Lie. Say I like it like that. Crushed; in my way again.

Found in my drafts...in a mood so I'm feeling this. 

Thank you for being here.

Fabulous play in the woods. Hours of cock worship. He asked me a question and I lied. 

My past self is hurting with attachment. Included an audio of cock worship after thoughts may include more. After intro may need to adjust volume level up for the remainder 6+ minutes.

I feel in order to understand sharing a partner, I need to be okay with the sharing of me. 

Until the flip

Covid had me erase a year? I haven't had sex in almost 10 years, I keep saying 9, even subconsciously 10 is too long! No sex in almost 10 years, yes I cry, kind of. My play partner not fucking me, likely won't fuck me, has given me space to figure out it's maybe me that doesn't want actual sex and I figure out why. But yes I want to eventually fuck. ASMR voice

Anxious attachment has me in my head often with abandonment fears. I haven't heard from my play person in days and today I came to sit with a difficult realization. Hopeful for more experiences, in the meantime I am safe and I can gift myself an orgasm or three :) ASMR talking, some crying, laughter and enlightenment gifts excitement! Let's be naked. 

Poem reading "Joy" from last year when my play partner and I exchanged porn then He surprised me with His voice, and I could cum...I love phone sex. My disconnect with remote play, I reconnected, with a Lovesense orgy event! Because my good girl conditioning said "you wouldn't" and so I had to. I participated in 'art' rather than 'connect' with any one person that made me cum. Sound & Fury...Sturgill Simpson "Make Art Not Friends" reading of lyrics. Asmr. 

I'm not in a happy excited state so my brain was trying to put me in a depressive state. Tics "hugs and drugs" is new. I'm in a state without need or want and I can breathe. Likely zero talk about my growing desire of wanting hugs and fucks though!

I revisit the chapel where it all began, looking for my future ghost to tell me I'm heading the correct way. I thought I was having troubles with my orgasms again, turns out I just need a connection with the giver; leap of faith. That girth on that tree, I'm gonna hug the fuck outa that tree!

ASMR style speaking

Silliness with "Redbone" my favorite line, "...my peanut butter chocolate cake with kool-aid, I'm tryin not to waste my time..."