Be Freaking Awesome Podcast

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Nobody talks about disappointment long enough to actually help you with it. Most advice amounts to "lower your expectations" — which, as a life strategy, sounds a lot like choosing to feel nothing.

This week's episode is a follow-up to EP211 (you asked for it, literally — thank you), and we're going deeper. Sami admits she does not want to talk about this one. Angela shares that she's spent most of her life trying to outrun it, and that the bus metaphor she uses to describe finally sitting with disappointment might be the most accurate description of what this emotion actually feels like to live with. We also get into something that doesn't get said enough out loud: disappointment, when it gets weaponized, is one of the least effective persuasion tools that exists — and most people doing it don't even realize that's what they're doing.

In this episode, we dig into:

• Why "just lower your expectations" is terrible advice and what actually helps
• The difference between expectations that shrink your life and ones that protect your relationships
• What it looks like when disappointment gets used as a control tactic (and why it never works long-term)
• A real moment from the first Family Business Forum where disappointment and perspective collided in the same afternoon
• A practical reset you can use when big feelings show up right before you have to perform

Sami walks through what she's learned about season-appropriate expectations, using her own experience of going to the beach with three small kids and actually not being disappointed about it. Angela gets honest about a relationship situation where the disappointment she keeps sitting with hasn't resolved itself neatly, and what she's learning about the difference between communicating a need and weaponizing a feeling.

If you've been using disappointment to try to get someone to do something different, this episode might be a little uncomfortable. That's okay. If you've been on the receiving end of someone else's disappointment and you're exhausted by it, there's something here for you too. Mostly this episode is permission to feel the thing without letting it run the show.

Hit play. The disappointment will still be there when you're done, but you'll have a few more things to do with it.

Mentioned in this episode:

• EP211 — When You Get What You Wanted and It's Not What You Expected (the episode that started this conversation)
• EP80 — Feeling your feelings and emotional cycles
• EP98 — More on emotional cycles and processing hard emotions
• The TV show Shrinking (the 15-minute timer for feelings — look it up, it's a great scene)
• Connect with us: bfreakingawesome.com
• Instagram: @bfreakingawesome

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

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Most people who write a book are terrified when it comes out. Angela was, too the first time. And the second time, she was more settled but still working through it. This time? Something is genuinely different. And that difference is kind of the whole point of the book itself.

The Invisible Edge is Angela's third book, and it is a leadership fable five fictional business owners, one executive coach, and a mastermind that slowly unpacks the hidden beliefs each of them has been carrying since long before they ran a company. The premise sounds familiar if you have been around this podcast for a while: the seven core limiting beliefs, the nervous system, the idea that what fuels your success might also be what quietly makes that success unsustainable. But the format is completely different -- it is a story, not a framework, and it was designed to make the Traveling Light concepts feel more like something you can inhabit rather than something you have to study. In this episode, we dig into:

• What it actually feels like to release a book from a nervous system that is no longer activated
• Why Angela thought she would never be type-A driven again after doing the belief work -- and what happened instead
• The two and a half years these characters spent wandering around in her head before hitting the page
• How the five fictional businesses each serve as a metaphor for one of the seven core limiting beliefs
• What changed between Be Freaking Awesome, Traveling Light, and this one -- and why it matters for readers of all three

Sami and Angela also get into the rabbit-trail energy that makes this podcast what it is (yes, they fact-checked whether car ozone sensors are real mid-episode -- they are), the story of a family that passed Traveling Light between three generations, and what Angela is building toward as she looks ahead to book four and the ten-year anniversary of Be Freaking Awesome.

If you have ever wondered what it looks like to actually integrate the internal work -- not just learn it, not just teach it, but live inside it -- this episode is a really good window into that. Angela is not performing calm. She is calm. And the difference is worth hearing.

Press play right now. Not because it is a book launch, but because this is one of those conversations that will make you think about your own check engine light -- and whether you have just been driving around with it on.

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Invisible Edge by Angela Belford -- bfreakingawesome.com/the-invisible-edge-preorder and on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Walmart.com, and Target.com (paperback and hardcover available)
• Traveling Light by Angela Belford -- amazon.com/dp/0999186221
• Be Freaking Awesome by Angela Belford -- available on Amazon
• Angela Belford -- angelabelford.com

Related episodes:

• EP95 -- Limiting Beliefs and the Nervous System Toolbox: The foundational episode for understanding the seven core beliefs that every character in The Invisible Edge is working through.
• EP144 -- How Thoughts Create Feelings: Angela breaks down the belief replacement framework that becomes the teaching methodology in the book.
• EP207 -- The Inner Critic: The book's characters are all navigating some version of the inner critic -- this episode is the deep-dive companion.
• EP178 -- Workaholism and Core Beliefs: Angela and guest Moyra Gorski explore how "I have what it takes" gets weaponized as workaholism -- directly relevant to the subtitle of The Invisible Edge.

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

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There's a season in life where everything you've been leaning on just... isn't there anymore. The neighbor moves. The sister takes a second job. The husband travels. The parents are across the ocean. And you're standing in the middle of what feels like a very loud, very clear message that you are on your own. What do you do with that?

Angela and I have been circling this topic from a few different directions over the past several months, through disappointment, expectations, friendships, and this week it all converged in one conversation. Stoicism, Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance. Three different sources, same essential truth: there is a kind of freedom that only becomes available when you stop spending energy trying to control what you were never going to be able to control anyway. And the equally important flip side, that accepting what someone else does is not the same as condoning it. In this episode, we dig into:

• Why acceptance takes more courage than fighting, and why it's not the same as giving up
• The "let them / let me" two-step, and why skipping the second part is where things go sideways
• How stoicism has been quietly showing up in Angela's life for years, especially after a trip to Athens
• The connection between forgiving someone and not drinking poison yourself
• How to set limits on someone without needing to be furious to do it

Sami shares the Christmas story (yes, that Christmas story, two separate years, no gift, being sent to find it herself) and what finally shifted when she stopped trying to orchestrate a different outcome. Angela gets into the roots of stoicism, Marcus Aurelius, Ryan Holiday, and why the ancient philosophers weren't telling us to feel nothing, they were telling us to stop white-knuckling every wave. The image we kept coming back to: you don't get less battered in the storm by having a smaller boat. You get a bigger one.

You can influence people. You can guide them, persuade them, set limits with them, and reach agreements with them. What you cannot do is control what they do. And the most exhausting part of trying is that it doesn't work — and it costs you, every single time. This episode is permission to put that particular weight down. Not because it doesn't matter. Because you matter more.

Press play. Especially if you've been white-knuckling something lately and you're starting to suspect it's wearing you out.

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins: https://www.melrobbins.com/book/the-let-them-theory/
• Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach: https://www.tarabrach.com/books/radical-acceptance/
• The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
• The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
• Courage is Calling by Ryan Holiday

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.

Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You've thought about it. Maybe more than once. Maybe every time things get heavy and you tell yourself "I should really talk to someone." But then life picks back up and you don't. This episode is for you.

Sami and Angela dig into the part nobody really talks about when it comes to therapy: how do you actually find a good one? Not just "any therapist," but one who works the way your brain works, who fits your situation, and who you can afford. They've both been in therapy. They've had mediocre experiences and transformative ones. And they have some very specific thoughts about what makes the difference, starting with what's on a therapist's website.

In this episode, they get into:

• Why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy alone may leave you feeling like nothing really changed
• What Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method actually are, and why Angela thinks they're rock-solid science
• How to use a therapist's practice as a resource even if you don't share them with a friend or partner
• Real options for making therapy affordable, including income-qualified practices and university student therapists
• The tiny baby step they're inviting you to take this week (it does not involve calling anyone)

Angela shares her own history with the U of A counseling center—one great experience, one mediocre one—and explains exactly what she looks for on a therapist's website before she'd ever recommend them. Sami makes the case that therapists, like coaches, operate from a place of collaboration, not competition. There are so many people who need support and so few ways to get it that a good therapist will help you find a fit even if that fit isn't them.

If you've been sitting on the idea of therapy, this episode gives you permission to start small. You don't have to call. You don't have to book. You just have to look. That's the whole invitation. And sometimes that one tiny step is the one that actually changes everything.

Press play. Seriously.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): https://iceeft.com
• The Gottman Method: https://gottman.com
• Find a Gottman-trained therapist: https://gottmanreferralnetwork.com
• Find an EFT therapist: https://directory.iceeft.com
• University of Arkansas Counseling & Psychological Services: https://uacaps.uark.edu

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.

Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You have a problem. Maybe a big one. And you keep staring at it like if you think hard enough, the answer will finally show up. But here's what nobody tells you: most problems aren't actually complicated. They're just missing one of three things.

This week, Sami and Angela break down a surprisingly simple framework that cuts through the overwhelm and gets you to the actual question you should be asking. Whether you're drowning in logistics, exhausted from carrying everything alone, or watching your bank account and your to-do list fight for your attention, the answer is almost always one of three things: money, time, or community. In this episode, we dig into:

• A practical framework for diagnosing what your problem actually needs
• Why building community isn't a nice-to-have, it's a literal survival strategy
• Permission to spend money on a problem when money is actually the answer
• How to be more intentional with each resource so you're not running on empty
• What to do when two values you hold (hello, community and saving money) pull in opposite directions

Angela tells the story of the day Sami called her in a panic, pregnant with her second baby, toddler underfoot, husband out of town, and closing on a house in 21 days. The framework wasn't just helpful in that moment. It was the thing that made the chaos manageable. And Sami shares how she and her husband have started running real-time decisions through it, like choosing to go out to dinner with their kids' friends' family even when they'd committed to tightening up the budget, because they know how their own flowchart goes.

They also get real about the things this framework doesn't fix, such as the privilege required to access money or community, the seasons of life when none of the three resources feel available, and the role of energy as a quiet fourth variable nobody talks about. This isn't a tidy episode. It's an honest one.

If you've been spinning on a problem lately, this episode is going to reframe the whole thing. Press play.

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

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Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You didn't do anything wrong. Your brain just got there first.

That's the thing about automatic negative thoughts: they don't wait for evidence. They don't ask permission. Something happens, and before you've had a single conscious thought about it, your brain has already decided: of course this went sideways. Nobody ever comes through. Something is wrong with me. And then you feel bad about feeling bad, which is its own whole thing.

In this episode, Sami and Angela wrap up an accidental three-part series on how your brain actually works, following conversations on metacognition and cognitive distortions, by landing on the concept that ties it all together. We dig into:

• What an automatic negative thought actually is (and why it's not the same as pessimism)
• Where these thoughts come from and what seeds them
• Why "just choose a better thought" is not as easy as it sounds (and what to do instead)
• How to recognize when your brain is jumping to a conclusion that isn't yours
• What it actually looks like to interrupt the pattern without judging yourself for having it

Angela breaks down how these thoughts grow from deeper core beliefs, the weed whacker vs. the root analogy is going to stick with you. Sami brings her factory metaphor to explain why the machine itself shapes the output, and why understanding that changes everything. They also talk about the spotlight effect, a story about a speaker who got a standing ovation and still thought she bombed, and the one thing that actually interrupts an automatic negative thought in someone else.

You're going to walk away with language for something you've probably experienced a hundred times and never had a name for. That's half the work. Once you can call it out, you're already ahead of it.

Press play. Your brain is not broken. It's just been running the same loop for a while, and this episode is a good place to start changing that.

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - besselvanderkolk.com
• Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown - brenebrown.com/book/atlas-of-the-heart
• Be Freaking Awesome by Angela Belford - bfreakingawesome.com
• Loving What Is by Byron Katie (The Work / four questions) -- thework.com

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

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Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You have somewhere between 6,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. Nobody agrees on the number. But here's what most researchers do agree on: a significant chunk of them are negative, and a startling number are repeats from yesterday. Your brain is running the same playlist on loop, and a lot of those tracks were recorded a long time ago by a much younger version of you who was just trying to stay safe.

Last week we introduced metacognition as the practice of watching your thoughts. This week, we get into what you'll actually find when you start watching. Cognitive distortions are the biased thought patterns that warp how we see reality, and they're not a character flaw or a sign that something is broken in you. They're patterns your brain got good at, often for very good reasons. Naming them is the first step toward not being completely at their mercy. In this episode, we dig into:

• A clearer picture of what cognitive distortions actually are (and why calling them "distortions" doesn't mean you're broken)
• All-or-nothing thinking: why high achievers are especially prone to this one
• Catastrophizing: what to do when your brain fast-forwards to the worst possible outcome
• Should statements: the sneaky way they disguise themselves as high standards
• Labeling: why the words you use about yourself (and others) carry more weight than you think
• Permission to be in-progress without labeling yourself as a failure for still working on it

Sami shares the story of getting called to the principal's office in high school, expecting the worst, and finding out there was a snapping turtle in her car. Angela talks about the should statements she thought she'd healed from, only to realize she'd just changed the language ("I need to" and "I meant to" turn out to be the same trap with a different label). They catch themselves doing all-or-nothing thinking and overgeneralizing in real time, which is maybe the most honest advertisement for why this work matters.

If you've ever told yourself you're bad at something after one rough moment, jumped to the worst-case conclusion when your boss asked to see you, or slapped a permanent identity label on yourself or someone you love, this episode is the one. These patterns feel true because your brain is very convincing. They're also not the whole truth.

Press play. It's a little chaotic in there, but you're in good company.

Mentioned in this episode:

• EP216 — Metacognition: Thinking About Your Thinking (last week's episode in the series)
• EP212 — Expectations vs. Agreements (referenced by Sami in the should statements discussion)
• Liven App — nervous system support tool Angela mentioned: theliven.com
• Be Freaking Awesome by Angela Belford — referenced throughout as the source of the BFA coaching methodology
• Traveling Light by Angela Belford — referenced in the labeling and identity statements discussion

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

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Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You know that moment when you say something and immediately think, “Wait, where did that even come from?” Most of us brush right past it. This episode is about what happens when you don't.

Angela and Sami are diving into metacognition: the skill of thinking about your thinking. It sounds deceptively simple. It's also the thing that makes every other communication and leadership skill actually work. If you've ever wondered why you keep reacting the same way even when you know better, this episode is going to give you some answers. In this episode, we dig into:

• Why self-awareness and metacognition aren't the same thing (and which one most of us are actually missing)
• The difference between reflecting on something after the fact and catching yourself while it's still happening
• A four-question framework that can interrupt a thought spiral before it takes over
• What it looks like to practice this skill in real, everyday moments

You'll walk away understanding something that most people never learn to name, let alone use. And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Press play. This one's a foundation piece.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Loving What Is by Byron Katie: thework.com/loving-what-is-revised-edition
• Traveling Light by Angela Belford
• Tasha Eurich - research on self-awareness: https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix 

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.

Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

You sent the text. You waited. Two days passed and nothing. And your brain went straight to the worst possible explanation.

That spiral is not a character flaw. It is what happens when a deeper belief is running in the background: the belief that you do not quite belong. And when that belief is active, even the smallest social interactions can feel loaded. Not texting back becomes rejection. A short response becomes evidence. A friend who moves away becomes proof that closeness does not last.

This week, Sami and Angela get honest about why adult friendships are so much harder to build than they should be, what the research says about why relationships are literally keeping us alive, and the invisible cycle that keeps lonely people lonelier. They dig into the concept of "bids for attachment," the poker chip theory of connection, and why the fear of rejection is not just about the other person rejecting you. In this episode, they get into:

• Why the stories we tell about an unanswered text reveal more about our beliefs than the other person's behavior
• The clinical concept of "bids for attachment" and how it explains why reaching out can feel like a gamble
• Permission to grieve a friendship that changed, even when no one did anything wrong
• Two friendship skills worth actually practicing: curiosity and remembering the details
• Why deciding you want a different kind of connection is the actual first step

Angela shares a story from 28 years ago about a moment at church that has stuck with her ever since: a friend who thought she was being cold, and the person who quietly redirected her toward what was actually going on. Sami gets personal about the friendship she built with her next-door neighbor during a hard season of early motherhood, what it felt like when that friend moved to Colorado, and why she still thinks the risk of closeness is worth it every single time.

If you have ever found yourself waiting for someone else to go first, or telling yourself you are just not a person who makes friends easily, this episode is for you. It is not about being more extroverted. It is about deciding what you actually want and then going toward it on purpose.

Press play. You are more belongable than you think.

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Harvard Study of Adult Development (longest running study on happiness and relationships)
• The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins (coming up next episode): melrobbins.com/book/the-let-them-theory/
• Be Freaking Awesome book by Angela Belford
• BFA Episode 23 (abandonment issues and attachment): bfreakingawesome.com/ep23

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.

Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].

Send us Fan Mail

If you've ever thought your vote doesn't really matter, that politics is too confusing, or that the whole system is just... too much, this episode is for you. A lot of us are carrying around this low-grade exhaustion with national politics right now, and it's easy to let that feeling bleed into disengagement. But there's a whole level of government that most people skip over completely, and it's the one that fills potholes, sets school policy, and shapes what your actual daily life looks like.

This week we're stepping away from our regularly scheduled programming to participate in Podcasthon, a global event where thousands of podcasters dedicate one episode to a charity that matters to them. Ours was an easy choice: the League of Women Voters. Angela is the vice president of the Washington County chapter and secretary of the League of Women Voters of Arkansas Education Fund C3, and this conversation gave us a chance to dig into what this organization actually does, how it operates, and why it matters right now more than ever. In this episode, we get into:

• Why the League is nonpartisan but absolutely political (and why that distinction matters)
• How the League protects democracy by actually suing the government when it breaks its own rules
• What direct democracy means and the ballot initiative Arkansans can sign right now
• A real picture of how local elections are won by fewer votes than you'd think
• Concrete ways to get involved, from $20 memberships to volunteering at voter registration drives

Angela shares what it was actually like to stand on the hill in Athens where the very first democratic assembly happened, why she thinks Arkansas's unexpected ranking in social connectedness matters, and the story of a candidate in Fort Smith who ran unopposed and still lost because not a single person, including himself, voted. Sami gets into her own personal mission: getting Arkansas off the bottom of voter turnout rankings. This episode is part civic education, part pep talk, and a whole lot of two Arkansas women who genuinely care about this stuff.

You don't have to run for office. You don't even have to understand how every piece of the system works. You just have to show up. Press play, and let's talk about why that actually means something.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Podcasthon (global podcasting charity event): podcasthon.org
• League of Women Voters (national): lwv.org
• League of Women Voters of Arkansas: lwvar.org
• League of Women Voters of Washington County, AR: lwvarwc.org
• VOTE411.org (nonpartisan voter information): vote411.org

You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coaching

Support the show

Sign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.

Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.

Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].