Battle Royale: French Monarchs

It's time for Margot to truly REBEL.

How will Margot's rollercoaster end, and how will she rate compared to the rest of the Valois clan?

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Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

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CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behind and the reevaluation of modern historians show a different side to her story. She was a woman who struggled to find agency and self-determination in a world where the cards were stacked against her from the start.

Can Margot break free of her abusive, conniving family and help bring an end to the senseless violence that engulfs her country?

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we learn Margot's ultimate fate and her legacy.

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Special thanks to Ben's colleague Sarah, an Edinburgh tour guide originally from Bordeaux, for giving a voice to Margot.

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Music used in this episode:

"SCP-x6x (Hopes)" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

"Interloper" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

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Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

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Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

Au revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned supreme from 1328 to 1589. Before they take a well-earned break and start gearing up for the Bourbon kings, Ben and Eliza step back to re-examine the Valois. Who did the best? Who did the worst? And who escaped the guillotine?

Spoilers incoming, obviously!

Our outro music is Hildegard von Blingin's cover of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. Thanks to Hildegard for a bunch amazing bardcore remixes, which we have also used on Patreon! You can check out the full song and Hildegard's other work here.

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

This week we delve into the treacherous, tumultuous and frankly bizarre reign of King Henry III, who is certainly unlike any other king we've seen thus far! Will his entertaining shenanigans earn him a place in the tournament? And how much of his scandalous legacy is historical fact?

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 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

This episode, we close out Catherine de' Medici's life and give her a score. How does this notorious queen measure up against the likes of Charlemagne and Philip Augustus?

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 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

In our first part of the endlessly fascinating life that is Catherine de' Medici's, we chart her rise from an orphaned Italian "merchant's daughter" to the Queen-Mother of Europe's most prestigious kingdom.

Next episode, we will conclude the story and ask ourselves, is she really the scheming sorceress history has made us believe? Well ... she's no angel, that's for sure!

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 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

There will be blood.

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A summary of the major political figures in this episode (most of whom will be dead by the end):

Catherine de' Medici, ruling on behalf of her son Charles IX, a moderating force between the factions (at first)

The Ultra-Catholics:

• Duke Henry of Anjou, Charles IX's precocious younger brother
• The Duke and Cardinal de Guise, recently kicked out of power
• Anne de Montmorency, Constable of France, an elderly veteran

The Huguenot Protestants and their sympathisers:

• Antoine de Bourbon, an idiot, first Prince of the Blood and a moderate Catholic
• Jeanne III, Queen of Navarre, his wife, a radical Protestant, with whom he has a son Henry of Navarre
• Louis, Prince of Condé, his ambitious brother, also a Protestant
• Gaspard de Coligny, Admiral of France, a charismatic Protestant general, nephew of Montmorency

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Our "Wars of Religion" theme is taken from a recording of the Huguenot "Psalm 24". The full track is available on Youtube. As we were unable to find the original source for this music, please let us know if you have any information so that we can properly credit the artist. 

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Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

After the sudden demise of his father, young Francis II struggles to grasp his new responsibilities as King of France. Meanwhile, his ambitious young wife Mary Stuart and her relatives, the Guise family, make their first big bid for power. And the rumbles of religious unrest in France are only getting louder...

⚜️
 
 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

He's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a period dominated by these legendary women? How will he fare against the might of the Hapsburg Empire? And how will he reconcile his religion with the unlikely allies he has to make?

⚜️
 
 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.

It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine!

With this monarch, we enter a new age of Protestant rebellions, American colonialism and Hapsburg domination. Did Francis rise to meet these new challenges, or was he just a blustering fool?

⚜️
 
 Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!

Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclusive spinoff series rating the Royal Mistresses!

Message us your thoughts!

Support the show

⚜️

Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.

⚜️

CATEGORIES

Ben and Eliza each give a score out of 10 for the first 4 categories. The 5th is determined by maths! The result is a total score out of 100.

1. Enchanté: The shallow, first-impressions round: How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
2. En Garde: (A.K.A. “Selfish Wins”) How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old fashion battles?
3. Voulez-Vous: (A.K.A. “Selfless Wins”) How much would we want to live under their regime? How well did they better the world around them through law reforms and cultural projects?
4. Ouh-Là-Là: How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
5. La Vie en Throne: How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?

For more details on the scores, how they are calculated and how our kings are ranking, visit our website.