Bear Psychology Podcast

Transpersonal Psychology is the section of psychological study that addresses spiritual or transcendent elements of personal experience. The idea of our transpersonal lives is that which encompasses or goes beyond our typical and practical daily lives and into wider or unexplained aspects of what we may encounter in life.

This may include peak or mystical experiences, spiritual crisis (in which typical elements of life are no longer sufficient to establish a sense of meaning) and expanded perceptions of life (i.e., who or what we are).

Transpersonal psychology addresses our highest potential or evolutionary states of being that may transcend the ego drivers and ordinary states of consciousness.

We hope you will join us as we explore this fascinating topic with our special guest Steven Taylor! He is a Transpersonal Psychologist University professor and author who has written 13 books on the topic of spiritual growth and emergence. His extraordinary depth of understanding of this topic and many years of experience delving into this topic have formed a body of work that helps to elevate and inspire. His work goes beyond what we buy, our education, even specific religious backgrounds, and rather into how we profoundly connect to each other and our planet. https://www.stevenmtaylor.com/books/

His work shines hope on a time that has led many to feel destabilized and unsatisfied.

His most recent book The Clear Light is an exploration of Spiritual Reflections and Meditations illustrating our ultimate connection with each other and the world around us, and beyond. His book Spiritual Science addresses the importance of our spiritual growth in making sense of the larger world around us, and is grounded in science. My favorite is The Leap, which covers stories of individuals unfolding in their own spiritual growth, revealing the mystery that weaves us together as beings on this complicated life journey.

Certainly, when it comes to serious life events and trauma, a well-developed spiritual life can help us navigate the darkest of times. Dr. Emma Bragdon, author and "spiritual emergence" coach has her own heart wrenching and traumatic life experiences. She used spiritual practices including meditation to face the suicide of her mother, followed within a year by her father, the end of her marriage and suicide of her employer.

She explained that "without meditation and my connection to a meaningful spiritual community ... I likely would have shipwrecked and fallen into the deeps ... a very human response to total overwhelm."

https://www.emmabragdon.com/about

One of the earliest Transpersonal Psychologists was William James (1842 to 1910) who described the experience of oneness! James said "a great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices". He captured the struggle of our beliefs with realizations that remain important today. He also recognized that "The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds." This idea that we are more than our beliefs is good medicine even today, more than 100 years after his death.

So let's dive into this discussion to better understand what Transpersonal Psychology is and how your Spiritual Emergence can be a time of healing and integration.

Links & Resources:

• Dr. Steve Taylor: https://www.stevenmtaylor.com/about-steve-taylor/

• Dr. Emma Bragdon: https://www.amazon.ca/Call-Spiritual-Emergency-Personal-Transformation/dp/1456611429

• Leo Matos provides an early explanation of Transpersonal Psychology 1982: https://youtu.be/FiCOazoizjU

• Dr. William James on human consciousness: https://www.brainpickings.org/2018/06/04/william-james-varieties-consciousness/

• The Science of Consciousness: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Science_of_Consciousness

Let's talk about why we fail to see the emotional pain that men live with every day. Beliefs can tie us in knots and render us blind to the struggles of others when we fail to look more closely with an open mind and heart. Documentary film-maker Cassie Jaye's most notable film "The Red Pill" forced her to re-examine her beliefs about the Men's Rights Movements.

She started her journey with one notion in her mind only to discover the very real pain and suffering that men experience when they are abused and mistreated, directed into dangerous work, or facing violent circumstances.

The statistics around the dangers of life for men show that: 1 in 6 are sexually assaulted, they are more likely to experience violent assaults, are 93% more likely to die on the job than women, account for 73% of suicides, and are given longer prison terms for same/similar crimes than women. It seems that these real issues are overlooked and under-reported. Men are told to "suck it up", "get over it", "stop whining" and are shamed into tolerating violence even in their own intimate relationships.

I wonder about these frightening numbers and how they are impacting the men in our lives. I wonder about the fathers, brothers, siblings, spouses and friends who are struggling. I wonder why these statistics are not better known.

Toronto Psychologist, Dr. Yaacov Lefcoe brings a deep understanding of these issues from his readings, reflections, and clinical practice. He will help us to navigate these concepts and learn about what the drivers of involvement are for the men who join these groups.

Dr. Lefcoe will also help us to understand the motivations that lead men to become Men's Rights Activists, PUAs (Pickup artists), Game and Inner Game Theorists (closest to PUAs) and MGTOWs (Men go their own way) of which Incels (involuntary celibates) is a part of. All of these individuals are said to have "taken" the Red Pill, which our guest Dr. Lefcoe will help us understand.

We will try to gather information and be thoughtful as we try to figure out what is happening to the men in our society who are struggling, feeling hurt, alienated and distressed. Without this, we fail men who are struggling with their identity and this can lead to further failures at building healthy and meaningful relationships.

On April 23, 2018, 25 year old Alek MInassian drove a rented van down Yonge Street in North York, Ontario killing 10 people and injuring 16 in a deadly vehicular attack. Upon apprehension by police, Minassian began demanding that the officer shoot him "in the head!" This did not occur and instead he was taken into custody by a level-headed officer on the scene. Following the attack a Facebook post revealed that he identified himself as an "incel" or involuntary celibate. His anger during the attack was largely focused on female pedestrians, who he perceived had rejected him and other "incel" men.

This type of event leaves victims, survivors and community devastated and further disenfranchises men who are legitimately having difficulty fitting in and trying to establish themselves in a satisfying way in their lives, communities, relationships. We need to better understand these issues and develop healthier and more promising roads for men to take while they develop and mature into the best they can become.

Links & Resources:

• Dr. Yaacov Lefcoe, CPsych, Psychologist, Toronto, ON https://www.yaacovlefcoe.com/

• Cassie Jaye's Ted Talk on learning about the Men's Rights Movement: https://youtu.be/3WMuzhQXJoY

• Toronto Van Attack – April 23, 2018 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toronto_van_attack#Suspect

• The Red Pill – A Cassie Jaye Documentary: http://theredpillmovie.com/

Traumatology Institute recently made available a new Audio Self Help Series. The Accelerated Recovery Program for Compassion Fatigue: A Self-Guided Resiliency & Recovery Series Dr. Anna B. Baranowsky & J. Eric Gentry, M.A.

Copyright: 2021

1. Compassion Fatigue what is it?
2. Crucible of Transformation
3. Retirement Party
4. Intro to NLP: Reflect & Process Memories
5. NLP Reflect & Process Exercise
6. Circle of Support
7. Conclusion
8. Music Sampler Diane Kistner

The Traumatology Institute offers training programs for professional and personal development. As a Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Baranowsky works every day with Mental Health Issues with a specialization in Post Trauma Stress. She trains therapists to help trauma survivors and resolve professional compassion fatigue.

Let's talk about what led to the storming the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021. From my point of view, this includes the lure of relevancy or a fear of loss of power; a fire hose of lies within a bubble of misinformation; isolation during COVID; a longing to belong; fear of a changing world; a psychosis of delusion and an acute sense of entitlement. There are other elements to this, however, given the confusion, fear and uncertainty that this event provoked... it is a timely conversation.

On January 6, 2021, I watched with great sadness as the U.S. Capitol was stormed by Trump supporters encouraged by a president who would not accept election results unless he was the victor. His supporters were primarily white and unwilling to allow anything to stand between them and their sense of entitlement to power at all cost.

There are those who stormed the capitol that are now paying the price of possible prison time, job loss, injury and even loss of life.

• Why would so many be willing to lose so much?
• Who would sign-up for such an event with so much at stake?
• What type of people attended and why?

Christopher Buckley of LaFayette, Georgia, is an Afghanistan war veteran. He is a former White supremacist. He says he needed to "fit in". He launched the organization Life after Hate to help people leave White Supremacist groups.

Let's discuss the meaning of this event, how it impacted you, and what you hope for going forward.

I do have to say that my U.S. friends, colleagues and friends were a source of inspiration to me in their courage and conviction to guide the world to a better place. One friend told me he was nervous about going outside for anything and choosing to stay as close to home as possible. He admitted that it is just not safe for him to go out.

I want to give a special shout out some (but not all) of my heroes who helped me make sense of these events, and those of a wild 2020.

• Stacey Abrams
• Raphael Warnock
• Joh Ossoff
• Michael Moore
• Steven Colbert
• Samantha Bee

And Amanda Gorman who stuns with her magnificent heart lifting poem that she read at the pivotal inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. https://youtu.be/whZqA0z61jY

The list above is a short one. Are there people who inspired you while you were facing fearful moments or wondering whether democracy would survive?

Links & Resources:

• The 'Shared Psychosis' of Donald Trump and His Loyalists – Scientific American

• The psychology of American racism and how to work against it (apa.org)

• Seduced by Temporal Power: 'We are seduced by temporal power': Gloria Purvis on racism, pro-life politics and the lure of the devil | America Magazine

• White Supremacists are the biggest threat: Former White supremacist: This is how to tackle hate and bigotry (Opinion) – CNN

• Life after Hate – helps former White Supremacists leave the movement: Life After Hate

Un-package how Gratitude, Appreciation and Kindness can help us all navigate this complex and challenging holiday season of 2020.

2020 is an unprecedented holiday season. COVID-19 has taken over the world landscape and changed lives forever.

I just put up a 12 x 14 Canvas wall tent in my backyard. I filled it will pillows, blankets and heaters. It is freezing here, but the tent will make a few visits with those in our pod possible during the winter months. The tent has two large mesh doors and two mesh windows on the sides. There is enough room, fresh air and secure measures in place to have a select few visit to share this space safely with us. I am grateful that we have a strategy for when the COVID lock-down lifts again, allowing for safe connection.

We are now hovering around 2,500 to 3,000 live listeners for each show and I am grateful for your interest in our conversations and willingness to participate. I love your questions, comments and feedback. It has been a wonderful gift.

One gift back to our community is FREE access to the complete "Trauma Recovery NOW!" audio program. Find at:

• Bear Psychology Podcast on Apple Podcasts

• Bear Psychology Podcast

• Blog & Radio Show – Trauma Practice

• What Is PTSD – YouTube

The remarkable Brother David Steindl-Rast (Author, Interfaith Monk) explains in his Ted Talk that, "we all know people who have lots of misfortune, misfortune that we ourselves would not want to have, and they are deeply happy. They radiate happiness ... because they are grateful". David explains that, "it is not happiness that makes us grateful. It's gratefulness that makes us happy". He goes on to help us recognize what gratefulness is and how it works. He explains that when something truly meaningful is given without expectation that "then gratefulness spontaneously rises in my heart, happiness spontaneously rises in my heart. That's how gratefulness happens."

• Brother David, beautifully explains "Grateful living" (https://bit.ly/3oG3qI8 at minutes 3:23).

• Brother David's teachings can be found at: https://gratefulness.org/

Dr. Robert A. Emmons (University of California) is a leading scientific expert on gratitude. His work focuses on research and practices for establishing this important skill. His book "Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude can Make you Happier" and "Gratitude Works! A 21-day program for creating emotional prosperity" are resources we want to consider during these challenging times.

Dr. Emmons book "Thanks!" Is the first major study of gratitude that illustrates how "wanting what we have" can measurably change peoples lives. In Emmons work, he explains both how gratitude can help us function better in work and life as well as myths related to gratitude (including the myth that gratitude is not possible when facing adversity). His talk on gratitude is both uplifting and surprising. https://youtu.be/Cl5i1skE3vg?t=20

Connected with the idea of gratitude for what is freely given (based on Brother David's work) is those that are willing to be kind in their giving to others. The research on kindness, demonstrates a sense of well-being that springs from kindness to others, particularly rich in spontaneous acts (i.e., helping someone up in a moment of need, driving an injured friend to hospital, dropping off a meal to a neighbor, helping someone who is lost safely find their way). https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2020/09/doing-good-boosts-health

Links & Resources:

• Leasing your comfort Zone from Positive Psychology: https://bit.ly/3qJmZRo

• Gratefulness as the route to Happiness with Brother David Steindl-Rast: https://bit.ly/3oG3qI8

• Gratefulness Journal: https://gratefulness.org/practice/private-gratitude-journal/

• Dr. Robert Emmons, leading scientific expert on Gratitude:

  https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/Robert_Emmons

• Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude can make you Happier by Dr. Emmons: https://amzn.to/3gx6R0R

• Dr. Emmons video on The Challenges to Gratitude: https://youtu.be/Cl5i1skE3vg

Traumatology Institute recently made available a new Audio Self Help Series. "Recovery Now TRAUMA" is the first in the series and addresses the needs of trauma survivors who are seeking self-help guidance to support their recovery.

"Learn about the impact of trauma and the importance of self care. Engage in guided trauma recovery exercises."

Copyright: 2020

1. Introduction
2. What is Post-Traumatic Stress?
3. Our Approach to Trauma Care
4. Phase I: Safety & Stabilization
5. Diaphragmatic Breathing
6. 3-6 Breathing
7. Relaxation Autogenics
8. Grounding & Containment 5-4-3-2-1
9. Titration Trigger List
10. Phase II: Trauma Memory Processing
11. Layering
12. NLP Anchoring
13. Story Telling
14. Phase III: Reconnection
15. Connections with Others
16. In Closing

The Traumatology Institute offers training programs for professional and personal development. As a Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Baranowsky works every day with Mental Health Issues with a specialization in Post Trauma Stress. She trains therapists to help trauma survivors and resolve professional compassion fatigue.

Christine Arylo is an entrepreneur and author of "Overwhelmed & Over it". She focuses on shifting from overworking and giving too much to empowering yourself to achieve what matters most to you, receive what you need, and breathe.

Do you tend to overdo and over-give? Then join the conversation, and figure out what your drivers are for this behavior, so you can free yourself up to do what truly matters!

On Christine's website she asks "Are You Over giving in Ways That Aren't Really Necessary?"

Select the link below to complete the "Overwhelmed & Over It, Self-Care Quiz" & Find Out How You may be Adding to Your Own Overwhelm, Burnout & Self-Sacrifice.

https://christinearylo.com/overwhelmed-and-over-it-quiz/

Our topic today is perfectly timed for the holiday season (Nov 26 is American Thanksgiving). Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Diwali; if you are an over-giver then any time may be a time of over-doing! Do you want to break the cycle of over-giving and overwhelming yourself? Join us as we challenge this old habit.

Do you chronically over-give and then feel resentful, frustrated and exhausted? If you answered yes, then our topic will give you a chance to reflect on how and why this happens. Even better, we will discuss ways to challenge this tendency, and provide tools to help you navigate life demands without burning out.

I also have to be careful with over-give and over-doing. I juggle a-lot-of-balls and sometimes, instead of asking for help, I just do the task. I know I need to share the demands but sometimes it just seems easier to do the task myself. This is especially true, if I don't want to bother someone else who is also busy. This tendency is quite common and it is worth having the conversation with someone completely immersed in this question like our guest Christine Arylo.

Links & Resources:

• For more information about Christine Arylo and her book: https://christinearylo.com/overwhelmed-and-over-it-book/

• Christine's podcast: https://christinearylo.com/podcast/

• Overwhelmed and Over it Quiz: https://christinearylo.com/overwhelmed-and-over-it-quiz/

• Ted Talks for when you feel totally overworked: https://www.ted.com/playlists/245/talks_for_when_you_feel_totall

We need Friends... So why are they so tough to develop and maintain? Join our Conversation with Friendship Expert Shasta Nelson

Shasta Nelson is an award winning speaker and author of books "Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness", "Friendships Don't just happen!" and her business book "The Business of Friendship". She has developed robust strategies for connecting, developing and maintaining friendships and even how to end a friendship well. I have to admit that I am not the best friendship maintainer, even though I have a wide friendship circle of connections I have held for many years. I think part of my success is choosing amazing, kind hearted people who tolerate my "busyness", lack of consistency and obsessions with eclectic interests. In other words, I think I might have already failed at Shasta's recommendations, but I think we all have something to learn about the work required to develop engaged friendships for a lifetime. This is a great opportunity for us to consider Shasta's key teachings and ask questions about our friendship struggles and frustrations as well as our hopes, longing and desire for meaningful connection. Just yesterday, I had a conversation with a client ... who disclosed feelings of loneliness. When we discussed the people that this person was closest to, he admitted that he had not been making the effort to reach out to others but was struggling that they were not reaching out to him. This sounds familiar to so many of us... We can feel lonely but then hold ourselves back for a variety of reasons. I am excited to hear how Shasta can guide us, especially when we may have trauma that is linked specifically to being betrayed or neglected in a traumatic relationship with others.

Let's consider the following ideas that Shasta Nelson offers on friendship:

• Why do so many people feel lonely even though they know so many people?

• Why is it that a person can go out to a social event (i.e., family dinner, bar, zoom visit) only to feel lonelier during and after then we did prior to the event?

• Why are Consistency, Vulnerability and Positivity considered to be crucial to developing and maintaining friendships? Can you discuss each of these.

• What are your key methods for establishing early connection, developing a friendship foundation, maintaining a friendship for the long run?

• You wrote a good titled "Friendships don't just happen" – I see that many people (wonderful, kind people) feel lonely and don't seem to have the skills for making friendships later in life (after finishing school). Why is this? And what should they do?

• What about when relationships go badly? You are in a relationship with someone who is overly demanding, negative, or even mean? How do we free ourselves from troubling relationships so we can move onto something better without feeling guilty or lonely?

• I know you focus primarily on female friendships but men also need this guidance. I wonder if you will expand your Friendship work to men.

• Obviously there is much more which we will cover during the show.

• You have been discovered by a partner as acting out in a sexual way (outside of the relationship) that then leads to shameful feelings and consequences (i.e., divorce). Or you have found evidence of your partner acting out in a sexual manner that once confronted has led to shame or remorse.

• Beyond being discovered this will lead to Impairments or interfering with day to day life, as a result of obsession or compulsions towards sexual addiction.

• Experiencing a cycle of recovery and repeat. Engaging in the behavior, disengaging from the behavior and then cycling back into the sexual addiction and once again feeling shame, remorse, and distress.

So what can you do? Ten great suggestions ... from Psychology Today

1. Make it a health issue

2. Embrace Quality and ditch quantity

3. Ride out transitions

4. Expect — and even embrace – false starts

5. Commit to community

6. Focus on follow-up

7. Avoid technology traps

8. Develop momentum

9. End poisonous friendships

10. Remember the little things

Friendship is a topic for everyone. I notice that when people start connecting with others in a way that is nourishing , consistent and meaningful it is the number one indicator of recovery in my clinical practice. It is an essential piece of growth that helps us cope with life challenges and a sense of warmth and peace on a very personal level. So let's all start to grow this skill for a better and deeper life. Yes, even in this COVID19 time. There are many ways to connect safely online or in a way that allows for distance that are safe.

Links & Resources:

• For more information about Friendship – https://singjupost.com/frientimacy-the-3-requirements-of-all-healthy-friendships-shasta-nelson-transcript/

• Limiting Loneliness During a Pandemic https://www.girlfriendcircles.com/blog/2020/3/16/limiting-loneliness-during-a-pandemic

• Frientimacy: the 3 requirements of all healthy relationships https://youtu.be/hmJyWreER7A

• Strategies for Adult Friendship building https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult

SEX ADDICTION? Should you be Concerned? An in-depth conversation with experts Alex St. John & Natalie Cournoyea

The numbers are in: 6% of population in the U.S. identify as having a Sexual Addiction. 27,000 people search Google for "sexual addiction" every day. This is a huge number, yet it is still an issue that we don't talk about or understand in the general population or within the therapeutic community. Unfortunately, at this time there is no significant research on this topic in Canada and experts in the field are few in number. According to our expert panel, virtually all people struggling with a sexual addiction also have a noteworthy trauma history. These interweave to further undermine recovery and frequently re-ignite the traumatic past. Alex St. John an M.A. in Counselling Psychology says that sexual addiction is a "...problematic behavior that you engage in NOT because of a primary desire but because of deep drives imbedded in shame or self-blame that reverberate after the act, leaving the individual unhappy... with themselves and yet compelled to act in a similar way again in the future".

Natalie Cournoyea also a M.A. in Counselling Psychology explains that sexual addiction occurs because "In many situations people have experienced early life trauma (i.e., sexual or other) and as a result struggle with their emotions and turn to sexual acts (in some cases) to mask strong emotions that might surface in life".

So how would someone know if they have a problem with a sexual addiction or are in a relationship with someone who is struggling in this way?

• You have been discovered by a partner as acting out in a sexual way (outside of the relationship) that then leads to shameful feelings and consequences (i.e., divorce). Or you have found evidence of your partner acting out in a sexual manner that once confronted has led to shame or remorse.

• Beyond being discovered this will lead to Impairments or interfering with day to day life, as a result of obsession or compulsions towards sexual addiction.

• Experiencing a cycle of recovery and repeat. Engaging in the behavior, disengaging from the behavior and then cycling back into the sexual addiction and once again feeling shame, remorse, and distress.

So many questions will arise during these conversations...

What can you do now or to help someone you know?

• Reach out to the right therapist with skills in specifically addressing Sexual Addiction.

• Recognize that it is potentially risky to address sexual addiction with a couple's therapist who is not trained in sexual addiction or utilizes a "tell all" policy that is not a good fit for couple's therapy where there is sexual addiction.

• Engage in a Consensual Non-Monogamy framework for the relationship – if this seems like a solution that is right for your relationship. This means being in a relationship where there is an agreement that sexual relationships outside the structure of the primary one is accepted by both parties.

Why is this conversation important? In my practice this is something I see fairly frequently and have yet to meet a client with a sexual addiction who did not also have a history of personal life trauma.

Barbara will reflect from the lens of her own tragic loss and personal experience.

What do you do when your father dies by suicide while you are in the hospital awaiting the birth of your triplets? What do you do when you can't attend your father's funeral because physician orders include complete bed rest? What do you do when you realize that you experienced a devastating loss and that you are not alone in that experience? You write a book and dedicate your life to helping others affected by suicide.

Links & Resources:

• For more information about Sexual Addiction, Questionnaires, find a therapist, inform yourself about sexual addiction – visit: https://iitap.com/search/custom.asp?id=4662

• Prevalence of Distress Associated with Difficulty Controlling Sexual Urges, Feelings and Behaviors – https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2713037

• Talking about Sex Addiction – Ted Talk with Paula Hall https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qf2e3XZ8Tw

• Sexual Addiction screening test — https://www.centreforlifesolutions.com/sexual-addiction-screening-test/

• Sex Addiction Training - https://iitap.com/page/csat Sex Addiction Treatment - https://aasat.org/ & https://aasat.org/find-therapist/ 12 Step Programs for Sexual Addiction: https://saa-recovery.org/our-program/the-twelve-steps/ Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.recovery.org/support-groups/sexaholics-anonymous/

Every year on September 10th, individuals and organizations in over 50 countries connect and work together to prevent suicide, by supporting those who are struggling and to help those who are grieving. This year we will address this topic with Barbara Rubel the author of the fictional novel "But I Didn't Say Goodbye – Helping Families after a Suicide". In her reader-friendly and well researched book, she addresses the loss of her father through suicide in a meaningful and thought provoking read, and discusses WHAT she learned in the process of grieving and healing.

Barbara will share her unique approach to suicide prevention and post-vention, on how can develop personal resiliency and reclaim hope after loss in this month's "Bear Psychology radio show" on Realityradio101.com program.

Whether you know someone who has attempted or completed suicide, or felt so much despair that you have considered it yourself ... we want to open up the dialogue today about this important topic.

Let's start by clarifying that whatever is going on in your life today, the pain of the moment can elevate us to open up and and there are many people and sources of information that can provide relief. We will begin the conversation with two numbers and resource links so we have a safe reference point right from the start:

In Canada: https://suicideprevention.ca/WSPD 1.833.456.4566

In the U.S.: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255

We discuss:

• The WHY of suicide

• Reflect on feelings of anger, guilt and grief

• Barbara's own experience of losing her father to suicide and how she was able to reconstruct meaning into her life after such a sudden loss

• Learn about her unique Dual Process Model and 4 Tasks of Grief and apply them to the impact of suicide loss

• Does the current COVID-19 Pandemic complicate grief from suicide of someone in your life?

Barbara will reflect from the lens of her own tragic loss and personal experience.

What do you do when your father dies by suicide while you are in the hospital awaiting the birth of your triplets? What do you do when you can't attend your father's funeral because physician orders include complete bed rest? What do you do when you realize that you experienced a devastating loss and that you are not alone in that experience? You write a book and dedicate your life to helping others affected by suicide.

Barbara Rubel's fictional characters in "But I Didn't Say Goodbye" are a compilation of what individuals may experience throughout their lifetime as a suicide loss survivor. "But I Didn't Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide" tells the story, from the perspective of an eleven-year-old boy Alex and his family, as they are rocked by suicide and reeling from the aftermath. Through Alex's eyes, the reader sees the transformation of feelings after going through death by suicide. New to the book's 3rd edition, each chapter ends with Alex reflecting 10 years later on his experience, introducing family members and friends in his recollections. Barbara Rubel has combined our modern academic theories of grieving, and the research that supports those theories, and then translated them into a readable story for anyone bereaved by suicide. The revised edition is an evidence-informed and contemporary treatment of a devastating form of loss that uses the artful device of a hypothetical case study to render it in human terms.

Through the story, the reader understands what losing someone to suicide might be like for a family, how to make meaning of the loss, and ways to experience personal growth. This self-help book was revised to provide guidance and education for clinicians and families to help suicide loss survivors.

Links & Resources:

• But I Didn't Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide (3ed.) (2020), NJ: Griefwork Center, Inc. https://amzn.to/2FwS6JI

• Loss, Grief, and Bereavement: Helping Individuals Cope (4ed) (2019), MA: Western Schools

• https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/

• https://suicideprevention.ca/Need-Help

• https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

• https://www.ted.com/talks/jeremy_forbes_how_to_start_a_conversation_about_suicide?

• https://www.ted.com/search?q=suicide++

Suicide Postvention Resources

listed in the new and updated edition of

But I Didn't Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide (3rd ed.)

by Barbara Rubel

• After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools (2nd): https://afsp.org/our-work/education/after-a-suicide-a-toolkit-for-schools/
• After a Suicide: A Postvention Primer for Providers: tripod.com/After_a_Suicide.pdf
• After a Suicide: Religious Services: https://theactionalliance.org/faith-hope-life/after-suicide-recommendations-religious-services-and-other-public-memorial-observances
• A Guide for Medical Examiners and Coroners: Best Practices for Talking with Families About Suicide https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/a0415f_3160611bae3f4be69c8e86b1ec7ed4ce.pdf
• Alex Blackwood Foundation for Hope (Camp Alex): com
• Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors: org
• American Academy of Bereavement: com
• American Association of Suicidology (AAS): org
• AAS-Helping Survivors of Suicide: What Can You Do? https://www.preventionlane.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Hepling-Survivors-of-Suicide_What-Can-You-Do.pdf
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): org
• AFSP-Children, Teens and Suicide Loss: https://afsp.org/wp-content/flipbooks/childrenteenssuicideloss/?page=1
• AFSP-Healing Conversations: Personal Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss: org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/healing-conversations/
• Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC): The Thanatology Association: org
• Befrienders Worldwide: org/
• Best Practices for Talking About Suicide for Medical Examiners and Coroners: https://www.mecrecs.org/
• Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/understanding-suicide-and-grief/supporting-a-loved-one-after-they-have-lost-someone-to-suicide
• Breaking the Silence in the Workplace: http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/Breaking%20the%20Silence%20Final.pdf
• California Institute for Behavioral Health Solutions: After Rural Suicide: A Guide for Coordinated Community Postvention Response: https://www.cibhs.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/after_rural_suicide_guide_2016rev.pdf
• Camp Kita: Children's Bereavement Camp for Suicide Loss Survivors: https://campkita.com/
• Carson J. Spencer Foundation: org
• The Catholic Charities: Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide: https://www.catholiccharities.net/GetHelp/OurServices/Counseling/Loss.aspx
• The Center for Complicated Grief: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/professionals/complicated-grief professionals/overview/
• Center for Grief and Loss: org/
• Center for Suicide Awareness: https://www.centerforsuicideawareness.org/
• Centering Corporation: org/
• Clinicians as Survivors: After a Suicide Loss:/pages.iu.edu/~jmcintos/basicinfo.htm

• Comfort Zone Camp: https://www.comfortzonecamp.org/
• Compassion Books: compassionbooks.com
• Compassionate Friends: Surviving Your Child's Suicide: https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
• Cope Foundation: org/
• Davenee Foundation: org/
• Digital Memorial Quilts: org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/digital-memory-quilt/create-a-new-quilt-square/
• The Dougy Center: National Center for Grieving Children and Families: org/
• Emma's Place of Staten Island: emmasplacesi.com/
• Find a Suicide Loss Survivors Support Group: org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/find-a-support-group/
• Friends for Survival: Offering Help After a Suicide Death: org/
• The Gift of Second: http://thegiftofsecond.com/
• The Glendon Association: org/
• Griefwork Center, Inc. Suicide Postvention Speaker Services griefworkcenter.com
• Heartbeat: https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/
• Help at Hand: A Guide for Funeral Directors: http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/funeraldirectors.pdf
• Hope Squad: com/postvention/
• How to Talk to Kids About Suicide: https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-suicide-with-dr-dan-reidenberg/
• International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP): info/postvention.php
• International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies: org
• The Jason Foundation: jasonfoundation.com
• The JED Foundation: org/
• The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center: org
• Kara: kara-grief.org/support-for/adults/
• Lifesavers Blog-AFSP: https://afsp.org/lifesaver-blog/
• LOSS Team: com/
• A Manager's Guide to Suicide Postvention in the Workplace: org/Portals/14/docs/Survivors/Loss%20Survivors/Managers-Guidebook-To-Suicide-Postvention.pdf
• Mental Health America: net/
• Moyer Foundation (Camp Erin): moyerfoundation.org
• National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention: Recommended Standard Care for People with Suicide Risk: Making Health Care Suicide Safe: org/sites/actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/files/Action%20Alliance%20Recommended%20Standard%20Care%20FINAL.pdf
• National Alliance for Grieving Children: org/
• National Alliance on Mental Illness: org/
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN): nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/traumatic-grief

• NASPA Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education, Postvention: A guide for response to suicide on college campuses https://www.naspa.org/focus-areas/mental-health/postvention-a-guide-for-response-to-suicide-on-college-campuses
• National Organization for Victim Assistance: org
• National Center for Victims of Crime: org/
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7, Free and Confidential Support: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); for Hard of Hearing 1-800-799-4889; en Español 1-888-628-9454 org/
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Lifeline Online Postvention Manual http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/LifelineOnlinePostventionManual.pdf
• Open to Hope: com/
• Our Side of Suicide: http://www.oursideofsuicide.com/
• Parents of Suicides/Friends & Families of Suicides: pos-ffos.com/
• Pastoral Postvention:
• https://theactionalliance.org/sites/default/files/fhl_competencies_v8_interactive.pdf
• Posttraumatic Growth Research Group: uncc.edu/
• The Public Health Approach to Prevention
• org/sites/sprc.org/files/library/phasp.pdf
• QPR Institute for Suicide Prevention: qprinstitute.com/
• Reach Out.com: reachout.com/loss-and-grief/supporting-a-friend-after-someone-dies-from-suicide/
• Riverside Trauma Center: http://traumacenter.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Postventionguidelines.pdf
• SAFE-T Pocket Guides for Clinicians:
• samhsa.gov/product/Suicide-Assessment-Five-Step-Evaluation-and-Triage-SAFE-T-Pocket-Card-for-Clinicians/SMA09-4432
• The Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
• NYC: org/MA: samaritanshope.org/
• Sibling Survivors of Suicide Loss: com/
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: samhsa.gov/
• Suicide Attempt Survivors Task Force of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention: org/sites/actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/files/The-Way-Forward-Final-2014-07-01.pdf
• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE): org
• Suicide: Finding Hope: com/
• Suicide Grief Support Forum: com/
• Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC): org
• SPRC Toolkit for Schools http://www.sprc.org/resources-programs/after-suicide-toolkit-schools
• Suicide Safe:org/sites/actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/files/Action%20Alliance%20Recommended%20Standard%20Care%20FINAL.pdf
• Suicide Safety Plan: com
• Support After a Suicide: org.au/
• Surviving After a Suicide Loss Blog: https://survivingafterasuicide.com/blog/
• Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS): https://www.taps.org/suicidepostvention
• Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute: com/
• Trevor Project (LGBTQ): org/
• United Suicide Survivors International: https://unitesurvivors.org/
• Violent Death Bereavement Society: org/html/director.html
• Yellow Ribbon: org/

• Zero Suicide in Health and Behavioral Health Care Toolkit: zerosuicide.sprc.org/toolkit