One of the more fascinating women of the Tudor era was actually one of the last Plantagenets, Margaret Plantagenet, later Margaret Pole, Countess of Salisbury. Daughter of George, Duke of Clarence (he of Malmsey wine fame), and a niece to both King Edward IV and King Richard III, Margaret and her brother were taken into the care of King Henry VII after Richard's defeat at Bosworth Field. Henry's wife, Elizabeth of York, was Margaret's cousin, and perhaps because of his insecurities about his claim to the throne, Henry preferred to keep the remaining Plantagenets close.

As a consequence, Margaret had a front-row seat to some of the most consequential moments in the reigns of Henry VII and Henry VIII, including as a lady-in-waiting to Catherine of Aragon, who would become a close a friend across the decades. But she also suffered mightily; Henry VII imprisoned and then executed her brother, and after the death of her husband, Hank VII kept her nearly destitute through the confiscation of the Salisbury estate, rightfully her brother's Earldom. When Henry VIII succeeded his father - and Catherine of Aragon made a big return - Margaret was made whole, becoming one of only two women in 16th century England who was a peer in her own right.

Her success as a landowner did not sit well with the increasingly paranoid Henry VIII, who spent her last decade cracking down on her children, and eventually put Margaret into the Tower of London for a couple of years before Henry ordered her executed on the Tower Green on May 27, 1541. A contemporary report has it that she taunted her inexperienced executioner to the last.

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Alicia is leading a Swiftory takeover! To celebrate the launch of her newest podcast, Swiftory, she's taking you into one of its origin stories - the life of Catherine of Aragon, the first wife of Henry VIII, through a five-song arc of Taylor Swift songs. This one will sate the palate of both Trashy Divorces and Trashy Royals listeners!

Subscribe to Swiftory on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

Here are lyrics and live performances for you to enjoy your own musical journey!

Links with lyrics

Links to live performances

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Legend has it that at the turn of the 17th century, in a small corner of the then-Kingdom of Hungary, a noblewoman preyed on her peasant tenants, torturing and murdering them for her own sadistic pleasure high up in her castle in the Little Carpathian Mountains. Countess Elizabeth Bathory (Erzsebet Bathori, or Alzbeta Batoriova, in Hungarian and Slovakian, respectively) has been described as history's most prolific female serial killer - her death toll was said to be as high as 650 - until she was finally stopped on the order of the King of Hungary.

But the story is more complicated than the tale that's been passed down. The daughter of an extremely powerful and wealthy family, Elizabeth and her husband had loaned the crown significant sums to keep it afloat during a long war with the Ottoman Empire. She herself was a Calvinist in a time when Lutherans were agitating for greater authority in post-Reformation Europe, and one Lutheran minister in particular seems to have been diligent in spreading rumors of Elizabeth's bad conduct. After Elizabeth became a widow - thus a rich and powerful independent noblewoman who was owed a large sum of money from the King - the rumors intensified significantly. Is this because Elizabeth's murder spree picked up steam, or because, for reasons ranging from sexism and sectarianism to simple power politics and repayment avoidance, it was convenient to destroy Countess Bathory's reputation for all of history?

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It turns out that Royals have been enjoying (?) bizarre deaths a lot more often than we first realized! Among this set's methods of departure from the world: getting a little too cozy with your enemy's severed head, life-extension mercury (don't try this at home!), poorly constructed furniture, laughter, constipation, and, in a bit of a twist, a story about the arguable desecration of Philip the Fair's corpse by his too-loving widow.

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Like the rest of us, the world's royals are mere mortals who meet our universal fate in the end. But for some, that end came about in unusual ways - infected simian bites, the ingestion of liquid gold, genital maggots, a surfeit of lampreys, and the sweetest, perhaps: death by pastry.

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New from Hemlock Creatives: Swiftory, a not-so-typical Taylor Swift podcast, perfect for any Swiftie, literature lover, or history buff. 

Hosts Alicia and Melissa explore Taylor Swift’s music as a jumping off point into a wider world of fascinating figures and iconic literature. Join us as we romp through Taylor’s stories, visiting the places, personalities, and – of course – the eras, that her songs evoke. 

Coming 12/31/2024, wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe here on Spotify, or on Apple Podcasts.

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And in the concluding episode of the (ongoing) story of Princess Michael of Kent, we watch aghast as the Anglican and Catholic churches battle over the pending nuptials of Prince Michael and his sweet Marie-Christine, and then Alicia tries (and seems to largely fail) to explain to Stacie why British law and custom required Prince Michael of Kent to marry Princess Michael of Kent, and not Baroness Marie-Christine. Seems like Prince Michael's cousin Queen Elizabeth II could have done him - and his fiance - a solid here with some alternative title, but I guess not.

Then, we again watch aghast as Princess Michael of Kent unloads on the deceased Princess Diana (and the then-Prince of Wales, by proxy) and lobs some racist displays in the general direction of Meghan Markle. Why? It's just a matter of tradition, apparently. Yikes, this one is trashy.

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This week we continue our journey into the life and times of Princess Michael of Kent. In this middle episode of her arc, we explore her teenage years, her first marriage and subsequent divorce, and her romance with Prince Michael of Kent. This love affair is assisted by a familiar character, Lord Louis Mountbatten, who manages with charm and royal politics to attain the Queen's permission.

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We begin our exploration of the UK's surprisingly controversial Princess Michael of Kent with a little back story. And given that Princess Michael of Kent started life in January 1945 as a German baroness named Marie-Christine von Reibnitz, you can bet the Nazis had a hand in it!

The daughter of Baron Gunther von Reibnitz, a Nazi Party member who spent time at the Russian front during the war, Princess Michael's mother, Austro-Hungarian Countess Maria Anna, was stridently anti-Nazi, enough that it got her in trouble. Her father's allegiance to the party was pretty loose by the time the war came around, and he was eventually kicked out of the Nazi party entirely. This was helpful when he was later investigated by the Appeals Tribunal for Upper Bavaria after the war ended.

Meanwhile, Gunther's somewhat impromptu wartime marriage to Princess Michael's mother turned out to be a bigamist marriage, since old Gunther had never had his first marriage annulled in the Catholic Church, which declared Princess Michael and her older brother legitimate, but essentially ended things between Gunther and Maria Anna. He skipped out on the whole "wreckage of Europe" thing and moved to Mozambique and a third marriage there.

This left Countess Maria Anna in the post-war wreckage of Europe with two very young children. She did what aristocrats always do: she packed up a bunch of gemstones - Europe was flooded with gemstones from out of luck rich folks at the time - boarded a boat for Australia, and set her family up in their next chapter by selling the stones into a much more favorable market.

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We return this week to the Stuart Dynasty, and King James VI of Scotland, coming on in as King James I of England. His reign begins in 1603 and runs through 1625, you might be surprised what you can pack into 22 years to trashy administrating, but James makes the most of it.

Included: Rewriting of The Bible, Witch Hunting, More Pamphlets, Gunpowder Plots, and Jimmy's Maybe Lovers, with a little treason and murder on the side too. The Howard Family resurrects themselves and spiderwebs are everywhere! 

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