope. Meanwhile, San Francisco tech bros are scanning eyeballs to prove you're not a robot—all while serving margaritas!